• Published 13th Jun 2012
  • 3,561 Views, 80 Comments

As It Were - Minotaur



Sex, drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll! No, just kidding. It's actually just a HiE.

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Wake me, when you need me.

"What do you think it is, sister?" Luna's cyan eyes gazed at the strange creature she had brought to the castle.

"... That, I do not know. In my thousand years of ruling over Equestria, I have never encountered one of its kind. This intrigues me greatly." Princess Celestia let out a sigh. "However, it also worries me. What if this creature is violent? I do not wish to place any of my subjects in harm's way. As such, I have no choice but to place it in a cell for now, and see how it acts when it wakes up."

Princess Luna's eyes widened. "What?? It hasn't even done anything wrong. You can't be so sure that it will be violent!"

This conversation obviously pained Celestia, and she closed her eyes. "We have no way of making sure. It is not worth the risk."

Luna appeared ready to argue again, but a groan from the creature made her remember something else. "That's right! When I found it, it was laying in the middle of a crater! I think it might have fallen and hurt itself. Tia, can you help me heal it?"

Celestia's eyes flicked down to look over the creature. Indeed, it appeared to have gone through a fairly hard fall. Cuts, dried blood, and the beginnings of bruises decorated its body all over. Celestia took pity on its dismal condition. She looked at Luna, and nodded her head.

"Yes, and after all, it won't tell us what happened if it is in pain."

Luna's eyes widened a bit. "You mean it can talk? How did you figure that out?"

Princess Celestia chuckled at her sister's fascination. "Yes, I do believe it can talk. But as to how I know, that story will have to wait, Luna. It is hurt and needs medical attention."

Luna nodded at her sister, and their horns lit up. However, nothing seemed to be happening to the creature's wounds.

Princess Celestia looked at Luna, and Luna stared right back.

"Luna, how did you say you got it here?"

"T-teleportation? It worked fine though. I have no idea why our healing magic isn't working."

This seemed to bother Princess Celestia, but she decided to figure it out later. No sense in just sitting around while this creature is in pain.

"Very well." Celestia walked over to the captain of the guard who had been standing nearby during this whole ordeal, as he refused to leave the two princesses alone with a potential threat. "Call in a guard, preferably an Earth pony, and have him take the creature to a cell in the dungeon. After that, find a nurse to take care of its wounds. Make sure they are ponies we can trust."

The captain nodded, and left.

"Why all the secrecy, Tia?"

Celestia let out a sigh, and faced her sister. "I have a strange feeling about our guest, and I'd rather not let everypony in Canterlot know about this matter yet. In the meantime, I wish to speak with you in a more private place."


After the door to Princess Celestia's bedroom closed, she turned around to face Luna. "Now that we are alone, it is time for me to fully explain everything I have noticed to you, dear sister. We should sit down, this might take a while."
Celestia's horn glowed yellow, and two couches zoomed over. They both sat down and got comfortable, and Luna excitedly waited for Celestia to reveal her knowledge.

"So? You never DID say how you figured out it could talk. How do you know? Does it speak Equestrian?"

Celestia shook her head. " Even if it speaks, it will not be our language, but there is some magic that could help with that. As to how I know, that is very simple. Think about its body, Luna. What do you remember?"

Princess Luna tries to recall the creatures body, trying to see what her sister might have been talking about. Then, it hits her. "Ah! It was wearing clothes!"

Celestia smiles. "Yes. That leads me to believe that if it can dress itself, it can speak as well. But that's not all. You said it fell, right?"

Luna looks puzzled at this question. "Yeah? It definitely fell from the sky." No matter how hard she thought, Luna could not even begin to fathom what Celestia could be hinting at. So what if it had fallen? Unless...

Celestia frowned, and slowly started talking."But, how do you think it could be in the sky, when it has no wings? How would it be possible at all for it to be so high in the air, it created a crater when it landed?"

Luna shook her head, amazed. Her sister never ceased to amaze her, with her attention to detail. "That's right, I don't remember seeing any wings. Then, how do you think it flew?"

"As to that, I have no idea. I believe it was either somepony carrying it, or it might have had something to do with the strange piece of metal it was holding on to. But for now, we should get some rest." Celestia sighed and said, "I have a feeling we won't be getting much after a certain guest awakens."

Luna nodded, and started walking off to her room. However, she was interrupted when a out of breath guard bursts open the door. As soon as Celestia sees the look on my face, she fears for the worst.

In between gasping, the guard managed to say,"I-it's awake."


As I came to, I became aware of how painful my entire body felt. Every time I tried to move a muscle, pain shot through me like a red-hot bullet. I took a deep breath, and stopped moving. After a few minutes of no movement and deep breaths, the pain had receded to a bearable level, a trick my grandma had taught me. Anyways, I'm a little disappointed I'm not in limbo. That place was kinda cool. I guess it was just a dream.

