• Member Since 6th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Rose Quill


Author of the Homecoming series, occasional contributor to Bodyguard!AU, and food aficionado. Please consider joining my Patreon

Sequels1

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Following the events of the Friendship Games, Sunset's homesickness wins out and she returns to Equestria. Though forgiven by Twilight and pardoned by Celestia, she still faces some resentment from the citizens of Equestria.

But one pony believes that everypony deserves a second chance. Even if she denies it.

Continuity: Equestria 616

Written for the Sunset Shipping Contest.

Popular Stories 8-13-17

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 27 )

I read the follow up to this before I saw this. Opps. At least it looks good so far, lol.

Time in the Empire being stalked by the POL. Good luck Sunset, Cadence will see through your every thought. Hahahaha.

and though I had been back three months now I couldn't teleport very far yet. I was so far out of practice with Equestrian magic that I was almost starting out from scratch again.

Uh...when Sunset swiped Sparkle's Element of Magic, the orange unicorn was able to teleport just fine, despite being trapped in the completely-magic-free human world for "30 moons" (full moon to full moon is roughly 27.3 days, so 27.3*30 = 819 days; 819/365 = 2.2438 years).
So...teleportation should be fine; bigger spells should be avoided, though.

8379015

She was also able to levitate items just fine and run on four hooves like no time had passed. Then, not even a year later she tried to pick up a book with her hooves after attempting to walk upright.

Also, she teleported little more than a pony length. The castle and the markets are a wee bit farther apart than that.

But, this is just headcanon and not concrete law. I'm just a storyteller.

The race was long enough to challenge all, even those that weren't in the best of shape.

?

Sunset is characterized really well here, and I think the plot is rather interesting—Sunset returns to Equestria not to open arms, but as a known former enemy of the state, pardoned and innocent but not forgiven by the general public. A pony Chelsea Manning, in a way.

Yet, in both tackling that plot and as a shipfic, I think the story falls flat.

It's a nebulous thing to say, but I don't feel any chemistry from Sunset and Fluttershy. They don't even interact that much, and when they do, I don't feel any sort of deeper connection—they seem like friends, if not just acquaintances. I don't understand what the basis of their relationship is. What do they have in common? What are the idiosyncrasies of their relationships, of their interactions? I suppose Fluttershy was nice to Sunset and forgave her, but hasn't everyone? There's a moment where Fluttershy says "Even though you never did anything to me, I forgive you", and it's meant to be a big turning point in Sunset's character arc, and while it's a nice sentiment, does it really mean that much? What right does pony!Fluttershy have to forgive Sunset on human!Fluttershy's behalf?

In "Lunchtime, September 3", you skip most of Sunset and Fluttershy's lunchtime conversation. That would have been such a good time to give them a natural, low stakes conversation that would help build their chemistry. Especially considering how happy the snippets we got made it out to be.

When it comes to the plot, you also skimp on a lot of moments that could really help build up Sunset's character arc and conflict. Consider "Lunch, September 13", when you describe Sunset going to the market and hearing whispers. Instead of recounting this scene after the fact, why not show us this scene, show us the panic and distress and anger as Sunset realizes what's going on? You also mention that Sunset can hear "some of the same whispered voices" that she heard back in the human world. That's clever as hell! Build on that, Sunset needing to deal with ponies that look and sound like her classmates thinking she's a terrorist.

Later on, you also mention a scene where Sunset gets pelted with tomatoes. While I'm not totally sold on the idea—Sunset getting rotten tomatoes thrown at her is pretty over-the-top, even comedic—again, I'd rather see this scene than just have it mentioned after the fact.

8468774
I get where you’re coming from. I won’t excuse myself for the sloppy writing, but I do have editing waves coming and I’ll take you’ suggestions into account.

8468954
I found the story highly enjoyable and adorable as anything, but I agree with Dub as well - more detail would polish this up nicely! I have enjoyed all your stories that I've read thus far though :)

"Are you sure it isn't one of the Princesses?"

Hehe!

Very cute!
Sunset having to deal with her issues and her place in the world before being able to confess her love was great!

PresentPerfect
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So why not just go back? <.<

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I like that MMC callback. :)

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Both Shining being in the same class as Sunset and her not being attracted to humans. :D Finally, someone's getting EQG right!

Re-ernoll

Oops. :B

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Well that was cute. :) I guess Sunset's not going back through the mirror ever again though, huh?

8789478
Maybe just for visits. After all, she did promise...:twilightsmile:

Take that AJ! The deduction doesn’t even include a reason why it’s not you!

I was worried even i saw the length of the chapters but, while it could use more detail for sure i was pleasantly surprised at this.

8634442
Well no, it isn't one of the princesses, it's both of them!

I smiled. "I thought Pinkie was the one that tried to cheer everyone up," I said, swiping at the tears.

"I filled in for her for a day," she admitted shyly. "It wasn't a good day.

"I don't care how much she's done over there," a voice rasped. "She still stole your crown and infused magic into that world. She's responsible for everything that happened over there."

Hearing Rainbow Dash say those words made me look down at my hooves in shame.

Opens dimesional portal and punches Rainbow Dash through it! :twilightangry2:

Not even considering Applejack, Sunset? For shame.

8379489
I think Sunset walking on two legs and trying to pick things up by hoof rather than magic after coming through the portal is more out of habit than lack of ability.

This was sweet. Nice to see Sunset confront the ponies patronizing her.

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