• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

Shadowmane PX-41


Just your average british lad. I write things for a living. It’s the strangest living you’ll ever find, second only to my inability to take myself off of the grid.

T

Friendship is a very strange concept. As far as Equestria goes, friendship has often been weaponized by the Main Six to vanquish their enemies.

However, when the map acts up once more and alerts Twilight alone to another problem, it comes as a bit of a shock when her Cutie Mark leads her to the portal to the Human World, instead of a certain fragment of Equestria. Regardless, she heeds the map's call and enters the portal.

What she doesn't know that waiting in the Human World, is a threat that could very well be her undoing...

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 47 )

An intriguing story my friend. I can't wait to see what happens. :twilightsmile:

MrB

I like it

This is going to be interesting. Can't wait to see more.

Hey, man, you stole my idea...sort of!

6023988 I'm planning to write something about Starlight stealing the Meadowbrook artifacts and giving them to a human tyrant in a far away land in a Barsoom/LOTR-style epic. I mean, yeah, that's one part of it, I guess, but still, I've kind of already brewed up a similar plot. I gues great minds really do think alike.

I'll give him credit that he knows what he's doing. Ramps up the creepy element for sure.

the Staff of Time reminds me of Renet.

6026529 Just wait until you see what he can do with it...

Giving an alicorn youth if this is even possible and turning everyone into infants?

This plan seems even more ridiculous than sunsets student zombie army.

Did he somehow visit Neverland?:rainbowhuh:

6029162 He wants to share his pain with Twilight. He lost all of his friends, and now he wants Twilight to feel the exact same way he did. So it's not ridiculous, it's quite deep.

6029171 I didn't mean his intentions.
I mean is he trying to turn the world into some kind of Neverland?

6029203 Not likely. the Staff of Time's powers might be almighty, but he's only warped the timeline of certain individuals. They still age normally, but he's just turned back the clock at least a dozen years on his victims.

Oh WOW this villain needs a reality check. Wonder how they'll get out of this.

well hell how the flying fuck are they going to get out of this :rainbowhuh: But otherwise great story keep it up:pinkiehappy:

The thing you have to be careful of with time-manipulators, like your villain, is not making them OP - because they can manipulate time, they could have unlimited actions while everyone else is immobilised, etc. You seem to have handled that for now by making it 'all part of the plan' (that is, the staggered 'nappings are completely intentional on his part). I'm kind of interested in how this continues, if only to find out what stops him from being totally OP.

Keep this story up. I'm loving this so far.

Friends? What friends? :rainbowwild::pinkiesad2:

For what it's worth, I like this story.

I wonder how this will turn out for them.

6029162 Didn't Royal Pain try the whole 'transform the heroes into infants' plan in the Disney Movie, Sky High? Linda Carter was in it as the principal of the school, and Kurt Russell played the superhero father of Will Stronghold, a young student who becomes a legacy superhero. Bruce Campbell has a role in the movie as the PE coach.

6052273 This mysterious stranger has a better plan than that.

Let's just say that he's got his eye on a bigger prize than just the Human World...

Also, you have to remember that Royal Pain came at the last minute. This guy stated that he wanted to share his pain with Twilight Sparkle, eliminating her friends one by one to break her will and have her willingly accept being turned into a baby.

Wow this is starting to rev up. Let's see how this goes.

6052273 Did you know that Bruce Campbell is the voice of Sentinel Captain Lennox in the new Exo Zombies Carrier map on Advanced Warfare's 3rd DLC map pack?

Newest chapter was really good.

"Babies and toddlers are among the most fragile of humans. Frightening them makes you a horrible person."

And not a single word was minced that day :rainbowwild:


"My name is Black Cosmos,

That's not ominous at all. :pinkiecrazy:

but soon, I shall become King Black Cosmos."

Yep, totally not ominous.


"I can only meddle with the ages of up to three people at a time, and I can't interfere with any major events in the past. Furthermore, the staff can only be used so many times at once before it needs to cool down for a while.

Ah, limits. I approve.

And if it's destroyed, then the whole fabric of time unravels, sending everything spiralling into chaos."

:rainbowderp: ...better have Discord on standby.

Twilight then began to stall, thinking about what The Dazzlings would do if they had their powers back. However, she quickly shrugged the thought off and said, "And I promise you, you'll get your powers back after we're done..."

