• Published 1st Apr 2019
  • 1,205 Views, 87 Comments

The Wizard of Whitetail Woods - Admiral Biscuit



Only the boldest adventurers explore the wild areas of Equestria. Or the dumbest . . . KitKat and the Wizard fall into the latter category.

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Comments ( 50 )

Is that... a Witcher III reference?

And here I thought that Rincewind was the worst wizard in the multiverse. Not a bad prank but I feel that poor KitKat need a new adventuring partner.

The Wizard giggled. “You’d have a vag of holding!”

:facehoof: O.m.f.g.
This was absolutely terrible, in a good way. I giggled more than once, so... well done? I guess.
Now go home Biscuit, you're drunk.

If there’s enough demand, I’ll publish a blog post.

I'm going to regret this in the morning, but sure, why not?

This is absolutely hilarious and I demand a full blown story with those two and their quests. And the inevitable unicorn hooker to give him, heh, magic fingers :rainbowlaugh:
(And possibly tongue :rainbowwild:)

Wait, does this means that magic is a topic human STD? Will that facial give KitKat magic face powers? Will this tempt her to get a human bukkake? :pinkiecrazy:

9539870

Is that... a Witcher III reference?

It is not, or if it is, it’s unintentional. I don’t know what Witcher III is.

9539872

And here I thought that Rincewind was the worst wizard in the multiverse.

To be fair to the Wizard, he’s effective if it’s hard.

Not a bad prank but I feel that poor KitKat need a new adventuring partner.

She kind of does, but at the same time can’t you feel the love blossoming between the two?

No?

Me neither.

9540077

This was absolutely terrible, in a good way.

It’s a tag on Depribooru. Um, I’ve heard.

I giggled more than once, so... well done? I guess.

Thanks!

Now go home Biscuit, you're drunk.

Darn right I was. Luckily, I was at home, writing horsewords for all of y’all. :heart:

9540113

I'm going to regret this in the morning, but sure, why not?

Very well, stand by for incoming transmission (shortly-ish)

9540542

This is absolutely hilarious and I demand a full blown story with those two and their quests.

Thank you! And it will be a continuing series, since I’ve put the Derpy Accidentally a Portal Gun series to bed. Unfortunately, only on April Fool’s Day, but hey, stories like these are totally worth the wait.

And the inevitable unicorn hooker to give him, heh, magic fingers :rainbowlaugh:
(And possibly tongue :rainbowwild:)

It could go that route, but I think that he got magic once and probably won’t get it again. Where’s the fun in just being able to point and click?

Wait, does this means that magic is a topic human STD? Will that facial give KitKat magic face powers? Will this tempt her to get a human bukkake? :pinkiecrazy:

You know, I hadn’t really thought about that overly much. I doubt that KitKat or her face will get any magical human powers, although thinking of that, I could have her gain trichromatic vision (IRL equines have dichromatic, which basically means they’re red/green colorblind).

I don’t think she’ll ever want to go for human bukkake. Once was enough for her.

That was most definitely a thing. :rainbowhuh: I'm morbidly intrigued to see what you might have to say about this in a blog post.

Also, great use of that wizard G1 Applejack killed in the cover image.

9541575
Video game. There's a place in The Wotcher III named the Whitetail Woods.

And now I'm even tempted to create a D&D spellcaster class with spell "loads" instead of "slots".:rainbowlaugh:
I'm sick, I know.
Also, just remembered this video

9541555

I didn't know you where a fan! Or was it that both characters had something similar?

9541655

That was most definitely a thing.

In the immortal words of Grand Poo Bear (paraphrased), this is a thing that exists.

:rainbowhuh: I'm morbidly intrigued to see what you might have to say about this in a blog post.

Fear not, by popular demand there is a blog post. Which I really ought to link.

Also, great use of that wizard G1 Applejack killed in the cover image.

That wizard really had it coming.

9542242
Also there’s the same place in MLP, so that means that the two stories take place in the same ‘verse!

9542772

And now I'm even tempted to create a D&D spellcaster class with spell "loads" instead of "slots".:rainbowlaugh:
I'm sick, I know.

No, no, you need to do that.

Also, just remembered this video

:rainbowlaugh:
“dah, that’s your wrinkled d:yay:k again.”

