• Published 10th Aug 2012
  • 12,661 Views, 177 Comments

Twilight Sparkle Goes to Bed - Agent Bookfort

Twilight Sparkle attempts to go to bed.

  • ...

Chapter the First and Only

Bed. The thought hung in Twilight’s head, refusing to rid itself to make room for more important matters, such as her recent study on the ceremonial rituals of griffins during the month of August. No, this time, the thought of her bed beckoned her, enticed her with the warm comfort of a soft mattress and sheets, wrapping around her like a cocoon.

Tonight was special. Tonight, Twilight wouldn’t just be sleeping in her usual bed sheets and feather-fluffed pillow. No, tonight she would be welcomed to the warmth and comfort of freshly dry-cleaned bed linen. The smell and sensation of freshness would entice her to a sleep of wonderful and unimaginable comfort.

Twilight tried to ignore the incessant beckoning the bed’s thought brought forth. It sang to her, like a siren’s call. It wanted her. Its only desire was to embrace her. It sat there, upon the pedestal of the second floor and waited, watching her movement with pleading puppy dog eyes.

There was only one solution to this problem, and that was to go to there.

Twilight stood up and stretched her legs, looking over her cluttered desk. This evening’s study session had been particularly intense, and it showed. Books lay strewn across the immediate area, accompanied by various scrolls and scrap paper. She sighed deeply.

With Spike out of town for the next few days, it was up to her to make sure the library stayed clean and organised. Bed will need to wait until she had finished cleaning.

With each book she placed in the shelf, and each scroll she righted, she knew that her inherent desire to return to those lustrous sheets was one step closer. The thought of slumbering in that epitome of comfort pleased her, chilled her in the most satisfying of ways. She could feel the promised warmth creeping over her as the entire essence of her very being turned towards her final goal.

She smiled at the accomplishment of cleaning up her work desk. Now, she could claim her prize. Each step towards that godly gift was an ascension unto no other. Only the stairs remained to be conquered, and she would.

One step. Two. Three. Four. Fi—

She hadn’t taken the trash out.

Twilight sighed deeply, a feeling of emptiness growing inside as her prize slipped out of her grasp. She trotted down the stairs and in to the kitchen, tying up the plastic garbage bag with force. It groaned in protest as the knot tightened to its extremity.

Twilight frowned at the garbage, levitating it in front of her as she wandered to the front door. A lesson would need to be taught to this bag, for being so rude as to not take itself out and ultimately, inconvenience her. She set it down next to the mailbox with a scowl. That’ll show it!

She closed the door behind her, sighing in relief. Now, there was nothing standing between her and her bed. That wonderful warmth positively glowed at the top of the stairs. The mutual desire between pony and bed filled the air, each silently calling for each other.

She smiled happily as she began her trek towards the stairs again. This time, there was no stopping her. There was nothing left to do, nothing that couldn’t be completed in the morn--

She hadn’t fed Owlowiscious.

Twilight cursed under her breath. It was a terrible thing to forget to feed a pet. Yet, she argued to herself, that having a bird that was so silent during the day, was easy to forget his very existence. That was, until he was needed.

She shook her head, wandering back to the kitchen. She could feel her eyes drooping as her desire for sleep went further denied.

She opened the pantry, looking around for the unopened box of Flim & Flam’s Owl Pellets that Spike had bought before leaving for whatever business he had been assigned to. Where was it? She could swear the darned pantry's inventory changed every time she opened the door.

The Owl Pellets weren’t in its usual place. It was supposed to be on the second shelf, next to the salt, but not near the pepper. The pepper was supposed to be on the third shelf, so they couldn’t be mixed up. On the other side of the pellets was supposed to be her favourite cereal, Celesti-O’s. Instead, there was mandarin flavoured jam.

Twilight growled under her breath as she began systematically rearranging the pantry in the hopes that she would find what she was looking for, so she could ultimately dive under the covers of her freshly cleaned sheets.

A familiar hoot sounded behind her and she whirled around quickly, to see her owl standing on the bench, beside the box of owl pellets. Twilight gave the bird a deadpanned glare as she hurriedly pulled the bowl from the windowsill with her magic, filling it to the brim with the food, before forcibly placing it back to its original position, taking careful note to place it exactly where she found it, right down to the centimetre.

