• Member Since 29th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Chengar Qordath

I write lots and lots of horse words; everything from comedy to drama. If you like what I write, please support me on Patreon.



This story is a sequel to Oncoming Storm: Surface Tension

Despite all the ugly complications and drama of high school, things have gone pretty well for Cloud Kicker. Sure, there was that one crazy incident where Sunset Shimmer turned into a demon. And the one with the Sirens; then Twilight turned into a demon too, and the freaky bug monsters in the sewers—and then everything that happened at Camp Everfree. The most normal thing in Cloud's life is her relationship with Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow now has magical superpowers.

That's not to say everything in Cloud's life is perfect. She's never really seen eye-to-eye with her mother, but that's hardly unusual for a teenager. At least, until a misunderstanding blows up in the worst way possible. When Cloud uncovers a shocking consequence of her relationship with Rainbow, it might be just what she needs to patch things up with her mother ... or it could tear their relationship apart completely.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 64 )

This is even better than I thought it would be! XD. Also, nice bit with the "I wish you were dead" line. If only she knew......

All this talk of Dash's parents has me wondering how they work in this worldline. She may have two mothers, but she definitely doesn't have two biological ones.

Also, good to see Cloud's friends and friends-of-friends interceding before the rift between her and her mother becomes uncrossable. It may be tricky, but there's a chance it'll work out okay.

You know, before taking into account her armament augmentation abilities. Aside from what this could mean for Cloud herself, there's also the matter of how contagious magic is at CHS. How many other students might develop fantastic abilities? How will everyone deal with this? This could go a lot deeper than just one gunmage.

Dun dun DUUUUUNNNNN :rainbowlaugh:

Probably just as well Cloud won't be fooling around with any guys anytime soon if that's what she does to a rifle :raritywink:

“I wish you were dead.”

That made me cringe.

The whole "Rainbow Dash trying to catch a bullet" bit does, too...

Next time, on a Very Special Episode of Oncoming Storm...

Huh, was not expecting that.

Going to be interesting to see what happens here. As we've seen at the end of Legends of Everfree, the statue is leaking magic into the world, meaning that potentially EVERY student at CHS could start developing magical abilities.

this well be interesting to see, provided the story remembers both parties are severely in the wrong in this case mother and daughter.

I spent basically the entire run up to that thinking "how long until we learn Clout is pregnant in this one too," so good job on defying the expectations there.

Oh dear, at a guess cloud is pregnant. Fricken love magic.

Having not read the prequel before finding this one, the premise of the story had me wondering if Rainbow Dash and Cloud Kicker were actually related, and Cloud's mother didn't want to reveal this because it would open up a significant can of worms.

“Actually, come to think of it didn’t Sunset say they got banished to here thousands of years ago? For all we know, they were stirring up all kinds of trouble.”

That possibility is actually kinda disturbing ...

“I don’t think it’s Pinkie doing it,” I stared down at the gun, trying to wrap my head around the only insanity unfolding around us. “I think it’s me.”

And just how did Cloud get "firearm-juju"? So many possible problems can come from this ...

8091243 You are an evil person for bringing up that possibility! Now I'm going to be stuck wondering if horrible events from Life and Times are going to repeat themselves in EQG :fluttershysad:

Well, I already deeply dislike Mrs Kicker. (I can't even be bothered to look her name up.) The whole over-protective-parent thing irritates me at the very best of times (especially at the point the children are old enough to be, y'know driving and shooting fracking guns, which means they're old enought to be married in my country (UK)), but the whole "I'm not listening" thing? That, alone, independant of the aforementioned is just about the fastest way to ignite my ire.

So, I merely snorted as the "wish you dead" line, myself.

Still, at least CK has got a cool power.

I'd also be geninuely intested as exactly what Mrs Kicker was going to lecture about safe sex between two girls. As (inflowing magic notwithstanding) safe sex is usually principally concerned with contraceptives (which... um...... yeah. Two girls.) With the additional concern of avoiding veneral disease. As RD and CK don't seem to be sleeping around[1], it seems... Unlikely that would be an issue. So, what?

