• Member Since 27th Nov, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Destiny Chaser


A Chaplain for Bronies. Long live Christ the King!

T

Adopted from infancy, Equestria is the only world Flash Skies has ever known and loved. A beautiful world filled with adventure, love, and awesome friends, life is good. But when you're the only member of your species in an alien world, eventually you want to find out where you came from and if there are others like you. With the help of his friends, he finds his way back to Earth, but will he like what he finds? He may discover more than he bargained for, and an enemy that's been waiting for him to come home.


A non-spoiler review to whet your appetite!:pinkiehappy:

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 145 )

Flash really reminds me of the Smallville incarnation of Clark Kent, what with the Good Samaritan act and the super strength(in fact, this whole first chapter has a rather CW feel about it). And I think Damien makes for a great potential recurring villain. I look forward to meeting Enrique as well, but it'd be cool to see Damien maybe bypass his boss one day.
Congrats on finally getting the story out there!

Aww, Flash and Bright Skies are sweet there at the end! I hope there's plenty of wholesome growing up chapters ahead.
Some notes I took:

“We’re trying Straight Shot!”

People don't tend to say each other's names in casual conversation like that, unless they actively have to get each other's attention.

Do people really call the pacifier on top of a milk bottle a nipple? That just seems... off, to me.

I bet that literally everyone reading this will have to look up "cumulonimbus", cause I sure as heck had to! :twilightsheepish:

I really liked the way you described the effect that Celestia's presence had on everyone, how in control and calming she is. She kind of reminds me of Jacob from LOST sometimes, and I could almost hear his violin theme playing in the background during those passages.

9722381
Haha thanks!!
I didn't think of the Smallville thing, though I'm flattered :raritywink: Flash is not as strong as Clark though haha, just a very athletic pegasus. Weaker than a strong earth pony, still stronger than most any human.
I shall have to consider the recurring villain thing...

Nice to see more of adopt a human stories . They are always my favorite . Keep up the great work !

Not a bad bit. Consider my interest piqued.

Well it's not the dump-'em-in-the-Everfree introduction that most visitors get, novelty! I look forward to seeing more of this.

9731305
It is an honor to have you and your well-experienced commentary here. I shall do my utmost!

9731314
I'm trying to go against HiE stereotypes with this storyline, one of my main objectives as a matter of fact.

9731582

'twill certainly be interesting to see how things go with this random kid growing up with Pegasus magic.

As to the clichés, having him grow up immersed in Equestrian culture, too young to remember anything of his origins, will make for a fascinating growing-up story. Traditional HIE stories inevitably bring baggage and angst with them, as the interloper pines for home and/or relates to everything through the lens of his own ingrained Terran culture. But in this unique case, he gets a blank slate. Promising!

I just hope we can skip the utterly done to death bullied-as-a-child-because-i'm-different emotionally scarring backstory. There are more options out there beyond orphanhood, angst or a saccharinely idyllic childhood you know. (Muttered grumbling about mainstream heroic origin stereotypes ensues.)

9731747
Haha I am so grateful for your commentary.
No, I plan to let him have a very good experience growing up, ponies being very welcoming and accepting. There may be one bully, but it will not be an overarching plot but rather, reflective of real life experiences of growing up and a learning experience rather than emotionally scaring.

Fascinating... I like that Ella is subconsciously mimicking her former bosses in attempting to manipulate Flash into doing something she wants, just for the sake of it. And I like that Flash saw right through that. He's got more wit to him than I thought.

9736343
Haha yeah, he's been well-trained. We'll get to see some of that in the future hopefully.

Thugs like that are a great tower of pride, they think themselves kings of their own little worlds. Having a stranger wander in and pull it all down on a whim will be all the revenge you could ever ask for, especially given that a man like Enrique will likely find a way to force his hand.

That intro... that intro hit close to home. Human trafficking is a big problem in my area. I never say 'pimps.' They're traffickers, and what they do to girls is monstrous. Don't watch Pretty Woman for an idea of what a prostitute's life is like; watch Equalizer. It's an ugly thing.

I'm with Ro; consider my interest piqued.

HE'S NOT JUST UNYIELDINGLY NAIVE! JOY!

9771330
You don't know how happy I am to have my poor story graced with your opinion, thank you!
I'm glad you see what I aimed for there with the human trafficking portrayal, I was aiming for realism. It is truly horrific.

9771361
Indeed. More to come on that...

I say, he's rather well spoken for a seven year old, most of my cousins were hyperactive little terrors at that age.