She ignored the bird’s gracious hoot as she swiftly moved from the kitchen, banking around the corner and stopping in the middle of her living room, looking around anxiously for anything else that may have been forgotten. There was no time or desire to remember something halfway towards her glowing prize of commodious beauty.


It was lucky she had taken the time to remember, otherwise this menial task, would have been naught but another obstacle to overcome, and an irrelevant nuisance.

Briskly finishing the task, she smiled widely. Now she was ready to claim the prize she had been waiting for, for so long. It had been too long, too far away. Now, it was within her grasp. She would claim it, without any further distractions.

One step. Two. Three. Four. Five!

She was almost there. Her mind happily whirred that she had not forgotten anything further.

Ten. She was halfway there.

There it was. She could see the wooden framing that held her goal, and ultimate desire. Nothing could stop her now!

Nineteen. Twenty.

There it sat, shining brightly in a heavenly glow as a chorus of angels sang sweetly to her. Beckoning for her to finally claim the prize that she had earned. Her accolade of perfection

Her grin widened to a blissful smile as she slowly pulled open the sheet, lay down, and snuggled in to her bed. Sighing wistfully as the scent of freshly cleaned linen filled her nose, adding a wonderful sense of euphoria to the feeling of irreplaceable and indescribable comfort, which she knew would only come again, once they had been washed once more.

She closed her eyes, a low moan emitting from her lips as pure bliss washed over every fibre in her body. She snuggled in to the blankets, pulling them closer to her, wrapping herself thoroughly in the illicit warmth they had promised for so long. It was just as she had envisioned – no – it was better. The utter desire she had held for so long, made it even more warm, comforting and accomplishing, to have finally claimed her prize.

She stopped, her eyes shooting open.

I have to pee.

Comments ( 177 )

I figured I'd give a little experimentation of something more amusing and humourous, just to see if I could do it.

It was also a little exercise in not relying as heavily on dialogue as I feel that I have been recently.

All critique and opinions are appreciated. :twilightsmile:

All my lulz are belong to you!

Very decent short, and I can totally relate to Twi. Well, at least as much as a bipedal can relate to an equine.

I dare say your experiment went pretty well :moustache:

oh my that was a fun read ! good work

I shall allow Rainbow Dash to express my feelings on this fic for me. Take it away, Dashie


Five laughing Dashies out of five! It's wonderful to see a stream of consciousness fic like this that keeps Twilight in character and makes it all funny.

Every. Single. Time.
Heh... I was amused.

5 Pinkie + 2 for the lulz.


hahaha that ending
"Celesti-O's" got a good chuckle from me too

The ending sentence... :rainbowlaugh:
Poor Twi. I like this story's length--not so long that the words drag on, but not so short that it feels rushed. And the Celesti-Os? Awesome. xD

Congratulations on getting featured; you deserved it. :D ^_^

Vegeta: I HAVE TO PEE!!!

Spike approves of this story.:moustache:

Ugh, that very last sentence....so true. :rainbowlaugh:
I mean you gotta make sure your flush out before bed or otherwise we be struggling to hold it in our sleep. :rainbowderp:

For some reason I want to know so much more about the cereal.

Does it have marshmallow princesses? Is there a sub-variant in chocolate for Luna? Did the manufacturers have to get permission to use the royal image? Are there cute little quizzes on the back that contain random whimsical facts about Celestia that even Twilight doesn't know?

And above all else, is the fact that Twilight habitually consumes her mentor for breakfast SYMBOLIC in any way either terrifying or adorable?!

Ah well, a simple but cute short, nonetheless. Kind of wish you'd thrown in more about where poor Spike was though - it seems uncharacteristic to allow him off without supervision.

I feel like somewhere along the way, absurdist oneshots about Twilight Sparkle's domestic life became their own genre.

1062303 Maybe a story should be made about that :rainbowlaugh: I would read it.

Damn...what a very, very well crafted story, seriously you done perfect and I for one am very impressed.....ahh....bed, poor Twilight, nothing seems to ever work in her favor does it :rainbowlaugh: What happened to Peewee? Poor guy, and I'm hoping to read another story for you soon, your a very great author, onto the next one!