Was she going to talk about, I dunno, how to... let's not put to finer point on it, cleaning artifices used after penetrative copulation? (Do you put condoms on those? Can you put condoms on those? I honestly have no idea, this being about as far from my field of expertise as can be fathomable.) I mean, I can see that the use of condoms would be applicable for two gentlemen having penetrative sex (just for avoid possible infections), but aside from apply the same principal to... said artifices, I am struggling to think as to how to "safe sex" would apply to two young ladies in an apparently exclusive relationship.

Or was it just an threat designed to embarrass CK?

(My Mum was a family planning nurse, so not only did I never need The Talk (since I picked up for an early age, by osmosis (and provided reading material eventually), but it doesn;t have quite the same effect on me as other people. Perhaps it helps that as sex is itself something I'm simply not interested in, there is a degree more seperation, I dunno.)

[1]I.e., the number of potential casual partners is zero, therefore confining the infection risks to only the two participants.


Im so glad i came to read this! Much better than i thought!

(I felt pretty terrible when Cloud said "I wish you were dead." Since... you know.)

Ouch. This is leaving a lot of chekhov's guns laying around, especially if you take the other side of the portal into consideration. I just hope Nimbus fairs better then her counterpart.

One question I have about Cloud's family though, what's her sibling situation? Equestria just has Alula, but the mentioned sibling pecking order makes it sound like Star and Sparkler are in there as well. So did Cloud's cousins become her sisters over here?

Have to say, I never thought I'd read an argument between a parent and a petulant teenager and actually sympathize with the teenager when she says "that's not fair!" That either says a lot about your writing, or a lot about Momma Kicker's parenting.

And as for Cloud's magic gun, everyone seems to think it's just from the statue leaking magic, but the story description makes me think of something else. Suffice to say, I think Momma Kicker might have been a bit too late with the safe-sex talk considering it looks like Cloud has contracted an STMP: a sexually transmitted magic power!

Star and Storm are still cousins to Cloud.

I like how you manage to convey both the "(Over)Protective Mom" who just wants her daughter to not fuck up, while also showing us the irrational side - the one that Cloud picks up on.

It's like... like she's actually a person, which is a good thing. The best characters are the ones where you can say "That sounds like a real person," and can follow their logic, etc. She's overprotective, stubborn, paranoid, and bigoted to a certain degree. All of these traits come forward, and not once does it feel like something doesn't make sense, because those traits are well established and shown to us even before it happens, and even as it happens.

It's relatable, and I can totally understand both sides of the argument. Cloud's indignation and anger, coming as a result of Nimbus/Mrs. Kicker doing something objectively unfair, but completely well-reasoned and realistic to her.

I guess the Tl;dr is - I like where this is going. The Drama is real without feeling obnoxious. Great job so far! :pinkiehappy:

OK, it still just throws me of a bit that Sparkler is over here with the Kicker's instead of with Derpy. I just finished rereading Surface Tension and saw the relevant parts i forgot. All these AU's start to mesh in interesting ways after a while.

And to everyone else, I'm thinking we should call Cloud's new skill Peacemaker. Both for the gun and the superior firepower quote. Can I get a second endorsement?

Two years ago, I made a prediction. I'm very glad to see that came true. Nimbus Gust/Kicker is quite the hot mama.
Serious face now, I like this Nimbus and I don't know what they are talking about with Nimbus being strict. I would have been lucky to get a grounding with half of the crap Cloud pulls and if I was so bold as to cuss my mother out, let's say the best I could hope for is a grounding and a bit of yard work.
All in all, Chengar delivers once again. Looking forward to the next chapter.

“So you guys dated other people in high school?” Mom and Dad nodded, and despite the way the question made my skin crawl, I went for the kill. “Did you bang them?”

Yeah, your parents are probably hypocrites, but that comes with the whole being human (or whatever the EQG population are) thing. They have the benefit of hindsight to see that what they did didn't work out all that well and don't want the same for you. Won't work, it didn't work for them either but at least they're trying.

One the other foot Cloud really dodged a bullet, what if her parents had decided to tell her about their previous sex lives?

Well there was this time with the football team, the entire football team.

Huh, sane family shenanigans. That's rather rare :derpytongue2:
Needs moar though. Much, much moar :pinkiecrazy:

This was significantly less painful than I anticipated. I had thought the situation would blow up even more than it already has, but it's nice to see things actually being "resolved" rather than just escalating.

Wow, Clouds family is pretty decent. I really appreciate that.

