- Member Since 21st Dec, 2017
- offline last seen April 4th
TheMysteryMuffin
she/her. Doing better. I love my friends :3
TheMysteryMuffin
Joined 21st Dec, 2017 ·
Offline
Sequels1
-
TheMysteryMuffin · 22k words · 48 2 · 1.7k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheInfamousFly · 42k words · 18 2 · 191 views
- The saiyan brony · 26k words · 91 11 · 1.5k views
- RandomChance · 11k words · 489 41 · 9.4k views
- Muggonny · 70k words · 147 8 · 2k views
- I-A-M · 107k words · 451 29 · 8.4k views
- Magpiepony · 14k words · 95 8 · 3.3k views
- DanishDash · 7.2k words · 92 7 · 2.3k views
Featured In41
The Writers' Group56,394 stories ·9,291 members
Looking for Editors3,384 stories ·5,415 members
UK Bronies1,719 stories ·706 members
Art for Fanfiction212 stories ·5,168 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,009 members
Christian Bronies235 stories ·982 members
Brony Horror1,378 stories ·1,110 members
Authors Helping Authors8,593 stories ·2,462 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.096 seconds
Total duration
952 users online
208,338 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Unless Cadance is much older and also immortal, those two bits contradict each other. And even then, at least Cadance would know why so much time and resources were used to build a bridge to pretty much nowhere.
And of course no one bothered to ask Cadance a few questions.
It should be, "She will, I'm sure, be doing many great things."
Generally, it's not a bad one and I wonder what's the mystery behind the bridge. This chapter is kinda exposition-heavy, especially the part with Spike and Twilight, where she's occasionally telling him things he either knows or at least should know for the readers' convenience (sometimes not necessarily – for example, with the amount of papers on her desk and the fact that she's working on it well past midnight, I can deduce that she's overworked, even without her explicitly stating that).
8830107
Thanks for letting me know about the issues you've raised. I have changed the story into an Alternative Universe now, so any continary errors will be from that cause.
I love the story so far! What keeps me from enjoying it fully (or more) is how British English is different from American English! For example, you tend to say 'mummy' since you were taught in Britain. Across the pond in the United States we say 'mommy'. The same is for 'centre' (Brit), and 'center' (Yank.) And so much more!
Funny how we speak the same language, yet execute it differently.🇬🇧🇺🇸
Then again, America was filled with uneducated farmboys back then.
8840880
Don't worry. I don't discriminate your language to our language back in the UK. I won't be offended and I certainly don't want to offend you Americans either.
And yes, I especially used "mummy" when I was writing The Lieutenant when Tempest was referring to her mother. I read stories written by American authors in American-English back in my country, so I learnt as I read the differences between British and American. I also watched American children's shows for as long as I can remember, learning words like "trash can" (rubbish bin), "elevator" (lift), "diaper" (nappy) etc.
Here is a dictionary of American and British words:
https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/usage/british-and-american-terms
Thanks anyway for writing about that, though.
On Canterlot Bridge!
mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-3164013-5-rainbow-dash-dun-dun-dunn-o.gif
I wonder if the person or thing that has taken Stalight is the one that has made Cadance ill to silence her?
Another good chapter I hope you will update again soon
8875016
That's the best comment I've received on a story. I will find a place for it to go on my user page.
8875175
Very interesting theory, my friend. We shall have to wait and see.
I am interested to see where this goes and enjoying the story so far :)
8876872
Ah, I'm glad. The next chapter's up now if you're wondering.
8876874
”
Yeah I realized it and already have read it. When I wrote my comment I opened my tracking and saw this story and I was like ”What? I have read that already then I saw you published a new chapter and I said ”Yay
8876895
Oh, right!
i.chzbgr.com/full/5281034752/hBFC63646/
I am intrigued keep up the good work I hope you will be able to update again very soon
8879359
Thank you very much. Yes, the next chapter will be uploaded soon. I just want to take my time and change a few things with Canterlot Bridge.
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! APPLEJACK AND CADANCE!!!!!!!!!
Well that certainly escalated quickly.
Starlight, AJ, and Cadance... 
