• Member Since 29th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen January 4th

Chengar Qordath


I write lots and lots of horse words; everything from comedy to drama. If you like what I write, please support me on Patreon.

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As Cloud Kicker faces the imminent death of a close friend, she struggles to accept the inevitability of death, find some way to bring a small bit of happiness to her friend's final hours, and finally ... say goodbye.

Connected to Comma-Kazie's From the Mouths of Fillies

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 59 )

Before someone asks this is not – and will never be – part of the canon for "The Life and Times of a Winning Pony." It's an alternate continuity story.

This was a tough story to write. But a good one.

756211>>756291 Eh... all due to respect? I mean, it was well it was just... :unsuresweetie: Well, From the Mouths of Fillies was just an emotional punch to the gut. It made me feel. It made me want to go to my mom and give her a big hug.

But... this... I dunno man, I felt like it just wasn't there. Also, the romantic bit with Derpy was just... wierd. Especially since she died like immedietly right after.

Nice job to both of you, but the star goes to Comma.

A bit unlike your usual style, but you do it well.

LOL

What?! No alternative ending yet? Heresy!

Eh, I kinda have to agree with Dawnscroll. This seems kinda inappropriate.

Why would you want to kill derpy? She was strange but in the movies her heart was pure. She reminds me of Minty from a very minty Christmas. If you don't know the movie is on YouTube. Just type the title above and you'll see what I mean. This story made me cry a little bit because a version of the same thing happened with my grandfather and my family. We went to visit him and he died a couple hours later. We were hit pretty hard with this news and another time I had s friend die and I wasn't there to say goodbye. This hurt me because the next time I saw him was at the viewing. I am not a very emotional person but things like these seem to hurt me moreso than other people I have met.:fluttercry:

:raritydespair::fluttercry::applecry::applecry::applecry: << I let my little ponys do all the talking for me.

zel

CloudKicker? This cannot be a coincidence.
[youtube=RpjmvYbAvhc]

758546
Yeah, taking my writing outside of it's usual was part of the appeal. That, putting Cloud Kicker into a very different type of situation from what we see in Winning Pony. Taking a character outside of their normal comfort zone is always an interesting experience. There were actually one or two times during the writing process where Cloud Kicker said/did something I hadn't expected and I had stop and think about why she would do that. It added some new dimensions to the character.

758350
Kinda have to agree that Comma's half of the collaboration hits a bit harder: A child losing her mom is naturally going to be a lot more painful than Cloud Kicker losing what amounts to a Friend with Benefits.

Well, this was... weird. :rainbowhuh:
Maybe I'm not versed enough in the fanon... is Derpy and CC a common pairing?
So, they had sex? I get you were trying to be subtle and keep a PG rating but the way you danced around the subject was... strange.

It was well-written but rather than being sad, I'm really not sure how to feel. I guess I don't find the pairing, or the characters, or the situation very believable. From a technical perspective it's a good story, but it just didn't move me.

787120
As far as I know, I'm the only person who's ever written Derpy/Cloud Kicker.

I do not drink, nor do I condone the consumption of such recreational poisons. It is a rule with me.

...and apparently, you are actively trying to make me BREAK that rule. :applecry::ajsleepy::fluttercry::pinkiesad2::rainbowhuh::raritycry::facehoof:

May I do a reading of this? I already did a reading of From the Mouths of Fillies.

758350 759562 787120 795071 It could have been worse.

(Dinky walks in) "What are you doing to Mommy?"
"CPR?"

788745
That sounds awesome. Thanks.

The story was good but I felt like there was really no connection between DITZY and Cloud Kicker, not to mention :derpyderp1: the romance stuff was a bit awkward.... "I'm here to give you one last bang, okay"..... just a little bit wierd

Poor Derpy.

I had to look up what a pinfeather was, that's sad. Not as sad as the rest of the story, but pretty sad nonetheless.

I have to admit it, I didn't have manly tears. I bawled like a child.

Rather touching, and in a way, its so easy to miss something. CK stayed prettymuch in char for the char you have built around her, wich I found rather nice. She wanted to give Derpy something, and the only thing she could think of that would be from her, that Derpy would be able to take with her, was love and a momant of pleasure. Suprised the nurse alowed it, but, I understand why CK would do that.

This story just raped my emotions. Literally. This story tied me to a table, forcefed me lemonade, then clamped my urethra shut. I don't even know why. I guess it take me back to that same emotional place I was when I wrote the earlier chapters of Let the Bass Ring. I mean, just that one chapter was hard for me to write. I could read the comments on it, but I never knew how they felt until now. Just like Alyeskabird said, you managed to keep CK in character while she was going through such an emotional rapefest. (That's the best term I can think of atm) It kind of shows CK's strong personality that you've exhibited her having through Life and Times, which by the way I love. I give this five fluttercries out of five. :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

Saying goodbye. Why is it sad? Makes us remember the good times we've had...
You made me cry and though that's not as rare as it use to be, it still is very special. Cloudkicker dealt with this the only way she knew how and it was something very special. Those who are saying this was inappropriate don't grasp the full scope of what any relationship can be. It wasn't fun reading this. Instead, it was slow plod to an inevitable end, but the sun was setting in the late evening and the apple petals were falling. It was peaceful and sweet. It felt real. This was Cloudkicker, and that was Derpy Whooves. Although I cannot say I could bear to have this as the cannon, a bit of play and well done is always welcome. I thank you, and I am looking forward to the next chapter of "The Life and Times of a Winning Pony."

