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Celestia and Luna decide to come visit Twilight Sparkle to see how she is doing as ruler. Seeing Twilight Sparkle crying, they ask why. Twilight explains and asks for a favor. A favor that could change the lives of the former princesses and Equestria.
This story was inspired by Luster Dawn: New Days of the Magic of Friendship
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Great job. Taking after my fic I see!
10009720
Yes
Okay.
Honestly? I was turned away by the chapter title. At least write out "okay". This is not texting, and you're trying to attract readers. Not turn them away.
As I've already mentioned on numerous of your other stories, this is rough. Like, the whole story. It doesn't have a good flow, and it's simply hard to read. Keep working on it - you're definitely getting better. But... please. Work on it. Consciously. That's when it might have a chance at reaching the potential I've also pointed out on other stories of yours.
10009735
Well, I'm good with her reuniting with them someday. That would likely happen regardless, anything could befall rulers.
Okay, good work. But a few grammatical errors, you keep using Twilight lis full name a couple times though I dont see why. And you refer to her friends as their friends meaning Celestia and Luna. While it is true they were Celestia and Lunas friends as well we need to focus on Twilight. Also something a little iffy when shes talking to the graves and outliving. A word doesnt go there. But regardless I'm glad to have inspired you to write your own version. We might get a few dislikes because of the popularity of Twilight outliving her friends and pretty much killing her off but it's better shes with her friends.
I've had an idea for when you finish the story. Since Celestia was narrating the book opening in the beginning you could have retell Twilight's story. That's been another idea of mine.
nice work
Ooh, tension. I like it. Yeah, we don't want our friends to die. But we don't them to have suffer either. Though I think you mean to say Celestia and Luna want her to stay than speak as you said. Good to finally see a new update to this story!
Its always possible to cope with loss. We all lose friends and family sooner or later. But when you lose everything you love, or close to it, that's when it becomes unbearable.
nice work
nice work
I saw you had a y missing in one of your sorry's, also in case you are planning for Discord to use his magic to snap Twilights wings away which could be the source of her immortality since you are going by the alicorns are immortal theory, just remember that Cadence was born a pegasus at least that's what I heard. So for Twilight it would wings, Cadence would have had her horn taken away most likely. Cant wait for the end.
Oh and you say Spike blew out purple fire, isnt it green?
10165869
Was the fire supposed to be green? Sorry. I'll correct
10165869
I just corrected it. Now it's written green fire
10165881
Are you writing the next chapter?
update?
The link to "Passing On Together" is broken.
10385127
I'll correct the link, since that story was deleted by the author
Edit: It's fixed
Hey great to see a new chapter. Not bad. Though it seems to have something missing. In mine I had Luster defeat Grogar to prove her worth, I didnt see any worthy deed here.
10385127
Yeah, I decided to delete that story and combine it with its midquel. Hope you will like it.
nice work
10385821
I decided to make the reader decide what was the great threat that Luster faced
oh boy. Another 'I'm immortal and sad' story.
nice work.
The last chapter felt terribly rushed. Needs work.
I was wondering... how is Luster gonna break her immortality if she wants to here? With Discord gone here we dont know a way.
Oh boy, a mass suicide party. Twilight there is no other side.
10109099
Yeah that why forcing this on her was a bad idea what is life without those who care about you the most. The princess cared but they weren't friends because they never really spent time with her once she moved to ponyville. And who will miss them they didn't exactly act like anyone was their friend before.
10902320
Are you saying Twilight didnt care for her friends?
10527555
No proof there is no afterlife. I feel like my dead mother talks to me sometimes so I think there could be.
10903454
I'm bored, entertain me, my personal joke