Zakia
Trade Negotiations
Admiral Biscuit
(For the EFNW 2017 Iron Writer Competition)
My ears perk as a cry of alarm goes up from one of the watchtowers. It is the afternoon, and there are not often predators who try to raid our village, but we are always prepared.
Already, I am galloping towards the palisade wall around our village, while Mother stays slightly behind, ensuring that I reach safety before she does. I am old enough that this bothers me slightly, and yet, I still take comfort from it.
Inside the walls, stallions and colts are arming themselves with spears and taking up their positions along the wall.
I see Takudzwa, my older brother, as he trots smartly up the ladder to one of the watch-towers, and I am proud of him. He is old enough now to stand watch by himself sometimes, and Masimba, our elder, has granted him the privilege of carrying a spear and defending our village.
My duty to the village comes before all else, so even though I am slightly curious, I carry my baskets to the village hall and wait patiently until Zuri has emptied them. Already, there is gossip that it is a pride of lions, perhaps, crouching in the grass, but I do not believe it. I can see with my own eyes that the warriors along the wall are looking skyward, and my heart feels heavy. Our sharpened palisade keeps the lions at bay but is no defense for rocs.
I nuzzle Mother, who is still waiting to empty her baskets. I can see she is worried; she does not know if my two sisters have safely made it inside from our fields and I want to tell her not to worry, that they are safe, but I am not sure if they are. They must be; they have longer legs than I and can gallop so much faster.
I know that I would be in the way if I were to climb up to the walkway along the wall, so I do not, but I cannot help but watch as I make my way back to our house.
My eldest sister Anopa is there, baking flat bread on our stone hearth, and she greets me with a nuzzle. I begin to help her, taking comfort in the familiar motions of kneading the dough. My ears keep flicking off to follow the sounds in the village, though, and she sees, and tells me that there is nothing to worry about; I am home and I am safe.
But Mother does not return home, not for what feels like a very long time even though we made only two more loaves of bread.
And then she tells me that we are all to come to the wall in turn, and look.
Anopa goes first, and Mother brushes a bit of flour off her coat before she leaves. Then she frets over me and I try to focus on the bread but I cannot, and the loaf comes off the stone burned a little bit on the bottom.
Before I am ready, Anopa comes back in and she smells the burned loaf and I see her ears go back and I hang my head in shame, but she does not chide me. I cannot tell if she is angry for it, and that worries me. In my heart, I want to be outside where I can gallop across the plain and escape whatever threat is coming, and I can tell that Mother is thinking the same thing by the way her hoof scrapes across the dirt floor of our house, digging grooves through the reeds that we have spread across the floor.
Go to the wall, Zakia, she tells me, and I do not want to but I am almost a mare now and I shouldn't be scared, even though I am.
I have not been allowed on the wall before and it feels strange to poke my head above the wooden logs and see down from above. Everything looks smaller from above, and our little fields are closer than it seems from outside. I do not understand how this can be, and yet I can see it with my own eyes.
One at a time, zebras are climbing the ladder to the watch-tower, and before too long it is my turn. Danai is there, and he is very brave. His coat is covered with scars from when he fought a lion, and I wish one day to be as brave as he is.
He is holding Masimba's telescope, and he motions for me to come to the edge. I take the telescope with nervous hooves and he instructs me in how to use it to see the sky. At first, it is no different than using my own eyes, but as I sweep around the sky all of a sudden I see winged ponies right in front of me and I step back alarmed. I do not know how they got so close without my hearing them, and Danai laughs and tells me that they are still quite far off.
I give him back the telescope and look and I can see them as tiny little specks in the sky, like distant egrets.
It takes them hours to arrive, and by then everybody in the village has had a chance to look at them through the telescope. Some of the mares go back out to their fields, but we stay inside and prepare a feast. The hall is swept out and fresh new reeds are put down, and I gather some flowers which grow in little gardens around the palisade. Their blooms are sweet, and they fill the hall with their perfume.
My eyes are constantly drawn to the sky, and as they get closer I can see them clearly with my own eyes. They are different than us—they have no stripes. Their coats are sky-colored and flower-colored and I do not think that they would fare well against lions and tigers because they are too bright.
They wear no jewelry, nor do they wear the lacy bridles of the Saddle Arabian ponies. I cannot see any adornment on them at all, and I cannot guess what they want.
Perhaps they are just passing overhead, like a migratory bird. There are only three of them, and they do not carry weapons, so I feel that they are no threat to our village. Just the same, I wish that they would pass by without stopping. They can have the sky—I do not want it.
They do not pass by. They circle over our village and then come down lower and I hear a shout along the wall, but I do not need to be warned. I trot back to the gate and the safety of our village. On my way in, I am passed by our soldiers, and I bow my head in respect. Takudzwa smiles as he passes me.
