• Published 1st Dec 2016
  • 3,767 Views, 68 Comments

Most of the Cast is Replaced by Inanimate Objects - Justice3442



There is a point where we need to stop and we have clearly passed it. BUT LET’S KEEP GOING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. Title pretty much says it all.

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The Miscellaneous of Harmony

Most the Cast is replaced by Inanimate Objects


An eggplant, a red apple, a marshmallow, a bag of Skittles, and a yellow feather duster with a pink handle are all set on a table. It’s a set of objects that almost brings a sense of completeness and wholeness, harmony even. However, something is missing. Yes, one crucial component. These objects seem to lack joy… The sound of laughter is notably absent from their mouths, which do not exist because they are in fact an assortment of foodstuffs and one household item. They need something else to add excitement and a sense of whimsy to their lives, which aren’t really things they have anyways. They need…

A pink hoof drops down a blue and white cup with a translucent plastic lid and plastic spoon.

They need a McDonald's McFlurry.

Wait, what?

“Look everypony!” Pinkie says excitedly as she stares at the items with a twitching manic smile framed by notably straight pink hair. “Flurry Heart is here to visit!”

The objects express their excitement by remaining motionless on the table.

Pinkie Pie grabs the spoon and removes it, a small dribble of melted ice cream dripping from the tip. She gasps in shock and alarm. “Oh no!” Panic grips her voice. “Somepony has consumed almost all of her life essence!” she cries as she wipes the last traces of ice cream and cookie bits from her muzzle. “Somepony find Shining Armor and Cadence, quick!”

The objects seem nonplussed by the recent developments.

“Come on, everypony!” Pinkie cries. “This is the time for action!” She stares long and hard at the objects, her eyes settling on the red apple. Pinkie Pie laughs. “You’re right Applejack! Gee, your folksy wisdom sure comes in handy at times!” she says, punctuating her sentence with an eye twitch as her teeth grind against each other.

Pinkie Pie looks around the room, the fright in her expression waning slightly as she took notice of something. “Shining Armor, Cadance! Your daughter is in trouble! Some—” Pinkie’s eyes darted to the side briefly “—mysterious pony has drained your daughter’s essence! We have to…” Pinkie trails off and her cheeks turn red as she focuses on what she is looking at. A blue and silver shield with a trio of yellow triangles stacked into a larger triangle with a triangular hole in the middle set over a red bird emblem, a fluffy pink heart plush is set on top of this.

Oh my g-o-s-h! Making more babies is not the answer!” Pinkie rushes forward, grabs the shield with the heart balancing on it. “Quick! You must find the culprit at once!” Pinkie flings the shield towards the nearest window, which is closed and shatters violently on contact with the heavy metal object as both shield and heart tumble outside.

‘SMACK!’

“OW!” a pained, female cry from outside calls out. “Who’s throwing shields?!” the voice demands. “I’ll sue!”

Pinkie turns to the table full of her ‘friends’. “Rarity, this is no time for fashion! A dress won’t fix Flurry Heart!” she chastises. She zips up to the feather duster. “You’re right, Fluttershy! We clearly need more help!” Pinkie taps at her chin thoughtfully. “We need another smart pony. A pony with a checkered past, who against all odds has risen up to save the day time and time again! A pony who’s redeemed herself through the trials of friendship…” Pinkie turns to an end table next to her bed where a pile of crystals are arranged into a crude castle shape. “We need—” Pinkie thrusts her hoof into the ‘castle’ “—Sunset Shimmer!” Pinkie says as she pulls out an uncooked strip of bacon.

Pinkie rushes over and slaps the bacon down on the table. “Sunset Shimmer! Flurry Heart has had her essence drained! We need to find the-notME-culprit! WAIT!” Pinkie looks up fearfully, her ears flop down around her head before perking back up. “Do you hear that!? That… that evil laughter!” She turns towards the eggplant. “You’re right, Twilight! It can only be…” Pinkie dives under her bed and comes back up with a wheel of Swiss cheese, Gummy’s toothless mouth gripping tightly to the pungent wheel.