You can always count on Cloud's mother to apologize every once in a while.

that seemed... lack luster pretty much clouds mom got away with a 'i totaly screwed that one up but my bad' i don't care if she is a parent she still crossed several lines that wheren't even lampshaded in this.

also chastity belts used in that fashion have been ilegal for over a hundred years, there a health hazard and considered endangering human life.

I will say I really like the development of Nimbus as a character that we didn't quite get with Life and Times for obvious reasons. Kinda makes me sad that Equestria Cloud didn't get the chance to have the relationship with her mother that we see here, but that's what happens with alternate world's. All in all I love the different dynamics you have between the characters than what we're used to in Life and Times, and I can't wait for more!
Keep up the fabulous work :heart:

That certainly went better than expected. Always nice to see reasonable authority figures, especially when they're parents. The skepticism was handled very well, neither credulous nor Sunnydale Syndromic.

Plus, now the Kickers have a new, if rather unusual form of fanily bonding: Seeing what Cloud can do to/with the arsenal. Should be fun.

EDIT: Whoops, didn't realize it was over. Definitely a nice entry into this series; seeing Dash and company nip what could've been a family-splitting argument in the bud was pleasantly heartwarming. I'm a touch disappointed that we won't be getting more magical students (or so I assume,) but this was a very enjoyable read. Thank you for it.

I like how this story ended up and really hope to see another entry in the Oncoming Storm series. There's just so much awesome potential here that it kinda needs to happen. What else is there for me to say here... I dunno, this is just a very enjoyable series that I can't wait to see continued. It's full of more realistic family drama for high-school kids mixed in with the magical elements of Pony. A captivating combination, if I say so myself. I look forward to the next entry! Keep up the great writing, Chengar!


A neat little story. A little disappointed there was no real climax (not that kind, dammit Cloud) but I suppose the tradeoff is having characters who are actually reasonable and fair, so that's something. Can't wait to see where this series goes!

I only just got to this and it was a great read! :twilightsmile:

That begs the question though - how would an anti-materiel (yes, it's materiel, not material, before anyone tries to correct me) rifle sit with her? Something akin to an RPG, just with the speed of a bullet?

Or a a S&W Model 500. For when you really want to hit the enemy on the other side of the universe :rainbowlaugh:

Another thing that occurs to me is the fact that with all this magic coming from Equestria, we might see the Magic of Love take effect, and if Cloud and Rainbow's love is strong enough then we might see some surprising consequences very soon.

Most of it. There will be a one slice fee for cutting and delivering it.

My dad does that type of stuff all the time

This story is finished?
That doesn't feel like a open ending, but more like a cliffhanger ending with a huge, unanswered question.

Wait, hang on... Cloud getting a result with an interpersonal conflict situation by having a polite and reasonable conversation, and with the her mother of all people...?!

What fresh spore of madness is this...?!

(What a remarkably refreshing change!)

“Yeah, well...” She picked up one of my pillows and smacked me with it. “Shut up, Kicker.”

“Yeah, well...” Rainbow reached down and slipped a hand past my waistline, then grabbed my underwear to apply a very enthusiastic wedgie.

Rainbow Dash, Captain of Witty Comebacks :rainbowdetermined2:

To be fair THIS Cloud is a LOT younger and has not had to live on her own for as long. Plus, we know at least PART of the problem was Cloud's Mom in Pony Universe was replaced by a Mean Changeling. So there's that. Not to mention so far, Cloud hasn't done anything quite so irreversible the way that Pony Cloud did in terms of ditching the Academy at the last minute. Plus Cloud has only had one sex partner, rather than a billion.

tl;dr: This Cloud is MUCH younger and as such hasn't had to deal with her mom NEARLY as much. Not only that, but THIS Cloud hasn't fucked up and pissed off her mom NEARLY as bad.

Jeez, that's one hell of a magic boost if a regular "varmint rifle" blasted a huge hole in a tree.

Wow Cloud's parents are strict, and Rainbow’s as well, is that an american thing?

Back when I was that age parents wanted us to keep the door firmly shut. (We don't have silence spells where I'm from.)

Also, gun magic! :pinkiehappy:

Pinkie frowned, then pulled a clipboard out of her hair and crossed several things out. “Hmm ... there go most of my theories. Oh! Were you bitten by a spider? Or maybe you accidently touched some radioactive waste?”

