Nobody moved, the forest was dead silent except for John's grunts of pain.
And then Rainbow Dash broke the silence.
"Those must be some of Nightmare Moon's monsters! Get them!" She spread her wings and dashed forward, tackling Mason to the ground.
"Oh no, Robert thought. "This doesn't look good."
He opened his mouth to say something like: "Stop! We are not monsters, we're just a couple of humans who don't know where we are." or, "Please, can't we just talk this out?" But before the young boy could say anything like that, John recovered from his foot injury and kicked the cyan Pegasus in the stomach. With Rainbow Dash not pinning him down to the forest floor, Mason got up and slipped on his bladed glove.
"You'll pay for that you dumb-AHHHHH!" Rainbow Dash screamed in pain and held her left forehoof that was now gushing blood. When Rainbow had gotten up from the kick, she tried to punch John, only to get a slash from the bladed glove for her efforts.
"You ruffians!" Rarity shouted. The three of them turned, and saw her using her magic to levitate several stones off the ground.
Robert narrowed his eyes. "Looks like Rares is going to use us as target practice, and those stones look like they're going to hurt, a lot. I still want to talk this out, but I don't think I'll be doing much talking if I'm unconscious." He snatched up the rock that Twilight had thrown at John's foot and let it fly at Rarity's horn. "Oh well, Rarity was always my least favorite anyway." It soared through the air and made direct contact with her horn. She yelped in pain and dropped the rocks.
"Headshot." He snickered despite himself.
"Nice throw Robert!" Mason complimented.
Robert faltered for a second. "Thanks, but please try not to-"
"No good varmints! I won't let you hurt ma friends!" Applejack bellowed, cutting Robert off. "Let's get em' everypony!" She, Rainbow, and Rarity charged at the humans, Pinkie was nowhere in sight, Twilight started shooting magical bursts at them, and Fluttershy stayed back.
Robert eyed Fluttershy as an idea popped into his head. 'Wait, Fluttershy! That's it! If I can get to her and explain our situation, then she can talk her friends down. If anyone can do it, she can.' He started to sprint over to where the yellow Pegasus was, when he noticed Mason and John duking it out with Applejack and Rainbow.
"I better tell them not to hurt the ponies before they get us in trouble." Robert thought. "HEY! DON'T-" He was cut off again when a large pie hit him on the side of the head. He pulled the pastry off and wiped the remains off of his head.
"Pie? What...?" When he realized who had thrown that pie, a chill ran down his spine. "Oh dear." He turned around and looked into the eyes of the pink terror, which bored into his very soul.
"Alright buster, nopony hurts my friends and gets away with it! I'm not going to let you get to Fluttershy!" Pinkie exclaimed as she got into a fighting stance.
"So this is what true terror feels like," Robert thought, breaking out into a sweat when he thought about what the party pony had planned for him.
Reaching into her mane, Pinkie pulled out her party cannon and aimed at the teenager.
"Holy-!" He said before leaping out of the way.
. . .
John jumped away from an incoming magic burst and delivered a kick at Rainbow Dash, who had tried to sneak up on them. His foot caught her right in the jaw and snapped her head back. She fell to the ground, dazed from the powerful kick. He attempted to follow up with another kick, but was tripped by Applejack's rope.
"Ha!" Applejack laughed as she dragged the struggling human over to her.
"Stupid horse!" John thought, trying to free himself from the lasso wrapped around his leg.
"Not so tough now, are- woah!" Applejack jumped back, barely avoiding a swipe from Mason.
Said human attempted another slash at the orange farm pony, cursing to himself when he missed once again.
Seeing an opening, Applejack leapt at Mason. Unfortunately for her, Mason ducked under the attempt, sending her in the direction of John. John pulled his fist back and let it fly, knocking a nearly unconscious Applejack to the ground.
"You've got one heck of a right hook dude," Mason said.
"Well this isn't the first fight I've been in, but it has definitely the strangest," John said, turning his attention to Rainbow Dash, who was just now getting back up to her hooves.
