• Published 16th Sep 2018
  • 3,535 Views, 27 Comments

Calendar Chaos - Impossible Numbers



One teatime, Fluttershy asks Discord exactly what a draconequus considers a birthday. He proves to be less than cooperative.

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Birthdays, Schmirthdays

Fluttershy put down the marker pen and frowned at her calendar. “I just thought: When is your birthday, Discord?”

On the sofa, Discord stopped eating his saucer and stifled a chuckle. “Birthdays? Come now, Fluttershy. What makes you think the Master of Chaos wastes his time on birthdays?”

“Everyone started somewhere,” said Fluttershy, preparing her patience for the long talk ahead. He was in one of those moods again. “You mean you’ve never had one?”

“Ha. They’re a little tricky to arrange when you’re trapped in stone for centuries. You just cannot get the service.” He took another bite out of his saucer, then dipped it into his tea and crunched again.

“Well, now’s as good a time as any, Discord.” Fluttershy selected a cookie. This batch was of Discord’s own homemade variety, which was why the chocolate chips kept flashing rainbow colours and occasionally turning into little eggs.

“Is that so?”

“I just need to know when you were born.” She watched an egg hatch into a little chick, which immediately flew up and snuggled up against her neck.

“Me? Born? Ha! One does not simply give birth to a specimen of my calibre and beauty. Draconequus aren’t born, Fluttershy. At least, this one wasn’t.”

“OK,” said Fluttershy, pausing to chew her cookie and her patience – Tricky, when the cookie kept changing flavours in her mouth and hit her with a burst of spice. “Ow! How about we find out which day you were born? I’m sure we could work it out between us.”

Beside her, the little chick nodded in agreement.

“Huh,” said Discord, lazily reaching across and shooing the little chick out the window. “If you can find the universe where I was born, and tell me that time works the same way there as it does here, you’ll be further ahead than all of the research teams Celestia sent to study me.”

“She did?”

“Every day for a thousand years, while I was trapped in the royal’s own abysmal accommodation.” Discord smirked at her puzzled frown. “My statue. Do keep up. Anyway, they never discovered a thing. ‘Brightest and the best’, indeed.”

“Oh dear. I couldn’t imagine what that would be like.”

To her regret, she saw Discord’s smirk falter. “Why would you even try?”

“I’d like to know what it was like from your point-of-view.”

“It was miserable. Problem solved.” Moodily, he summoned a levitating cookie and, while it hovered in mid-air, dismantled it like an explosion diagram on a schematic. “Here, let’s see if I can rearrange this into a bouncy castle.”

She knew she’d done that to him. Discord was, at heart, a petulant child. But the sad realization had crept up on her mind: what would it be like if no one in Ponyville knew where she came from, what she liked, what she’d done with her life, what she’d been before they’d met, what special occasions made her so special… anything about her.

For a moment, she felt… not lonely, per se. There’d be other ponies around, some might take an interest, and some might even think that she was just misunderstood, if only they could find out the first thing about her besides her name and her appearance. Like Rarity had. Maybe.

“Well, so much for that attempt, right?” Discord lowered his scrambled schematics and paused for her giggles, but she didn’t look at him. “Right?”

No distractions. Fluttershy put down her cup and flapped over to the calendar. Perhaps she could coax it out of him, if he was merely resisting out of instinct. Her animals could be like that; they’d back into a corner and curl up and make angry noises at her, but if she was gentle and careful and persistent, they’d settle down and let her give them the medicine, or clean them, or whatever they needed.

“You don’t really remember, do you?” she said, putting as much weary sadness into her voice as she needed.

“Well, I’ve… always… been,” said Discord, and she heard the falter in his voice too. He recovered soon enough. “There’s nothing to remember. Look, primordial chaos just is. Births no more apply to me than deaths, old age, and bad taste. What’s next, you wanna know when I grew my first tooth?”

“That’s OK,” she said, ignoring the sarcasm. “I didn’t mean to push. I’m sorry. Still, I am a little curious. How far back do you remember?”

Discord waved a paw irritably. “Oh Fluttershy, just drop the subject. What’s done is done. Besides, I’ve seen your birthdays. It’s another excuse for Pinkie to throw a party. Like she needs one.”

“Oh no, birthdays are very special. They mark the most important day of your life: the day when everything began. Your good times, your dull times, your bad times, everything you’ve ever been or done…” She frowned, but then immediately dismissed the thought. “And we celebrate because… well, you survived another year. That’s a good th–”

“Survived another century, month, day, minute… Pfft. Come on. That could be any excuse for a party. Pinkie’s gotten to you, hasn’t she?”

