• Member Since 25th Mar, 2019
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Toxicfox


A Functional Edgelord

T

When Jason and his fellow developers are tasked with working on their game’s latest expansion, they find themselves on a death march to get it completed before the deadline. Jason takes on a three-day shift to test certain aspects of the expansion pack. Only when he finally passes out from the exhaustion... he wakes up in the body of his test character! Left in the bright land of Equestria as Blackjack, he must figure out his powers and maybe even a way back home.
This new death march will test his abilities to interact with the Equestrians, for better or worse.

Chapters (18)
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Comments ( 257 )

Is that a Death March to the Parralel World Rhapsody crossover I detect?

Edit: after reading the authors note, i realized my comment is stupid. I apologize.

I actually have seen the anime based on the light novel, which is what drew me to the story.

So far, *yawn* so good, but maybe a little spellchecking could be done? Not that there are any major grammar issues that hurt the story, but I did find a couple typos.

Besides that, everything seems good and accounted for. I guess it makes sense Twilight and Spike would meet such a person in the Everfree Forest.

But what will happen once Lyra finds out?

Anyway, good luck with the rest of the story. Keep up the good work. :)

Comment posted by Toxicfox deleted Apr 21st, 2019

9578333
I'm happy you like it :)

Hope this become better meal for my hunger of good story plot...
I want new chapter now..

This is a great anime crossover. Can’t wait to read more!

This... this is great. I love this. :twilightsmile:

9581651
I'm glad you like :)

I'm interested and can't wait to see more

Hamburg steak going to make an appearance?

Hymn ... truthfully the stories not bad im a big fan of tha anime and novels buuuuut .... keeping him human is a bit of a turn off .... theirs being a awesome OP bad ass but he comes off to me as egotistical and someone who views rules are for others not himself. It feels like im looking at a male version of trixie. But him being actually skilled. Next paragraphs more of a rant then a comment so ill anti spoiler it.

Compairing what he did to his egg was way beyond what twilight could do as his actions were intentional with a item while twilights was accidental due to a uncontrolled surge. Atleast twilight took responsibility for raising spike and nurtured his intellect teaching him morals and book smarts instead of going your useless to me as is lets fix that. Its the worst kinda attitude to have .... pay to win. Dont wanna do the work i want immeadiate results. Of course she lacks common sense everything she wouldve learned maturing naturally isn't there. The fact shes intelligent without being taught anything is due to exp and int stat because truthfully her talking without learning the alphabet is surprising. Shes stole stuff and he didnt even scold her ... instead he gave her a way to get away with it by boosting her stats... way to go dad. Im halfway wishing discord would come out go .... eenope ... then send him back to his world. As for malnutrition .. he comes from a world where dragons are viewed as purely meat eaters he should be surprised she eats gems instead of sleeping on them like smaug. Twilight is the reverse.

I like it, he is powerful but not boring yet, most people do the same thing, they create doormat character who is beated up and becames stronger or a character who doesn't have mentality to use powers, think logical or have survival insticts, these stories are usually predictable and it feels like character isn't a human at all.

I can't wait for a reaction when Trixie beats Twilight in magic or transforms to alicorn XD

9598876
I appreciate your honest opinion of the characters and story :)

Will that be one shot of WTF Pinkie Pie and will not be important to the story?
A lot of people do Pinkie Pie 4th wall breaking in their story for no reason like it was some achievement to do in game and later in the story it's like it never happened.

9601893
It's definitely going to happen again

You forget to put quotation marks around a few of the talking lines

9602109
Thanks :) I'll fix it right away

School of Friendship 2:00 PM

Statement: Friends are a weakness in the Imperium of Man.

"ok then, Good luck Blackjack" she says as she flies off to the castle.

"ok then, Good luck Blackjack" she says as she flies off to the castle.

"well anyway I'm going to head back to the Castle would you like to crash there while you build your home? twilight offers

"that was real nice of you Blackjack, I actually thought you were going to burn down the everfree forest" she says with a chuckle

"got it" she says before speeding away back to ponyville.

"mm 27, June 9th, chocolate with vanilla frosting, Dark purple. I prefer females so mares I guess? and no but I find it annoying to clean up." He finishes and see's pinkie pie writing his answers on her note pad with her hair.

Exclamation: CAPITALIZE THE START OF YOUR F#CKING SENTENCES!

BlackJack and trixie pull the carriage and the beast cage into the forest back to thier camping spot.

Exclamation: NAMES TO!

BlackJack walks to the rear of the camp an cut down trees with his sword, after they land he cuts them into smaller logs

Statement: B#llshit not possible with a sword.

Exclamation: I AM F#CKING DONE WITH THIS STORY!

If she can find a way to face both of these threats in the future it will be a great benefit to Equestria.