"Looks like the white unicorn decided to join the party," Mason said. Looking over his shoulder, John saw Rarity holding several needles in her telekinesis.
"Well at least the purple one isn't blasting at us anymore," John commented, preparing himself for the remainder of what was by far the weirdest fight he had ever been involved in.
. . .
"Out of all of the ponies I could have fought, why'd it have to be Pinkie!?" Robert thought, leaping away from another shot from Pinkie's cannon. He had tried several times to get her attention, but it was hard to try talking to someone while they are trying to shoot you with a cannon.
"This is not how Pinkie would normally act, why is she attacking me? Why isn't she telling me how excited she is to throw me and the others a 'Welcome to Ponyville/Equestria!' party?" Dodging another shot, Pinkie began to reload, stuffing various party items.
"Now's my chance, I need to get her away from that cannon!" Robert muttered to himself. He ran forward just as the pink mare finished reloading, and jumped up onto the barrel of the cannon.
Pinkie looked surprised for a moment, and he used that brief moment to shove her away from the cannon. Robert jumped off of the impractical weapon and tried once again to convince one of the ponies that they didn't want to fight.
"Look, we don't want to-" He stopped when he noticed a flash of purple in his peripheral vision. Knowing exactly what it meant, he had the bright idea to move away from where he had just been standing in a quick fashion. He had barely jumped to the right when a purple blast of magic struck the area he had been standing in just a few seconds earlier.
Robert quickly looked over his shoulder, seeing Twilight charging up another magic burst to launch at him.
"Pinkie AND Twilight?!" I really hate my luck." He thought, barely ducking under a tackle attempt from Pinkie. "I doubt I could land a hit on either of them, and it doesn't look like they're about to listen to me. Well, let's hope all those years of playing dodgeball can help me here."
. . .
"GAH!" Mason yelled in pain. Looking down at his shoulder he saw one of Rarity's needles lodged in his lower shoulder. "I'm lucky that didn't hit any bone, still hurts like hell though." Mason thought, dodging another one of the needles while pulling the needle out of his shoulder.
Hearing something dashing up behind him, he threw a kick backwards, hitting Rainbow Dash in the gut. He ignored the pain in his shoulder and leg, and jumped away from another launched needle.
Luckily for him, John had snuck behind Rarity, and proceeded to overpower her. After pinning her to the forest floor, he began punching her in the face repeatedly.
"Get off of Rarity!" Rainbow Dash yelled, ramming into John. The rainbow colored Pegasus and adult human began struggling against each other, each one trying to get the upper hand.
While this was going on, Mason sprinted toward Rarity and swung his bladed hand. Rarity ducked and avoided any physical injuries, except for when the top half of her beloved mane was cut off.
To Mason's surprise, Rarity began to bawl, catching everyone's attention.
. . .
"MY MANE! MY BEUATIFUL MANE IS RUINED!" Pinkie and Robert turned to look at the bawling mare for a moment, their attention captured by the strange sight of a mare bawling about her hair in the middle of a fight.
Robert was only distracted for a moment before he turned his attention back to Pinkie. "Maybe now with everything relatively quiet, I can finally get Pinkie's attention." He walked forward and placed his hand on Pinkie's mane.
"Hey, I really don't-" He froze when a long strand of Pinkie's mane wrapped around his wrist. Pinkie turned back to him with a scowl.
"Forgot she could do that," Robert thought.
"Your friend made my friend cry," Pinkie said simply. Still holding on to Robert's wrist, she began to spin around, dragging a screaming Robert through the air. She spun around several times before letting go, sending the teen flying.
"AHHHH!" Robert yelled as he soared through the air before landing on the ground. Conveniently, his left foot hit the activation button on the party cannon.
*BANG* An unsuspecting Twilight was hit with a small portion of the blast, knocking her to the ground, partly conscious after being hit by several of Pinkie's cakes and pies.
