• Member Since 5th May, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Torgaddon


Just your average grimdark loving, metalhead who loves good animations and cartoons when he sees them. MLP is damn good animation and the fandom is awesome so... why not add a bit of my own work to it

T
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Two thousand and fifty three years.
Spike has been battling the eldritch horrors of timeless Ginungagap for over two millennia, yet even to this day, his shame remains gnawing at his very heart and mind. Until the day comes when he is told of the danger that threatens what is most precious to him.

To save what he loves, Spike shall face his shame once more, his will, determination and sanity stretched to their limits, as he will step into the Abyss of his own, personal hell.

As always Spike moves forward, ever forward, towards battle, death and hopefully redemption.

In life, shame.
In death, absolution.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 427 )

Okay, I now what to see the story behind this.

I was thinking more along the lines of the Adeptus Astartes (armour wise) but all right, you've got me interested.

There are also a number of spelling and grammar mistakes.

I would also recommend that you add the "Alternate Universe" tag for this.

definitely need a pre-reader, but HOLY SHIT, this was awesome.

Welcome to Fimfiction.

And, holy shit, this pleases me. This pleases me A LOT. Keep going.

dirkkelly.com/gifs/clap/conan-clapping.gif Instant fav, instant like, instant bookmark, instant follow! You sir have succeeded where many have failed!:moustache: and holy fuck those names :pinkiehappy:

So what univers is this story because I'm liking it.

:rainbowderp: DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Thank you all for your comments, it is much appreciated.
Going to just answer a few questions right quick ,

It does not have an alternate universe tag because it's not in an alternate universe , i'm just adding locations to the already set universe of MLP . Soo , the universe is an already made one with the rest of the locations made by myself
Good eye there , Canadian Patriot , Warhammer is one of my favorite grimdark universe , and i got a lot of inspiration from it . Love that grimdark evilness:pinkiecrazy: .

The names i generally use come from ancient Norse mythology (Ginungagap literally meaning the Gaping Maw in Old Norse) and Mandarin mythos (Ganbataar means "steel hero") .

If at any point you find that there are too many grammar mistakes and it starts detracting from the story , don't hesitate to call me out on it guys and gals , i'll add a second proof-reading (i already try to proof-read it, but, well, i'm only human).

Second chapter coming in one week, tops.

a female Draka being able to give birth to only one child during her entire lifespan.

You are aware that this is below the replacement rate, right? This needs to be higher than two or population growth is literally impossible.

Great chapter,
Really quickly, how much of the cthulhu mythos are you drawing from? I recognize a lot of terms and names that seem pretty familiar.

Very rich setting you've got going, I like the histories and naming conventions for the Draka.

There were a few spelling errors in the beginning during Rarity's nightmare, particularly with regard to the perspective, you might want to revisit that section.

I am very keen to see what happens when Spike reunites with everyone, if everyone is still alive considering the 2000 years that have passed (you could overcome this by stating time passes differently in demon realms).

My only warning is to be careful of letting your characters become over-dramatic, as this affects their credibility.

Keep up the good work!

Okay, so Spike is a Draka, went mad due to his genetics and lacking fighting, and is now in an afterlife where he has to fight the army of death demons to get artifacts from them alongside his kind. Thanks to him they have got most of them, but he got a letter that was meant for Twilight that something big and bad is/was/going to happen in Equestria.

Have it out by Monday I command you :pinkiecrazy:

Comment posted by Torgaddon deleted May 8th, 2015
Comment posted by Torgaddon deleted May 8th, 2015
Comment posted by Torgaddon deleted May 8th, 2015
Comment posted by Torgaddon deleted May 8th, 2015

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Hey lads and lasses, since you guys were generous enough to offer a bit of your time on reading this new chapter and commenting on it, I feel it's my duty to you great people to answer some questions.

First off, Chapter 3 will focus on Spike, the Legion of the Damned and Ginungagap (Ginun will be thoroughly explained and I promise i'll try to make the exposition dump as unobtrussive as possible)

To DARKPHANTOM13, you are close my friend, but not close enough. I won't say more as I don't want to spoil my own story, but all I can say at this point is that Spike is NOT dead.
To Jamesinor, you are on the money brother, Cthulhu mythos and cosmic horror are my favourite types of horror and i use a lot of the Cthulhu mythos terms as a tribute to the genius of H.P.Lovecraft.
To Xoid, what you say is true, and it is my failure for not taking it into consideration (Constructive Criticism point given my friend)
To Nethalar Thnx for telling me bout the spelling errors , i'll be sure to revisit that part. As for your comment, I have already considered the 2000 years issue before starting the story, and all I can say is, all will be explained in Chapter 3. As for the over-dramatic part, thanks for the warning but don't worry i hate overly dramatic characters almost as much as I hate Mary Sue characters. I appreciate your warning though, and your interest in my story.
Finally to Animated Rarity Yeeees Masteeerrrr, no but seriously I'll try to update as soon as possible man, thnx for your second comment on my story. Dunno if I'll be able to finish it by Monday, got an animation for a client to finish, but I'll try my best

All in all everyone, you humble me with your interest in this story of mine and I'll do my best to not let you down.
Appreciate you all,
And remember, IN CTHULHU WE TRUST. :pinkiecrazy:

Grimdark Fantasy you say?
...
I LIKE IT!

