• Published 2nd May 2015
  • 778 Views, 42 Comments

Even Alicorns Roll Ones - TheGreatEater

They say that the actions of the student are the reflections of the teacher. Here's where Twilight got her skills from.

  • ...


Part 1: Celestia does a ‘smart’ thing

Celestia sat on a cloud outside of Ponyville. She was waiting for her reply on the letter she had sent Twilight just before coming to Ponyville. Detailing what she learned from and about Pinkie, and getting the girls together with their sisters, minus Applejack (whom she wanted to spend time with Spike, and would do something special for later).

Of course, she did word it in a way that would let Twilight know she knew she was being watched as she showered, and was alright with it. As well as if she did it then her newly found immortality might just become a lot less sad. After all that one colt said Pinkie would make a fine princess, and the others are just as good in their own ways. I honestly don’t know why they didn’t all transform right away. But I’ll fix it, and Pinkie Pie will be so happy she’ll help me cheat on my diet forever! Mwahahaha!

A burst of white light shone before her and she read:

"Well … I can give you the lesson later. I doubt that the others minus Pinkie Pie whose super-virginty we should help with as soon as possible, as well as their sisters would enjoy it. That much … but I’ll get everypony here tonight. Then when we’re gone we are going to have a long, long talk in my room. I’ll even whip out the props ;P.


Celestia d’awwed that Twilight used little hearts this time. It was adorable, and soon she would have cake, snuggles, and more importantly more cake. Celestia’s belly rumbled and she remembered that Luna had packed her a lunch. Opening her poor, unused satchel. She saw what Luna packed her.

It was a triple chocolate, cake, with chocolate chips, and tiny bits of truffle. With a side of cake salad (her favorite), and a cake pop. Along with the lunch was a note.

"To Sunbutt, the Squishy Flufflekins,

Learning things is hard I know. I had to relearn a thousand years of things I missed out on and am still learning. But I have faith in you, and no matter what. Remember you can always come to me for anything. You’re an awesome sister, and I’ll always love you … even if you come home wearing a dunce hat, or accidentally set fire to Equestria when you try to cook something.

-Woona, The Slayer of a Thousand Dust Bunnies and the Thing That Hides Under the Bed"

Celestia cried a tear of the feels. Looking at the rising moon that had her mocking her sister’s choice of putting her on a diet. Looked at the letter, “I love you to Woona!” And promptly devoured her cakes.

Epilogue Part 2: Where the Mane 6 Are All Alicorns … and Their Sisters:

Celestia couldn’t think what confounded her more. That transforming the rest of the Element Bearers and their sisters into Alicorn Princesses caused a mass riot in the streets. That the new Princesses were pro-Celestia dieting five to nine. With the crusaders and Pinkie Pie being the only ones to side with her need for confectioneries. Or why ponies were panicking over a little frosting flood, or massive cake rolling over the world. Although the last one saddened her, what with Luna and Celestia’s “Princess Friends” binding her to the basement of Castle of Neopotism as it was renamed by the populace.

But even missing out on the confectionary goodness of doom she was missing. She remembered fondly the various ‘props’ Twilight used when showing her what the euphanism for masturbating meant. Which quickly turned into Twilight, and the other Element Bearers, lording over her in sexy ways while letting her eat her fill of very sweet things. She was even happier that Fluttershy and Applejack took turns with giving Cutie Mark Crusader Sleep Overs at their places. With Spike, as they put it, being a big help with keeping things somewhat sane.

All that was needed was to let the Foodacalypse pass over, then she could blame their ascension on the Tree of Harmony, and their friendship powers elevating them to deities.

Although thinking on it, she always did miss all the good apocalypses.

Epilogue Part Finito: Which Rhymes with Magneto:

It was a week later. The masses were calm, her sister gave her the huggles once more, and Celestia was facing. The most horrifying moment of her life.

“So you got your packed lunch?” Twilight asked.

“Yes.” Celestia mumbled.

“Do you have all your materials for class?”







“I think so?”

“I’ll pack extra just in case.”

“Ummm … Twilight?”


“W-w-what if the fillies and colts make fun of me?”

“Just remember you’re bigger than they are … and you can’t use magic to scare them until you get a permit allowing you to spell cast again. Me and Luna got the sun for you until then.”

“Alright, bye Twilight.”

“Bye Celestia,” Twilight waved merrily while whispering, “My poor, poor, poor Tia. You’re so doomed.”

Author's Note:

Double Update FTW!!! And this ends this story. I hope y'all enjoyed it.

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 24 )

Is Twilight being a bad cook a fanon thing? I can't remember the show ever showing her failing at cooking, unlike say, Sweetie Belle.

I'm just curious as to the origin of that "quirk".


It's a fanon thing. I think it originated since Spike is the one who does all the cooking, and Twilight is shown either eating his food, or eating out. So the fans wrote her up as a horrible cook. Although as a scientist, chemist, and used to following directions she'd be a semi-decent cook, but it's still a humorous little quirk that can be used.