You Celestia @^&$ed, F*#!%$@ Cold-Hearted B*!@#.

thumbs up and fav'd.

...

:trixieshiftleft:

...

:trixieshiftright:

They Banged, Ok?

865620
I actually listened to that song while writing the story.

Have to say I found this really touching. (and I'm out of long texts for today) Especially the intimate part, while it's something I think not many seem to consider, I personally think it'd be something many would appreciate at such time and while it was beautifully censored at the right time, I can just imagine what was done, and that it was likely one of the few, or ever times CC didn't get "anything" back, or even wanted it. And also, that she actually beat Dinky was a nice "tactical touch". If she's only always win with little effort, it'd be a bit boring for most children. So yeah, combined, these two did a really good work.

756211 Thank Luna for that, this'd just about kill me if it WERE canon. :fluttercry:

Still, BEAUTIFULLY written and superbly executed. :twilightsmile: To think I held off reading this because I couldn't bare to read Derpy dying.... :facehoof: My bad, seriously my bad. :twilightblush:

It was good, except the whole 'one last bang' thing. It seemed really out of place, and it would have been far more dramatic and emotional and all if Cloud Kicker had taken the thing seriously, as more of a 'sex is my thing but this is more important' than 'This is a serious situation. I'll have sex with a dying mare.'

Well, I just read this, From the Mouths of Fillies, and Changes all at once. If anyone needs me, I am going to be sobbing over in the corner. Peace. :fluttershbad::raritydespair:

This fits in with changes

985372
Lies! No one is that awesome...NO ONE!....except you...You win, but you know what? We win too...cause you made us feel feelings. :pinkiesad2: Thank you.

Change the story picture - it makes her more exasperated than sad

1381011
I think she looks sad, but if you know of a better picture...

1381139
Nothing better than you are already using, I am afraid. I have done some searching, but Cloud Kicker just isn't a pony to be sad. The best sad pic of her I could find was the one you are already using for the sequel.

In hindsight, my previous comment sounds more blunt than it is polite (or intended). I apologize.

Definitely a tragic way to watch someone die while with them. Though kinda conflicted with the way Cloud Kicker goes about it.

This story made me hurt inside. It was a really well thought out, really well done story. And they way you ended it made me so sad that I just died a little inside. It was excellently worded, greatly phrased, and I actually couldn't find a single spelling error! I really like stories like this, they keep the reader into the story, leading them for a ride of E-motions. See what I did there? Anyways, great story, keep up the good work!

For the most part, I was able to read through this just fine. The couple of lines alluding to the storyline of Life and Times have a bit of a punch to them, but nothing to get worked up over. Then I got to the last sentence. Those two words, combined with having read 'From the Mouths of Fillies' and 'The life and Times' stories, they were a complete kick to the emotional pills.

Good work to both you and Comma, and I'd like to recommend that anyone reading this story reads the other ones first. Then you'll get a feel for what it truly is.

I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.

..... too late.

And manly tears were shed that day. :fluttercry:

Chengar... you are my favorite fanfic author. Never stop being awesome!

L4

idk about you... but now that just makes me awkward where Dinky is sitting when he mom died when comme-K wrote. Then again it depends where one imagine where the filly is sitting...:rainbowhuh:

:trixieshiftright: the banging thing, my opinion of Derpy wouldn't even have the strength to do it. So why would she even want to bother, not to mention it felt very out of place.

all and all it was okay :)

just awkward, I like the beginning more.

Comment posted by dragonjek deleted Dec 13th, 2012

I haven't really cried over a fanfiction since I read My Little Dashie(I guess it made me immune or something), but this was definitely one of the ones that came close... Right in the feels, man. Right in the feels. Great job.

It took me this long to finally read this, and I have to say it hit and hurt. If you haven't lost someone - however distant - you can't write it properly.
If you haven't, then your empathy dial is set to 11 and broken off, 'cause you can't to this properly any other way. :fluttershysad:
Me 'at's off ta ya, Guv. :eeyup:

My Little Dashie broke me.

Buying tears! $3000 a gallon! :fluttershysad:

Ewww. (Borderline) necrophilia. :pinkiesick:
(Banging someone in the I.C. Unit in a hospice ward is 5/6ths the way there).

The story was touching, but the whole sex bit at the end really ruined the whole thing. It really felt jarring and contrived. Sex would be the last thing on my mind if I was in the I.C.U. with my significant other as he was breathing his last. :ajbemused: I like the idea of the physical contact and intimacy in the final moments, but IMHO sex was totally the wrong way to do it. Maybe if she instead cradled Derpy in her forehooves like foal? That way you get the tender feels without the squicky 'ick' factor.

Oh well. c'est la vie (c'est la mort?)

2534510 I’d argue that it’s very much in keeping with Cloud Kicker’s character to have sex with Derpy here. Sex is the way she deals with things, the way she relates to the world. It is squicky, but she honestly believes that she’s giving her dyeing friend a gift--a gift that conveniently lets Cloud Kicker focus on something other than her own grief for a few minutes.

I’m of the opinion that there’s some pretty profound pathology that inflicts itself on most of Cloud Kicker’s relationships. You or I wouldn’t go to an ICU to give a person ‘one last bang,’--I don’t think most people would--but it probably didn’t hurt anything, and in a twisted, Cloud Kicker-y sort of way, it’s almost touching...er...heartwarming.

Cloud Kicker comforting Derpy in the only way she knows how... Oh gosh I just died inside. :raritycry::raritycry::raritydespair::raritycry:

Well that was more than a little messed up.

Oh Cloud Kicker.

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