Teleportation: Once just a dream, but recent breakthroughs in technology changed that. However, this technology is still in the testing phase, and very unpredictable. Oporture, the company behind this amazing teleportation device, has been hiring people to test the safety and effects of the portals. This is where our protagonist, Stan Baine, begins his misadventure.
* EDIT 12-9-12* I decided to rewrite this story into first person, as I remembered how much I hated third-person. All the chapters will be up again soon, I apologize for the inconvenience.
P.S. This story takes place before "Keep Calm and Flutter On".
Chapters (11)
hmm interesting. scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw2524.webp
Put a space between each paragraph and this will be good.
Not bad. I'm curious to see where this is going.
And the plot thickens to the point of oatmeal....
Oh boy! What a start for the poor guy! Keep up the good work!
More
Geez for a second I thought the IPod would at least have been destroyed (Will need something that is eternally powered and calming in a way). Expecting an interaction with Discord in the near future just for shits and giggles.
Thanks for all the kind words everyone!
752058
There's a possibility... ;)
752191
Will hopefully you will use Screwball (She isn't used enough and I find her persona quite intriguing). If you need to use any OCs you can use the ones on my blog. Not so good with stories but great with coming up with characters.
Oh are you going to play the female to male ratio being 6:1 (Possibly larger based on certain stories). If so he will at some point will have to make it up to the female guards he knocked out and/or scared (That might be an interesting turn of events).
MOAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOAR!!!
Sorry guys, I'm finally back. I had a bunch of reasons that I never got down to writing, main one being LoL. I promise I'll write up a storm! So forgive me
Oporture...Aperture? Will we see a murderous AI and a teleportation gun?
Lol, that ending
Does this mean you start writing again?
Characterization feels a but off to me, but I like the conversations. Will watch.
i LOL'ed so hard when i read this.
So, trained guards acting like schoolyard bullies? Seems a bit contrived.
1611600
Nice catch! This issue will be explained in the next chapter.
Ah well good thing we desided to get the info dump out of the way eh?
Most of this chapter was written on my iPod, so if anyone spots any spelling mistakes, please point them out to me in the comments!
I shall take the obligatory first post of YAY NEW CHAPER
Yay.
You must update!
1765215
It'll be out later tonight. I've been swamped with work lately, so this chapter is a little late
But to make it up to you guys, it'll be extra long!
Thank Celestia this behemoth of a chapter is finally out!
Your chapter appears to be unpublished.
1774349
Not sure what you mean. Can you not read it?
1775060
Clicking the link resulted in passworded chapter.
It's all good now.
Dat Halo 3 referance
Hmmmm interesting turn. Can't wait for the next chapter to get some information.
I laugh to himself. My spider senses tell me
orb, and traverse down Stan's body, before landing
of the mess Stan had made.
as Stan just stays where he is.
You got some third person still mixed in
Good story. I have only a couple qualms.
1. He to much of a jerk. He is also a bit of idiot which is alright.
2. Luna seems to like him randomly for very little reasons. Just being a little similar isn't enough for me. (You can ignore number two just as long as you don't go really fast in their relationship)
3. For the future I wish to implore you to never mention alcohol in Euqestria. It's one thing I really hate about a lot of fics.
1819595
What's wrong with alcohol in Equestria? They obviously have it as cider was originally an alcoholic beverage and was made non-alcoholic later.
1820391 That type of reasoning is null and void. It's a show about magical talking ponies. It's what ever you want it to be. I just hate alcohol in general. Also, it seems to be used far to often as a ground breaker for getting ponies/humans together. In a story it's always the lazy way of getting couples started and in real life its made people make some very stupid decisions. The human body natural likes to do evil. When you take the mind out of the matter bad things happen.
1820507 It's only bad when used irresponsibly. One can't blame the alcohol when people get sloshed and hurt themselves or someone else. That's like saying "the devil made me do it". Yes, drinking can be harmful and dangerous, but when used responsibly alcohol can reduce stress, and help forge friendships by relaxing normally shy people to the point they would socialize. Studies have shown that drinking a reasonable amount of alcohol on occasion can reduce your risk of developing heart disease, reduce your risk of dying of a heart attack, possibly reduce your risk of strokes, particularly ischemic strokes, lower your risk of gallstones,and possibly reduce your risk of diabetes.
