• Member Since 26th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

LaWombat


Books, books, books, books, books, books, food, books, books, books...

T

No important political meetings to attend? Check! No letters to answer? Check! A magical and child-safe gift for Flurry Heart that she's sure to love? Check!

Her schedule was clear. Shining and Cadence were off on vacation. She'd prepared all her materials. Twilight Sparkle was more than ready to spend a fun-filled weekend babysitting her favorite niece.

But she wasn't prepared for King Sombra's return. Nopony could prepare to be trapped with him inside a storybook of fairy tales.

And nopony's ever ready for an unhappy ending...


Proofread by: Alicornpriest

Winner of November 2017 NaPoWriMo: Goal of 50k smashed!

Now Featured on Equestria Daily - First hit the Featured Box on April 28th!

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 416 )

I'll be the first to say that, whoever decides to take a look at this, please do take a good long look. This is a very promising author. New and starting out with a bang.

Interesting concept? Good grammar and a proofreader? Twilight Sparkle adventure? I'm in!

Was this somehow inspired by "Once upon a time?"
I'll read it later, but it looks well worth the read from just the description. :pinkiehappy:

8746137
I can't remember exactly what inspired it, but I do remember thinking of that show at least once or twice in the planning stages of the story. It's definitely got Disney inspirations, as well as influences from various Brothers Grimm tales. And I tried to give it original elements, because it would definitely get old re-reading the same story everyone's seen a hundred times before.

Winner of November 2017 NaPoWriMo

But, doesn't the story need to be complete first?

8746492
Anyone that hits their goal in NaPo is considered a winner, and it's not really a contest, it's more of a personal win than anything. So, since I hit my goal during that month, I was considered a winner. I was kind of conflicted about putting it up there, but it was such a fun experience, I didn't want to leave it out. I wouldn't have written this story if it weren't for NaPoWriMo. Technically, all the drafts of the chapters were finished during NaPo, they were just unedited because it's supposed to be a focus on simply getting the story out, not editing it.

Interesting premise, and so far it's pretty entertaining. Curious to see how it unfolds. Looking forward to the next chapter.

While Sombra's personality was appropriate, he's a bit one-dimensional so far. I hope that changes eventually.

8748405
I am a greenhorn, but I will try my best. Without spoiling anything, I will say that The Lost Foals chapter is mostly him just being the typical Sombra from the show(what little we had of him). At this point in time, my own thoughts on him are that he's not a friend or companion, and certainly not a lover. This adventure sets out to change that, and he'll have plenty of chapters to become more rounded.

Also, I SEE CHRYSCHRYS ON THE COVER ART, is she gonna be in here?

8750004
A fairy tale version of her will appear in one of the storybook adventures, yes. :)

I am LOVING this so far! I don't want to get my hopes up for my favorite ship just yet but yo I am staring at that romance tag with anticipation anyways. Super psyched to read more! Keep up the stellar writing!

JUst going to poke this with my “is the next chapter ready “ stick

8762987
Almost. I'd say it's around 95% finished with the editing phase.

I LOVE the work :pinkiehappy:
It very enjoyable, unexpected and funny. It's fresh idea and all in all, a great work. Can't wait to get to read more.

Squee! Character development! Thanks for writing! ...Suggestion. For hilarity, Dash is Maid Marian.

8791788
You don't know how happy that made me to know that someone got that reference! :pinkiehappy:

“Wowie!!” Pinkie whispered with a high-pitched squeal. “What’s gotten into the sheriff, Twilight? Attacking the king? Something like that is really out of his character!”

God damnit Pinkie, you can stop demolishing the fourth wall now

“Where exactly are we going in the middle of these woods?” Sombra complained, stomping after her. “A hidden fortress with armored forces, I hope?”

Yeah, because what else there could be than that

“A small sacrifice in my moment of conquest,” Sombra answered

Starswirl: "A necessary sacrifice"

“So we can die?” Twilight’s breath quickened. “If something happens to us in the storybook… that’s it?”

"If you die in the game, you die for real"

“Twists or no, could we not simply skip to the ending?” Sombra boredly asked.

NO! IT'S FORBIDDEN TO SKIP PARTS IN A STORY!

“Told you I didn’t trust him,” Spike grumbled and pointed a claw into the air before dropping it lazily over his chest. “King Sombra is bad news.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjJk8KaQkIU

“I don’t know, Spike. If he could be reformed, wouldn’t Princess Celestia have already tried?”

No, because the only thing Celestia knows how to do is to put problems away for a thousand years, so that her protege can solve them later

“Soup’s oooooon!” Pinkie’s shout could be heard clear across the camp, and Twilight wondered how they had ever kept hidden so well if that was a normal occurrence.

It's Pinkie. F*** logic.

“No soup for you.”

https://goo.gl/images/kZWAk5

“You will serve me, slave! I will not be denied my meal by a petty mare!”

Well what do you know. Sombra is also sexist

Twilight quickly uttered, “Only corrupt ones.”

OOOOOOH!!! Getting ignited by Spike's flames would have burned you less Sombra!

Fascinating concept for a story! I love what you have done so far, and can hardly wait for more!

Wombat! I finally got time to read through your story! I know it's going to be awesome already. I'm looking forward to getting to read more of it soon. Good luck, my friend! :pinkiehappy:

Did Twilight read Sombra's journal? If she did then surely she knows why he's so bitter against the crystal ponies. Not to mention their Princess who allowed him to live a lie for years on end, never once trying to help him despite knowing his true nature. Not saying what he did was right, but understandible given that context.

