CharmingQuil
Joined 30th Dec, 2020 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is really engaging, and you're capturing the sense of conflict and dissociation and taboo I find really fun in this genre. The sex was great, too, with very different takes and styles between Cadance and Turb's treatment.
I don't really know what I'm hoping to see next — lots of things — but it seems like you have a clear plan I don't want to bias, anyway. Looking forward to more!
Glad to see the update, and things get worse! If you want any editing help, this has my attention pretty well. I wouldn't mind giving a pass over the rest.
Thank you for the offer. I'm trying to do this all myself (with he help of Grammarly) so I can better myself. But I will keep that in mind. Thank you and I'm glad you like my work.
This is super exciting, Shining's a good pony and compelling. I can't tell if Ritz is supposed to be obscenely hot or not — the specific balance of drama and horny horror you have here skews my expectations in a very nice way.
Thank you, more details about Ritz will come to light in chapters to follow. I'm glad you are enjoying it 😄
Really enjoying the story, thanks for updating it consistently :)
11679190
No problem. Glad you're enjoying it
That was a good story goodluck with the rest of it.
Signing armor: I'm not sure
Cadence: You can trust me
Signing armor: magic.
Cadence: turns around first rule. Never trust anyone.
Mostly that it would be a dramatic increase in scope to introduce an accessory character for Lily with no relation to the story so far — and furthermore, if it was a new character, you would have just named and described him on the spot, rather than leaving vague unspecified "hot pegasus".
Still, exciting developments. I hope they all get to share!
So was it obvious that Lily was going to look up with Turbulance? Did I keep it so vague that it was obvious something like this would happen?
11692038
Not quite obvious! There's a lot of pieces that can go in a lot of directions — even from the part Lily mentioned having a coltfriend, I wasn't sure if their relationship would work out well, or if it would inspire Glimmer to take back what's hers, or who knows what!
The progression rides a line of feeling natural and unexpected but also contrived to make our favorite victim mare suffer, I enjoy the balance. <3
Ah, thank you so much for your feedback. I'm really glad you are enjoying the story this far.
We are gearing up for the big climax now, sad to say. I hope you enjoy it.
11690372
Thank you
Hey everyone,
I just wanted to say thank you for following my story, I appreciate it and am glad you enjoyed it so much.
The story is coming to an end in the next couple of chapters which is half done with. I've been super busy working two jobs and haven't had much time to write or edit. But I'm working on them now and should have them all done soon. I'm not putting a time limit on it because I want this to wrap up perfectly.
Thank you all for your patience
I'll also work on editing the other chapters of the series 'It's Only Fair' as well. I admittedly had a good dozen chapters or so of that written just not edited.
Please check that out as well and let me know how you feel
Thank you guys again for your support
Caught up on this story, its really fun yet a lot darker than most genderswap stories which is interesting. Really hope Cadance makes it up to shining for leaving him high and drive over and over.
Any news about the update
?
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Sorry, it's taking so long. I got back to working on it list the other day. Heath's problems were worse than I thought. Not extremely bad but pretty bad. I'm sorry, thank you for your patience. Please hang in there. I want to end this on the best note possible
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.
Don't worry, I hope you can recover as soon as possible! We'll be glad to read the chapter when it comes
Good news. I finished writing the chapters and plan to have them posted soon if not today.
Thank you all for your patience. Again, sorry about the delay.
The dichotomy of 'Glimmer' is conveyed really well and I love that. Reading your story had improved my day.
Thanks for updating it consistently
Well she is just a bitch, she did all this to herself and now she is blaming shining like he has control of all the new and funny hormones, and then the slut instigates it even more!
cadence is 100% gonna mess something up here. she is princess of love who doesnt understand she did this to her husband so kinda seems her manipulations and magic isnt as good as she thinks. perhaps the shining she makes herself is not going to be what she wanted
Damn Caddy was a psycho all along. I mean she could have just stopped this at any point and everything would have been fixed.
hot hot hot hot hot
This so insane and off the rails and the way that Cadance's decisions and mindset kind of make absolutely no sense but she's still unstopplably getting her way is great.