The pegasi have retreated back outside of our walls. Perhaps they do not trust us, or perhaps they respect us. They have gathered bits of cloud together and formed them into a big clump and then they sat on that. Every now and then, I can see a muzzle peek over the edge. I wish that we could make outposts in the sky because then lions couldn't sneak up on us.
I am too small to be allowed to meet with the elders, but I listen outside the hall just the same, along with some of the other fillies. The winged ponies are pegasi, which are perhaps the offspring of rocs and ponies. They are envoys from a distant land which is north of the great sand sea and around me I hear some zebras laughing about this but I do not. The sand sea is crossable, and perhaps even easy to cross with wings. Perhaps the other fillies and colts did not notice how much closer things looked from the walkway along the wall, but I did and I wonder if perhaps from the air they can see all the way over the sand sea. Maybe it is not as wide as I thought it was.
They want to trade with us; they want to take the tea and the sisal and the pyrethrum that we grow and there is much debate because the Saddle Arabians want those things as well and they trade us salt and metal plows and the soft gold that we make hoops out of and we do not know what they might offer in return, or if the Saddle Arabians will be mad if we trade to anyone else. Masimba says that it is not like trading to another village but this is different. Tanaka says that if there are more of them perhaps they could guard our village from their clouds and then some of the stallions and colts could go outside the walls and not have to protect the village any more and then there would be enough that we could still trade with the Saddle Arabians.
Zuwena, who is very old and very wise and remembers when Masimba's sire's sire was the leader, says how can we trust them to protect our village. They are not like us, and maybe they do not even know what a lion looks like. She says that the soil of our lands is not in their veins, and the hall falls silent and I think that that is the end of the discussion, and start to make my way back to our house.
But then Zawadi says that we should still see what they have to offer and that there is no harm in negotiating and we should discuss it in the arena and there is a big cheer from inside the hall and I hear hoofstomps and then I do rush back home so that Mother will not know that I was listening outside even though I wasn't supposed to.
Anopa knew that I was out but there is a smile on her muzzle when I return, and pretty soon my other sister Zahara pokes her muzzle out of her room and so I tell them what I have heard and they promise not to tell Mother that I was spying. And I curl up on my bed of reeds and even though I am excited for tomorrow I am still nearly asleep before Mother comes back home.
Although in the morning it seemed like it was a dream, when I look outside the unnatural cloud that the pegasi brought is still there, its bottom lit orange like the sunrise. We eat a quick breakfast of grains, and Mother frets over Takudzwa. Anopa gives him a blessing and half a loaf of bread, and then he trots off to the guardhouse to get his spear.
By the time the sun is above the tops of the acacia trees, all the warriors in the village have gone outside to the field south of our village, which is the arena where we treat. Masimba comes last, following Zuwena in, and they stand in the center and wait for the pegasi to come down.
I am pressed into service carrying in tea for the negotiations, and so I respectfully carry a pot full of hot water, trying to keep the steam out of my eyes.
It is hard to listen sometimes because while I am curious about them, I also must serve my village, and be ready with the hot water when it is needed. But I learn that the pegasi have strange names like Hyrax and Virga and Derecho, and I learn that sometimes it is boring to negotiate because it seems like everyone just keeps saying the same thing over and over again. The steam from the teapot is hot against my muzzle and the sun is beating on my back and I wonder if it took as long to negotiate with the Saddle Arabians and if we would have to do it again. I hoped we would not.
The sun was high overhead and I had gotten two fresh pots of hot water before Masimba finally relaxed his stern look, and then all of a sudden there were smiles on every face. The warriors thumped the butts of their spears against the ground and I hurried forward to pour a fresh service of tea to celebrate.
I stayed in the field and I watched as the pegasi flew off, back north towards the sand sea, and as I walked back to the palisade around our village, I thought about how the world felt a little bit smaller now than it had yesterday.
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neat
Sub Saharan Zebras... neat little bit of world building here.
And for some reason, this really spoke to me. A great amount of insight into the protagonist.
Nice job!
I do agree that those ponies had strange names, they sounded more like Changing names if you ask me. Still good story!
This was a joy to read! Thanks for the glimpse into the zebra!
While I understand that trade negotiations are so boring they're one of the twenty billion factors that killed the Star Wars prequels, and also that this was from the perspective of someone who wouldn't really know or care about all that stuff, this story does still feel somewhat incomplete.
8176957
I've got to agree. I loved the tone and world-building, but it was a bit of a let down not to know even a vague outline of the deal they reached at the end.
Even a small change of viewpoint can totally alter the way you see the world.
Every so often I will climb the hill behind the house.
From the top, I can see forever.