This cannot backfire at all :scootangel::unsuresweetie::derpytongue2:

Don't give up Twilight, You'll find a way.

*Summons a Keyblade black and white with the yin and yang symbol at the end of it*

Even if you need a bit of help.

Can't wait to see how Twilight gets out of this mess.

This sounds like an anime plot like Naruto of something like that

I have a way to use his weapon against him. Use a mirror.

I guess adding it to the Age-Regression groups didn't help much as I saw it got five more downvotes ever since.

Of course it wouldn't. By adding it to those groups, you've caused readers to mistakenly believe this is one of those weird fetish stories.

This is a really intriguing story and I really want to get into it but I just can't. The writing is pretty good. No grammatical errors that I can spy and your details are very well written :P.

My main problem is the plot of this story. Well not only the plot but also the characters reactions, specifically Twilight Sparkle and Black Cosmos.

Black Cosmos seems so evil and pretty cool. But his reasoning of wanting to watch Twilight Sparkle suffer because all his friends are gone is... kinda dumb. I get she's the Princess of Friendship and so he has some personal vendetta against her for being a Princess of Friendship but its like why. Why does he care so much she has friends other then her being a Princess of Friendship? Why does he want this pony he's never met before to suffer because of it? I mean he says he wants to help people with their friendship and how he wants to stop them from suffering from losing friends and that doesn't sound like someone who would want someone else to be in their footsteps but rather a petulant child who wants to spread misery.

Not only that but his idea of wanting to de age everyone to save friendship is pretty good but why babies? They don't have the thought process enough to be friends. Turning them into kids to play hoofball sounds better but I dunno that's just me. Not only that but his mood flips like a coin. In one chapter he's saying how he'll regress Twilight enough and have her adopted to move far away from her friends so they will never be friends again, which by the way goes completely against what he was saying before about saving their friendship, to wanting to take her under his wing and adopt her. He goes from calling the girls cretins and idiotic to trying to be a mentor to them or something. Its very confusing. Is he or is he not trying to help them. Not only that but why isn't he trying to de age himself? That's the whole point of his operation was how he was losing HIS friends. And you were saying how only certain people would be de aged but why would that be? In his point of view shouldn't everyone be made into babies so everyone could have friends? He's a good starting villain but he has a lot of major holes.

Now Twilight Sparkle the only problem I have with her is how she's beginning to agree with his decision. That shouldn't happen at all. Her friends are not beginning to drift away. I haven't checked up on MLP since like Season 3 or so but even I know that. She wouldn't be agreeing to be de aged because she's agreeing with his opinion but rather because she wants to be with her friends. She wouldn't think Cosmos was right at all. Her extensive years with Friendship should agree with this. Cosmos' argument is that all friends are destroyed over time but he has limited experience on the subject of Friendship over time. Twilight on the other hand has shown you can have friends while working in a busy environment and I honestly don't think she would take his bashing on her friendship sitting down. Not only that but she is a scientist and this should have made her go into lecture mode. Like full on what-did-you-say-about-friendship kind of thing and instead of her just believing him you could have made it to where she tries to lecture him on the subject and he doesn't wanna hear it so he just keeps either resetting her to before she gives her lecture or jumping to a spot of time after her lecture. Or you could have it to where Twilight was lying about saying he was right, just saying it to get his guard down and soon coming in with some kick ass friendship powers. That would have been a really cool twist.

In the end though it's your story and you take it where you want to go. This is just why I can't get into the story and some of the MAJOR plot holes I see in it. Not even all of the major ones. Like the people letting him take 6 babies that he brought in as soon as he steps through the door. Or how no one can recognize de aged members of their family even when they're on the news paper. This is one of the first dark and mystery regression stories I've seen. Its an interesting idea but as reasons above I can't get into it. I might still keep an eye on it to see how it ends because I want to see how the girls are going to come back or if he's going to win and see how dysfunctional his "utopia" will be.

6375932 I have other stuff as well, you know. Just take a look at the newest chapter of A Small Breeze...

Is there going to be an update for this story?

Man, Shadow, where's the new update? I'm been waiting for years.

"Do whatever you can, but you will reach utopia on Earth. Our psychology is the cause and you can't stop it" Anonymous. I'm waiting for him to be punished.

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