1 Am I the only person here who doesn't care about Equestria?
2 I think Celestia will make him enemy after pressing too hard to get information. Probably she will try to trick him to give the information or interrogate Trixie and Clover while probably hurting them in some way and getting her ass beaten by him (I don't mind that)

I love the anime that this story is based off of.

9616328
Nah man, doubt is weakness in the imperium of man, for it allows chaos to gain a foothold in the minds of the people.

Interesting so far. Looking forward to seeing more.

9579404
Just be aware that this probably won't be about the plot. I mean, if this is like DesuMachi, then the character will be very, very OP, and soon. As soon as he gets his abilities up, he will ascend to the top of the food chain (probably above alicorn level, easily).

So no, it won't be about the plot. Or, rather, the plot will be his interactions and other such things, because the "plot" will basically become background.

Still, I actually enjoyed DesuMachi. I like OP protags doing OP things. It's fun to just let loose and see things going right for a change.

And then there's a very unique form of "when will (s)he tell them the secret?" that's enjoyable. ;)



The only problem I have with it right now is that he's being taken to Celestia - and, sadly, that's where many good stories go to die. I'd prefer him to spend some time in Ponyville, build up his relationships with the ponies there, before he gets shipped to Canterlot - so that there will be dramatic tension should Celestia's opinion be unfavorable... ;]

"Possibly, but no pony comes to mind at the moment" Celestia responds and sips her tea. "For now why don't we get you accustomed to life in Equestria for you and young Clover here."

AKA "Let's get this boring shit out of the way post-haste now that I've written myself into Canterlot" bullshit. :D


Honestly, the writing is terrible. The pacing is atrocious, the narration keeps switching between past and present tense at the drop of a hat, and there are spelling and grammar errors. So, standard fare I suppose.

Author: git gud. This story could be really nice if you bumped your level up a few notches, in terms of writing. So write often, and write plenty. And go read some good stories - that helps a lot, especially in terms of technical proficiency and pacing.

I hope you have a general outline of the plot for this, because otherwise we're going to see it sputter and grind to a halt in a few chapters. :-) Having a general outline (which you're welcome to make as detailed as you feel like) also makes it easier to write, since if you break it up sensibly, you'll have a general idea of where you want to be at the end of each chapter (so, no long nights trying to figure out "where to go next").

I liked DesuMachi a lot - contrary to popular opinion, it was a fun watch (the OP was badass, right up to the jpop part). Please don't disappoint. :)


I'd write a story myself, but then I'd be unable to read it without spoilers. ;] Anyone got a good memory-altering spell?

The only two skills you ever need are Analysis and Sage. The only two core stats you need are Perception and Intelligence. With a combination of these four, if you can amp them up to 11, you can acquire everything else in the game by just looking at it intently. ;]


Oh, by the way - Author, have ya seen Tensei Shittara Slime Datta Ken yet? If not, go see it. You might get some inspiration - it's similar, yet different. Also recommend Isekai wa Smartphone to Tomo ni - it's not as good (or maybe just as good, it depends on what you like), but can also work as inspiration material.

9624993
I appreciate your honest review and advice. I will defiantly seek to improve as I continue the story and I hope you'll keep reading and continue to give feedback

I think it would benefit the story if it were explained that this DesuMachi!Equestria isn't like Equestria. Rather, the world the protagonist entered is what Equestria would be according to the rules of the game he's making. So if the lore he was writing says "Dragons need 80% meat in their diets", the damn dragons need to eat meat 80% of the time regardless of existing Equestria lore. Anything and everything is up for being rewritten.

Which, of course, is why this usually works better on OC worlds that don't carry preconceived notions.

Also, if he needs his dragon wise, he probably just needs to level its Wisdom, or something. That's how it often works in games (notably MMOs, where you don't really have the time or structure to nurture a character through weeks of maturing with dialogue and quests and...).





I'm just enjoying DesuMachi being applied to Equestria, so I guess my standards here are lower than they would otherwise be (seeing as I'm already familiar with the other original work, I'm pretty much skipping quite a bit, substituting with the more polished content from the anime).

9617345
Dry correction: Entirely possible in ARK: Survival Evolved, ATLAS and Dark and Light (in fact, in the last one it's the only way of obtaining some of the more rare crafting materials). Game mechanics.

9625023
I have watched the smart phone one but I have yet to watch the Slime anime

Good story so far.

I love this.....moar pls

Thank you for the chapter! What he did to the diamond dogs is kinda mean.

What I want to know is what they'll do when they find out that trixie is learning dark magic

9617492
I agree with number 2 because well every person has their limit of patient

Lol. I actually considered doing a isekai/hie parody based on in another world with my smartphone called "in a pony world with my smartphone" but writing a deliberately bland protag was boring so I barely started.

9630783
That's why I made my main character different from the original

Hmmm... Been watching Shield Hero huh?

9631721
I am is so dark and relistic on real life even on another world still real life

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