Pinkie furrows her brow and gives the cheese wheel a shake, causing Gummy to fall off onto the bed. “QUEEN CHRYSALIS!” Pinkie cries as she holds the cheese wheel aloft. “Oh! No! She’s attacking!” Pinkie exclaims frightfully as she flings the wheel at the table of objects. With a cacophonous clatter, the objects fly about as the cheese wheel lands solidly in the middle of the table. “She’s here to take revenge on somepony! Somepony who’s deeply wronged her in the past! Somepony who’s cost her all her minions by teaching them the value of friendship! She’s here for—” Pinkie dives for the crystal ‘castle’ once more and shoves her hoof inside “—Spike!” Pinkie pulls out a humanoid purple action figure with green trim that rather resembles a robot with a large purple protrusion coming out of its forehead and rectangular shoulder pauldrons that jut straight up over the figure’s head.

Pinkie rushes over and places the figure on the table. “Spike! This is no time for your crippling father issues! You have to help defeat Chrysalis! But WAIT!” Pinkie looks over the table once more. “Somepony is still missing to help us fight Chrysalis! A pony that’s helped defeat her before! A pony that’s struggled with friendship in the past, but has come a long way since then and shown that she’s capable of understanding the true meaning of friendship!”

Pinkie dove for the crystal pile.

“A once foe turned ally!”

Pinkie reaches inside.

“A unicorn of great magical talent!”

Pinkie pulls out a purple air horn that had been painted with blue and yellow stars.

“We need the Grrrrrrrrreat and Powerful TRIXIE!”

“Pinkie Pie?”

“HOOOOOOOONK!”

“GHA!”

“Not now, Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie says as she rushes over to the table and places the air horn next to the ‘Spike’ robot. “Can’t you see you’re saving Equestria?!”

Pinkie Pie!”

Pinkie gasps. “Good idea, Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie exclaims as she grabs the bag of Skittles and opens it.

“PIIIIIIIIIINKIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE PIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!”

“RAINBOW POWER!”Pinkie screams as she violently shakes the open bag of Skittles about, launching colorful candy all over the table and room. With the bag spent, Pinkie inhales a large gasp of air, then collapses onto the ground with a ‘Thud!’

As Pinkie stares up at her ceiling, a familiar face of a blue pegasus enters her field of vision.

The pegasus stares down at Pinkie with an unamused look. “Are you done?”

Pinkie gasps. “Rainbow Dash! You’re a real pony!”

Rainbow Dash reaches down and pulls Pinkie to her hooves, giving the pink pony a confused look. “Pinkie, of course I’m a real pony!” Rainbow Dash looks around the room with its assorted objects spread around and foodstuffs littering the floor and table. She shakes her head. “I’m not even going to ask…” She turns back to Pinkie. “Pinkie? Why’d you throw a huge, hulking shield out your window? It hit Spoiled Rich! I mean… Ponies were laughing, but you can’t just throw shields out of windows! A pony someone actually cares about might get—”

Pinkie dives towards Rainbow Dash, placing her forehooves on either side of her face. “Are there new episodes yet?! What about the movie?! At least tell me there’s a new short!” Pinkie’s voice goes shrill as the desperation in it increases. “I MIiIiiIiIiiSSS MY FRIIIIIIEEEEEEENDS!”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widen momentarily before she slowly removes Pinkie’s hooves from the sides of her face. “Pinkie, what the hay are you talking about? Your friends are all here! You can see us whenever you like.”

Pinkie blinks a few times. “Oh…” she said as her hair suddenly inflated with a ‘fweeee!’ and returns to its normal curly self. A dazzling smile lights up her face. “Right! Hehe, how silly of me!”

There was a knock on Pinkie’s door. “Pinkie?” Twilight Sparkle calls out. “Are you okay? Rainbow Dash peeked in through your open and broken window and told us all you were having another breakdown where you made friends with other objects…”

“I’m fiiiine now!” Pinkie replies cheerfully. “Come on in!”

