License to Boop

by Dreams of Ponies

Boop?

“W-what are you saying, Twilight?”

Twilight shook her head for the forty-second time that hour. Placing her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders, she settled her down into the library cushion.

“Pinkie… You can’t boop ponies anymore. You’ll need to apply for a Class C license in Canterlot, and even still…” Twilight tapped the table, and Pinkie’s gaze followed her hoof as it was raised just in front of her. “You’ll need to ask permission before you initiate contact.”

Twilight’s hoof was mere inches from Pinkie’s snoot, and Pinkie squirmed in her chair, trying to press closer to Twilight’s booping apparatus.

“But--” She had almost connected her snoot when Twilight pulled away, and Pinkie burst into tears. “But I need this, Twilight!” She bolted upright, the cushion flying off and smacking a nearby Spike; he had just entered the library, carrying a tray of lemonade and a box of tissues.

Pinkie caught the box of tissues on her rump. “Booping a pony is like…” She blew her nose, screwing up her eyes before answering. “Like the suuuuper large cherry atop a sundae. Or-or--”
She jumped into Twilight’s face, snoot scrunched against snoot. “Like the first time you touch a mint edition copy of Canterlot Tax Code!”

Twilight flinched back, doubt flickering in her eyes. “You really feel that way, Pinkie?” Pink hooves thrust out to shake Twilight, Pinkie’s watery eyes stabbing Twilight’s heart with a thousand needles.

“Yes!” Pinkie screamed before extracting a crinkled paper from her mane. She thrust it into Twilight’s face. “See! See! I have a doctor’s note!”

Twilight peeled the note from her face before scrutinizing the paper. “Pinkie…” Twilight looked her friend over, Pinkie’s mane deflating like a half-done souffle. “This is your hoof writing…” She turned the note to show it to Pinkie Pie. “And it’s in crayon!”

Pinkie screwed up her face as a whirlwind of emotion surged through her. Finally, she slumped, tears trickling down her muzzle. Twilight approached, turning so that they were side by side, and reached her hoof around Pinkie.

“I’m sorry, Pinkie… If you want, you can still boop me, okay?”

Pinkie sniffled, wiping a tear away with a hoof. “Do you really mean that?”

Twilight looked back and forth, the only other being present was a passed-out Spike, covered in lemonade.

“Just not in public, Pinkie. The law is the law, and I’m a princess.”

They exchanged a firm hug before Pinkie let out a groan.

“It’s a stupid law.” Twilight squirmed at the blasphemous words. “I mean, jeez, who doesn’t like a good booping?” Pinkie reached forward and booped the sparkly snoot. “Boop!”

Pinkie giggled as Twilight smiled.

“Sometimes a pony just needs their space, Pinkie. Remember what happened with Fluttershy?”

“Yeah… but still…” Pinkie struggled against a frown. “They’re ruining the fun for everypony else.”

“Tell you what: first thing tomorrow, we’ll go apply for your booping license.”

Twilight was assaulted by the scent of cotton candy as her muzzle was buried in Pinkie’s mane.

---

“She’d never been more bored in her life!”

Twilight trotted beside Rarity as they wandered through the Ponyville market.

“Honestly, Twilight, five-hundred pages? I’ve never seen Pinkie sit still and read anything longer than a pie recipe.” Rarity flicked her mane, and the stallpony that stood next pushed forward a small bag of lovely grape tomatoes. Levitating one into her mouth, she smiled appreciatively, and the poor stallion nearly fainted.

“You’ve got to try one, Twilight. They do wonders for your complexion.”

Twilight shrugged, plucking one for herself as they headed out of the market. “Mmm, you know, I might need to pick some up for dinner tonight. Spike’s been sour all day.”

“Oh, the poor dear.” Rarity’s voice seemed to trail off. “Was the lemonade that… Oh my…”

The line to Sugarcube Corner was enormous. The trail of pastel ponies practically spanned half of Ponyville as Rarity and Twilight tried to glimpse the insides. The new addition of a sign above the front door made them both roll their eyes.

“Free boops with the purchase of a pastry.” Twilight narrowed her eyes, and then read the fine print. “No actual purchase necessary.”
“Really, Twilight. She doesn’t know when to quit.” Rarity dawned a knowing smile.

Twilight snorted. “You should have seen her at the Canterlot Center of Certifications. The ponies there acted like she was some abomination from the Everfree Forest.”

“Honestly, sometimes I wonder…”

Pinkie chose that moment to pop her head out for above the crowd, her hooves somehow magnetized to the ceiling. “Hi, Twilight! Hi, Rarity! Here for some boo-- I mean cupcakes!”

“I’ll take a cupcake, hold the boop.” Twilight smiled as Pinkie pulled out a notepad and food-coloring pen. “I had enough earlier. “

“Rightio!” Then she turned, spawning a mustache and suave hat from the ether. “And for M’lady?”

Rarity couldn’t hold back a snort. “I’ll have a boop, hold the cupcake.” Then she stopped, and a sly grin crossed her face. “You always know just how I like it, Pinkie.”

Within moments, Pinkie had extracted herself from the long line and stood before her friends with a huge smile. Her nose looked a little raw and she couldn’t seem to stop giggling.

“Looks like you’ve been getting a little action too, Pinkie.” Rarity’s cheeks tinted just a touch.

“Yeah, it’s an option for anypony that’d rather give a boop then get a boop.” Pinkie’s eyes swirled around as she spoke. “It was pretty much all colts and stallions, though. Go figure!”