There was no arguing with him when he was like this. In fact, Discord seemed to like arguing a bit more than he liked polite chatter. The chaos spirit in him, she guessed.

Sadly, she sat back down. “I just thought it would be nice.”

“Hmm.” Discord chewed the china for a while.

Miserably, Fluttershy sipped her tea. She wondered if she’d somehow offended him. True, there were times when Discord really hated her attempts to “normalize” him, like he thought being a pony was a huge step down. And in a way, she liked that about him. Every few seconds, he couldn’t resist turning the table into cheese or creating sewing machines out of nothing. It was like waking up again and again from what she’d realized was a slow, drifting sleep.

Not that she had anything against a slow, drifting sleep. Relaxation was a precious thing. But it wasn’t the only precious thing.

“You think my birth was special?” he said suddenly.

“You wouldn’t be here without it, yes.” Fluttershy didn’t need to think. The answer was ready-made.

“You do know my… For the sake of argument, let’s call it a ‘start’. And I’m not saying I had one. You do know that ‘start’ was hardly a good thing, right? Before we met, I was no Princess of Friendship.”

Blunt honesty prodded her to prod him. “You were a monster once, yes.”

“Yes. That.” Discord sighed. “Ah, fun times.”

“But you’ve grown up since.”

“That’s one view. And since you know what I was like, you really want to celebrate the beginning of… that?” said Discord, eyebrow raised. “I mean, I know I would. Have. Uh, once upon a time. But you?

Fluttershy tried nodding and shaking her head simultaneously. It was not an elegant head movement.

“Yes and no…” She shrugged helplessly. “Not you being evil, but you existing.”

“Hardly worth the bother.” Discord took a bite out of the kettle and swallowed without chewing. Ink seeped out of the sofa he was sitting on.

Awkward sipping ensued. Fluttershy didn’t dare say anything. To think she’d walked into that one…

Another thoughtful hum. Discord examined the tray and its teapot. He’d brought his own wares this time, and the teapot had little Discords running along its china surface. Even the tray was red hot and aglow.

She had to celebrate something. No matter how badly he’d started, she had to share with him what all her other friends shared with her. Birthdays at home had been miserable affairs; just two parents who’d been too poor to get her anything and too weak to admit it. A brother who’d spent more time chasing fillies than caring what she wanted. And the first time she had a best friend, or any friend at all, Rainbow Dash had always, always, always been hopeless enough to forget her birthday and apologize the next day. By the time Fluttershy received her first decent present, it had been a token to the Ponyville Spa from Rarity, and by then Fluttershy was well into adulthood.

On the other hoof, her other friends were ponies, or animals, or other sapient beings. Discord defied simple classification, often loudly and enthusiastically.

She said nothing. Discord clearly didn’t want her to know his past, so she wouldn’t impose hers on him. It would look like she was trying to manipulate him. He still had strange ideas about give-and-take, after all. This was best handled quietly.

So they sat in silence, occasionally sipping or chewing. Sometimes, Discord magicked a jukebox in the corner, but the jazz just fizzled out of existence when she ignored it.

“All right.” Discord downed the last of his tea set. “How about a rebirthday, then? I can remember that day clearly.”

“A rebirthday?” Fluttershy’s ears rose.

“The day we became best friends, obviously. When Discord was reborn into your – world’s greatest and most handsome – B.F.F.!” To her delight, he chuckled. “Do keep up, Fluttershy!”

“A rebirthday.” Fluttershy giggled into her hoof. “Yes, I suppose we could do that. I remember that day clearly too.”

“We could flood the Apple farm to mark the occasion.” He snapped his talons, turned the sofa into a pile of hankies, and selected one to dab at his mouth. Catching her eye, he added, “Obviously, I’d change it back afterwards. Yeesh.”

“How about balloons?”

Discord rolled his eyes and conjured ten more eyes to roll on top. “Yes.”

“And cakes?”

Yes.

“Oh, and those little games you like to play? Pin-the-extraneous-appendage-on-the-Discord? Smooze-bobbing? Self-piñata?”

Yes!” The ten eyes popped like bubbles.

“Oh, sorry. I got carried away. I guess we’ll think of some ideas nearer the time. Ooh, this is so good! I’ll put it on the calendar right away.”

In fact, as her wings flapped to lift her off her seat, she chewed over the idea more and more. Perhaps Pinkie was getting to her. She kept thinking of other things they could celebrate. But then, Discord had at least a thousand years’ worth of parties to catch up on, and not all of them had to be big bashes. Perhaps most of them could be just her and him and a few of their nearest and dearest friends. Nothing too stressful… uh, for him at least.

