• Member Since 4th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Jul 7th, 2017


The pancake god.


All the wild mood swings, strange and obscure cravings, increased appetite, nausea, lack of energy, and swollen hooves had led up to this very day… and she can't do it.

Edited by the amazing hailthedragonmaster and cucharrador

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 35 )

I'm a complete sucker for these stories, gotta admit.
Great job btw. Loved it! :heart:

I liked it. It was a very real feeling of potential dread than many mothers have gone threw and I think this tale captures that well. It also shows the hope that can triumph over such adversity. :twilightsmile:

There is one sentence missing a quotation mark near the beginning, but that's my only criticism.

If this is your first fanfic, then you're off to a great start. I was terrified through reading this entire thing until the very end, because when I read the description and the 'sad' tag, I was afraid Fluttershy would die from childbirth. My heart was pounding. I was so afraid for both of them, especially Fluttershy.

They were both written wonderfully, both very in character despite the unique situation. I love how you managed to show every side of Discord-- his stubbornness, his fiery temper, his humor, his sweetness and gentleness...And oh, the very picture of Fluttershy struggling down the hall in pain...:fluttercry:

But the end was sweet and beautiful and I felt so relieved, you have no idea. And to inspire such feelings in a fic, especially a oneshot, is always a sign that you're a really good writer. Excellent job, my friend. You get an up vote and favorite from me.

This is by far the best story I've read in a long time and infinitely much better than anything I could do. To me, other than minor spelling errors here and there, I'm sure, it was perfect in every sense of the word. The suspense and emotional tension was built up not only by the setting but the particular wording you had as well was phenominal. I'm not sure there are many, if any, problems I could point out. Let me be one to like it; it's well deserved!

Ahhh, this was so good! And for your first ever story? You certainly have promise, if that's the case. Just wonderful. I was very much sucked in once the emotional bits really kicked in. Then the ending arrived, and there was a mix of relief and joy just in one sentence. I wasn't expecting anyone to die (if that happened, I probably would've needed tissues), but knowing everything ended alright in the end is stress off the reader's shoulder, sort of reflecting how the couple feels.

I... It was incredibly well written... Flow, grammar, etc. But it shattered my suspension of disbelief when Fluttershy ran.
First, it was emphasized in the story just how tiring giving birth is. Considering that she was struggling with the birth for 40 min., she should not be able to stand up, much less walk out of that room far enough that Discord had to scramble around looking for her, unless he was knocked out much longer than implied, and she somehow didn't faint from exhaustion.

Second, Fluttershy specifically says she's read books upon books on how c-sections work, but she thinks the procedure is highly dangerous? How do you read even one book on a scientific subject with no ethical controversy surrounding it, and still not know how safe or dangerous it is?

Third, Fluttershy assumes that if she keeps the damn baby in her womb, they'll both live? What? Again, apparently she read up on child birth a lot, so what does she think's going to happen? The baby will stay exactly as it is until she decides to give birth? That the baby will keep growing? That her body would keep on supplying an overdue baby nutrients? That if it did, she would be able to live through life properly with something leeching her energy like that? Are you telling me that despite having a zoo of animals living in her house, and is implied to take care of them, she has no idea how reproduction works past the sexual intercourse?

i want to see what the child looks like please

I like this story, could use some work but overall nice, therefore you can has a like

Add in the fact that the father-to-be is DISCORD. Forty minutes of labor isn't gonna happen. Forty seconds of labor isn't gonna happen. He'd sit the nurse down on the other side of the room, flick a matador's cape in front of her, and when he pulls it away the foal would spontaneously appear in her hooves completely clean and already wearing its first diaper, party hat, lei, and a T-shirt with a picture of him giving a thumbs-up and a copy of its birth certificate on the tag.

Like...the prose is good, but the story falls apart like a soufflé.

6507445 I do agree with the first part, exhaustion would make it near impossible for her to legitimately walk around freely. However, I do have something to say about your other points. You don't have to agree with me, but this is just my perspective and what made it easier for me to read in terms of logistics.

As for her freaking out over worst case scenarios, I find this to be very understandable and probable of a pregnant woman to think. You can read about something anywhere and see various responses, both good and bad. It's kind of like searching for strange symptoms you have on google and thinking you have cancer or you're going to die in two months. While it's not possible, you're still thinking about it. You can look at all the good stuff you've read about all you want, but when there's something wrong that you read, something that looks scary or even remotely possible, all you think about is that. The worst case scenario isn't always likely, but you can't help but be concerned about it. Especially when you're pregnant and worried anything could happen. Anything bad.