This was an enjoyable read, and an excellent bit of world building. It feels almost like the prelude to a much larger story, so of course I'd like to see more.
You caught me on the name Derecho. At first I thought you might be making a reference to Cold in Gardez' Lost Cities, but it turns out to be a a pretty cool weather condition, and the name you might give a pegasus warrior.
8176790
8176801
Thanks! I kind of surprised myself with it, to be honest. And I have to admit, I don't know all that much about real zebras, besides what I've seen on The Nature Channel and MLP. More research is needed.
Kind of the complete opposite of Silver Glow.
8176861
I'm not sure what the normal naming conventions are for Zebras or Changelings--I don't really read all that many fics starring either. All the names I used were either Swahili or Shona.
8176927
You're quite welcome! I'm glad you liked it!
8176957
8177082
The time limit was absolutely brutal. When I started the last section, I had about fifteen minutes left, and I had to work some kind of conclusion onto it. I actually timed out while I was proofreading and only got through the first half of the story.
I think that all the stories in the competition probably have a few spots that would have been corrected if there had been any time for editing, but there simply wasn't. And maybe I could have done a little better if I hadn't spent as much time researching, but I felt that getting the names right would go a long ways towards really immersing the reader in the characters, plus it also helped me kind of focus on the vibe of the village, if that makes sense.
8177141
I've climbed up on my roof before and looked around the neighborhood like that. One thing I've wanted to build for years but haven't had the time or money is a sort of raised balcony/deck on the back of my house.
8177433
Thank you!
I think it could be a lead-in to a longer story, although I didn't really have any intentions of that when I wrote it. It's something that I may or may not expand upon in the future.
I haven't read Lost Cities yet, although I really need to. CiG writes really good stuff.
I am pretty sure that there's some kind of desert wind that has a specific name, although I couldn't find it with some really quick googling, but I did find Derecho, which I thought was a good name for a pegasus.
8177472
Ah that is where my confusion was. The pegasus names where translated into the zebras native tongue. I also guess my original post could have been clearer on that point.
8177466
though zebras will soon learn a harsh lesson: beware the pegasus who bears a stick
8177486
The closest phonetically to Derecho I can think of instantly, would be Sirocco?
8177540
Yes! That's the one I was trying to remember! Thank you!
8177486 I'd bet you're thinking of the word sirocco, which is also very cool.
On the side, it always makes me think of Paco de Lucia's Siroco (the Spanish spelling) because it's an awesome flamenco album, and really fits the mood of the word's meaning.
And if you weren't thinking of that word, well then you have another word to think about.
Edit: Ah, Booster Spice got it. Cool.
Missed EFNW this year. Too bad. Stupid broken leg. Good story though!
While I would be tempted to think of this as a Zecora origin story. I don't really think it is.
This feels more pre-modern times to me.
8177482 Fair enough, mate. That's half the reason I try not to do contests, right there.
I wish there was even more of the "outsider looking in" angle. Those are scenarios I love to read: Where the characters and peoples and situations we are so familiar with are shown from a different perspective.
Very enjoyable story. And all that was written in only two hours. I'm very impressed!
Edit: Are the stories of the other contestants linked anywhere?
8177648
That's exactly the word I was thinking of. And had no luck with during the contest. If I'd remembered it, I'd've used it instead of Hyrax, 'cause that was kind of a weak name for a pegasus.
Turns out the winds from other directions have names, too, which is really cool.
Ooh, I'm gonna have to check that out!
8178045
Bummer about the broken leg. Should've come anyways, and just hopped around on one foot.
Yeah, it's not meant to be at all. I didn't really set a time for it in relation to the show; I suppose it would really depend on how well-explored the Zebra lands are at the time of the show. I think it's possible that there are isolated villages still (in show-time), although it's hard to imagine that the pegasi at least wouldn't know that they were there. Then again, pegasi might not be common in that part of the world, so maybe there hasn't been all that much exploration.
8178224
It's a downside to them, that's for sure. Then again, there was nothing to stop me from editing the story before I published it on FimFiction, and I could have fixed the parts that were lacking. If it hadn't placed at all, I think I would have; but I thought that I ought to show it as written for posterity.
I think it's fun, just for the challenge of it, and I wrote a story I probably never would have thought of otherwise, so I guess that makes it worthwhile. Also I got a prize.
8178692
That's about my favorite kind of writing, too, and a lot of my stories tend to go that way (which is why I've written so much HiE and PoE).
8178824
Thank you!
8178952
Thank you! And yes, it was written (and researched) in only two hours.
Yes; I believe that they're on the contest website. Of course, I can't remember what that is, and I'm not using the same computer I had at the con, so I'm not sure how long it will take me to figure it out. I was hoping that EFNW or Xepher would put up an announcement with a link, but so far nothing.