No, she just got very close to Rainbow after she got her magic powers.... Wait! Does this mean magic is sexually transmitted? :pinkiegasp:

“You’d be fine,” Rainbow assured me. “Not quite as cool without me propping you up, but you’d manage. Don’t worry about the whole magic thing, Sunset’s an expert. Comes from being born a unicorn in magical pony land.”

Wait, so is this the same Sunset as in the Freeport stories? Why is the Archon of Freeport hanging around a highschool?

Sunset stealing the element of magic I can buy, but the rest? What could she hope to gain that she hasn't already in freeport? An army of brainwashed teenagers? Wouldn't it be much simpler and vastly more effective to just hire the Doo clan mercenaries?

I just assumed that Oncoming Storm Sunset was the mirror clone of Freeport Sunset, not the same person.

Freeport Sunset and Oncoming Storm Sunset are different characters.

Thanks or clearing that up. :twilightsmile:
Does that mean that Oncoming Storm and Winningverse are different universes as well?

:raritywink:Pony Cloud might be older but a billion, that sounds like a bit much, she's not nearly old enough to have had time for that many, She's only in her early thirties, plus she likes to take her time and enjoy herself, and keeps returning to her favourites. It wouldn't surprise me if she is still stuck in triple digits. A few thousand maximum :pinkiegasp::rainbowhuh::facehoof:

Now if she became an alicorn...:scootangel:

Okay yeah a billion is probably far too strong. That was a gross exageration, but my overall points still stand. Human Cloud can count on only 1 hand how many sex partners she's had it sound like. Compare that to Pony Cloud who has had sex with multiple different SPECIES, in addition to easily having well over 100 different sexual partners....yeaaaah.

Yeah, sorry if it sounded negative, was just trying to make a joke. I'm a bit damaged due to overexposure to puns and nitpicking. :twilightsheepish:

Yeah your point stands, Pony Clpud is nearly twice as old as her human counterpart. She's had a lot more experience, especially with sex and she did run oit of her graduation ceremony, something HCloud has yet to do.

Maybe Pony Nimbus doesn't get enough credit, she might've not been very happy with Cloud's choices but she and her husband did move to Ponyville to support her, that's pretty huge.

Yeah that was harsh, can't believe someone would say that to their parent. But Nimbus was pretty out of line as well.
But the dramatic irony is strong. :derpyderp1:

The problem with Pony Nimbus is we have no IDEA how long exactly she was a Changeling Infiltrator. We don't know what kind of effect that Chrysalis' changelings had on the relationship between Pony Nimbus & Cloud. Most of what we see is Post Changeling Switch.

No we don't, at least we can safely assume that it was after Alula's birth.

Though, and this is just a vague memory so I could be wrong, i think Cloud said something in Winning Pony about how her relationship with her mother got even worse 2 years ago. Then her dad got fed up with Nimbus as well and moved back to Canterlot. My guess is that those relationships tanked because at that point, she wasn't Nimbus anymore. The changeling was good but not that good, plus it'not like it was that relecant to completing its mission.

Inassume that all we see of Nimbus from the beginning of Winning Pony is the changeling and we only know the real Nimbus from Cloud's memory. (and maybe some prequel stories.)

So yeah, not that Nimbus and Cloud had a perfect relationship before, but I'm pretty sure the changeling made it worse.

Still, according to Cloud her mother had some good moments as well and Cloud did love her, even if they never got along.

I do get the feeling that the human Kicker family is happier and more functional than the ponies.
Even when Pony Cloud was the same age as human Cloud she had it a lot tougher.

Yeah I can definitely agree with you there. Then again considering how much earlier this is, and how Human Cloud never did anything so bone headed, it's hard to really say how much more functional they are. It could just be that they just haven't been close to a breaking point just yet.

Also I do agree 110% that the Changeling was probably there from the start, which really further degraded and ruined everything. Changelings haven't been known to be particularly kind OR friendly pre-reformation with the exception of a single changeling. Plus I imagine there were reasons that a changeling may want to break up a military family in order to create and/or exacerbate any sort of weakness. Internal fighting certainly is not going to help those ponies function well when it comes time for an invasion. Plus it would help prevent them from wanting to look too close at any details and other nastyness.

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