"That was convenient," Robert said, shaking the cobwebs out of his eyes. He stood up, seeing Pinkie rush forward and throw a hoof at him. He jumped to the side and wrapped his arms around the pink appendage.
"What goes around, comes around!" Robert quipped as he threw Pinkie over his shoulder. Before she could get up, he wrapped his arms around the mare's neck, putting her into choke hold.
"Thank you dad for teaching me how to do this!" He thought as he struggled to keep the mare still.
"Let go of Pinkie!" Glancing to the side, Robert saw Rainbow Dash had let go of John and was preparing to punch him in the face for laying his hands on her friend. Wanting to avoid extensive head damage, Robert did the only logical thing he could think of in his panicked state.
He moved Pinkie in front of him as Rainbow Dash tried to punch him, effectively using Pinkie as a meat shield.
"Sorry Pinks," Robert thought as he threw Pinkie to the side. "And sorry for this too Dash." He pulled his fist back and unleashed his hardest uppercut on the stunned Pegasus.
He shook his hand a few times as he quickly made his way to the party cannon and aimed it at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. "If they won't listen to reason, then I might as well keep them from fighting me."
*BANG!* Both of them were knocked unconscious.
"Now let's see if I can finally talk- OW!" Robert clutched his leg in pain, feeling a trickle of blood run down his leg from the wound inflicted by the rock that had been thrown at it.
Looking up, he saw a FURIOUS Rarity picking up another one. Thankfully, John ran up behind her and delivered a punch to the back of her head.
Robert went back to trying to ease his pain when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He looked over and saw Fluttershy looking at him in fear with those big eyes of hers.
"I-I wish you hadn't hurt my friends, and I am v-v-very scared right now, but you still need help with that wound. Here, let me see it, if you want..." Fluttershy said softly.
Despite his pain he smiled at Fluttershy. "Maybe we can still solve this without more violence." "Thank-"
"ROBERT! LOOK OUT!" John bellowed. Before Robert could do anything to stop him, John shoved Fluttershy a few feet away before punching her too.
Robert's jaw dropped in shock as he heard the yellow Pegasus begin to cry.
"You okay Robert?" John asked.
Robert didn't answer, he was too distracted as the only remaining chance of solving this diplomatically died with that one mistake.
"HOW DARE YOU!" said Twilight, who had just now recovered from the party cannon blast. Focusing all her attention on John, she began charging a lot of magic into her horn, preparing to make Fluttershy's assaulter pay.
Robert gazed at Twilight in sadness, knowing what he had to do to protect his friend.
Ignoring the pain, he got to his feet and limped over to the distracted Twilight.
"I hate having to hurt the characters I love so much, but they won't listen. They might not even be the ponies I know, they could be different versions for all I know, Pinkie's behavior would support that idea," Robert thought as he wrapped his arms around Twilight's head and angled her horn away from John.
"But as much as I love these characters, I won't let them hurt my friends." Twilight launched the magic blast, but it missed, shooting into the night sky.
The unicorn began to buck wildly in an attempt to get the human off her back. Robert couldn't hold on for long, and fell to the ground. Robert stumbled to his feet as Twilight charged up another blast.
In desperation, Robert pulled the Batarang out of his pocket and prepared to throw it at her horn to stop the blast. But right before he threw it, he tripped over a root on the ground, throwing his aim off by a small margin.
The Batarang flew at an angle, cutting a deep cut in her left eye.
Twilight began to scream in pain as Robert got to his feet, shocked at what he had just done. "What have I done?" Robert thought as he was wracked with guilt.
"T-TWILIGHT!!!" The barely conscious Applejack and Fluttershy yelled in unison as they both rushed to their wounded friend.
Robert looked at the three conscious mares, and did the only thing his panic and guilt stricken mind told him to do.
"RUN!" Heeding the thought, Robert quickly located his Batarang and picked it up before turning tail and dashing away.
"Run guys! RUN!" Robert yelled. John and Mason nodded and followed the teenager into the dark woods.
"What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?" Robert muttered repeatedly, as he would continue to do far into the night.