I can tell you that the first-place story was redsquirrel456's Take Notice.
Rescue Sunstreak wrote PVFD: Fire Watch One, which didn't win anything. Other than that, until I find the link again, I can't really be any more help.
8179464 Thank you
I asked because I found the list of Scribblefest 2017 submissions and the Iron Author 2016 Winners - but couldn't find anything about the Iron Author 2017 Winners.
Well, I will have to look for updates at https://www.fimfiction.net/user/EverfreeNorthwest
8179470
I'm sure they'll post it on FimFic eventually, but sometimes they seem to be a little bit delayed when it comes to blogging. Of course, I can't really complain; there some blogs I've been meaning to write that I haven't yet, and I'm also way behind on updates for three stories. . . .
8179508 Oh, no problem at all.
Everyone has a life beside Fimfiction too .. I think 
A tantalizing taste, though the contest format seems to have left little space to really turn it into something. Maybe in a sequel...
Had me confused for a second. Never seen someone else use a Swahili name for a character of theirs. Been using the same name for a long going story now for a MC.
8179943
Yeah, the time limit was pretty brutal when it came to worldbuilding.
I'm not sure if it's something that I would write a sequel to--I've certainly got enough other projects, and to be honest, I'm not sure what inspired my choice of characters or location. Normally, I go into stories already either knowing what's gonna happen or who's gonna be in it (or ideally, both).
8180010
All the zebras in the story either have Swahili or Shona names--I thought it was appropriate, and it helped me get into character (so to speak).
Oh really? Is it about zebras? 'Cause now you've got my interest.
8180058 It is indeed about Zebra's... but it's not for the tame of heart by any means. It's a mature story.
I really liked how different from the ponies the Zebras are. I'm not familiar enough with Subsaharian culture to really judge of the "historical accuracy" of it, but it reminded me strongly of native american tribe.
I really feel you should write a sequel, to complete the story. As is, it is a very nice piece of work, even more so since you've writteen it under a time limit, so I can understnd why you published it without further addition. But, I think a special fim fic expended edition would be a grood idea.
8180089
I'm not totally opposed to mature stories, although I do prefer that they're not simple clop. Or gore.
8180188
Short of pictures in books and some half-remembered lessons in Anthropology class about 20 years ago, I'm not very familiar with it, either.
I might--I have a lot of other projects at the moment, so if I do, it wouldn't be for a while. Plus, I'd want to do better research than I was able to for the contest.
8180209
Zebra Conquest, Subterfuge, Domination, Character Death.
It's done in the sense of a subtle approach instead of battlefield combat. More spy games like but very heavy with the clop as well. It can get very dark at times and somewhat mean.
8180356
That's pretty much about the opposite of what I generally like in a ponyfic.
Maybe one or two of those elements, but not all of them. . . . Although I am quite interested in the spy games part.
Nice job!
By the way: We now have a Zebra-Tag.
Maybe consider adding it.
8203918
Thank you!
Huh, I didn't know that! I thought the only one was the Zecora tag.
Zebra tag added.
This is quite a unique story.
8207155
Thank you!
8210070 No problem.
Interesting. Very interesting. Not sure what else to say about it, it didn’t go very far, but what was there worked.
I liked this story a lot, especially the voice.
Africans I’ve met from places like Kenya and Botswana sometimes speak english with an almost soft formality, and I could hear it in her words.
You really captured the even cadence with the fullness of the sentence structure and lack of contractions.
A Definite Double Favourite.
8213285
Thank you!
It was rather experimental, in that I’ve never written anything about Zebras, nor have I ever used this particular voice before. Plus, the time constraints for the contest meant that I pretty much had to just go with my gut, and it worked out pretty well.
8215111
Thank you!
I’d like to say that that was intentional, but I didn’t consciously know that. It just felt right to me, and it felt like her character would talk, so I went with it.
Hmm, interesting little story.
Fascinating. You fit an incredible amount of world building into so few words, along with the very well-presented perspective of a cild who's only now comijg to realize how vast the world really is. Thank you for this.
8227183
8229639
Thank you!
I think that spending a quarter of the writing time allotted for research really paid off, because it got me immersed into Zakia's culture and her own mentality. And to be honest, I'm still amazed that I wrote all this in two hours--I guess the contest brought out the best in people.
I liked this a lot! From the description I thought this was in your Silver Glow universe and they were actually in some remote part of Africa, this was probably a better idea haha.
8233938
It could be the Silver Glow 'verse, I suppose--most of my stories tend to have a similar tech level and society for Equestria--although it isn't specifically set there.
In all honesty, I was pleasantly surprised by how well it turned out, given the limitations of the contest, and the fact that I had no idea whatsoever that this was what I was going to write when the contest started.