Motherhood

by David Silver

1 - A Hot Spot

Celestia rode through the streets. She was not in Canterlot. Canterlot did not yet look as ponies would see it in the future. She was touring Equestria at large, ensuring the safety of her little ponies. As she went, she waved to those she passed, bringing smiles along the way. In theory, there was to be a great thronging crowd, but times were too rough for that. She was happy with the few ponies she got.

The cart suddenly stopped, causing Celestia to lurch forward. "What's wrong?" she asked of the four guards ahead of her that were charged with pulling her along.

One looked over his shoulder. "There's something in the road, Your Majesty. We'll have it out of the way in a moment."

Celestia stood up, extending her neck up to see over them. Ahead was no overturned cart or other pedestrian obstacle. It was a rock, no, an egg. Brightly colored reddish orange with patterns that reminded her of flames. Celestia had heard of such things, but... "That is a phoenix egg, I believe. How did it get here?"

As if to answer her, the flapping of wings announced the presence of a fully mature phoenix. With wings wide, it screeched at the guards that were trying to move the egg, warding them away. The moment it had cleared a little space, it settled on the egg and stared at them all as if daring them to approach again.

The same guard cleared his throat. "Shall we go around, Princess?"

"No..." She stepped down from her ride. "This is not a matter we can leave as it is." She circled around the chariot and its pullers. "Hello," she spoke to the phoenix, though she could not be certain her words would be heard. "This is not the place to have an egg."

The phoenix hissed at her, flames smouldering around its wings.

"You won't intimidate me that easily. I am not an enemy," spoke Celestia in gentle tones. "Wouldn't you be happier in a tree." She looked around then. There were no trees immediately beside them, but she could see a forest outside of town and she raised a hoof to point towards it.

The phoenix suddenly launched itself at Celestia, but she was not cowed. Her horn glowed and took hold of the bird. "I'm used to handling burning things," she half-sang. "Let's get you both somewhere safer."

With a sudden spreading of its wings, its own magic burned outwards in an expanding sphere, throwing off the telekinetic magic that held it. The charge did not continue, however, as it noticed a guard trying to sneak in towards the egg and veered around to screech and chase him away.

An idea came to Celestia's head. She looked at the egg far more closely and saw exactly what she had feared. A few thin cracks ran across it. The egg had dropped. "Call for a veterinarian," she ordered sternly. "And do not bother the phoenix further." She shook her head. "I'll remain here, the rest of you are relieved of duty for the remainder of the day, after you retrieve that vet."

The guards saluted as one and they turned the chariot around and raced off to get help. It was then just Celestia and the agitated phoenix. "I know you must be very upset." She decided the phoenix was likely a female, worried over her chick. "We will help as best we can. Ha... listen to me." She settled down, looking at the mother phoenix, though her eyes were not settled there, starting to muse on her own thoughts. "I'm having trouble enough keeping Equestria straight. My own chick, fractured in its egg... I haven't lost hope though. I will care for it as best I can and hope something lovely emerges."

Her attention snapped back to the presence as she felt something hard and warm tap her on the cheek. The phoenix was beside her and pecked her. It was clearly a non-aggressive gesture. She felt certain she could have attacked her far more viciously if the mother bird had wanted. Celestia gave a little smile. "Two mothers, seeing eye to eye?" The phoenix nodded, then gestured back to her egg.

"We will do what we can," promised Celestia. "If you let us."

A pony with a stethoscope around her neck came galloping down the street towards them. Her cutie mark was that of a dog with a cast on one of its legs. "P-princess! I was told you need me?"

Celestia looked to the phoenix, asking without words.

The phoenix was silent and still for a moment before she nodded and returned to her egg, sitting behind it instead of on top of it.

"Please, be gentle and careful. She's worried for her egg, and who wouldn't be? I think it fell." instructed Celestia, eyes now on the vet.

The vet winced faintly. "Fallen eggs... that's not good. Let's have a look." She stepped closer at a more sedate walk, eyeing the egg and its protective mother carefully. "I'm just looking, no touching," she promised. She fished out a magnifying glass whose handle she could hold in her mouth and have the lens before her eyes. "Mmm... oh... Mmm..." She tilted her head left and right, eyes darting as she followed cracks. "Oh..." They did not sound like happy noises.

Neither Celestia nor the phoenix were pleased.