1819595
Before I say anything, I just wanted to thank you for the criticism. Every bit helps me become a better writer. Now, let's address those qualms, shall we?
1) While I agree that he can be an idiot, I don't think he's a jerk. So far his attitude has been justified, but correct me if you still think I'm wrong.
2) I tend to base a lot of things in my stories on my life, (And what author doesn't? To Kill A Mockingbird is pretty much an autobiography, with some extra elements added in) and this is one of those times. Often, when I meet a new person I'll hit it off with them and like them in less than an hour, for no good reason. Especially considering the fact that Luna had no social interaction for a thousand years, I'd be willing to bet that she's desperate for some friends.
3) I agree with both you and 1820577 on this one. It bugs me when alcohol makes the human and ponies best friends, too. I definitely won't have it become a giant thing, but I still might include it in the story. The Apple family makes so many apple products, including regular cider, so why not hard cider? Of course, it wouldn't be on the show because of the intended audience, but that doesn't mean Applejack can't brew up some hard cider everyone now and then.
All in all, you raised some valid points. Big mac is proud
Oh Stan..
Roflmao
Disappointed in the lack of denial. You'd think he would saying along the lines of what he thought, but meh, I am but one reader. Anyway, pretty great chapter, funny awkward moment.
1888619
You are not "but one reader"! Tell me, what do you mean by lack of denial? I'm not quite sure I follow you.
1888724
Well, I understand his reasoning for not saying anything when he invited Luna to bed with him, but naturally I would imagine a normal person would say something along the lines of 'Whoa, no no no, that came out wrong, what I really meant..." I hold nothing against for doing that, and I will continue reading this awesome story none the less.
Also... I'm pretty sure I'm just one person :D
1888745
You still think Stan's mind works like a normal person's? Derp
Also, you are not just one person. You are one of my readers, and that means I love you. No homo. Well, maybe a little.
1888822
Well, he sounds as normal as any of us can get, I guess.
That still makes me only one person :D And I love you... somewhat... well maybe not.. no I don't love you... actually hate you. (joke)
You write in Fimfiction?
You should look into using Google Documents if you're concerned of having any data deleted again in the future, really useful, auto saves a few seconds after changes are made. Hella easy too and you can import straight in.
As for this chapter, very interesting, the scene where Stan and Luna kinda get awkward... hilarious! Future sexual tension between him and Luna perhaps huh?
Good job and keep up the writing, I am enjoying both this and your other story for sure.
1889399
I did write in GDocs, but I'm a dummy, so I started writing in fimfiction. I just don't want to have to copy and paste, and then lose my formatting, y'know?
1892713
If you have the Edit Chapter open, there is a Green Up Arrow. When you click on that, it asks for the url to the Google document. Ensure that the document is 'Shared' with 'Anyone who has the link' and it will import in with formatting. The only thing I've seen it drop is the strike-thru format. After that it is simply a matter of giving it a once over, as well as removing any lines that have only formatting code in them, and you're good to go. That avoids the formatting stuff.
1892724
Woah, I'm an even bigger idiot. Thanks man! I will do that from now on!
1892748
Lol, no problem at all. I had my editors pointing out how GDoc works, so don't feel bad. Goes without saying best to double check once you save it anyways before publishing, but should cut down on some hassle for you.
And which one is getting the next update? This or the God's story? Cause, well, I'm feeling somewhat of an asshole and wanna see you play with that god. Then again, I also want to see you hook up Luna and Stan. Gah, choices!
1892765
I'm planning on having a more stable update schedule from now on. This story will be updated every Monday/Tuesday, and A God's Masquerade will be updated every Thursday/Friday. When I have more free time, the chapters will come out sooner. So yeah, A God's Masquerade is up next. I'm glad you enjoy both of my stories!