Sounds awfully convenient. But alas, the plot thickens.
Very good chapter I hope thatt it is all a trick and Stralight, Apple Jack and Candance are fine can't wait for the next chapter
8884986
8885017
8885386
Yeah, sorry guys, I felt that it would be good to add some sadness to the story. Probably next chapter will be last one as well, if not, second last. Thanks, though, for leaving your statement.
8885093
I didn't want them to get too involved in the main atlas of the story, until to the near end.
8886477
I’m eagerly awaiting the conclusion.
8889356
Yeah, sorry for the delay, work at college, also trying to think of a way to end the story in a way everyone should satisfy with.
8890820
i.pinimg.com/originals/e1/b8/cf/e1b8cf70582fa7e235446619193665cd.jpg
8890828
You’re missing the (?) after The End
8890836
I added it in
8890853
8890858
Next story I'll be writing will either be the second Armada story or my TwixSpike ship (not clop).
8890862
Okie dokie lokie. I’m waiting on edits for my Tempest short.
Wow, Twilight didn't even give a fuck about Starlight.
8890919
Or Applejack.
Just Cadence, who caused all the pain.
Okay, the story so far went more or less smoothly, but the ending felt kinda awkward and forced. The key moments that should be the icing on the cake fell flat or were buried in pretty obvious mistakes.
Someone already pointed out that Twilight didn't give a fuck about Starlight, but the amount of fucks given about Applejack makes it seem like an "Applejack is a background pony" parody fic. Cadance somehow gets the biggest mention despite a) being a villain here, and b) spending generally less time with Twilight than Starlight or AJ. This does seem odd.
More odd things: someone recently commented on my fic, saying that I remembered that pegasi can fly. I started to wonder if it's common for the authors to forget about that fact and then I saw this:
I went back to the previous chapter to take another look at Cadance's death. Right before, she flies to Mystery. You took time to describe her running make up, but her wings were fine. Then they fight, they misstep and, umm... fall. Despite both of them being alicorns and having undamaged wings (Twilight's wings are broken, but no such mention is done about either Cadance or Mystery; well, he might have been quickly caught by the rope and hanged, but still).
Oh, and speaking of Mystery...
Unless you meant that Celestia found Mystery's, umm... size impressive, the word should be "hanged". Also, Celestia has some of the weakest lines in this chapter:
She sounds more like a jaded forensic medicine guy with thirty years of experience than someone who just lost a niece and two of the most important ponies in the country. Also, the first sentence sounds like Cadance's body was recovered from the water first and then her bones were smashed for some reason. Maybe that's why she's dead despite the ending suggesting otherwise.
That's actually the narrator, not Celestia, but it still sounds like a desperate attempt to convince everyone, author themselves included, that this ending makes sense. Since it's still not very convincing, they quickly blame the dead guy whom we've seen for about five minutes and call it a day.
Speaking of Mystery again he's evil because, like, Celestia left him in the forest and something about his powers being dangerous (so instead of using them to take revenge, he gets a hobby – hanging criminals from the bridge). Generally, he could be an interesting villain, but he's too unexplored and underused. Despite that, he still gets blamed for everything because Cadance would never do that on her own, no way.
Given that it's Rainbow Dash's opinion that somehow no one in the fic questions, I'm still not quite convinced. We obviously can't hear Mystery's or Cadance's version of events, but Celestia's version could probably be more convincing; she still wants to bury them both with honours, so I guess there's more to that than meets the eye. Maybe Celestia is the real villain here, given her "bury the dead, destroy the cottage, make a monument, no questions, move on" attitude.
Also, one more thing about RD's explanation is baffling:
He was her brother (barely touched upon), they were practically inseparable ("Princess Cadance and I can never be... separated" - another cool concept that gets but a humble mention) and Celestia knew that (another unexplored concept) and what exactly happened to him is yet another inconsistency in this fic. Mystery literally says:
What powers they were exactly is not touched upon. But alas, four paragraphs later:
So, did she take him with Cadance or did she leave him in the woods? Is it because Mystery is unhinged or the continuity in this fic is really, really wonky? Either way, Cadance came back to him, for some reason, so it's really hard to believe she didn't know who he was.