Thank you :twilightsmile:. Glad you enjoyed it.

Short as it is, it's chock full of funny. Good job TheGreatEater. I very much enjoyed reading this in between farming event chests in destiny.

Well this was entertaining.
I don't particularly like it, but I can't deny that I had fun reading this.


Thanks :scootangel:, yeah FlutterPie is an adorable ship. As for the obsessions with Luna's mamaries, I thought it would be a nice little pony swear to the gods, rather than the usual pony swears.

And yep. There are a lot of fics that say that Celestia wants to be treated as a pony. But personally, even as an immortal physical deity. She's still a flesh and blood being, and it's interesting to play the flaws to show them as a person / character. Rather than a one dimensional prop. Thanks for the compliment :twilightsmile:.


Yep Luna is best, and bravest little sister. I could probably make that a fic when my current schedule slows down a bit.

And Sugar Sweat really is best Sweat.

As for the Death Ray, yes, Pinks has a Death Ray, and it is adorable ^_^. As for Rares wrestling ... you have to admit she was rather skilled in fighting AJ and Flutters when discorded, and has a some rather strong legs [well toned too for considering her profession :rainbowlaugh:.]

Well this was a fun ride. It gets an upward facing thumb and a bronze star. Now I want the seqquel of Tia at magic kindergarten... please yes? Don't worry about it if you aren't inspired to write that, but I think it would be funny. Seriously though Twi could have at least shrunk Celestia into a proper foal size so the fillies and olts wouldn't make fun of her...

I'll see you at the next chapter.


I'll definitely put it on the list of fics that I'll be needing to working on one of these days. Thanks for the star ^_^, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

6401678 Yay! in your face errors!

6401682 And now I have to put aside some future time to get into the Goldenverse. I read the group stuff and one way to get me to do almost anything is some delightfully adorable ScootaBelle... or ScootaBloom... or SweetieBloom...... um... or SilverBelle... or Tomburg... shut up inanimate objects need loving too.


http://www.fimfiction.net/story/214317/rarity-and-toms-magical-adventure, best Tom ship ever made. Rarity makes the best Wingmare ever.

And yes, the series is shipping crusaders. As well as some adorable side ships.

6401833 And there's another read later. Not tonight, sleeping time tonight.


XD. That read later list keeps growing :twilightsmile:. If you are interested I got some other amazing series for you to get to later, and sleeping sounds good. Everyone needs a good rest every now and then.

6401955 Yeah that would be awesome, I always enjoy getting recommendations from writers who have written things I really like. It greatly increases the chances of a recommendation being good. Also yes sleep is good, someone should tell that to my boss.

6404193 I'm a cook. I would eventually like to open my own establishment, but for now I work for someone who either thinks too highly of me or not highly enough. I am not a machine, I need rest just like normal humans.

Hooray for a story pile, "A Foal's First Words" looks cute. I might start there tomorrow... if I don't pass out from exhaustion.


Cooks have the most intense jobs, but make things that are practically magical. If your boss's opinion is the former, that speaks volumes of your skills. And best of luck in getting your own place.

If you haven't tried investment banking yet. I'd suggest going to CharlesSchwab, I put in 21k back in 2012, and now I have 38,426 USD in one account, in another I put 9k back in October of 2014 and I have 10,006 USD. So it'd be a good way to build up money to go towards that. Nonetheless, best of luck to you ^_^.

Btw, what type of food do you normally cook?

6405921 Yeah it's fun and I love it. I do think it's the former, because I do have a key to the place and I am trusted with coming up with our soup specials. Unfortunately I am also responsible for the desserts. Believe it or not I really don't like baking. I love the product, but the process is so boring.

I actually have a 401K with my current company, or I'm trying to. The owner promised some paperwork on that, and I haven't seen any money taken from my check so I need to talk to him today.

Type? Like regional cuisine? If that's the case I like Earth Cuisine. Seriously I have a love of pretty much everything I've come into contact with from around the world.


Earth Cuisine is pretty delicious. And it's good that you're doing something you love. Well the end result anyways.

And you definitely should go and talk to them, after all a 401K is pretty important.

How is this story not rated higher? This was amazing! :rainbowlaugh: Perfection in a bottle..in a cake.


I know right? It's kind of like how https://www.fimfiction.net/story/214317/rarity-and-toms-magical-adventure is an utterly adorable romance fic. But only has a rating of 14 : 0.

Yep, this entire fic is satire poking fun at various tropes, and story hooks that pop up in the fandom. The swears were poking fun at the various swears in Celestia's name (the latest and funniest of which is this fic.), and Satire is one of my favorite forms of comedy.

Well, better late than never. I was a little put off by how much things escalated. Mostly because i didn't expect things to go that far. :twilightoops: Was quite enjoyable nonetheless. Thanks for writing.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!