The door opens up as a small cavalcade of ponies and one small, purple and green dragon shuffle in.

Pinkie gasps. “Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Spike…” Pinkie trails off slightly as she looks at the next pony to walk in. “Uh… Smart-lite Glamour!”

Starlight Glimmer’s right eye twitches in irritation. “Starlight Glimmer,” she corrects.

“Brightnight Dimmer! You’re all here!” Pinkie says.

Starlight lets out a growl of irritation.

Pinkie’s eyes shoot open wide and she inhales another huge volume of air as another pony trots in. “Sunset Shimmer!” Pinkie says excitedly as she rushes forward and wraps her pink forelegs around an orange neck attached to an orange alicorn. “You’re here, too!”

Air escapes Sunset with an “Ooof!” before she gently returns the hug. “Uh… Hi, Pinkie…”

Pinkie broke the hug and grins happily at Sunset. “What special reason brings you here?”

“Uh…” Sunset looks behind her. “There’s a magical portal at my school connected to one in Twilight’s home and I can come over pretty much whenever I feel like it?”

“Oh yeah!”

The other ponies and one dragon begin to wander around the room, examining the objects left around. Spike zones in on the robot figure and takes it in his claws. “Hey! This kind of looks like me!” he says with a smile.

Fluttershy picks up the feather duster and examines it. “And uh… This feather duster is the same color as me.”

“Who leaves an apple jus’ lyin’ on the ground?!” Applejack demanded.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Rainbow Dash cries as she examines the many skittles in the room. “Are these all supposed to be us?!”

The eyes in the room fell on Pinkie.

Pinkie grins nervously and shook her head. “What?! Oh, no… No… Just…”

Looking at the mess of a room, Rarity recoils as she feels something squish against her left forehoof. With a startled jump and high-pitch cry, she raises her hoof in front of her to see what it was. “Pinkie! I just stepped on a marshmallow!”

Pinkie gasps. “Homicide! Er… Or maybe suicide?”

The looks around the room turn incredulous.

Pinkie lets out a small chuckle to match her anxious grin.

Twilight looks down on something on the floor, squinting with a furrowed brow.

Sunset glances over towards Twilight and trots over to her. “What’s up, Twilight?”

“There’s a strange strip of organic material on top of this eggplant,” Twilight replies.

“Oh?” Sunset said as she looks down at where Twilight is looking. “That’s…” Sunset’s cheeks turn beet red as she notices the piece of bacon draped over the eggplant. She quickly dives at the items and separates them with her hooves.

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “What was that about?”

Sunset smiles at Twilight innocently. “What was what about?”

“THAT!” Twilight said as she points at the ground. “You’re whole… diving at foodstuff thi—”

“You know what I haven’t had in awhile?!” Sunset interrupts. “A milkshake with extra oats!”

“Yay! Milkshakes!” Pinkie said as she bounces towards her door. “Come on everypony! Let’s go!”

Sunset happily and quickly follows Pinkie, ignoring a scowl from Twilight as she too follows. Soon most the other ponies and dragon are all out of the room save one who continues to search through the miscellaneous items in the room.

“Wait, where’s my representation?” Starlight asks.

“Milkshakes, Strawbright Grimmer!” Pinkie calls back. “Milkshakes!”

Starlight glares after Pinkie and trots out of the room. “It’s Starlight Glimmer!” she shouts.

“Come on, Dusk-synonym shinny-synonym pony #3!” Pinkie responds. “Milkshakes!”

Starlight snarls in frustration as she breaks into a canter to catch up with the group.

Later, Pinkie was brought to court for hitting Spoiled Rich with a shield, but the case was thrown out on the grounds that everypony thought it was funny and Spoiled Rich is a huge bitch.

The End

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Comments ( 63 )

Okay, this was oddly hilarious. The bit with the bacon and eggplant took me a bit to get, but then I laughed.