I opened my eyes, and saw another pair of eyes looking right back down on me. Eyes too big to belong to a human. I let out a surprised yell, and so did whatever owned those giant eyes. In a flash, it had jumped to the corner of the room. I looked around in a panic, and saw that I was in a cell-like room. After a few seconds of gaining my bearings, I sat up and looked at the shocked creature huddled in the corner of my cell. It appeared somewhat like a horse, except colorful, with giant eyes. And it had a horn on its head, reminiscent of a unicorn.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. Instead of dying, I get sent to some other god-forsaken planet with multicolored horse creatures? Fuckin' Lancaster screwed me over! I tilt my head, and frowned at the colorful creature. Was I about to be dissected by this sonuva-

The door to the cell was flung open and a guard ran inside. "Nurse! I heard screaming, what's going o..." The guard looked at me, and clenched his teeth, scowling. "So, you were trying to hurt her, scum? After all we did for you..." He grimaces at me , and slowly approaches me.

Was I hearing things, or did it just speak English? Whatever, as he doesn't look too happy with me, I should probably get away before I get a bullet in my head, or worse.
I jumped up from the bed I was sitting on, and charged at my assailant. The guard was so surprised he stepped to the side, trying to avoid my charge.

I smirked. Just like I planned it.

I run right past the guard and out into what I guessed to be a dungeon. I quickly spotted a staircase, and ran towards it. I let out a cry of victory, but it was cut short as more guards came to check on the commotion. They blocked the way to the stairs, and the one in front, dressed in different armor than the rest, yelled out, "Don't let it get away! Subdue it before it harms the princesses or other innocent ponies!"

I laughed to himself. So they think they're ponies? That would be funny, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm about to be killed by them.
I decided my tactic of charging wouldn't work unarmed against this number of enemies, and instead I looked for another way to get past. I spotted what appears to be another way out on the other end of the dungeon and ran towards it. I was quickly followed by my pursuers, who were much faster than me. However, I quickly saw my mistake. The corridor I had been following was a dead end. Fuck my spider-senses! You've been wrong twice today.

I turned around, and faced the horde chasing after me. No way outta this, except for fighting my way out.

"It realized it's trapped! It's gonna try to fight back now, don't let your guard down."

The guards formed a barrier between escape and a dead end, yet again. They were waiting for me to make the first move, I realized. And if they're waiting for me, it'd be impolite to keep them waiting, no?

I put up my fists, my years of training taking over. In my youth, I had won Karate tournaments several times. After that, boxing. I had been right at home in the Marines. Talented at fighting, and even more talented at getting out of sticky situation, I was feeling pretty good about this fight. I took my chances and ran at the one nearest to me, who had been giving all the orders up until now. A lightning-quick hook to the face, and it was a OHKO. The other guards were stunned at this display, and lost the morale they had built up from chasing me into a dead end. They were even less willing to fight me now, after seeing my capabilities.

I snickered. They were just like a gang of bullies from high school. You take out the leader, and they all get fidgety.

I saw that it was now or never, and with a yell, charged at the armor-clad creatures blocking me from the exit. Some decided to get out of the way, while only a few actually stood to face me, shaking all the while. A jab here, a kick there, soon the few in my way were on the ground as well. I dashed with all my might at the stairs, and looked back to see that I wasn't even seriously being followed. Pussies. Leaving it up to the others, huh?

I nearly kicked down the door at the top of the staircase, and ran out. I looked out a nearby window, and saw that it was night. I looked down, willing to jump out, but I couldn't see a good landing spot. Oh well. I'll just storm out the front entrance then. I was expecting more resistance, but these things are really weak. My only problem now appears to be finding my way out, as this place looks huge.

I look around, seeing doors and hallways leading to god knows where. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. I pick you! I chuckled as I ran down a random hallway.

I couldn't help but be impressed with the decor planted everywhere. This must be a pretty important place, maybe even the king's residence. Those things said something about a princess, right? Ah well. Won't matter to me after I get the hell outta here.


As Princess Celestia gazed at the scene around her, she couldn't help but gasp. The worst possible had happened: the creature had been violent after all. There was several guards laying on the ground, with bruises placed haphazardly over their bodies. Celestia noted that most bruises seemed to be focused around the heads, in places which the helmet didn't cover. Not only is it violent, it is also good at what it does. A shiver goes down her spine as she imagines what could happen if it wasn't contained.

"So? Where is it?" Celestia's voice boomed.

The guards looked nervously at each other, and the captain of the guard spoke up, looking ashamed of himself. "It got away. It is running through the castle as we speak." Celestia's eyes widened. Luna, who had been standing off to the side this entire time, felt guilty for bringing such a violent creature into the castle. Celestia walked over to Luna, and her horn was enveloped in a yellow light.
The light died away, and she turned to her sister. "I found it. I'm going after it, you stay here and help."

Luna was shocked. "Sister! You can't go after it alone! I'm going with you. Besides, this is all my fault, and I would feel too guilty if you cleaned up my mess."

Celestia let out a deep sigh. "I feared you would say that. Come along, and let's stop it before anypony else is hurt."


