• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 26 minutes ago

River Road


Writing Comedy, Adventure and Slice Of Life. Desperately trying to keep up with all the crazy stories my brain comes up with.

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Twilight Sparkle is not in a good place. Shunned and abandoned by her friends, her mentor and even her family for a thoughtless outburst at the wedding rehearsal. But she still has friends in Canterlot, even if she forgot about them.

Oh yeah, and somepony should probably do something about that whole changeling issue.

Written under the prompt "Warrior Twilight" for FOME's Imposing Sovereigns Contest.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 103 )

Huh. I surprisingly can dig it.

8028628
Im not a bad writer, I'm just bad at titles and short descriptions. :facehoof:

Dang it, I wanted to see the main 6 reaction. All in all though, it was still a good fic. So now we have a secondary six, as well as a new alicorn, and a alicorn on the way. Oh, and the changlings. I don't think Equestria is going to be having any problems any time soon.

What about Celestia and Luna?

Excuse me, what about celestia and the others.

8028682
Part of the reason I didn't show that part is that I honestly didn't and still don't know how to write it. No matter how I'd resolve it part of the readers and part of me wouldn't be satisfied with it. The whole mind control angle wouldn't make it easier. This way it's up to the reader to fill in the gaps with reconciliation, righteous comeuppance (either direction) or anything else they'd want to he see.

8028715
8028701
I knew I forgot something. Pretty much the same answer I gave for the Mane Six though... the situation has been resolved, but how exactly is up to the reader. I might try to edit in a satisfying explanation tomorrow, but this isn't really the kind of story that would benefit from bringing in more politics.

I actually really enjoyed this, and I didn't think I would. It contained many twists and alternate scenarios that I've never seen before, that I was honestly interested in a story for the first time in about a month.

I really like the concept of this story, but I feel the execution could use work. The fight itself is great, but I'd have wished Twilight would have spent more time with her old-new friends before having this solid of a friendship. That particular aspect feels rushed.

8028726

Screw Poltics, i wanted tos ee Twilight put Celestia in her place, Twilight Ascended and made Chryalis a great allie, and done far more good then Celestia has ina few thousand years with out her usual meddling as well andhelp change Sunset for the better again fixing her fubar mistakes.

8028726 I see, one question, has the real bride Cadance learn that twilight was betrayed by friends, her brother and her mentor?.

Chrysalis’s villainous monologue in front of my captured and bound friends is interrupted as crystals all over the cavern start to glow with… well, me. Beams of magic shoot out towards a point halfway between them, growing into the pulsing shape of my cutie mark which flashes and disperses to reveal my new body, complete with an imposing set of lavender wings I immediately spread for effect before the ethereal glow around me fully fades out.
I open my eyes, looking straight at Chrysalis. “I know it is rather unorthodox, but… Queen Chrysalis, I challenge you to a Duel Of Queens, again.”

Is that Doctor Twilight Strange
orig07.deviantart.net/bde8/f/2012/026/8/1/8132cff7ef4f24fe5747990a1307056c-d4nn9fu.jpg

“Lyra, what are you-?”

Lyra’s horn flashes and two of the giant flyswatters appear above her, following as she charges at the army of changelings with a mad cackle. “LYRAAAAAAA… HEARTSTRINGS!”

Hello, Leeroy Jenkins-pony. :rainbowlaugh:

Hmm...

This was good. Wonderfully inventive at points, especially once the seventh member of the group got involved. But the timeframe seems a bit slippery, I'm not clear on why Chrysalis would be under Canterlot at any point during the invasion, and I'm not thrilled with how everyone who isn't a member of Twilight's Terrors (1st Canterlot Highly Irregulars) gets the shaft at the end. Especially the actual Cadence.

The ending does need some more tightening, as you've left some plot threads dangling that you really should attend to. Still, overall, this was a very enjoyable story. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

8029675
Yeah, I'm not completely happy with the end either. That said, I still haven't been able to figure out a good resolution to all the "background" characters in this story... and honestly, when I wrote the epilogue I was at that point where I just wanted to get this story out before I spend another week and 5.000 words tying up loose ends people might not even care about.

I'll probably do some edits on the last chapter (hopefully before the actual judging), but until I get the sudden epiphany on just how to do that I'll just focus on my other writing.

I'm glad you enjoyed it though. And I'm also kind of glad that I managed to write five and a half chapters to be proud of before I had to dump the whole leftover mess at the end. :rainbowlaugh:

(I think as far as Cadence is concerned she's actually legally married to Shining unless somepony can proof that it wasn't her at the wedding. So that's another can of worms for both me and the characters. :twilightsheepish:)

GREAT! I love how it this AU can essentially be summed up as "Twilight interrupted Chrysalis".

