• Member Since 14th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen August 18th

Yosh-E-O


I am aspiring author who enjoys writing various works of fantasy in which have a cutesy touch

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Source

This story is a sequel to Daring Do and the Spring of Renewal


Upon being thwarted by Twilight Sparkle and her friends, Starlight Glimmer sets out to find a way to bring about her concept of equality on a global scale. This brings her to team up with Daring Do's arch nemesis, Ahuizotl, as she prepares to use The Crystal Empire as the catalyst of her latest efforts.

Story inspired by the Artwork of Artie Canvas - http://www.furaffinity.net/user/artiecanvas/
Original Picture - http://www.furaffinity.net/view/17133336/

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Nothing like a diaper regression story to loosen up all the other ones you write :)

Twilight is restored by Celestia afterwords and Glimmer is left to be the Foal she acts like.

6242027
When I saw Arti Canvas' work, I felt such an urge to write something simple and fun. A one-shot adventure that would give a neat possibility to how Starlight Glimmer could create her perfect world of equality.

I think the makers of the MLP: FiM have already teased at how Starlight will come back at SDCC. However, I am glad to have found another creative way to do it. :)

Thanks for reading. This story was well timed since, as soon as I finished it, I got swept away in having to troubleshoot my reemployment efforts. Being able to flip back and see people actually liking it definitely was a stress reliever between phone calls and e-mails. :)

6242093
<LoL!> I like that outcome. Perhaps she would eventually wind up in Magic Kindergarten with Twilight being assigned as her teacher? Now that would be a burn. :)

Perhaps a second chance at growing up would make Starlight a lot less... well... Starlight. Equality is good, but not when it is founded upon double standards.

Thank you for reading and commenting. An extra thanks for providing an ending. Great visuals and thoughts on what could be.

6242177 i could see that happening :twilightsmile:

Why the heck would Azzy team up with Starlight? Their goals don't match at all.

Starlight, "Don't worry Azzy, I'm just going to lobotomize you so you're a peaceful member of society."

6242535
<LoL!> That sounds like a funny possibility. It is why fiction is fun. You can make just about anything work so long as there is some way you can make the idea convincing. :)

The way I paired them up was that they each fully intended on betraying the other at some point. Ahuizotl enjoyed being able to thwart Daring Do with the help of his secret ally while Starlight only intended on acquiring jeweled artifacts to amplify her magic.

If things could've gone Ahuizotl's way, he would've conquered the Crystal Empire upon defeating Cadence, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, and Daring Do through the amulet. However, it didn't work that way. So he went for the next, best thing of believing Starlight could be used as a scapegoat while he made a getaway to plan his next move.

Man love to see Starlight get a spanking for all the trouble she caused.

It's an interesting and hilarious concept, really :twilightsmile: However, I found it a little too short. There was so much happening in such a small word count that everything just dashed past. You see, for example the part showing the celebration is a one sentence from Cadence and ponies cheering. I know that speeches may seem boring and all, but one would fit there. There can be also some awards, dancing and all the fancy stuff. That way, you may draw the reader into the story, making "Sombra's" appearance more contrasting with the happy atmosphere. And again, the fight with Sombra could have been longer, more tense. This way it was almost too easy. In the meantime, you could have shown the readers Starlight, making her way through the castle—again, it could be a tensed moment. What if she ran into a bunch of guards for example? (Maybe resulting in armored babies? :raritywink:)
Once that magical mishap happened, the pace slowed down considerably, though I believe you'd be easily able to make that awkward moment longer without it losing anything of its sheen. I feel like you neglected the beginning a little, only to get to that part. And maybe the same could be said about the very last two paragraphs. Remember that such long sentences are quite confusing and hard to understand :ajsmug:

I'm sorry if I come off a little negative, but I see a lot of potential waiting to get unleashed. All that I wrote above are just suggestions and pointers that might give you a different point of view. If you ever rewrite this story or just change it a bit, I'll gladly read it again :twilightsmile:

Have a nice day and good luck in your writing!
-Ever

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