Celestia Lays an Egg by David Silver

Celestia did not wake that morning thinking her life would change that day, but it would. She would be united with a creature as timeless as herself, one who looked to her as a peer instead of a subject.

My dear David Silver, I'm guessing I'm not the person you were expecting for this particular review, namely because I picked out your story from someone else's folder, and as the new guy here writing up his first review it feels like I'm walking in a figurative room filled with figurative lego bricks. Ha, ha, that's an exaggeration; I just needed to make that entrance. Please, there's no need for the pressure. I'll be fine.

What am I supposed to say about Celestia Lays an Egg? It was decently decent, as far as these things go. You were going for a poignant backstory of sorts with regard to Philomena, Celestia's too-hot-to-trot pet phoenix. I can tell it takes place in the past, way before season 1 even, judging by the wording in the first paragraph. But then it says the streets she wanders does not belong to Canterlot, at least not yet. Okay, so I don't know when Canterlot was founded, but the city was up and running 1,000 years ago before Luna's initial banishment. Although this is plausible since phoenixes are essentially immortally, living in a continuous process of death and revival via a fire show.

The biggest letdown of this story is the length. It's way too short for something that felt so ambitious. Take my word for it, the plot went by really damn fast, not leaving me with any breathing room to interpret what I was presented with. It tries to cram in several themes at once, with varying degrees of success—the flaws of Equestria when Celestia calls the country "cracked"; losing a loved one and how to deal with said loss; not giving up hope when your life falls to ruin.

Come on, man, those are some weighty ideas, and your attempt to weave them into a narrative that's a bit over 1,000 words messes up the pacing. Here's what goes down: Celestia's riding down the streets with her guards, they find a mysterious egg and its protective mother, Celestia's all like: "Yo, guards, go fetch a vet that's five seconds away and take the rest of the day off." Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie, what a great boss.

And by five seconds I do mean that the vet showed up almost instantly. There was also no build up to the tragic revelation that the phoenix egg went off the deep end. She just checks it, discovers the egg is cracked and dead, and Philomena is probably thinking: "Well, I just met this princess, but I'll follow her after a few words of encouragement."

I don't mean for that last part to be derogatory, by the way. I liked how Celestia relates Philomena's loss to her own duties as the ruler of Equestria, and that the two weren't so different after all. It definitely provided a powerful incentive for Philomena to follow behind Celestia and her articulated wisdom. But man, I can't tell if the author took it seriously, or if he did, it wasn't serious enough. It feels like a powerful story, wreathed in literary potential, is etched in the superficiality of this fic, but it's just way too short to effectively pull at my heart strings. By the end I felt something, although with time I'm ultimately going to forget about it.

And that's kind of a shame, really. Celestia's characterization is nice, emphasizing her bravery and unflinching control of the situation as well as her more loving and likeable side. She's the type of pony who acts fairly but cares a lot for others. She treated Philomena in a believable manner in comparison to her character, all the way to the end. I would've preferred this to expand on Celestia's psychology in the moment, taking the time to lay down her emotional state upon learning of the egg's death. Instead we get a bite-sized one-shot that only flashes off some sadness.

Speaking of damned sadness, the fuck's up with the title? Sounds like a comedy, frankly, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, yes, I understand the parallel—Celestia's "egg" is Equestria, it's currently cracked, but she won't give up on it, evident by the events of the present show. Although I don't think this symbolism worked very well. Eggs are quite fragile, depending on the damage dealt, and you can't "give up" on a life when it's already dead. Nevertheless I can sense the attempt to tie this all together. Not a very inspiring attempt, but it got the message across.

Damn, I'm going on for longer than I thought I would. In short—it was okay, could use some more substance, pacing was way too fast—you get what I'm saying?

I give this a 5-ish/10.

Okay! Am I done? Did I convincingly articulate my notions of reality? Cool.

EDIT: Well, well, the author changed the title of his story from Celestia Lays an Egg to Motherhood. I approve.

That was quick! Yes you’re done. Nice work.

I think I can clear up this particular question for you....

Speaking of damned sadness, the fuck's up with the title? Sounds like a comedy, frankly, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, yes, I understand the parallel—Celestia's "egg" is Equestria, it's currently cracked, but she won't give up on it, evident by the events of the present show. Although I don't think this symbolism worked very well. Eggs are quite fragile, depending on the damage dealt, and you can't "give up" on a life when it's already dead. Nevertheless I can sense the attempt to tie this all together. Not a very inspiring attempt, but it got the message across.

The egg is actually both a metaphor for the birth of Philomena and for Equestria as a whole. You see, it’s a subtle double meaning that-

No I’m kidding. It’s clickbait. If you name a story “Celestia lay an egg” It’ll get more views then if you name it “The backstory of Philomena” or even something more lyrical.

Obv. idk intentions, maybe no thought was given to clicks and the author just thought this was the most fitting title. But that’s the effect.

6027187

6027174
It was named before the writing began. I originally intended a comedy. The story did not cooperate at all and I ended up with a thoughtful little tale.

Sorry it did not please.

6027174
I just noticed 50+ is enjoyable, not needs work. When will it be posted to the proper folder?

6029308
Damn, for some reason I didn't get the notification for your comment. Sorry.

To answer your question, you'll have to consult an admin about that. Technically I can't control which stories are placed in which folders.

6027174
nice work!

6029308
This is true, so yeah, I've done it, so it should show up in enjoyable now.

Hi again btw! How's stuff? I checked roll20 and couldn't find any games, so at the mo I've hosted a numenera campaign.

6043399
Roll20 had no games? Did the world end?