8814641
She did in the comics, but for this story, I'm only following the show. It's vague and didn't actually reveal much about him, so I was able to build my own backstory for him.

My only complaint?

How did Twilight teleport out of Sombra's grip if her magic didn't work?

8816232
It was a bit of a left-over from being fresh in the storybook, but after she teleported the first time, her magic grew weak enough to stop being useful. Chapter two explains a little more about how it's not gone, just severely limited.

Reminds me of the Sonic Storybook series games. Sonic and The Secret Rings and Sonic and The Black Knight.

Comment posted by Tingsan deleted Mar 26th, 2018

The story is very funny, and interesting. And I love Sombra that you created.

I just found your story and it’s great! I love the concept and I can’t wait for more!:twilightsmile:

I have never been more in love with a story in my life . . . AAAAAAAAHHHHH:pinkiehappy:

Hello! I'd like to say that this fic is fantastic. Your writing helps move scenes in a manner that's both interesting and captures the emotions of the moment. The comedy is spot-on and so are the moments for thoughts. The character interactions never felt out of place or awkward and I cannot wait for the next update! I'm so invested in this!

Well, so far this is turning out to be a pretty fun story. The only thing is, I'm a little confused about the "Romance" tag at the top...

(realizes who the two central characters are)

No...you're not. Tell me you're not going there. I'll still read the story, but still...

EDIT: On second thought, if Sombra ends up being reformed, which sounds like the direction you're going, then I'm okay with it. Sorry 'bout that.

Very nice! Keep up the good work! Finding Sombra's old spellbook and learning he eats meat were very nice touches. I can hardly wait to see what you come up with next!

I wish you could keep on writing because It is very interesting!

Definitely a powerful prologue. Introduction, set-up, then the plot macguffin seguing into the story proper all in one, with a strong ending scene due to Sombra's return. There's no real dawdling around with excess fluff. You make your words count, and we get into the promised adventure quickly.

Given Twilight Sparkle and Sombra being the more adult characters, I wonder if they'll be put into the more 'main character' positions in the future tails. If the combined magic of their spells has any sort of sentience or fairness to it, then it certainly wouldn't put Flurry Heart on the spot as being the driving part of any of the fairy tales, given she's still just a foal and doesn't even comprehend much of it. Given they're basically shoehorned into having to act out the stories, with their magic being stripped from them, I would expect them to be the more pivotal ponies.

I notice that, so far, we don't know just how dangerous this whole fairy tail charade really is. Twilight and King Sombra are said to be in pain on multiple occasions, but so far there's not really been any mention of blood or broken body parts. If they get a breather and time to analyse, it might not be that altogether dangerous. Most importantly, I would say that the book itself that Twilight did her spell on leans more to a sanitised version of fairy tales rather than the dark Brothers Grimm-esque versions. After all, Flurry Heart is a foal, and I don't think Twilight would want her reading stuff that's too traumatising. Even with the byline on the story about some tales not having happily ever afters. But whether death would be permanent here or not certainly isn't something that anypony or Spike would want to test, either.

In any event, this is definitely a more amusing chapter to probably ease us in. Giant Garble being, well, Garble, ends up being the buttmonkey, just as his real counterpart is. The bit at the ending with the cauldron exploding and showering him with vegetables is quite comedic. I expect further stories might be more adventurous instead, and then we may actually get some darker ones.

Still, I wonder if Sombra will always get put into a position as the hero of the story, or if he will eventually be made the villain of one of the tales, and play the role to the hilt.

Well, it seems quite possible then that our four main characters may end up being the villains. Twilight might protest Sombra deviating from the narrative at the moment, but I wonder how Twilight'll feel if she gets put into the role of the big bad of one of the tales later on and has to be fairly evil and miserable to be faithful to the character. Not that it's exactly how Sombra feels, as he's more about being on top of the ponypile, but same difference. In any event, King Sombra certainly will be charting his own path in each tale unless Twilight can beat some sense into him, so things will deviate some more.

It's rather a little bit curious that Sombra knows for a fact that they don't really need to eat inside of his spell, but is uncertain about how final an actual death would be. Not that anyone in their right mind would actually test it, but still. In any case, if they knew for a fact either way it would rob some of the narrative out of the story, so it's good they don't know.

On that note...I'm legitimately surprised there wasn't really any attempt at ponifying Robin Hood in this story. Not even some terrible pun like Robin Hoof!

Well, Sombra certainly sounds like has some regrets in life. But only some, not all of them. Being a meat-eater isn't one of them. I certainly don't regret being a meat-eater, either :trollestia: But seriously, once it was revealed all the books in the library were ones Twilight had read before, I was expecting that to mean some of the books Sombra had read would be in there too. Lo and behold, about one paragraph later...

Even with Sombra derailing the story, it still seems the dramatic narrative of the fairytale spell will guide events along the correct path regardless, as we get into the tournament and Twilight gets bullseye after bullseye no matter what she does. So Sombra can do as he wants, and likely it'll still bring things back around for the grand finale. The key question then of course is if it'll always do that and generally play things out, or if things canbe derailed badly enough to throw the narrative off. Then, of course, just how long the spell plays out for. Well, that's what reading the fic is for. I'm just the commenter speculating here!

Nightmare Moon in full hammy form :pinkiehappy:

“Bye, bye, girls!” She cheerfully waved while Flurry Heart sat on her head and mimicked her. “Have fun storming the castle!”

It'd take a miracle...

I love that movie so much. I mean, who doesn't?

Looking forward to the next part!

Curious to see where the gang end up next.

Can't wait for the next adventure :pinkiehappy:. The Robin hood was awesome

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