I already ran off to save the world once and left them behind. Equestria can wait a couple more hours.

She really IS still upset about her friends ditching her.

How did she-well, maybe we'll find out next chappie.

8030680 I can totally see myself doing this and then when I find out the truth, be totally mortified:twilightsmile:

8030649
It's the small things. I'm working on another AU where Twilight runs away from her "failed" entrance exam before the Sonic Rainboom happens. :raritywink:

8030680
Honestly, at this point she is more upset about herself than her friends. It's hard to lay the blame on someone when you suddenly realize that you've done exactly the same to someone else.

8031660
See yourself doing what? Ditching Twilight or being upset about it? :rainbowderp:

8029435
Someone had to do it. Even her name fits. :rainbowwild:

8030715
Hearing that from Sweetie Belle is way too adorable. :scootangel:

There’s a flash of golden magic and every pair of eyes in the room except hers is drawn to the giant flyswatter made of golden magic hovering above Lyra.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

8028850
Really? Twilight's bond with the Ponyville Five was apparently strong enough to activate a set of ancient artifacts, after maybe half a day. I'm pretty sure she even lampshaded that in this story. By comparison, her Canterlot friends already were her childhood friends (even if she was kind of an awkward friend back then) and they spent about a week of time together. Mostly on research, true, but it's not like they didn't take breaks occasionally, not to mention the whole sleepover.

8029172
Sorry, young chap, but I'm afraid I've actually never seen that movie. She's totally a doctor, though. Doctor Princess Twilight Sparkle, but you can call her Doctor Princess. :twilightblush:

8028826
D'awww, thank you. Hearing stuff like that means a lot to me. :twilightsmile:
If you like villains, princesses and alternate scenarios, I'm gonna try writing another short story before the contest is over, that one based on the last AU from the Season Five finale. :coolphoto:

8031674
Killing crawlies is pretty much the only time Lyra can do whatever she wants without Bon Bon berating her. Bonnie really doesn't like bugs.

Comment posted by Thule deleted Mar 18th, 2017

8031683 Just the ending of the chapter making me think about one scene from the 'Doctor Strange' movie.

''Chrysalis... I've come to bargain!''

8031690

Likely because bugs make Agent Sweetie Drops think of changelings.

I got to the end of this and couldn't believe that it was already done. I would like to see more of this.
Very good !

It makes sense that they would’ve been guardians to the other pony races, long ago.”

Well that makes a lot of sense for the changelings. I found this fic leaving me with a lot of questions unanswered. Other than that, good job

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH <3

8031974
D'awww, thank you. :twilightsheepish:
Any part of it in particular or just the package as a whole?

8031918 8031972
Thank you. And yes, I got that a lot, mostly for questions I knew I'd left open but just didn't have a clue how to answer within the flow of the chapter.

But no more. If you read the last chapter again, you'll find that the wall of text is even longer at least the general questions about what happened to the story's "background" ponies are answered now.

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Where do I begin...

Well, aside from the Princesses and my friends from Ponyville, they actually only had a bunch of guards and a few ponies of the castle staff kept in their pods.

With both celestial mechanics in stasis, who was operating the sun and moon? Especially during the time when Twilight was either passed out or burnt out.

...either way I'm going to need some time before I am comfortable around them again.

Because they're totally never going to try to visit Twilight, apologize, or mend the rift between friends whose bonds were so strong they thwarted gods. And Pinkie Pie obviously never tried to throw any kind of apology party. Ever.

...the more I look into law and government offices the more things come up that Celestia just let slip by over the last few decades, like she got so used to the big picture of Equestria that she missed any individual problems and corruptions.

For example? And if Celestia really was slipping, why only the last few decades? After nine hundred-plus years of exemplary diligence, what new trick slipped by the old dog?

As much as I love Cadence as a pony, within Equestria Celestia gave her little more royal duties than she gave her pet phoenix. Which is more than it sounds, actually, but the point stands that she's probably less fit and experienced for actually ruling than Luna or Chrysalis.

Given how Celestia was likely silently grooming Cadence to rule the Crystal Empire—perfectly in line with her usual style, especially in this story—I find that hard to believe.

Shiny is less happy about the whole situation, but his wife and his sister both made it pretty clear that he's the last pony with the right to complain.

Yes, how dare he get mind controlled. The nerve.

Sorry, but the more you put into this chapter, the more it hurts the story overall. There were always unfortunate overtones of "wedding fixfic" to this, but these elaborations really hurt matters. It's one thing to build up minor characters in novel ways, but you shouldn't tear down others to make the pedestals. Denying them a chance to defend themselves in-story makes the issue all the more glaring.