“I wonder why…” Twilight said through a mouth full of cupcake.

“Why what?” Pinkie questioned, but Twilight just shook her head.

“Alright, it’s my turn, Pinkie.” Rarity turned and presented her snout. “A lady must not be kept waiting after all.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened as she bowed deeply. “Forgive my tardiness, your Rarityness. I shall punish myself later with the boop of a thousand hooves.”

All three mares burst into giggles as Pinkie moved forward and pressed her hoof against Rarity’s snoot. “Boop!”

“Cease and desist!”

The voice somehow carried a certain firmness, even without being overly loud or emotive.

Pinkie turned and faced Mud Briar, who was now approaching the confectionary with a look of perfect neutrality.

“You are in violation of the no-booping ordinance. You will present your papers or I will contact the authorities.”

Pinkie scrapped her hoof against the ground in defiance. Twilight held out a hoof in front of her.

“I am the authority here, Mud Briar.”

He didn’t even blink… ever. “Then I will be filing a proper report at dawn tomorrow. I expect you to--”

“There’s no need, Mud Briar. Pinkie already has all the proper paperwork.” Twilight gave an approving nod to Pinkie, who beamed back before glaring daggers at Mud Briar. “I was there when they signed the papers.”

He seemed to consider this. “After all the lobbying I did in Canterlot for this needed provision…” He sagged. “I see. I will still file the report as I have stated, but I will need to rethink my strategy.”

“Wait!” Pinkie nearled pronked atop him. “This was your idea!? What did boops every do to you?”

Mud Briar carefully slid Pinkie away from him. “You don’t want to know.”

Steam escaped Pinkie’s ears as she stomped towards him. “Next you’ll tell me that Maud doesn’t like boops either.”

There was a pause. “I did this for her, Pinkie. She never had the heart to tell you.”

“What!”

And then the party pony exploded.

Author's Note:

Just some silly idea I had at three in the morning. Didn't have an editor for this one, so lemme know if I missed anything. My normal editor, the lovely Level Dasher is currently in the hospital. You should all go show him some love

Hopefully more stuffs coming soon. Ugh, it's so dang hot out!

Comments

[FamousLastWords]

At first, I thought this said 'License to Poop' and I was like "ahh shit, the fandom is up to its old ways again", but then I took a moment to read like a civilized human being and realized there was cuteness instead.

[Dreams of Ponies]

9136407
Well, I'm grateful that you were mistaken. I know my stories can be... kinda crappy sometimes, but I'd like to think I'm above toilet humor

[Flisky]

Dang that Mud Briar! He's a real stick in the boop.

[JackRipper]

Why is Toast's name "Burnt Juice"?

[Bluekus]

I can’t physically read something if it doesn’t involve soarin’s 9 Ft cock

[Titanicgaming360]

9136591
I did not need to read that today.
Or ever.
Why the fuck did you have to write this?
although I somewhat agree
somewhat

[Grif_Bladefeather]

pretty sure if mud brair did this, maud would murder him, or geld him, likely both.

[FullMoon]

imagines Pinkie Pie spontaneously bursting into a cloud of cotton candy and confetti at the end

Hm... Seems fitting enough

[Graglithan The Greater]

9136492
There is a truly sweet reason behind it, I'm sure.

[RebelNarrator45]

Reading stories at five in the morning, finally came across this and thought,"Seriously??"......

Yes......seriously HILARIOUS!!! Poor Pinkie

Completely did not see that ending coming. Wonderfully written. Good job. I now hate Mud Briar with a vengeance and would dearly love to knock Maud on the head......

[Dreams of Ponies]

9137617
I'm glad you enjoyed it. This story kinda just came out of nowhere for me, and I had to get it out. I love Pinkie antics, especially when she's paired with book princess

[RebelNarrator45]

Pinkie is, by far, my favourite pony. Followed very closely by Rainbow Dash, then Fluttershy, then......well......the others. But Pinkie is definitely my top fave. Her antics always leave me crying from laughing so hard.......she is so random and silly.

Team Pinkie Pie, YAY!!!

[ShadyLuna]

Oh noes.... I needs the boops you can't take those away from me.... :(

[KamikazeKawaii]

What if just saying boop was illegal? Mr Krabs would have a death sentence.

[KamikazeKawaii]

9136407
9136415

kinda crappy

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Andy Ray]

You can’t boop ponies anymore. You’ll need to apply for a Class C license in Canterlot, and even still…

That's not called "you can't". Rather: "you mayn't" . I imagine somepony saying to Pinkie: "You can't...", -- and she answers them in Jevil's voice: "I CAN DO ANYTHING!" Then, as Jevil's theme is playing, Pinkie goes and does everything... literally, even the impossible. Especially the impossible ...

[Andy Ray]

Like the suuuuper large cherry atop a sunday.

Didn't you mean "sundae?

[Andy Ray]

Where the heck did Mud Briar come from ?? Did he know Maud somehow ?

[Andy Ray]

I expected much more cuteness... Still it was funny!

[Andy Ray]

9136941
"Sweet" reason, you say?.. It sure does ring a belle for me ! ["rimshot"].

[Dreams of Ponies]

9642971
"Holy comment spam, Batman!"

[Andy Ray]

9643027
There only were five of them! (?)

[Andy Ray]

9643027
There only were five of them! (?)

[Enzolay]

When I read the last 3 lines...OH SWEET CELESTIA THIS IS PERFECT!