As for the final part, I never once thought Fluttershy actually thought to keep the child in the womb. No one ever actually thinks that, and I took that as her hormones surging to her brain and making her say some strange things in reaction to all that's happening. It's the fear of reality and the future just suddenly coming to her. It's hitting her that this child is ready to face the world, but she's nervous that it won't be perfect for her (wouldn't mothers want their child's world to be perfect even though, duh, it's not? heh). It's not that she believes she can just keep it in there, she's just terrified.

Like I said, her being able to walk around is a little strange to believe. Even if Discord was out longer than expected, she just wouldn't have any sort of energy. Not after going through so many contractions. And you're free to disagree with me, I understand. This is just how I saw it.

:flutterrage: Rarity how dare you make it look so easy, STUPID DRAGON! :pinkiegasp:
:raritystarry: Fluttershy you're ginormus !
:moustache: Way to go Discord
:twilightoops: He didn't use a catchers mitt?
:rainbowlaugh: It's a long foal to center field!
:ajbemused: What in tarnation you all got there Flutters?
:flutterrage: one very ugly foal :fluttercry: A foalinstine?


6508947 Hm, the idea that Fluttershy was somewhat delusional at the end makes sense, but it's not something I would think is happening, as the story does nothing to show she's down deep enough to be saying things like that.

As for the second point I made, it's not about whether or not people freak out about this stuff. It would be very believable for Fluttershy to be worried about that stuff. It's that Fluttershy specifically says that the procedure is highly dangerous, and speaks of it like she's more likely to die than not. The problem with the story is that it seems more like Fluttershy thinks the procedure is highly dangerous when it's not, rather than that she in truth knows it's not very dangerous but overreacts to the slightest possibility.
I understand the fear you speak of. Irrational fear of something like a surgery going wrong. I know both the fear felt in which it's more than likely nothing will go wrong, yet you still worry, and the fear when you are going to have to go through something you likely won't come out of unscathed in some way. The story made me recall the latter in the way Fluttershy talks about her fear of the c-section. But we all interpret things differently, and I'm not a female nor seen anyone close to me give birth, so perhaps I'm not one to know how one would think when they're driven by the fear of losing their baby.

...I'd like to restate to the author that his/her prose is fantastic, and perhaps the only true error is that the situation is not too believable with the characters of Fluttershy and Discord, one who's living is caring for animals, and the other who manipulates reality on a whim.

You made the connection between Discord and Fluttershy as a couple feel so real, even without any previous story attached to this one. I'm giving this an upvote and a favorite because you convey the fear, love, and pain so well. :heart:

6509161 While I may be female, I don't know anyone that close to me where I watched them go through pregnancy. So my knowledge on that alone is very minimal, too.

It's that Fluttershy specifically says that the procedure is highly dangerous, and speaks of it like she's more likely to die than not

Yes, that's a different situation, and I see what you mean now. Especially since Ponyville, according to Discord, has had little to no horrible cases of death in the past. Perhaps, author, you could simply try to clarify it so she is less certain that it'll go horribly; that it's more of a concern.

I personally liked how they chose Fluttershy and Discord--especially when we get to watch the latter go through something so domestic and somewhat scary, so unlike what he usually goes through. Buuuut that's totally just my opinion (since I'm shipper trash hehe sorry XD).

6509189 Fluttercord/Discoshy is the ship I always fall back on when I'm tired of everything else, so I guess it's my favourite ship :yay:

6508634 I think we need the comedy and random tags for that!

I love this story! It's great! I'm at a loss of words for how awesome this is! :heart:

Yeah, I mean, I don't begrudge a bit of irrationality from somepony who's just been in labor. But the specific points she's making are ones that she, as a vet who probably has at least cursory knowledge of her own species' biology and routine medical procedures, would be very unlikely to make even while panicking.

Very well written! :moustache:
Loved it, liked it! :pinkiehappy:

Very sweet story indeed. You get a 'Thumbs up' from me.
Do make more with these two love once.

This is amazing for your first story! I wish it was the same for me, but wow, I love the detail and everything. I can't seem to find a problem with this, (considering I wasn't focusing on mistakes.) A suggestion would be to add this story and future ones to as many groups as possible.:twilightsmile:

This is your first story?!!!! You could have fooled me this is written so exact and magnificent....1000000 out of 10


Sorry for the late reply! Please excuse my grammar and the such here, there was a reason why I needed editors (´・◡・`;)
Thank you so much for your lovely replies! I had no idea people would actually like my silly story (*´▽`*)
As for the feedback (thank you for taking your time to write those by the way <3) you're very right about Fluttershy's exhaustion, I never really paid enough attention to such a big error. I wish I could change it, but I don't think there's a way I possibly can without having to start the story from scratch all over again. I guess maybe we could argue that because of her immediate fear over the fact that she'd have to go under the knife, she managed to collect enough adrenaline to will her tired body onwards.

