Season 1: Three humans were transported to Equestria after buying a few souvenirs from a mysterious merchant at Comicon. After a misunderstanding with the Mane 6 they are forced to hide as Celestia herself sends her forces to capture them. Armed with only a couple objects, their natural skills, and a bit of knowledge of the MLP universe, these three are going to have to join forces with others like themselves in order to survive.
A Displaced/HiE Fic.
Just a heads up, this is my first story. Feel free to leave a comment if you liked it. Enjoy!
Criticism is greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony. MLP belongs to Hasbro. I own nothing except for the Human characters. Also, any similarities with already existing stories are completely coincidental.
The story is good
Awesome story you are a good writer :)
Leslie: Hey! Mason and John mlp is a good show!!! And I like that and spongebob! And there is plenty of action in both shows!!
6175333 Mason and John: Action in MLP? BWAHAHAHAHA!
I gotta say this is the first time I've read a displaced story where the displaced really hurt the Mane six usually they get off with a few bruises and scratches. I got a feeling that Mason and john are going to become evil don't know why or how but the feeling there.
6175577 Well, they won't become evil, but they will have a strong dislike for those who attacked them
Darth Pestilence: Wounding adorable fictional ponies since 2015
We art intrigued by these three, do continue.
6178999 I plan to my good sir(s).
We wonder if thy Magic Barer would craft a spell to create a Mage Eye such as seen from Harry Potter, when the veteran against the dark arts showed up.
6182281 That's a great idea! I didn't even think of that, i'll consider it along with a few other items that John might get.
6182288 Thou art welcome, though we wonder how the Princesses are taking this event? As for the bags under their eyes perhaps it would be the newly returned princess besides them worried about the forest?
6182451 Well it said that Celestia ordered guards to search the Everfree forest for them. And as for the bags under their eyes, they're simply tired. The princesses themselves aren't going to intervine, at least not yet...
6182488 Remember, one Princess doth travel dreams. Though she may not find them at the start but perhaps time will infuse enough magic to form a connection to the realm of dreams.
6182511 I know, and I'm planning to have Luna encounter one or all of them in the mindscape, just not yet. She won't attempt it until the humans are deemed a threat to Equestria. Right now they are only considered to be intelligent monsters, dangerous, but not a threat to the country.
6175515 I see what you did there and it's funny I consider you a friend.
Leslie: what we're you thinking!? Punching fluttershy in the face!? That mess up John!!!
And there's some drama action with a twist like you said in the description it's a good story good job.
6185187 Thank you, I consider you a friend as well. I consider anyone who likes my stories a friend
6185205 Yeah, if the ponies don't kill him, the fanbase will
6185266 I agree with you there. And I mean no disrespect and if I did i'm sorry
Oh dear, may whatever deity they believe in have mercy on their souls.
Hmmmm, we wonder how the Element Barers will be changing to improve themselves for combat such as Magic is? Perhaps Rarity is crafting fine sets of armor with a fine tuned poisoned needles? Fluttershy improving her knowhow on medicine and sedatives? Rainbow Dash by surprise attacks and agility combat? Applejack with the use of heavy weapons? Pinkie Pie, the demomare?
6186919 Well, Twilight is the only one who's training now. But trust me, the others will soon follow her example.
6187006 We should at least know how Rarity is making future armor dresses for the girls by how she made the threat. For she would quite likely go 'all out' to make sure they and herself were safe while looking fashionable.
6187043 Good point, I'll be sure to keep that in mind. But they're going to have a tough time against the rejects, the elements aren't the only ones who'll get new gear. *cough* foreshadowing *Cough*
Your story is awesome.
6203689 Thank you, and I will try
We enjoy the developments so far, let things be seen as they come.
Nice Story
Twilight Sparkle the Pirate.
Well we would be curious on the direction side of the ponies to improve themselves to 'hunt down' these enjoyable human displaced. Though the royals may perhaps under Luna's order have a garrison built, perhaps not a true overdone one by her elder sister's wishes to not impede daily life of the village. But enough to start having patrols at the borders to the forest to try and keep them away from Ponyville before a larger effort is made, with Luna tempted to try gazing into their dreams to discover their foul intensions.