Twilight reads "Love is in the Air" before bed, and then Twilight was pee! :facehoof:

Does Celestia herself ever eat it? Does it make other ponies feel weird when she does?
I am entirely okay with this.

I've neglected sleep before. Not for such things as trivial as cleanliness and hygiene, but seeing how many more gold matches I can get into ME3. Those premium spectre packs are not cheap.

Ohh, I think I added the like number 100!!! At least that's the number I got after thumbing up. :derpytongue2:
Oh and 100/0 rate :yay:

Oh, and I also was like: Wait what? Why did they bought this piece of crap by Flim & Flam? Seriously are they the only ones to sell owl food?
And Celestia-shaped cereals? Neato! Though they are probably just O's in the colors of her mane or something.

Goodness, do I know this feeling. Great fic. Very entertaining, light-hearted reading! :twilightsmile:


where did you get that picture of twilight sleeping like that. The story wasn't half bad either

1063020 thats from episode 1 when twilight is in bed and everyone else is on the welcome to ponyville party for twilight, i think xD

1063030 I found it thank-you

You are a very talented writer. I felt as if I was there the entire time. Keep up the good work. Wait whats that? My own bed is calling. That can't be its only 4 p.m. Tell it to leave a message and I will get back to it tonight. :scootangel:

Brilliant, 'nuf said

Fantastic story there chap.

I really enjoyed the story. Everything felt right, pacing and character thought process.

Hilarious short story, and all OCD maniacs like me, can relate to her frustration. :twilightangry2:

Ahhh that moment of perfection, ruined by our bladder :twilightoops:

And the sweet moment, were everything is were it has to be.... zzzzz :twilightsmile:


Clearly it has tiny yellow marshmellow Tiaras.

Harmoni-Os Has 6 colored marshmellows with flavours like Vanilla baloons, Lavander stars, Daffodil butterglies, Apple flavoured Apples, Rainbow clouds, and of course pure marshmellow (white) diamonds

Lun-Atycs are half chocolate/half vanilla spheres that represent the different phases of the moon. They come with a cardboard silver tiara and slippers to play Luna dreesup!

Smashing job, ol` chap.

That happens to me all the time:raritycry:

Bah, I can understand her feeling a bit too good at the moment. Bed, where are you? :raritydespair:

IT SHALL BE DONE! I'll place that right between my Discord-dies-and-respawns-as-pony and the Twilight-goes-sailing-to-visit-Zecoras-native-land story I'm writing atm. The name shall be..: The mysterious vanishing of the Celesti-O's! :pinkiecrazy:

But for now, good night all! Apuh!

I have experienced this exact thing on so many occasions. You have earned my moustaches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

I do believe they did.

Bridle Gossip, actually. :twilightsmile:

And thank you to everyone for the wonderful support and comments. :twilightsmile:


*whistles* yep, they sure aren't, and dont seem to be worth it in the end IMO, btw my GT is rouge narwhal, not very good at ME3, but I do what I can, so send me a friend request... if you have xbox... and youre not a squeaker:trollestia: ...

The Tanith First and Only? WH40K reference much?

No, actually. I haven't had much to do with 40k. :twilightsmile:

It reminded me of that old Donald Duck cartoon with leaky tap.


Twilight probably writes letters to the manufacturers trying to get them to correct factual errors about Celestia.

Nice little short story.

Haha! That was funny!

I have to pee.

Priceless! Haha!


1063518 I can promise the former, and only half of the latter. I'll invite you to a game. As in now.

First off, your username/pic..... so much yesness there :twilightsmile:

Second, this story? Twilight's so much fun to troll :scootangel:

1063326 Works for me, let me know if you need any help with it, I'm not able to watch people on this computer for some reason so if you do ever write it, be sure to inform me if you please would love to read it....now all we need is Pinkie Pie being the main to add to the laughs...maybe even either the CMC or Rainbow Dash...they both work though.

This story reminds me of one of those really long and extensive jokes. Those kind that you're just listening till the end and the punch line just hits you like a ton of rocks. Completely and utterly awesome.

I would laugh at Twilight's misfortune in the final sentence...but same thing has happened to me far too many times. :twilightoops:

A well wrought tale, sir! :derpytongue2:

What is this I don't even-



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