Kind of just want to watch Ritz be an utter hot douchebag forever, but the rapid, needless cruelty of his fate and getting to see that was really nice too.
Excited to see more! Definitely much darker than I expected, heh, very impressed.
Mannn, I was expecting things to go dark but Cadance painfully pulling a the child outta shining and then just as painfully putting it in someone else was not on my fucked up bingo card.
I dunno where this is gunna go, will shining succeeded but then decide to nope outta there. Will she fail and get sold off to the Zebra king. I think my preference would be she fails, just Cadance decides to keep her around, as a personal maid and maybe a new plaything for whoever the “new shining” is.
Either way this was pretty fucked up, cool read but ducked up lol
I was expecting dark, but not this dark. I always suspected that Cadance was fucking Ritz, that was no surprise, and I was just expecting Cadance to have Ritz fuck her in front off and essentially NTR a helpless Glimmer. What I was not expecting was for Cadance to be so vindictively over-the-top to an insane and cruel degree. I almost don't want to continue out of fear of how depressing the rest of the story will be. I can handle dark and hot in equal amounts, but I guess I didn't really heed the warning as this really is just dark.
I had a suspicion that it was Turbulence, but it was just vague enough that I didn't feel too confident to call it out.
Can't wait to see what happens next!
... okay. Fucking Ritz in front of Glimmer? I expected that, a little. I did not see the linked book twist, so that was definitely a surprise, though I guess I should have suspected something. But...
Ripping the baby from her womb, reverting her to a teenager, having Ritz rape her, and then threatening to take away all her memories and send her to be a concubine?
I'M SORRY, WTF?!?!?! Shining, I need you to report abuse on your sociopath of a wife!
You know, I'm kinda surprised no one asked if this is Cadance or if it's like Crysalis in disguise, planning to take the empire over from the inside or something messed up like that. Everyone is so sure it's Cadance and she's nutterie than squirrel shit and a total sexual deviant and a monster.
I'm glad you all are enjoying it. It's just about over, but thank you all so much for following my story this far. You've all helped me to improve as a writer
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You have always warned us that this would be dark, so it would be natural that even the canon characters would be darker then they would be in the show.
I think people buy it because Cadance's rant is exactly how a vindictive girlfriend/wife would act in that scenario.
I like the story, but now I'm not sure. If it was a bad dream that will be cool
11768932
A part of me is expecting a huge PSYCHE in the last chapter, it was all a nightmare or a big long "What if" scenario that Shining and Cadence are speculating if they decide to try out the spell, but a bigger part of me is like "Nah this is real, no happy endings."
11768954
Oh well, can't always get what I want.
I guess that's the end of Shining Armor as we knew him. His memories will live in a copy of his and some other stallion ceases to exist when they are made to absorb the vial holding Shining's memories. I would consider this to be something like equivalent of murder?
Hah, I kinda would like to see Cadence getting caught and having to explain how on earth could she rationalize all of this? "Oh I just kept making things intentionally worse and then decide to get ponies raped and their personhoods deleted, but I was really jealous so it's ok"
Well since last chapter is serious this story is ruined for me.
can you do a sequel with cadance turning twilight and all of her friends into her bimbo sex slaves?
I think I want to leave this open ended as is. Leave it to others imaginations
11769275
Mind if I ask what you didn't like?
Sequel………….:::plz
I'll admit, while the last chapters went extremely dark, the rest feels... not quite dark, but more... sobering. It shows the consequences of rampant lust and uninhibited sexuality: poor decision-making, unintended attachment, unwanted pregnancy, even the struggles of an isolated pregnant woman. I would almost think that this story is trying to bash the Sexual Revolution, and all the consequences we see from it in this day and age. And, to be perfectly honest, I liked that! I liked that all these actions had consequences, and how Shining and Cadance both suffered because of their hubris.