So, to sum it up, this story is not completely unsalvageable. The idea was interesting. There were some pretty sound concepts; I liked the idea of Mystery being Cadance's evil twin (or maybe just a corporeal manifestation of the dark part of her mind? He mentions being a shadow at some point and I started to think of him as Cadance's version of Tantabus). The world you're depicting seems bigger and richer than what the story actually shows (well, it definitely feels too short to explore all the things introduced).
Outlining was when it all went wrong. There's a fair share of inconsistencies and plot holes. At the first glance, the story seems to be about Starlight, but Starlight gets much less screentime and is all but forgotten by the end of the fic. Some scenes seem unnecessary while other important details weren't included; also, some lines contradict each other. The technical side isn't bad, thought there are some grammar issues (looking back, the hung/hanged confusion is pretty persistent in the whole fic). The fic in general was interesting; I read the whole thing and I'm a rather picky reader. Grammar and outlining problems can be fixed through practice and/or good prereaders, so there's nothing to worry about.
Good luck with future writing.
8890919
Indeed. Though, it did seem a fitting end to Starlight. Because secretly I don't like Starlight.
8891135
Cadance was an inspiration to Twilight in her fillyhood, so I wanted to put Twilight in a difficult situation between choosing her old foal sitter and a couple of her best friends. I thought it would make sense to give her an unsettling problem to be in and leave the story on a cliffhanger.
8891233
Hello Samey90,
Firstly, thank you for writing your review for Canterlot Bridge, I appreciate it very much. Thank you very much for labeling key elements that you have listed from the story overall. If I may, I would like to select some of the things you said and don't worry, I am not going to go nasty on them.
I am not the best writer at endings. They usually are the most difficult part of writing in my view and I know that this particular story was as bad as my deleted story Twilight Turns Into a Puppy. I am not an analyst for MLP, so people who are will notice serious mistakes in my writing. I did, however, put the Alternative Universe tag, but obviously that wasn't enough.
Apologises for that, my friend, but this was from my own interest in the show, saying that Starlight is my least favourite character. This was why I killed her in the story. I thought killing Applejack, as she's a popular character, would in a way make the story a little more unsettling. After all, it is horror.
I didn't want Cadance to completely be a villain. Mystery was the main antagonist of the story, so I wanted that scene included.
Apologises again. And yes, Celestia wasn't really playing a big part in this. I wanted it to be between Twilight, Cadance and Mystery.
She sounds more like a jaded forensic medicine guy with thirty years of experience than someone who just lost a niece and two of the most
Cadance is dead, sadly, the fall did indeed kill her.
Did I not write speech marks? Sorry:(
Mystery is the real villain; Cadance was quite frankly talked into all of it in order to get something out of it in the end.
I was going to write a prequel to Canterlot Bridge, but after seeing the dislikes and, practically your review, it has now been cancelled.
When Celestia found Cadance and Mystery, they were made adoptive brother and sister. I didn't mention them being related.
This all happened over a long period of time; Celestia didn't banish Mystery on the same day. Again, was going to be mentioned in the prequel, but as I've mentioned that's not going ahead.
Sorry that this didn't seem to your taste. I hope there's something else that you may find interesting to read by me someday instead.
Correct again. The lore of Friendship is Magic is actually more tricky than it first seems. Grammar errors are always going to improve over time; the only thing that I won't change is my use of British-English because that's the language I was brought up with and I respectfully don't want to change it. I respect American-English, so I wish to receive the same respect back.
Thank you and you too. I will always improve my writing over time and I promise that my future writings will be much better than my previous ones. Thank you very much for the review, stay awesome and have a nice day!
-TMM
8895976
Try to come up with the beginning and the ending of the story first, so you have a starting point and the destination. Only then plan out a logical sequence of events leading from the beginning to the end. That should make stuff fit together better.
Funnily enough, I often tend to torture my favourite characters the most... Also, I meant the fact that description and initial development of the story felt like Starlight was the main character, so killing her off felt like a bit of a letdown.
