- Member Since 23rd Dec, 2014
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NotaPonyPerson
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NotaPonyPerson
Joined 23rd Dec, 2014 ·
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This looks fun. A little too much in the dialogue department for me, but I'm sure it's exactly some people's cup O tea. Gonna keep tracking it. Keep it up! A lott'a folks are not going to like it purely on content, so don't let that dissuade you.
I always like group corruption things personally.
Sombre is heartless he just destroying everything that shining armour has f*** that's so f***** up
It’s always the brainwashing with Cadance.
Oh well.
This story is an utterly horrible tale of a man being forced to watch his female relatives be stolen away by another man.
I love it.
Probably means I'm sick in the head, oh well.
Hmm
Fun read, looking forward to Twilight
Not everyone who can stop him has been imprisoned...
*Mk. 50 with Infinity Stones Iron Man has appeared!*
So... Is Flurry Heart gonna show up? Bear in mind, I haven't read yet.
NTR is trash and so is this story.
I've enjoyed this. Hope to see more!
You know there is a lot of grey area in "Not be my queen" and Sombra knows it.
I do hope we get to see a dragon being bred in this story also!
It was a pleasant surprise to see this story updated. Nice chapter, though I wish Night Light was involved in it personally. Hopefully you will find some use for him in the future.
For this kind of story, that's the proper way to go. Looking forward to it.
That being said, I think you could really benefit from a proofreader. Way too many errors. I will still read next chapters even if they are in a similar state, but it would be nice to see improvement.
9855603
If you know someone whose good at it or know errors I couldn't see, feel free to Dm me them and I'll correct them as soon as I can. Always wanna deliver the best in my writing. But I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!
Great story! I'm enjoying ever moment of this! Question; You think you'll do a part where he gets the other main characters or side characters?
Liking the expansion of Shining's psychological torture and the interaction/backstory about Equinox. Twilight Velvet's scene was even better with the sacrifices she had to make. Poor Cadance can't seem to catch a break in these sorts of fics!
Please continue this story!
Even flurry heart?
Well written indeed
Hope to see this finished. Great work!
9855957
Mmm... The idea is tempting~
Hurray for Flurry!!!
With the next chapter’s title like that, I really hope it’s her
10455996
Flurry Heart is next
So is Nightlight after Flurry? are Shining and Spike going to get the same treatment? Please let it be a yes!
10457146
You’ll find out next chapter.
The hiatus has been long but it was totally worthy. This chapter was amazing!
Excellent chapter as usual! Equinox is a fun character, and Alma is intriguing, love the way you depicted the ritual.
10480737
Admittingly, the ritual was my favorite thing to write~
I can't say too much because I've written rape scenes before. However, I can say I didn't like the story because there is no sense of justice or hope.
Shining Armor is pretty broken as it is, he's seen the only girl he loved get raped, he had to watch his mother get raped and his sister. So this'll get a thumbs down from me.
10747148
Warnings are important; hence why I put one in every story.
That being said, I don’t expect everyone to be onboard with a bleak, fetishized story. So to each their own.
10747645
I first read before I realized that the black bars for the spoiler/warnings could be revealed so I went in blind but I red it to the end.
Ok, so where do I start?With the good parts I guess:
-I really liked the story, even though it's not very original
-I also liked the characterization of each pony
-the description is very good and detailed
And the things I didn't like:
-first, is the grammar.You made a lot of spelling mistakes that really take away from the story.
-second, the plot doesn't make much sense.From what I understood, this happened after the mane 6 defeated Sombra in season 9.But we knew that Grogar was actually Discord.So here Grogar is real?And also, why are Celestia and Luna gone?They are still alicorns, they just retired.And I felt very uncomfortable when I read the raping of Twilight Velvet, because all the time I was like"umm, he is raping a grandma.She is probably in her 50s or 60s."
Overall, I think the story has potential and I'd like to see it finished
10821690
-It's a working progress. I'll touch up later chapters and fix any wording issues and grammar :p
-It's an alternative reality where Sombra does join Grogar after his second defeat, mixed in with a few elements of a bigger universe outside MLP of my own design.
-Rape is a dark subject matter. And if you're uncomfortable, then good. My intented reaction was met.
10821696
"Rape is a dark subject matter. And if you're uncomfortable, then good. My intented reaction was met."
Not really.I wasn't uncomfortable with the rape, I just thought that he was "raping"a granny.And eh, don't get me wrong, all women deserve a good fuck, but I think there is something like"too old".At least for me.
Nonetheless, I look forward to read the next chapters, if you intend to finish the story
10821718
To each their own.
I intend to finish it; it's just not in my interest as I have other projects to tend to.
9648673
No you are
I hope the next chapter Gets done i can't wait to see how Sombra will torture Shining using flurry heart maybe he will have her get impregnated by shining to break him
And I thought the caribou were cruel
Been 4 years, when will you update?