Another way of looking at it, of course, was as a rebirthday for more than one. After all, even Rainbow Dash and her exciting rush of speed and strength had never fully introduced her to the delights of a little weird chaos now and again. Privately, she wondered if she should encourage him into thinking of the rebirthday as a shared occasion…

…but no. That’d be imposing. Let him have his special day, she reasoned. At least a thousand years’ worth of catching up to do, after all. This was about him, first and foremost.

“Splendid,” said Discord. “Will Pinkie Pie be coming over with the birthday – I mean, ‘rebirthday’ things?”

“As much as I can get.” Fluttershy giggled before she flew over and marked the calendar with her pen.

After that, she paused to count down. Three… two… one…

“Promise?” said Discord.

Fluttershy hid her own small smirk from him. “I promise.”

Comments ( 27 )

D'awww. That is sweet! I like it!:twilightsmile:

:heart: This was a wonderful story

“All right.” Discord downed the last of his tea set. “How about a rebirthday, then? I can remember that day clearly.”

:yay:

Cute story. :yay: I was kind of expecting them to just get out a spinner with the days of the year on it, spin it, and celebrate that day as his birthday. Then after that, they could spin it again for next year.

Imagine someone giving birth to Discord...

Now imagine him being unbirthed and then rebirthed...

Enjoy the nightmares for the next month. :pinkiecrazy:

9174734
Well that is a singularly delightful bit of nonsense.

9175232
And that's why it didn't happen.

She had to celebrate something. No matter how badly he’d started, she had to share with him what all her other friends shared with her. Birthdays at home had been miserable affairs; just two parents who’d been too poor to get her anything and too weak to admit it. A brother who’d spent more time chasing fillies than caring what she wanted. And the first time she had a best friend, or any friend at all, Rainbow Dash had always, always, always been hopeless enough to forget her birthday and apologize the next day. By the time Fluttershy received her first decent present, it had been a token to the Ponyville Spa from Rarity, and by then Fluttershy was well into adulthood.

That's...
That's actually really sad.

"How far back? Well, I remember when I was ousted from the Continuum for constantly harassing a starship captain and his crew..." :pinkiecrazy::pinkiesmile:

Huh. Genuinely didn't see this feature coming. The world is just full of surprises, ain't it?

9174734

Little known fact: The Mad Hatter and the March Hare are Discord's drinking buddies. Also famous for the anti-birthday (requires an anti-matter universe and loads of anti-tea), the hyper-birthday (you celebrate only the second you were born, no more, no less), and, (when they want to get philosophical), the meta-birthday. I'll leave that last one to your imagination.

9175232
9175891

That was Option Number 2: Random Birthday Bash.

Although in all seriousness, picking birthdays at random would actually be an interesting idea for someone as odd as Discord. It would certainly appeal to his love of the unpredictable. And think of all the ways he could torment Twilight with it...

9175601

Wonder who the midwife was? Nanny Ogg? After all, she delivered Time's son twice - the same son, mind - in Thief of Time. Besides, I generally assume DIscord's relationship with biology is about the same as his relationship with sitting still and not doing magic.

9175709

I know, man. The nostalgia was delightful. I really need to see Alice in Wonderland again. It's so unlike the other Disney films; closest comparison I can think of is Fantasia, which needless to say isn't very close at all, but that's how special it is.

9175948

Agreed. I generally hold a pessimistic view of early Fluttershy's life, though I do wonder if I pushed it a bit with this passage (I don't want it to be Dickensian-level bad, or anything). That said, I don't think anything there is wildly out of character for, say, Zephyr Breeze or Rainbow Dash...

9176717

"There was also the time I was an Air Traffic Controller, and had a daughter on drugs, and... Eeee on second thoughts, let's skip over that particular past life. It's not really age-appropriate for this universe anyway." :twilightoops:

9174548
9174557
9174701
9176453

Thank you all for the lovely comments. They were a pleasure to read! And I'm happy to see so many people enjoying the fic. Thanks again! :scootangel:

9178477
Yes, but remember. Discord is unpredictable. People would expect him to be random about it, so why not be normal and throw everyone out of whack.

Pinkie’s gotten to you, hasn’t she?

"Honestly, aren't I enough for you? You have to go to other chaos entities on the side? What, did you invite Nurgle to our next tea party? Is Sheogorath bringing the absence-of-cheese?"

Silliness aside, this was a lovely little slice of life, showing just why these two get along so well. Not my usual take on Fluttershy's childhood—if nothing else, I'd think gardening would be a very expensive hobby in a cloud city—but still a delightful read. Thank you for it.