9772542
That's thanks to Sunset's strict tutelage haha.

9772665

You mean a stern upbringing leads to mindful children and capable adults? Le gasp!:pinkiegasp:

Okay, I’m really starting to dig this story now. You shattered the typical stereotype of characters like these. This pleases me. :rainbowkiss:

9772685
That's one of my goals:pinkiehappy:
Destroy the stereotype, destroy it I say!

Interesting. I have some theories as to how Sunset came back into play later (and how he's in the human world now), but time will tell. And this kid makes me think of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes - erudite beyond his years. I've known kids like this. I'm related to several of them, and it's both impressive and sobering to see how much they pick up at that age, especially when they're challenged.

because hard work was the only path to greatness and that there was no easy way to achieving success. If you wanted the most out of yourself, out of life, you had to go and take it! No pain, no gain.

I'm-a stop you right there
media.giphy.com/media/MRlffo5TgqAEM/giphy.gif

Do other pegasi super-jump too? Can Scootaloo channel her flight magic like that?

9773118
No she can't. But she's not human. The flight magic is affecting him differently because of his different physiology.

9772973
Exactly. I think many kids are coddled a bit too much these days, stunts their development. Kids need some time to enjoy their childhood. But that doesn't mean they can't still be challenged. Sunset may have gone a bit overboard with that, but you can see the results.
Also (and you probably already know this) Flash is in our world, earth. Not the world Sunset Shimmer goes to.

9772973

Ah, good old Calvin, a perfect example of a brilliant child who is largely unsuited to conventional public education.

Is Calvin based of off the Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes?

9777021
That is the Calvin they are referring to, yes.

Human emotion mixed with pegasus weather-magic? A volatile mix that, I was half-expecting him to start breathing sparks for a moment there.

He's a very lucky kid, with a wonderful mother. There's no greater gift than love like that.

What happened to the bullied filly?

9808438
She ran home, we might see her later.

9808299
He is very blessed indeed.
We may see some weather magic in the future:trixieshiftright:

9808464

Well lightning loves confidence, and he'll have that in spades further on in life.

9808470
I like that idea, but I think he would still need storm clouds to use lightning, wouldn't he?

9808486
Oh I like that...
I thought I was already pushing the envelope with what I already had him capable of but that makes some sense. I always want it to make sense/have reason.
I will take that into consideration good sir, thank you!

9808490

Honestly, the envelope would have been pushed much further if you'd kept the flight and made him into an I-can't-believe-it's-not-Superman!TM OC. The most basic rule of fiction is that it has to make sense, and you've been doing an exquisite job with your establishment.

9808535
That's very kind of you to say, thank you!
I wanted to avoid at all costs making a Mary Sue or a cheap Superman/Thor knockoff.
I want to show how the very capable present day Flash earned and grew into those capabilities, I want development(and now he has a masculine role model as well:ajsmug:)
He still has a few tricks up his sleeve that I have yet to reveal, but we'll get a full rundown on his capabilities eventually. A certain beloved, lavender nerd will probably help with that:raritywink:

Alright what even is this? Why hasn't this been featured, and why are there so few upvotes? I almost passed it by and I expected to drop it immediately due to low quality. But, nope it’s the best human raised by equestrians I’ve read this far.

9809302
That's very kind of you to say, thanks.:twilightsmile:
Every writer wants more views and likes, but I'm happy to have you here at least.

BURNT OAK! YES! I LOVE BURNT OAK!

Seriously, Oak is one of my favorite background characters in the show. It was so refreshing to see a good fatherly character, and just a good man in general. He reminds me from Uncle Hub in Secondhand Lions.

Also, nice tearful scene at the end there.

9811211
I wanted to make sure Flash had a good, masculine role model. Burnt Oak was the first pony that came to mind honestly:pinkiehappy: You're right, he is like Uncle Hub. Thank you so much! I couldn't wait to hear your feedback :twilightsmile:

Now there's a man what needs killing, It's amazing what enough lawyers and a reasonably corrupt justice department can get someone out of. Best to make it a sure thing.

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

9841424
I did consider that, and believe me, Flash wanted to. But he sees himself as a soldier, not an executioner. He did make sure, however, that Johnson will be a cripple for life.

9841534
Ella is a girl from Brooklyn so pretty distinguished accent. Think of the girlfriend from the YouTube series Wayne. Flash has a pretty neutral accent; crisp and well-pronounced. Masculine and strong but not too deep; well balanced. Maybe a young Kevin Conroy?

I'm getting some serious Equalizer vibes here. Even the knee break is tactical, as it keeps the guy from running when Flash isn't in the room.

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