This was a really great start. Going through only once, I didn't notice any big grammar or spelling mistakes and the story was easy to follow. Definitely going to be following this one!
Edit: will this story be making references or have any type of connection to the original Fallout Equestria? Or any of the other stories like Project Horizons or Murky Number Seven?
9820885 Thank you! This will only reference the original. I thought about adding a few of the more popular side stories, but decided keep it true to the original.
This is an pretty interesting start. First time I have seen a Fallout Equestria story start like this and it quite like it, as this can explore so many different things. Looking forward to the next chapter.
A great start. You got yourself a protagonist, at least one companion, a motivation, a special talent and the beginning of an environment. If you have storyline or greater setting prepared then I am looking forward to reading it.
Very interesting story so far. I like how you have started it. As Ryoki has stated, you really do not have any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of it.
This is a pretty solid start, and I'm getting a Thunderdome vibe from the band of kids--which is great.
I'm not going to spam editorial comments (at least not before I've read the rest), but one funny typo jumped out at me upon a second skim through, and I have a bit of advice:
My heart hammed in my chest excitedly as he spoke.
How exactly did her heart ham? Was it honey-glazed? Marinated? Soused? Smoked? Inquiring minds wish to know!
As for the advice:
"Oy, Tumble, can you get yer tools and get them collars off?" I heard Rusty say.
It comes off as clumsy narration when you state that a character heard another character say their dialogue. Simply replace it with that character saying it. If someone hears it, it's obvious to the reader that it was said, and vice versa. Only when the character's hearing is impaired or otherwise affected should you put descriptive emphasis on the hearing; i.e., 'I barely heard him because of the ringing in my ears' or something similar, if, for example, your character recently stood near an explosion.
This was a really great start. Going through only once, I didn't notice any big grammar or spelling mistakes and the story was easy to follow. Definitely going to be following this one!
Edit: will this story be making references or have any type of connection to the original Fallout Equestria? Or any of the other stories like Project Horizons or Murky Number Seven?
9820885
Thank you! This will only reference the original. I thought about adding a few of the more popular side stories, but decided keep it true to the original.
This is an pretty interesting start. First time I have seen a Fallout Equestria story start like this and it quite like it, as this can explore so many different things.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
A great start. You got yourself a protagonist, at least one companion, a motivation, a special talent and the beginning of an environment. If you have storyline or greater setting prepared then I am looking forward to reading it.
So far so good!
Ah, that's where you are...
Very interesting story so far. I like how you have started it. As Ryoki has stated, you really do not have any glaring grammar or spelling mistakes. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of it.
Great to see the story you had planned for these guys, great work!
This is a pretty solid start, and I'm getting a Thunderdome vibe from the band of kids--which is great.
I'm not going to spam editorial comments (at least not before I've read the rest), but one funny typo jumped out at me upon a second skim through, and I have a bit of advice:
How exactly did her heart ham? Was it honey-glazed? Marinated? Soused? Smoked?
Inquiring minds wish to know!
As for the advice:
It comes off as clumsy narration when you state that a character heard another character say their dialogue. Simply replace it with that character saying it. If someone hears it, it's obvious to the reader that it was said, and vice versa. Only when the character's hearing is impaired or otherwise affected should you put descriptive emphasis on the hearing; i.e., 'I barely heard him because of the ringing in my ears' or something similar, if, for example, your character recently stood near an explosion.