Starlight Glimmer is mastering the power of transformation and has been taking studies with twilight. However, during her stay, she also set up a date with modeling dresses for Rarity and is now in a predicament of needing to be in two places at once. But that doesn't stop her from coming up with an interesting solution by transforming Sunburst into a copy of herself. But without realizing the modeling job was a bit more then what Sunburst anticipated...
The cover art artist and source: Skitter
Note: there is Boob inflation and sexual innuendo throughout. But this isn't clop.
Chapters (1)
9040031
Well the bikini stuff
A rather silly mistake early in (bolded should be Rarity, as it is in the story's inspiration):
Then there's this:
Touching a slit might actually be mature territory, and caught me rather off guard. More importantly, it's "realizing", not "releasing" and I'm pretty sure it should be "stallionhood" as one word, since otherwise, it could literally mean a hood for a stallion. The pronoun usage is also inconsistent.
There's a bunch of underlining near the end that I think is also a mistake, along with at least one forgotten spacing between words ("Starlightfollowed").
As to the story's overall feel, I found it to drag (no pun intended) on a bit for its premise. Good joke, bad delivery, pretty much.
9040118
Well I fixed the mistakes but thanks for the honest opinion. I made this more for a quick fun little idea and really wasn't expecting much.
9040134
Well, it certainly wasn't a boring read. Also, you introduced another missing space fixing that bit of dialog.
Hmmm... I wonder if Sunburst would accept another photo shoot? Sh.. he clearly has talent for modeling.
9040281
If people want a sequel i might make one more.
Just the cover hooked me into wanting to read this story!
Aaaand this is where I stop.
Grammar:
Every time you start any sentence, capitalize.
Every time you start a dialogue, capitalize.
The latter of the two are where you have the most trouble. Let me show you.
It, in fact, should be
It would be cool to see a sequel to this as it was enjoyable
9040441
Thanks for explaining that
Starlight groaned knowing Starlight would kill him
It's either a very interesting intentional slip or author confused himself out. For hilarity's sake , I'd changed it to "false Starlight" and "real Starlight".
9041193
I fixed the mistake.
9040288
A sequel would be awesome!
Loved the story by the way.
9042463
No its a not a diaper...or is it...
Something just doesn't feel good about the flow of this. The premise is promising, but the lack of punctuation and polish just makes me regrettably have to pass.
In the small description:
accidentally
Twilight
Luckily
In the large description
Twilight
than
Pretty funny, but needs proofreading.
damn we need Photo Finish and Discord to meet eachother, the resulting chaos would be fucking magnificent