• Member Since 11th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 19th, 2020


Just a nice, polite Canadian.


After a newspaper article declares Sunburst "The Crystal Empire's Sexiest Eligible Bachelor", the shell-shocked wizard is now left with one very important question:


Hopefully Princess Cadence and Rarity can help him understand just that.

Artwork by Cayfie.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 60 )

Casually sliding a half-finished document loaded with heart symbols inside a desk drawer, Cadence replied, “The identity of Mrs. Lonely Hooves remains a mystery to us all. But what does not remain a mystery is the entire point of this piece.”


I’m sorry, but who doesn't want to pull on his beard to bring his face in for a kiss?

11/10 why aren't you a millionaire yet with such comedy?

Even before I can read this, you have all of my yes's.

Damn rhetorical questions.

On Sunburst... Really, given you're a male Twilight in a lot of respects this was bound to happen.

The answer may shock you.

Okay, I needed to get that out of my system. Actually going to read it...now!

Edit: Well....that was a rather elaborate plan for Sunburst x Starlight.


The comedy in this feels too forced to get a laugh out of me if I’m being honest.

By this logic, I'd have women throwing themselves at me constantly. I call BS.

Huh, Sunburst is taking this news very well. Much better than I would... *Dream Harp Sequence Here*

"I'm turning myself in Mister Police Pony!"

"Whatever for oh Sexiest Eligible Bachelor?"

"I have a sudden and drastic need to moiderize whatever pony called me the Sexiest Eligible Bachelor!"

"Even me?!"


Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, much better... Congrats Sunburst!

Similar feelings here, you summed it up nicely. For me at least, if it wasn't for the whole Cadence-shoehorning-thing it would have had a much different/better feel. That sort of thing fell flat for me, and a few of the jokes were a tad repetitive. Overall I thought was a decent piece though.

Sunlight's S.E.B over Spike?!???!???

Hahaha'awwww. This was funny. Well done.

Cadence groaned. “We may or may not have a secret changeling problem right now.”

So the Crystal Empire decided it likes its changelings...to be honest, I kinda saw that coming. :rainbowlaugh:

To be honest, I can relate with Sunburst here a little TOO well...were this to ever happen to me, my reaction to it would probably be exactly the same as his. :twilightoops::twilightsheepish:

Come on, Sunburst. Capes have always been sexy for those with the ability to pull off the image. The problem is there aren't a lot of people or ponies capable of pulling it off. Fortunately, you happen to be one of them.

Heh, well, Cadance is fulfilling her roe as the love princess, afterall...

Heh, if only.

For a moment I thought that it all was a setup by Sunburst's mother in order to get him a date. :rainbowlaugh:

I can see that happening.

Shy and flustered Sunburst is super cute.

Me in his situation: *Runs for the rooftop* "WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!!! *Jumps off in an attempt to fly and/or escape this insanity as I am a hideous being, and this is pure torment for me*

Hm... Seems a bit picky to say, but

“That maybe the article’s right? And that you are, indeed, a someone sexy stallion?”

Would somepony be better word?
Or "something of a sexy stallion?"

There's so many cliche twists and coincidences in this plan I would not be surprised if it turns out Sunburst turns out to not be into Glimmer at all.


He's too good for Starlight. Introduce him to Moondancer!

Come to think of it, this entire story would work just as well if it were about her in place of Sunburst. And Sunburst in place of Starlight.

"Great and Powerful Trixie will have you know that capes have always been sexy!" :trixieshiftleft:

But yes, it's nice to see Cadence and Rarity conniving together to bring love and happiness to silly ponies doing nothing suspicious at all. :duck:

Headcanon: Sunburst is deeply aromantic asexual, but has no idea.

“Why in Equestria is Thorax on here? Twice?”

Cadence explained casually, “One’s from his original black version and the other’s from his newer version.”

Good story! We need more Sunburst!

I'm glad this story came out on my birthday!

This was funny and it was clearly the intent to pair up Sunburst with Starlight which is something I totally approve of.

"What’s wrong with a more sensitive pony? One with real thoughts and feelings and emotions and troubles? And, say, one day that particular stallion is feeling more down than usual? What mare wouldn’t want to just wrap themselves around that particular pony and make all their troubles go away—just hold them and hold them until they melt like warm butter!”

Dang it gal, why ain't you real???😭

And here I thought he was winning it by default, being the only bachelor in the Empire.

Rising from her desk chair, Cadence said bluntly, “I’ve got meetings coming up, so we need to settle this quickly. There was an article printed this morning stating that Sunburst is sexy. He disagrees. Thoughts?”

“Many,” Rarity said, grabbing the newspaper out of Sunburst’s aura to investigate.

Idk why but that exchange cracks me up :rainbowlaugh: Overall, great story with good characters; Cadence and Rarity seemed a little flat at times but with the knowledge that they were playing roles, it makes sense, and Sunburst himself was spot-on. It was a little bit dialogue-heavy, but I don't think that's a bad thing here, it makes the conversation rapid-fire and shows how confused poor Sunburst is. Great work :)

I am a straight male, but one of my first thoughts when I saw Sunburst (other than OMG, is that Starswirl?!) was that "he kinda looks handsome."

You owe me for that, Starlight.

Oh no......

That magazine poll might’ve been real,

THANK GOODNESS! I was super worried after all that investment that this would have all been a lie. XD

Yay Sunburst, you go man.

Also, we need more sneaky political figures conspiring to make people happy :P

I smiled a bunch, but I didn't really laugh. Good story in any case.

And that you are, indeed, a someone sexy stallion?”

somewhat (???)

A trule adorable fic.

Good for you Sunburst.

I like Sunburst. Wish he was seen more

I love Cadance and her shipping schemes.

Cadence chuckled richly. “Take that as a good thing, Sunburst. If your mother actually called you sexy, then this conversation would be headed in a very different direction.

Yes, but it would be a hot Shakesperickles story though.

This plays when Sunburst walks into the room.

How cute :3

I do appreciate how the very first word of the story could be seen as a response to both the title and the chapter title.

Rarity playfully rubbed at his head. “Aww! Look at the smart pony with the big, juicy brain.”

Uh, Rarity? Is there anything you'd like to tell us? Possibly involving why you recommended that barbeque sauce-based conditioner to Twilight?

In any case, a most entertaining exchange. Thank you for it.

9346142 I actually have done a zombie comedy. Twilight Sparkle refuses to stay dead and only wants to eat brains to learn more. I liked that one.

Random thought aside, thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

9345060 The moment I wrote that paragraph, I had a feeling someone would mention that guy. :facehoof:

9344318 Corrected! Thanks.

9342867 That could totally be turned into a whole other story. Sunburst versus the remaining 8,000 single mares in the Empire.

9342454 Happy belated birthday! :yay:

9342179 King Sombra wears a cape, so obviously capes are cool. Whoops. I meant "kewl".

9341729 I only copy from the worst! I'd honestly consider it a spinoff type thing. Same theme, but with a different character.

9341170 I will accept these yes's and place them in a jar to put on my shelf. Right next to my potato sack of dislikes.

9341168 Because Jimmy Fallon won't return my calls.

Cadence explained casually, “One’s from his original black version and the other’s from his newer version.”

I won't apologise for laughing at this

pinkie will have a fit on not doing the wedding.

I see the Crystal Empire's solution to making bits in the modern world here was to go into transportation.

Cause there cannot be more shipping than here.

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