But why so much Starlight hate? Not that I like her, just curious.

7761632

Heh. It wasn't anything personal. Though, I'm not super impressed with how the show has handled her. It did make for a good running gag. :trollestia:

7761638
Ah, alright.

Shouldn't the title be "Most of the Cast is replaced by Inanimate Objects"?

Your description is now my new favorite quote.

Dusk-synonym shinny-synonym pony #3

I giggled.

Also, the bacon landing on the eggplant is possibly the oddest way I've ever heard for a euphemism for those two hooking up.

McFlurry Heart. Heheheheh

There are things mankind was not meant to know. Questions that shouldn't be answered. Like, where did the bacon come from?

But yeeeah, this story should probably be boxed up and shipped to an unmarked warehouse before it melts some poor reader's face off.

The eggplant and bacon did it. I'm done, I need more scotch. Have an upvote.

This demands an up vote!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat :pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh:

Also Eva-01 as Spike. Just...on EVERY LEVEL, man.

Shouldn't the title be "Most of the Cast is Replaced by Inanimate Objects"?

You get an upvote since laughing so hard at this broke me out of my funk from a bad day at work...well done

7761632 Personally, I don't hate Communist Twilight, but there's just something about her design that makes her not stand out. Her name, which I always forget, is just another variation on Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer. Her model looks a lot like Suri Polomare, and Spoiled Rich, as if the animators are subconsciously reusing the same design for low level antagonists.

I think that's actually what makes her a clever character. She's really easy to underestimate. I think she ended up being one of the most dangerous villains on the show, but I'm not quite sure about that. I quit watching in the middle of season five.

So it looks like the doormat was way too shy to stand in for Fluttershy, and the duster easily won that honour...

This was the best kind of stupid :rainbowlaugh:

“Oh my g-o-s-h! Making more babies is not the answer!”

Making more babies is always the answer! :rainbowwild:

Don't worry Pinkie, the hiatus will end someday. Though I doubt Sunset will ever show up on the show, at the rate they're going. Not with how, what's her name, celestial-name bright-thing pony #3, is almost the new main character. Or would that be #4 counting Trixie Lulamoon, hm.

Another hilarious fic. Reminds me of one where Twilight locked herself up with various objects in her own world. I was half-expecting a small tree to represent Fluttershy, but the feather duster is better. Ooh, and wonder what Sunset saw the bacon and eggplant doing (never thought I would type that sentence).

I didn't think the Hylian shield would make a cameo in any story on this site...huh.

Questions;

1. Teacher, is Pinkie insane?

2. And this is important.... What flavor of McFlurry. They'll totally crunch up an apple pie and flurry that if you ask.

Wait..... shipping Flurry and Applejack would be bad. I feel dirty.

I don't even... :rainbowlaugh:

Just . . . :rainbowlaugh:

This is becoming the FimFiction equivalence of "We Are Number One But [Insert Random Changes Here]"

I'm not complaining though.

How did you even come up with all these great stories?

Hahahaha... ooooh this was funny, this was very funny.
Nicely done.

Raw bacon is best pony.

Bacon x eggplant otp

What do you mean insanity? If I was insane would I be grinning this wide? Wait, what eye twitch? :pinkiecrazy:

Haitus.

Not even once.

7762477
But it would be oh so sweet.

Was that shipping?

Some small typos:

You’re whole… diving at foodstuff

Your

You know what I haven’t had in awhile?!

a while ('cause awhile=for a while)

This story...can I have what you're having please? :rainbowderp:

Instant fave...

This....I don't even have words for what this is.

But, I like whatever this is.