"I'm... sorry," reported the vet at last, pointing at where a trickle of fluid stained the ground.

The phoenix rose to her talons and spread her wings, letting out a piercing cry. It was long and unbroken. The vet fled from the stricken magic beast, but Celestia remained where she was, waiting patiently.

The cry slowly faded away, and the phoenix sagged, its wings went limp, and her head drooped.

"I would say I know how you feel, but that would be a lie. To... lose an unborn child is a tragedy that cannot be shared... Know that my heart is with you." Celestia dipped her head and closed her eyes.

She was not permitted to remain in that position long. She felt the increasingly familiar pressure of her cheek being pecked at. Her eyes opened to see the bird staring at her, only an inch away.

"Yes?" She wasn't sure what else she could do for the phoenix.

The phoenix pointed to her lost egg, then pointed to Celestia. She gave a soft warbling cry and hopped in place, then pointed to Celestia again.

"Are you asking about my egg?" The phoenix nodded. Celestia rose to her hooves. "All the ponies you see, the country they live in, that is my egg, and I protect it daily. It is cracked... but it still has a chance. I will lay on it until it hatches, or they will have to drag me from it." Her voice became harder as she went. "I will not give up."

The phoenix raised on agile wings and came down on Celestia's back with a little chirp.

It seemed the phoenix would help her watch her egg. One might be lost, but the other could still be saved.

Celestia smiled at the proud beast. "We are two mothers." She began to walk back towards the town hall she was residing in during her visit to the town. "You need a name... Brightwing?" The bird replied by pecking the back of her head more roughly than the cheek nudge had been. "Alright, not that, Motherhen?" Peck! "Maybe something more... refined. Philomena?" The beak came in, but it was a little nuzzle. "Philomena it is."

Author's Note:

Huh, that came out differently than I had originally planned. A somber tale in the end. What do you think?

Writen as a monthly one shot for atreon!

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Comments

[Fallen Knight]

Aw poor Philomena.

[Hoops]

Lol what

[FanOfMostEverything]

Much more poetic and solemn than the title led me to expect. Nice work. Thank you for it.

[Neece]

8243050
Ditto. Didn't expect this, but was not disappointed.
I hope Philomena managed to lay more eggs that actually hatched, since then. She deserves to see her children flourish too.

[Booster Spice]

We are Family.

[Latrans]

8243050
My expectations may also have been tainted by a previous story of the same name...

[tsaukpaetra]

You know! We honestly thought this might have turned into a biological incubator plot, it would explain Celestia's unwillingness to be combative...

[David Silver]

8259354
No matter what war is waged, someone's eggs are being smashed.

[SpitFlame]

Link to your blunt review.

Thanks for your submission, fam.

[Dreams of Ponies]

This review is brought to you by the group 'A for Effort'.
Name of story: Motherhood (formerly Celestia Lays an Egg)
Score out of 10: 6.75

Heya, David. Glad to be reviewing one of your stories again. You always seem to come up with some interesting concepts, even if this one has been done before.

Alright, let's pop with one open shall we?

Motherhood is a cute and sort of heartwarming tale of Celestia and a mother phoenix, both trying to nurture their young in their own way. It's short and to the point.

Grammar and spelling: 9/10: There was a few spots that needed some touch ups. Spelling was good and I appreciate being able to read a story without stumbling.

Theme: 9/10: I enjoyed the overall tone and moral of the story, regardless of how quickly it was brought to a close. Celestia having an internal struggle about her egg along with a physical reflection that showed the possibility of failure, well, it was a nice duality of the moment.

Prose and characterization: 6/10: There were several moments of Celestia's dialog that felt, well not forced, but somehow lacking. Something a little bit stronger would have been nice, but it was sufficient to get your point across. Some of your sentence structure needs a little tweaking and refining, and I know you're fully capable of better from having read some of your other work.

Actual Story: 5/10: The actual plot was short, like, really short. Everything seemed to align simply for the ease of passing along the theme (the feels) and it was pretty easy to tell. While the story still follows a beginning, middle and end, even the initial setup seemed a little contrived in its circumstance.

Overall, I enjoyed my time with this. With a touching up in certain places, and maybe a different setup, or at least a more believable version of this one, this story could go from decent to great.

Thanks for submitting this story, David. I look forward to the next one