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Nice, I love lovecraftian horror, and the entire mythos in general, as I live in Portland and we have a massive cthulhu film festival every year

5954161 meh immortals can live with that and it did say Female Draka never said anything about a Draka and pony or another type of dragon

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No, they can’t. Even if they were actually immortal (not merely ageless) and had infinite resources a rate of one child per female per lifetime guarantees a maximum possible population growth that halves with each generation. Eventually you would reach a generation where there is only ONE member in it. Because they’re not immortal, an absolute minimum of two is required just to maintain the population even though they don’t die of old age. Realistically, it needs needs to be higher still because of their high attrition rate.

edits: clarity, wording

5956610 ........OK your really getting it to it......I'm just going to walk away now :twilightsheepish:

5956610
Well man, when you're right you're right, so I changed it to two children during a lifespan. Thank you for pointing it out, I appreciate it.
P.S. The Draka are not immortal, immortal characters quickly become Mary Sue characters which is a bad thing, as for ageless, like I said in the story, they might be or they might just have enormously long lifespans, but it is unknown, as no Draka in all of history, male or female, has ever died in any way other than in battle.

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You’re quite welcome, but bear in mind that two is just for sustaining the breeding population, assuming a 50/50 gender ratio. (You can get away with two if and only if the gender ratio was skewed in favour of females.)

And I knew they weren’t immortal; I was just entertaining that notion for the sake of argument in order to demonstrate to Dragon Blaze‐X that a birth rate of one child per female per lifetime still leads to the draka’s population never exceeding just under twice what their origin population’s was… even under perfect conditions. (Also, I recognise that you haven’t explicitly stated that they cannot die of old age but with what you have stated they are effectively incapable of doing so.)

i know there is a Romance tag but Holy Sunbutt cheeks, how the hell its gonna work with a face like that, nothing personal im loving Spike but unless some sort of regeneration happens i dont see him being dateble.

Brutality you say?... :pinkiecrazy:

I CAN'T WAIT!

P.S. Spike looks quite badass if I may say so, and I do. :moustache:

Spike looks like he's from Attack on Titan

5964888
Plastic surgery? Giant paper bag?

5965005 Extreme Makeover: Giant Lizard Edition?:derpytongue2:

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Thnx for the input man, glad to see ur enjoying the story.

As for Spike's face, i'm sorry to say but ur gonna have to learn to love it cuz it's not going nowhere :twilightsheepish:
Mainly it's cause it's a big part of his character (as you'll see in the next chapter)
Also it's cause there is no room for bishonens in grimdark (plus when you spend over 2000 years in what is arguably a literal Hell on Earth, ur gonna get a few scars).

Also, fun fact: In Draka culture, physical appearance is the LEAST important when finding a mate. It's all about one's deeds and actions.
Sooo yeah, Spike may have a "face only a blind mother could love", but in Shagga's eyes he is HAWWWT:twilightsmile:

5965027 as long as it makes sense storywise i can overlook any problem i might have.

Also, FYI, Mileena is my waifu.:pinkiehappy:

5964912
Thnx man,
Glad to hear it, appreciate your enthusiasm.:pinkiehappy:

>> Emerald Shield
Agreed
>> Animated Rarity
Agreed

Good chapter, can't wait for the mane six to see the new, draken Spike

Wow, in terms of grammar, this chapter is a massive improvement! Hardly any misspellings and I thought the conversation flowed particularly well.

Wasn't expecting the metal jaw and missing lip though, are you a 'Warhammer 40K' fan? Reminds me of the Orks a little...
I am still enjoying the setting very much still, so keep up the good work!

Looking forward to the next chapter.

dam Spike got mad ugly. if ponies thought Dragons were scary before, there probably going to piss themselves when they see spike.

also do all the Draka look like that, including Shagga. are is it just spike who looks like he fell in to the abyss from Legacy of Kain Soul Reaver.

Well looks like Spike is coming home for a visit. Though I doubt it will be heartwarming, with a face like that I expect a lot of fainting and pants shitting. Though it would be interesting to see what Rarity's reaction would be to Spike and his second in command if she forgives him and looks past his face.

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Hey man, thnx for the comment, much appreciated.
In response to your question, while all Draka look like overgrown lizardmen (humanoid dragons that stand upright) no other Draka is quite as *ahem* "handsome" as Spike (since Spike is disfigured by the facial scars).
I added a picture of how Shagga would look if you're interested, check under Spike's picture.

Thnx again for the interest, write back with some input if you have the time.

P.S. Like dragons, Draka have multiple skin tones.

5965625 OK good to know. its also nice to have a picture of the characters your reading about. makes it easier to picture in your head.
also I think you write just fine, so I doubt I can give any input that would be useful to you.

This is excellent and time dilation to solve the old warrior yet his friends should be dead from age problem. Curiosity how long has it been outside the mouth? A year or two and yet to him its been two thousand years plus. That is going to be most amusing when they learn of it also best giggle we share taste on Dark Fantasy and absolutely only shape sifters, regenerators, or demigods are pretty after that much war. In total excellent we will track and favorite this gem cant wait to see where it goes.

So spike became a mixture of Gromash hellscream from w.o.w and raiden for metal gear rising..... sweet

Spike looks pretty damn frightening... I LOVE IT!

I have fallen in love with this story, major props man. Astounding

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Thank you very much for the kind words.
Much appreciated.

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Don't sell yourself short my friend. There is no such thing as useless input, and i appreciate any type of criticism if it helps my writing grow.

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