Wow! Considering that the ponies, and Twilight in particular are probably the best bet for these guys to get home, I think the last thing they should do is provoke them. At least one of you knows enough about Equestria to know that if you turn yourself in, you will at least get a hearing. At that point, you can explain that you acted in self defence, and hopefully place the blame on Rainbow Dash for being a moron.
But like most Displaced, in the interests of ramping up the tension, they are too dumb to live, at least for long.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with that from a story point of view. Just don't expect me to root for them. Have an upvote for writing a good, 'escalates out of control' first meeting.
Hello friend,
Thank you for reviewing Chrome, The Path He Walked, in return, I'll review yours! I'll do it in your format because I believe that'll be what you are more comfortable in :)
Name of Story: The Reject Chronicles
Grammar score: 10
Pros: The grammar was very good in the fanfiction, I didn't see a single mistake when I read it really thoroughly! The character development was very nicely done too!
Cons: The crossover is not really obvious to people who did not see the show it was displaced from. (not sure if that was intended.) Also, It lack a bit of details, like... I could not really visualize the settings in which it takes place, but then again... that's just me.
Notes:Not much, to be honest. However, perhaps a bit more background information on the characters would be nice. That's just what I'll like to see, really... Well, not background as self introduction, but perhaps through the use of comparisons, to remind us of who this people truly are? Just an idea.
Anyway! It's a nice fanfiction and I really look forward to it! Hope you enjoy your review!!!
JURASSIC PARK MOTHER BUCKERS
6175577
Why would they be evil. They only attacked because rainbow is an idiot
Welp. A simple misunderstanding and now the protagonists are in a pickle. They are about to become Equestria's most wanted pretty soon, particularly Robert who severely injured Celestia's personal student. I love these types of stories. It always puts me on edge.
"and a replica of the tesseract..."
Cosmic Cube for life, muthafucka!
http://marvel.wikia.com/wiki/Cosmic_Cube
foolish ponies always think they are right and they think they are all so kind and friendly but if it whould come to court or something like that the mane six whould get punished since rd insulted them and tried to attack the so all our 3 firends did was an act of self defense and if the cake gobbler whould punish our 3 friends here and word of all that reches other nations they whould loose thier trust in equestria and it could be the caause of heated realations and they could begin to think that the cake goobler only cares about her sun worshipping ponies and that could mean that a war whould start f the cake gobbler of this fic is smart she whould either try to be neutral in this or side with our 3 friends
Solid grammar so far
"Here, let me throw this rock at a random patch of grass..."
Rip
Well, now that I'm re-reading this, I'm getting excited again. And your writing seems to be improving. On to the next chapter.
Curse that pinkie sense
In the first place, the chapter clearly shows that the ponies were the aggressors and the humans were just trying to defend themselves.
Second, the fight was well expanded and satisfying. Great improvement. I'm glad you chose to re-do it.
You kind of made Robert somewhat unlikable because of his biased hatred for flash. I like how bad ass you made John. He's my favorite of the three. Mason is a little generic now. I kind of expected him to be cynical. That's my two cents worth.
I'm liking this so far. And I'm liking the atmosphere in pony vile. Please continue
Hmmm. I'm beginning to sense that some big changes in Equestria will occur if the signs indicate anything. As for Robert's dilemma.....jeez, he's struggling with the mistakes he has made. As for the introduction to rune magic, I got no problems with it.
Very decent writing so far, plus the fact that only one of the individuals has any knowledge on the world they find themselves in. I can't wait to see what powers they actually have.
Rock tossing. Kinda expected someone to start cussing.
"What the heck is wrong with you!? Throwing rocks around willy nilly! You could have hurt someone!"
Something like that.
Glorious chaos! I wouldn't be at all surprised if Discord popped out way ahead of schedule...~
Ooooh~, Starting to share traits with batman... oh crap, if he starts acting like Freddy... actually, Freddys mental traits are kinda hard to pin down. I guess... generic disregard for the lives of others? Freddy never really seemed like he really cared what was going on, as long as he got to kill everyone he could get his claws on.
Twilight never being able to see out of her left eye again? Daaaaaamn. At least they seem to have managed to find the elements and defeat Nightmare Moon. I wonder if Raritys hair was restored like in the original episode, and if so why Twilight wasn't healed...