I also realise I didn't quite point out that Discord wasn't knocked out for a long time, it was just long enough for Fluttershy to slip out of the room. As for Fluttershy getting a good distance away from the room being physically impossible in her current state, what if she simply didn't. Discord just took the opposite direction to the one Fluttershy took (that also happened to be in the direction of where nurse was filling out her duties) leading him through unfamiliar and identical hallways, and inevitably getting lost and going in a complete circle.

It's that Fluttershy specifically says that the procedure is highly dangerous, and speaks of it like she's more likely to die than not

Perhaps, author, you could simply try to clarify it so she is less certain that it'll go horribly; that it's more of a concern.

Oh yes I completely see what you guys mean! (〃▽〃) That was truthfully the point of the story that I struggled with the most. I'm not very good with dialogue all together let alone expressing the characters feelings and thoughts through dialogue, so I had left that part to my wonderful editors to complete. But it's clearly left it rather uneven. However, even now I'm not entirely sure how I could change it for the better.

On another note, I think Fluttershy would most likely be more afraid of child birth compared to any other pony who doesn't care for animals on her level. I say this because Fluttershy's obviously been by the side of multiple animals as they are giving birth to their young, making her more aware of how the affair goes, including all the things that could go wrong. She likely has even witnessed animals passing away during the birthing procedure. She would have had to raise those said babies, or watched as the father tried to raise them himself. In Fluttershy's current situation all this would resurface in her mind and she may have had put her own face on those past tragedies. Not to mention that the tables had completely turned on her and she wasn't in control like she normally is with the animals. If that makes sense at all (*´∀`*)

I hope that may clear up a couple things! Thank you again for taking your time to read my story! Your feedback has really helped me and I promise I'll try my best to improve (≧∇≦)/


A-ah you guys thankyou so much for your lovely messages (*´∀`*) I really appreciate it!
And 90 likes already?? I don't deserve this (//∇//)
Oh gosh you're all so nice~

6534752 you totally deserve it. This is just pure gold

You're welcome ^^

Your welcome! :3 :pinkiehappy:

Wow, this is absolutely amazing! You captured Discord and Fluttershy's personalities just perfectly!

“Before what ay!? What could you possibly do!?” Discord cut in. “Plus who in Equestria do you think you are talking to? If you haven’t already noticed, I am Discord! The Lord of Chaos! The very being who turned this pathetic town you call home into the capital of chaos! I could destroy you and everything you love in a single snap-”

You tell him Discord! :yay: This story was amazingly well written and kept me captivated! I absolutely love the Fluttercord ship and think this was an amazing story representing it. :heart:

(After ereading more of other people's reponses I realize there was another comment in this vein, but this is less confrontational, and a different joke...)
Good feels, good characterization of personalities, poor mesh with canon in terms of powers.
I can easily see Fluttershy not wanting him to use his magic at first,(not that you mention anything like that) but when the c-section came up...
You might want to consider including an excuse for why he didn't do (or offer/threaten to do) something like:
Step 1.) Reach his eagle's claw up her birth canal.
Step 2.) Turn her inside out like a sweater.
Step 3.) Set the foal neatly off to one side.
Step 4.) Get doctor to cut the cord.
Step 4 Revised.) After doctor just stares at the craziness too long while Discord taps his foot impatiently, Discord does it himself with a giant pair of golden sciscors like a mayor dedicating a bridge.
Step 5.) Turn Fluttershy right side out again.
Step 6.) Three-way cuddling.
Step 7.) Discord freaks out when Fluttershy has another contraction.
Step 8.) Fluttershy explains about placentae.

Spelling error:
The site of his dearly beloved in such a state stabbed Discord in the heart and tore it to shreds.

I noticed that Fluttershy didn't seem to be in pain, at all, well, besides the contractions. She would not be able to push herself onto that wheel chair, with little energy, or with her being very close to giving birth.

Aw, this was adorable! When together, nothing can stop FlutterCord! :yay:

I love this so much, words can't express aaAhhH heck.

Whew! You honestly had me afraid that Fluttershy was going to crawl off and die, and her foal also, because she was too afraid to go on with the c-section. Like legit not sure if i should finish reading it, i was that worried about it. But i finished it, and i'm glad i did. Yay Fluttershy! You go, mare!

(Also it was starting to give me terrible flashbacks of that one chapter of the Uzumaki manga which i definitely do not recommend you read.)

Best wishes to the long vanished author of this story. Pancakes, mmmm

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