I sat down, exhausted by my speedy flight. No matter where I went, it seemed that the exit avoided me. After this quick rest, I need to go again. They'll probably catch up to me soon with reinforcements. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I heard hooves. Come on, can't a man rest in this place? I looked up and prepared myself for the inevitable conflict with an army, instead I saw only two coming at me. They looked much different than the ones I had encountered so far, with jewelry, crowns, horns, wings, and hair that seemed to sway, moved by a wind only it could feel. My amazement was short-lived, however, when they both got ready to beat me down.

My instincts told me this was a fight I had very little chances of winning, and that I should get away. However, before I could as much as get up, the taller, white one's horn glowed yellow and a... shield of sorts surrounded me. I jumped up and hit the shield with all my might, only to see that it didn't even move an inch. I looked at the two, and saw they were both within the barrier as well. I realized it wasn't to hold me down or contain my movement, but to make sure I couldn't escape from them. Clever, my dear horse. I turned to face the duo. The taller one's face was full of tranquil fury, like an angry monk, or something. The shorter, blue one seemed to almost be... sad?

I looked at the yellow shield, and then at the taller one, and stated, "That's cheating."

Their facial expressions quickly changed to shock as they realized they can understand what I said.

The shorter one gasped and said, "You.. you speak Equestrian? Who taught you it?"

I laughed. "Actually, I was wondering who taught you English."

The taller one stepped forward, and gazed intently at me. "If you understand our language, that just makes things easier. My name is Princess Celestia, and this is my sister, Princess Luna. My sister kindly took you in after finding you unconscious, but you don't seem to be very thankful."

I snorted. "Thankful? So, I should be thankful your little lackeys were trying to dissect me, and then tried to kill me several times when I woke up? Doesn't seem so to me."
Celestia's mouth opened a bit, unsure of what to say.
Princess Luna seemed to understand the situation more than her sister. "This whole situation seems to be a big misunderstanding. That nurse was helping you get better, not trying to dissect you. Those guards must have thought you were attacking her, and attacked you. And so you fought your way out." Celestia saw Luna's eyes brighten up a bit. "With some skill I may add."

Celestia shakes her head. "However, regardless of the reason, you still attacked the guards. I want you to return to your cell peacefully while Luna and I discuss this. We shall visit you later."

I scratches my chin. "And if I refuse?"

"I'd force you. But I'd rather not do that."

I chuckled. "So basically I have no choice, huh? Whatever. Might as well go peacefully. But I swear to God, if you try to dissect me again I'll flip a shit. I'm giving you a second chance, but not a third."

The one who referred to herself as Celestia winced, presumably at my colorful choice of words. The other one, I think Luna, was a total opposite. She, on the other hand, seemed completely enraptured. She would not stop bombarding me with questions. I gave her a short answer every time, as I didn't want to reveal too much information. For all I know, they could be planning an invasion or something.

"What's your name?"

"Stan."

"Why did you come here?"

"Dunno."

"So, what are you?"

"Would you believe me if I said dragon?"

"Actually, we have those, and you definitely aren't one."

"You have dragons?? Shit."

"You still haven't answered my question."

I sighed. "I'm a human. Speaking of which, what the hell are YOU? Those other ones in the dungeon didn't have wings. Only the 'nurse' had a horn."

This time, Celestia spoke up. "Luna and I are Alicorns. That nurse was a Unicorn. There are two more types of ponies, Earth ponies and Pegasi."

I shook my head.

Celestia frowned. "Why are you shaking your head?"

"Because, that's the second time I've heard you refer to yourselves as ponies. You aren't ponies. I've seen a pony, and it looks nothing like you do."

Luna's ears perked up. "You had ponies where you came from? Oh, and where did you come from?"

"Yes, I had ponies where I came from. They didn't talk, nor did they have horns and wings though. As to where I'm from, that is a story for another time. We seem to have arrived at my lovely, not creepy at all, totally NOT a jail cell, room."

Luna looked, and indeed, they were in front of the cell. She let out a disappointed sigh, and looked at Celestia.

Celestia smiled at her sister, and said, "We should let it rest. It's had a-"

"I'm not an 'it', you know. If you don't have the common fuckin' courtesy to call me by my name, atleast be as kind as to call me 'he'."

Celestia blushed when she realized her mistake. However, she also heard something interesting. "Did you say, 'he'?"

"Yeah I did. I'm a guy, you want me to prove it or something?"

At this point, both of the princesses were blushing a deep pink. They were avoiding my gaze, and Celestia managed to stammer out, "N-no..."

I laughed at their response. "I was just kidding. Wake me, when you need me. Wait, you wouldn't get that reference, damn. Whatever."

I walked into my cell and closed the door. After the princesses had walked away, I slumped onto the bed and put my face in my hands. This seriously sucks. Even if they seemed nice at the moment, they'll probably kill me while I sleep. Not only that, I don't even have my pills with me, which means I have to be veery careful from now on. Dumbass Dr. Lancaster put me in a shitty situation. I'll just have to go with the flow and hope to find a way back, even though I know it's probably impossible.

As I lied down, I felt something hard under my back. A quick check, and I saw that it was my iPod. I pressed the home button, and saw it was still on full battery. That's weird. Probably because I haven't used it all day. I put the iPod in my pocket, and closed my eyelids.

Sleep. Everything will be better after some sleep.