• Member Since 16th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen February 28th

Foxgear


I'm just a guy who enjoys writing stories and making art, please enjoy my work.

T

Zecora has lived in isolation for the longest time. It was a life she enjoys, but one day, disaster strikes her home and she must come to face the fact she can no longer stay in the Everfree forest. So, she decides it’s time to move into town. To put it simply, she buys a house.

But she also wants something else in this changed new life, perhaps a good neighbor too.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

I do not like this

9045572
Care to elaborate on what it is about this story that you are not fond of?

9045714
I’m not fond of the pacing

You have a ways to go in learning your writing, for your tenses are off, for one thing. Also, your characters don't sound like themselves. I had a very hard time believing this was Zecora, for you didn't have her rhyme. The story is an interesting concept, but it fell flat.

9046766
Are there too many mix up between past and presents tense? I was experimenting with trying to a present tense story but looking through it again, it looks like I screwed up.

As for the rythming, I'm pretty bad at it, which is why I didn't do it. probably should have at least tried though. I don't write zecora often to really have her speech pattern down.

Over all, I'll admit this is pretty C rank work on my part. Probably should have taken more then three days to work on it, but I didn't want to take too long of a break from my main stories.

Thanks for reading and commenting, I always appeciated people who take the time to write constructive critism.

9046630
That's understandable, thanks for commenting.

"she must come to face the fact she can no longer stay in the Everfree forest"

Well, just have your house rebuilt, and paw-zoop! You can stay in the forest.

Login or register to comment