But then the last chapters were so sadistic and spiteful. Which I suppose could be a nod to jealous/vindictive wives who were cheated on, except for one problem, and why I think Cadance was in the wrong: oxytocin. If you've taken any biology or psychology class where sex was a focus, you've heard about this chemical. I am by no means a biologist or psychologist, so I won't go into detail, but long story short: oxytocin is a chemical that allows us to create attachments and feel love. And seeing as it is released most prevalently during sex, you can't have sex with someone without forming some kind of connection or attachment. And as the Princess of Love, sex fiend that she is, Cadance should know this! And since Glimmer still had a female brain at the time of that one night stand, that attachment still hits hard! So no, I don't blame Shining for getting a spark with Turbulence, especially since Cadance talked her into doing a one night stand in the first place!
Could Glimmer have tried harder to maintain her love for Cadance? Probably, yes. But could Cadance have reacted with more maturity and actually talked to Glimmer about her concerns, rather than pull this elaborate and sadistic plot? Yes, definitely!
Imagine that this line alone started the whole thing, the very first entry Shining wrote down in the diary. Sheesh, she really snapped. For a princess of love she either was always a hedonistic psycho who was good at hiding it or she has really fragile ego. Or a bit of both.
Otherwise yeah it was an okay story. I usually try skip porn horror because it's not my thing. I read the fic to see what kind of r63Shining sex scenes were there and eventually read the whole thing. Mostly given it's nature I was just skimming through whenever I saw it in the "updated" section but this ending was interesting enough to read. While there were plenty of easily predictable things like Ritz, the diary twist was something I didn't suspect and was well done! But yeah, mostly between how Shining got stuck as Glimmer and the ending most of it was just the kind of boring misery porn. It's been a while since I read those chapters, but can't really remember anything enganging about them. Constant suffering without any contrasting highlights just makes it dull and stale.
Again, this is not a genre I usually like and yes the Dark tag is there for a reason, so take this with a grain of salt! I'm not the target audience but still found it a worthwhile read,
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yes a sequel but not as dark. I want Cadance exposed and punished for what she did to Shining Armour and what she plans to do to Twilight and her friends, and I want Twilight to win, I also want Celestia and Luna to realize how dangerous Cadance has gotten, end with her being stripped of her Alicorn magic and suffer the exact same brainwashing and memory extraction that she put Shining through and is planning to do to Twilight and her friends
11769371
A good chunk of people probably felt that the story did a shift from sexy horror to horrific sex, and have trouble dealing with it. Also Cadance being just a straight up psycho villain who wins right at the end when she probably didn't need to be. Her just being neglectful of Glimmer as Glimmer deals with the psychological issues of her situation was dark enough for people already. Also, the very end with Twilight felt out of place like the story changed to a chessy horror movie suddenly.
11769555
Totally get you, but personally enjoyed this as a dark story. And I'd probably want the Sequel to be just as dark. That said a Shining wakes up and it was all a dream what if chapter would be funny
11769565
I agree! I liked the more sobering darkness as opposed to the horror of the last chapters, and would have liked seeing Shining change back, let go of Turbulence willingly, and maybe reevaluate his relationship with Cadance after she neglected him for so long. As it stands, I think it may have gone too dark at the end than was strictly necessary. I still like this story, but I like it more for the natural consequences of the "fuck around and find out" mentality they both had.
11769568
I feel like the logical conclusion to this if cadence does go after the mane 6 is that the mane 6 replacments will be "off" and will make people suspect things which will lead to both cadence getting sloppy and maby loosing shinings memorys as well as discord getting involved to set things right and save fluttershy.
That or cadence is forced to come clean next time there is a threat where they need the mane 6 or shining and the replacements are not working
11771104
Maybe, or she could just totally get away with it
11771105
she could but the whole plan of replacing shining didnt seem to be the best put together and if she does go after the mane 6 there is even more things that could go wrong since she doesent know them as well as shining so any replacements she does of them could be worse then the one of shining
Kind of whatever to request a sequel or commission but it seems like that won't happen now