Honestly, I think the story would be better served if you cut this chapter entirely. As much as I like seeing Sunset ascend, it's not worth the price you pay. Ending it on "Acceptance" would leave some ambiguity, but it would be more "intriguing sequel hook" ambiguity than the "did the author forget these characters?" ambiguity that was present here prior to the expansion. Very important distinction.

8032086
Duly noted. I don't want to cut this chapter entirely, but I might just cut out Twilight's monologue and only leave the part that actually relates to Sunset.

Though to be fair, they never did apologize to Twilight in the show. And it's pretty much the premise of a whole genre of stories that they don't, as well as in other episodes. All of them do seem to have a tendency to move on from and forget anything that doesn't relate to the friendship lesson learned.

Yes Twi you deserve that rest. Let them handle it for themselves this time:ajsmug:

8032164 At least Cadance find out that Twilight was betrayed.

Holy that's an explanation and a half :rainbowlaugh: I like this concept and the way you wrote it :twilightsmile: op twi is best twi

8033116
The season six finale made it a lot harder to make an explanation for changelings' behavior that fits into canon (while avoiding the mooselings), but this one still works. Thank you, and yes, I totally agree. :moustache:

I can definitely identify with Twilight in the first half of the chapter. I love the elaborate analogy she comes up with to describe just how badly she screwed up.

One thing, though:

Outer Space is a cold, unforgiving b**** that kills you the moment you turn your head. Literally.

Why the self-censorship here?

8032086
Oh dear. Now I'm scared to read it because I despise that sort of Canterlot Wedding fixfic, to the point where I often wish the Changeling would win just to shut Twilight up.

8032164
Didn't Applejack apologise to Twilight?

8032164
To be fair, they never had an opportunity to apologize to Twilight in the show. By the time everypony realized Twilight was right, they were rather busy fighting for their lives. Presumably any and all apologies occurred in the timeskip between the changelings' expulsion and the second wedding.

8033869
Not at all my intention. This really is a clever and enjoyable story; it just has its flaws, as does every story. Also, you really shouldn't read comments before reading the story itself. You're practically guaranteed to spoil yourself.

It took me a while to understand how the part with Sunset was a flashback. I kept wondering why only the dialogue was in italics.

He tends to forget small details like that, or like letting his close family know he is getting married.

Oh, you mean when he said he'd been ordered not to?

8033907
I usually don't mind spoilers. Better than to read something you end up hating.

Which didn't happen with this story here. It was a nice change to have Twilight not become the petty- grudge-obsessed whiner so many other stories make her. It would make more sense for her to start blaming herself; and what this story kept remembered that many don't is that Twilight herself had been fooled by Chrysalis' act before she openly attacked her.

You know, something I never really got with CW-fixfics is this argument that Twilight's friends 'abandoned' her. At least not how it's usually presented. True, they chose to comfort Cadance over staying with Twilight at that moment, but when you read some of the stories, it's like they yelled in her face that their friendship is over forever. That's... just not what happened.

8034139
It's usually presented too simplistic in those stories, but I do think they messed up pretty bad, which I also put in this story in the first chapter. Even if it looked like Twilight was in the wrong, they should all know that she wasn't the most mentally stable and the Cadence might not be the only one in need of comfort. And even disregarding that, they did exactly what they promised never again to do in Lesson Zero, the episode that might be even more the intro episode to season two than Return Of Harmony was. And breaking a promise like that is the fastest way to lose a friend foreeeeeever. :pinkiegasp:

That said, I'm making it pretty clear in the story that Twilight isn't the best friend herself, what with having done mistakes of a similar gravity, so she really can't keep a grudge for what happened at the rehearsal. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, since it means I probably did well enough on balancing those two things, not making it an overbearing Accusation Fic against one side or the other.

Really, if you write a certain kind of story (and I was deliberately going for an Accusation Fic) then someone saying "I usually don't like these kind of stories, but..." is one of the highest praises you can get. :twilightsheepish:

8034557

And even disregarding that, they did exactly what they promised never again to do in Lesson Zero, the episode that might be even more the intro episode to season two than Return Of Harmony was. And breaking a promise like that is the fastest way to lose a friend foreeeeeever. :pinkiegasp:

That's another thing. Almost every story runs with the idea that Twilight's friends broke their promise not to belittle her concerns so quickly anymore—and they didn't. They sat down with her to talk things through. They didn't laugh in her face like last time. Twilight's entire reasoning for cancelling the wedding was Not-Cadance being rude.

They're not blameless in what happened, not at all, but every time I look back at the episode, I find myself siding more with her friends than with Twilight.

I'm happy your story allowed the characters to not engage in the miserable death-spiral of one-sided grudges so many others deal with.

Interesting, nice intro.

But Twilight! You will miss a prime opportunity to tell everypony "I told you so!" :pinkiecrazy:

This chapter was awesome!
Great work. :rainbowdetermined2:

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