9542999
I’d never heard of it before. so I did me a bit of googling, and came up with this image:
pm1.narvii.com/6739/591f9e3dd6bc238e0a4a44d48edd89ea5ca44a38v2_hq.jpg

While I have no idea how closely that tracks with the source material, I couldn’t help but note that it’s spot-on, you know?

9543947

That is some good cosplay. That is pretty spot on. That show is set to have an animated series premiering in the fall of 2020.

Oof yeah, not so good to have that venom

9553621
But, it is performance enhancing. Since ponies don’t have Viagra, the spider was the next best thing.

Glad I saved this one for 3 AM... it was uh... worth the wait.

Thanks, Biscuit?

Well, this was just the right amount of stupid. I chuckled heartily.

9706689
Thank you! That was totally what I was going for.

9750312
I don’t see why. This is where the fandom’s been heading since the very first generation. I’m the only one bold enough to actually put it in writing. :rainbowlaugh:

The really sad/annoying/terrifying/hillarious thing is that something tells me this isn't the last we've seen of the Wizard nor of KitKat.

...I'm gonna go buy more beer now.

9750321
It's probably not, but you're gonna have to wait until next April 1 for the next installment.

I have no idea what I just read...

... Kinda wanna read more.

Poor KitKat.

9755638

I have no idea what I just read...

... Kinda wanna read more.

Well, good news, you may very well get your chance next April Fool’s Day, ‘cause this is my new April Fool’s series.

Poor KitKat.

I know, right? Can’t blame her for wanting a hotel with a shower after the last burst of magic.

ROBCakeran53
Moderator

You know... you told me about this story. The plot, premise, everything, and yet... I'm still reeling in laughs.

Also the fact YCH is in "related fics" both humor me and saddens me.

The Best Worst Wizard title goes to Fizban (from the Dragonlance books).

10415648
I dunno. Zifnab from the Death Gate Cycle could give him a run for his money...

10415648 10749232
Schmendrick from The Last Unicorn wasn’t terribly competent, either.

And it’s been a while since I read the books, but didn’t Magic Kingdom for Sale have a terrible wizard as well?

10750537
Maybe? It’s been a long time since I read that one.

I was just responding to Fizban with Zifnab because they may or may not be the same character, either in alternate dimensions or in greatly different eras of time... both series mentioned are by the same authors, even. :rainbowlaugh::twilightsmile:

And he is secretly a god, in one of them, after all. :pinkiecrazy:

KitKat? What, does she have also have a sibling named Snickers?

10754772

KitKat? What, does she have also have a sibling named Snickers?

No, her sister is named Mr. Goodbar.

Their parents really loved human candy, you see.

10750582

I was just responding to Fizban with Zifnab because they may or may not be the same character, either in alternate dimensions or in greatly different eras of time... both series mentioned are by the same authors, even.

I didn’t even catch that name similarity, lol.

It’s been a long, long time since I read any Dragonlance books. I borrowed a huge combined volume of novels or short stories, might have been Tales, sometime in the early 90s (probably). If I could remember who I borrowed it from, I could give a more exact date.

...you know, I didn't think I'd read anything weirder than the Beanis-verse....but boy howdy was I proven wrong. :)

11187858
What’s even crazier is that there’s three of them. And, for better or worse, April 1 is fast approaching which means if I’m not out of ideas there could be a fourth.

I...I have no words. Bravo n_n

11672327
He's the worst wizard.

In case you haven't noticed, there are sequels. They're not better than this one.

11673239
I started it but then got distracted and haven't gone back yet ^^;

11673257
I suppose the one thing you can look forward to is an angry rant from KitKat in Dutch.

11674941
Ooh, I do have a Dutch friend I can ask to translate! Or just google.

11674946
The good news is that you won't have to; someone translated it in the comments.

Amusingly, I just tasked a friend from the Netherlands to write a rant for KitKat and I never asked for a translation myself, so I legit had no idea what it said when I posted the story.

11674981
Hahaha, even better! And your trusting nature is clearly immeasurable n_n

11674991
It was already rated M for sex and profanity, so it's not like whatever she said would cross the bar further. And I do trust my Dutch translator as well. :heart:

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