In this fragment, I meant more the fact that both Mystery and Cadance fell off the bridge despite being perfectly able to fly. If their wings were somehow damaged before that, the scene would feel more believable.
Also, Mystery's characterisation as a villain fell a bit flat due to how little screen time he had. I think that's actually many people's opinion about Sombra in the show proper.
You can still write it, or rewrite Canterlot Bridge to include it. As I said, the story can still be fixed if important characters get more backstory and better motivation for their deeds.
So, did she find them together or separately? That's an important detail that seems to be omitted in the story.
Surely. You seem to be a promising writer and you actually listen to other people's advice, so I'm pretty sure you'll improve over time (actually, my early writing is pretty bad too...)
8896680
Okay, well, thanks anyway. Sorry for the late reply; busy with exams ATM.
I’m in love with the first chapter but for the life of me. I could have sworn their was a video game that had a similar intro. I could just be imaging things.
8940339
The Crooked Man, yes. The poem is originally an old nursery rhythm but has been used for that particular video game and other works written by people. I just altered the words slightly to make it fit into the story. No idea if someone's copyrighted it or something; checked, but no sign of it.
But yes, I played The Crooked Man donkey's years ago and loved it.
Okay, I'll be real honest here. Your story was an interesting idea, but it really missed out on some parts. I'm looking to challenge myself to writing something different, so is it okay for me to do a rewrite of your story, but with a few changes and tweaks of my own? Cause your story has potential, and this is probably the only time I'll ever try third-person... I'll give you full credit in the description.
8942611
Hello GoddessOfCarries!
Yeah, I enjoyed writing Canterlot Bridge, it's just such a shame that not that many people enjoyed it. That's why its sequel and prequel were both cancelled and I turned my attention to my Armada Trilogy. I know it's the style of writing I used for the story, but I was saddened that even though I added an Alternative Universe tag, people still picked out chronological mistakes. I am no anthologist for MLP, just a writer.
I would like to keep Canterlot Bridge as a piece of my own work, but thanks for asking. I deleted another story quite a long time ago called Twilight Turns Into a Puppy, but then I gave the idea to BluePuddlePonyGhost who is currently working on a story similar to that. However, I can allow you to write a prequel, sequel or spin-off to Canterlot Bridge if that's okay with you? You can say it's a rewrite, but as long as you credit me then I haven't got a problem with that!
Perhaps in the near future, I could ask for to be my proofreader and we can work alongside each other when I publish more works? I can send you the chapter via email and then you can change whatever needs to be changed. I will be writing my second Armada story for now, which you can also proofread and edit for me!
Thank you for commenting and offering your help. I look forward to hearing from you again!
That would disastrous...that cannot happen again
!
It's really not...they can easily be handled
.
Pupil after another...you're really working up the ranks aren't you Twi
?
Not for long...
.
DAMMIT TWILIGHT
!!!
Starlight run
!!!
The hay
?
Oh boy...
.
Oh no don't tell me
!
NOOOOOO
!!!
With that Mystery guy I presume...
!!!
One thing we all know though...she's in grave danger
!!!
I hope so Fluttershy
.
Before it's too late
!!!
That's a....dramatic way of putting it
.
Oh jeez
!
Good point
.
It's that Mystery pony, isn't it
?!
Where the horrors of that bridge are found...
.
He's a WHAT
?!?!?!
...SISTER
?!?!?!?!
You let her go
!!!
STARLIGHT
!!!
CADANCE
!!!
Quickly
!!!
Applejack NO
!!!
Maybe for you, but you're gonna pay for this you monster
!!!
Or you will be banished to the SUN
!!!
WHAT
?!?!?!
Starlight NOOOOOOO
!!!
Cadence...
.
NO, DON'T
!!!
He dooped you Cadence...he dooped you good
.
NOOOOOOOO
!!!
Something that none of them deserved...
.
Best friends until the end of time...
.
9387722
I wouldn't be surprised. The sequel I'm writing has received better feedback; I Am Not a Monster
I'm guessing you didn't like the story...
9388081
.
Wait what? Of course I did! It just...really struck me in the feels as all
9388274
At least someone did. Thanks.