• Member Since 11th Jun, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Novella-


Several twinkles short of a glitter

Comments ( 45 )

This was a really great start. Going through only once, I didn't notice any big grammar or spelling mistakes and the story was easy to follow. Definitely going to be following this one!

Edit: will this story be making references or have any type of connection to the original Fallout Equestria? Or any of the other stories like Project Horizons or Murky Number Seven?

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Thank you! This will only reference the original. I thought about adding a few of the more popular side stories, but decided keep it true to the original.

This is an pretty interesting start. First time I have seen a Fallout Equestria story start like this and it quite like it, as this can explore so many different things.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

A great start. You got yourself a protagonist, at least one companion, a motivation, a special talent and the beginning of an environment. If you have storyline or greater setting prepared then I am looking forward to reading it.

Ah, that's where you are...

Very interesting story so far. I like how you have started it. As Ryoki has stated, you really do not have any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of it.

This is turning interesting. I was actually surprised when I came to the end of the chapter, as it didn't seem slow to me.

Spoilered the thoughts that I have, about what happened.
It seems to me, that Rust wants to be a leader, that isn't questioned by anyone. By taking in orphans, he can make sure that they will always look up to him. He is the leader of the group that saved them and cared for them. Then there is the way he uses words, of course.
So any one who isn't influenced by that and says something else, is seen automatically as a threat by him. This will bite him in the ass later, as he actually made Wild Chains start doubting him now, instead of just following him, as Ash Blossom does now.

Looking forward to the next chapter and keep up the good work.

Poor Wild Chains, he has such a big heart for such a cruel world.

Though with Crosshair, she has quite the unfortunate cutie mark. It's been a while since I've read or listen to the original story, but I think there is a scene that talks about what Calamity's cutie mark might be and one of the suggestions was a target. Just makes it hard to resist shooting that flank.

Will you be taking any elements from the seasons that came out after the original story was completed?

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Since this story will only reference the original, it will not be using anything past season 2. I may mention some characters from season 3, but that’s about it.

Well, that turned dark pretty quickly. I am guessing Wild Chains will be exiled within a few chapters?

Oh, and directions in the beginning confused me a lot.

Good story, can’t wait to read more.

Just read the first chapter, loving it so far. Definitely going to be following this. Keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

So this is where the tide turned and drove Wild Chains out. As cruel as only the Wasteland can be.

Great update, looking forward to more!

Now we are getting somewhere, I do like Stableton thus far and the good doctor. Hope it continues somewhat in this wein.

So many stories start out great and then get derailed by countless sidequests or such. I like the beginning of Long Winter for example, before it turned into a long dungeon crawl with an outrageous plot twist early on. Or Falling Shadows, which was amazing before the location changed to straight up New Vegas.

So I am curious, what style and narrative have you got planned out from here on out?

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Yeah, I don't intend for this to be a long winded story. I do have the ending planned and the wind up to it, so no side quests that take away from the plot. This story isn't supposed to be an epic, world saving narrative. This is simply just the point of view of a few every day ponies trying to survive.

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You know, it will probably be better for it. Reminds a lot of the various Confessions episodes. Looking forward to the next chapter.

This Vagabond fella seems a bit too nice hmmm, and I wonder what adventure awaits them in the zombo infested stable HMMM lol. Looking forward to the next one!

I'm not normally huge on Fallout: Equestria in general but I made an account specifically to comment on this and say how much I like it, and hope you keep writing for it! It's coming along great~

Great to see the story you had planned for these guys, great work!

Great update! Looking forward to seeing more.

Loved this chapter! You gave Stable 42 such a spooky atmosphere and it was so suspenseful. I also really liked the "Amethysts Peace" part, so sad and grim but cool.

Great chapter! I legit get hyped whenever this story updates.

Good chapter! Loving the new addition of Honeypot too so far. Can't wait for the next one!

Great to see an update. Enjoying the story. Looking forward to reading more. :twilightsmile:

"Never trust an adult" was their motto, and for years this was how they lived.

Well then what happens when one of them grows up?

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Don't worry, that'll be explained later ;)

This is a pretty solid start, and I'm getting a Thunderdome vibe from the band of kids--which is great.

I'm not going to spam editorial comments (at least not before I've read the rest), but one funny typo jumped out at me upon a second skim through, and I have a bit of advice:

My heart hammed in my chest excitedly as he spoke.

How exactly did her heart ham? Was it honey-glazed? Marinated? Soused? Smoked?:rainbowlaugh:
Inquiring minds wish to know!:twilightsmile:

As for the advice:

"Oy, Tumble, can you get yer tools and get them collars off?" I heard Rusty say.

It comes off as clumsy narration when you state that a character heard another character say their dialogue. Simply replace it with that character saying it. If someone hears it, it's obvious to the reader that it was said, and vice versa. Only when the character's hearing is impaired or otherwise affected should you put descriptive emphasis on the hearing; i.e., 'I barely heard him because of the ringing in my ears' or something similar, if, for example, your character recently stood near an explosion.

Well, Rusty is a manipulative cult leader, all right. Eventually, he'll learn the hard way that local gangs stop ignoring you once you attack random passersby without provocation.

Turf wars are nasty.

Vagabond is like the Mysterious Stranger combined with Doc Mitchell.

Obligatory Stable romp!

Wild seems to have taken the Gunslinger perk when nopony was looking. She needs a proper battle saddle, and armor, of course, but such good fortune rarely falls upon FoE protagonists right off the bat.

She's pretty competent for a 12-year-old.

And then there were three!
We know who the high crit build is. Set Lasers For Fun.

Anytime I read a fic with unicorns that are competent with combat magic, whether it's FoE or not, I look back at my own fic and realize that I made its protagonist just a little overpowered, while simultaneously being inept at actually fighting.

Nice to see Wild recognize that she can learn from her companions. Also, 5x sneak attack damage? That's more broken than ED-E letting you target cloaked enemies :D
She'd better learn to sneak and exploit that. She already knows how to shoot, so the next step is teaching her where and how to step.

Definitely a nice story, hope it picks up again.

The web page has this story in the “latest updates” zone, but I don’t see a new chapter…

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Yes! I'm so sorry, I accidentally hit the "publish" button :facehoof: I am currently editing the last little bit of the next chapter and will be officially publishing it very soon! Again, I'm sorry for the confusion!!

Welp, time to read this whole thing again! :rainbowdetermined2:

Honey Pot’s mom needs a chill pill

That was a nice chapter, the stories are sad, but it is all turning out well. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Awww. I’m all caught up and cannot wait for more!!!

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