9183162

Truth be told, I'm undecided when it comes to how rich or poor Fluttershy's family is. On the one hand, make her too poor and it all gets a bit Dickensian. They need enough money to have a decent-sized house with furniture like that, so "no birthday gifts" is an exaggeration.

On the other hand, I can imagine Fluttershy's parents just not being assertive enough in the job market. I think "Mr. Shy" worked at a cloud factory for years, which to me seems like a pretty unremarkable, even low-skill job for a pegasus.

Plus, it's ambiguous to what extent things like gardening on clouds would be considered "low economic status", at least for a pegasus family. That's especially when weather-making doesn't have an obvious real-world industry for comparison.

In any case, I am at least glad you enjoyed the fic so much. :scootangel:

Good to see you marauding into the Feature Box with this, Numbers. It merited it as well. A well-done wee Slice-of-Life, with good introspection and characterisation for Fluttershy, and entirely fitting madcapness for Discord. Nicely done. :twilightsmile:

9185168

It genuinely caught me by surprise. I was expecting it to get the usual two days of moderate, respectable attention and then go to sleep. Getting featured for several days usually happens to other people. :applejackunsure:

Still, good luck is what it is. Glad you enjoyed it too. :scootangel:

Nice story about Fluttershy and Discord.

Comment posted by Misguided brony deleted Nov 2nd, 2018

And now I finally read this and made good on my promise. And I'm..... satisfied. I think that's the accurate way to describe my feelings right now. Satisfied. But not just satisfied, deeply satisfied. The kind of feeling you have after a long and successful day, when you just want to go to bed and carry that good feeling into your sleep. That kind of satisfaction is what I feel now after reading this.
So far, I had only read one of your stories, "Why the Gift is Given", but now that I read another, I can see something that I couldn't see before.....
I am amazed by it how you manage to delve into the mind of ponies/creatures you write about like that. This is something I've never seen with any other pony author here. Not even with great ones like ocalhoun. There are lots of great pony authors here on FIMFiction.net who are able to write them all in-character, but you're doing more than just that. You manage to write about them in a way that makes it feel like you're sitting in their heads. I've never felt so close to Fluttershy and Discord before. Not even when watching the show.
This is something only you can do. Your style, what makes you truly unique and what makes your stories outstanding. Only my respect for other great authors here on FIMFiction.net prevents me from actually saying that, but I am feeling the urge to call you "the best author on FIMFiction" now. The favourite I've just given this story feels more right than any favourite I've ever given on here.
You are not just a great pony author, you are a special pony author. Keep going!

9385673

Gosh, I'm blushing like mad here. It's so gratifying that you liked this one so much. But honestly, I've always been interested in getting into the thoughts and feelings of other people, real or fictional. Psychology is a rich subject, and I believe one of the main purposes of writing is to explore it to the full. While telling a good story, of course. :twilightblush:

Oh, I don't know about being "best" or even one of the greats - on this site, remember that's some formidable competition - and there's a ton of stuff I still need to learn and/or test myself against. But thank you for saying that, all the same. It's just delightful to see someone express so much enthusiasm. :twilightsmile:

9385686

Formidable competition, indeed. But you carved out a spot for yourself here and you are just as formidable of a competition to other authors here like they are to you. Maybe the views of your stories don't always make you feel like that or they make you underestimate the worth of your writing, but remember, views are not the "end all" to determine the quality of a story. Readers have a variety of very subjective reasons for deciding whether to check out a story or to pass up on it.
Much more reliable are actual comments you get. Someone who writes a comment really cares for a story and often, these comments are a much better indicator for how good a story is. "Quality over Quantity", that does not just go for stories, that also goes for the reactions a particular story gets. It's the comments where you can see how much a story moved its readers and if a story moves them a lot, then you have succeeded. And from what I could see, your stories get these kinds of comments very frequently.
You are truly and definitely part of the high ranks here on FIMFiction.net. :twilightsmile: I am excited for your next story and I can't wait for when I'm able to read another story by you. :heart:

An engaging little read. One wonders exactly what hi-jinks would ensue at a Discord birthday — or a rebirthday — party with the mane 6, Spike, and possibly others. Thank you for sharing. :twilightsmile:

9736899

He'd probably paint the town blue-checkered (not red), then make half of it float upside-down with pies. He's sort of like a mobile wonderland, only he makes less sense.

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for commenting. :twilightsmile:

Fortunately you saw my review at the time, but this is another for the "horribly late favourite" pile. As it's so short, I re-read it and I have pretty much the same feeling now as I did then. A very good read.

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