:duck: Spikey clean now
:moustache:slurp
:rainbowlaugh: that's one less stay puff!
:twilightoops: did he just?
:applejackconfused: yepp, he's going fer the bacon too!
:raritystarry: No Spikey NO!
:moustache: Beggin bacon beggin! It's the dog in me...? honest... Nom nom nom
:facehoof:

7761632 I don't dislike her, but I think she adds little to the show.

The reason for that is simple: She's Twilight Sparkle. Snarky, crazy magic-powered, prone to looking to magic to solve her problems. and the one thing that could have helped her stand out, the redemption angle, instead turns her into someone super eager to please and/or not disappoint her teacher. And so I don't see the point to her existing, when Twilight could be used instead. That or a student with a more unique personality, and maybe a bit of spine to create more interesting interactions, like if they'd gone with Trixie or Diamond Tiara... Maybe if the season 5 finale hadn't had her able to go hoof to hoof with Twilight in the magic department, it would be different, but they did that, and so she adds nothing Twilight doesn't already provide, while her magic power level detracts from Twilight's specialness (especially given Twilight's training vs Starlight's lack of it).

But that said, I like Twilight episodes, and Twilight Mk2 ones are essentially pre-alicorn Twilight episodes, so I do like them. But I still want her gone :pinkiecrazy:

I thought that

“Pinkie? Why’d you throw a huge, hulking shield out your window? It hit Spoiled Rich! I mean… Ponies were laughing, but you can’t just throw shields out of windows! A pony someone actually cares about might get—”

was going to be the best line in the story.... right up until I read

Later, Pinkie was brought to court for hitting Spoiled Rich with a shield, but the case was thrown out on the grounds that everypony thought it was funny and Spoiled Rich is a huge bitch.

:pinkiehappy:

demoman: what the f**k just happened?!.

me: I have no idea.

“We need—” Pinkie thrusts her hoof into the ‘castle’ “—Sunset Shimmer!” Pinkie says as she pulls out an uncooked strip of bacon.

This was the line that broke me. :rainbowlaugh:

Just the damn Smosh Games reference that is the description.

which one is the feather duster, this could determine if I read. I assume Twilight is the eggplant.

7761985

She created a bunch of alternate timelines full of war and death and economic slavery, and even one where the world was (quite apparently) dead. Her killcount is beyond billions, and people in the new timelines, which should still exist, are still suffering because Harmony doesn't exist there to save them - all due to her EXTREMELY petty revenge based on a single friend being happy he got his cutie mark and not paying attention to her for a little bit. Meanwhile she's in Equestria-Prime being the New Twilight and living it up in a shiny castle with friendship lessons and alicorn-level magic, mind controlling the Mane 5 and thwarting arch-villains with her Suicide Squad.

... Yeah, I'm not a fan.

7764404

Apple = Applejack
Marshmallow = Rarity
Feather Duster = Fluttershy
Skittles = Rainbow Dash
Eggplant = Twilight Sparkle

There are more to discover in the story. Read it!

There is a point where we need to stop and we have clearly passed it. BUT LET’S KEEP GOING AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

AKA
Strike while the iron is hot! i have no idea why this is popular, but I'm jumping on the bandwagon and milking this for all it's worth!
...
Normally, I feel I have a decent grasp on fimfic trends, Chess Game of the Gods and Displaced are okay, repetitive, but okay, but this Inanimate Objects thing just has me flummoxed, and I'm a well-seasoned potato!

7762714 And when it just says "The description says all," you know you've got a good one on your hands.

And that is how Hasbro do the episodes

Why? Just...

Just why?

7764735

And yet, that is exactly what you've done.
Check your comment on mobile.
You'll have a bad time.

So, Spike is a Gundam and Shining Armor is the classic Hylian Shield.

Brilliant.

The fact that Cadence is a plush heart just makes it even better. YAH! HYOH!! HYAH!!!

I was enjoying myself up until all the unnecessary Starlight bashing. It's not the characters fault Hasbro has used her poorly. Kicking her around in these meta-stories just comes off as mean spirited.

7765837

I didn't mean anything by it. Just a bit of friendly ribbing is all. I know you weren't trying to do anything wrong. Just don't go that overboard with the empty space. A good joke is just a stone's throw away from a troll after all. Have a great day!

Well that's certainly a thing I read ...:twilightoops:

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