Even Alicorns Roll Ones

by TheGreatEater


Part 1: Celestia does a ‘smart’ thing

Celestia sat on a cloud outside of Ponyville. She was waiting for her reply on the letter she had sent Twilight just before coming to Ponyville. Detailing what she learned from and about Pinkie, and getting the girls together with their sisters, minus Applejack (whom she wanted to spend time with Spike, and would do something special for later).

Of course, she did word it in a way that would let Twilight know she knew she was being watched as she showered, and was alright with it. As well as if she did it then her newly found immortality might just become a lot less sad. After all that one colt said Pinkie would make a fine princess, and the others are just as good in their own ways. I honestly don’t know why they didn’t all transform right away. But I’ll fix it, and Pinkie Pie will be so happy she’ll help me cheat on my diet forever! Mwahahaha!

A burst of white light shone before her and she read:

"Well … I can give you the lesson later. I doubt that the others minus Pinkie Pie whose super-virginty we should help with as soon as possible, as well as their sisters would enjoy it. That much … but I’ll get everypony here tonight. Then when we’re gone we are going to have a long, long talk in my room. I’ll even whip out the props ;P.


Celestia d’awwed that Twilight used little hearts this time. It was adorable, and soon she would have cake, snuggles, and more importantly more cake. Celestia’s belly rumbled and she remembered that Luna had packed her a lunch. Opening her poor, unused satchel. She saw what Luna packed her.

It was a triple chocolate, cake, with chocolate chips, and tiny bits of truffle. With a side of cake salad (her favorite), and a cake pop. Along with the lunch was a note.

"To Sunbutt, the Squishy Flufflekins,

Learning things is hard I know. I had to relearn a thousand years of things I missed out on and am still learning. But I have faith in you, and no matter what. Remember you can always come to me for anything. You’re an awesome sister, and I’ll always love you … even if you come home wearing a dunce hat, or accidentally set fire to Equestria when you try to cook something.

-Woona, The Slayer of a Thousand Dust Bunnies and the Thing That Hides Under the Bed"

Celestia cried a tear of the feels. Looking at the rising moon that had her mocking her sister’s choice of putting her on a diet. Looked at the letter, “I love you to Woona!” And promptly devoured her cakes.

Epilogue Part 2: Where the Mane 6 Are All Alicorns … and Their Sisters:

Celestia couldn’t think what confounded her more. That transforming the rest of the Element Bearers and their sisters into Alicorn Princesses caused a mass riot in the streets. That the new Princesses were pro-Celestia dieting five to nine. With the crusaders and Pinkie Pie being the only ones to side with her need for confectioneries. Or why ponies were panicking over a little frosting flood, or massive cake rolling over the world. Although the last one saddened her, what with Luna and Celestia’s “Princess Friends” binding her to the basement of Castle of Neopotism as it was renamed by the populace.

But even missing out on the confectionary goodness of doom she was missing. She remembered fondly the various ‘props’ Twilight used when showing her what the euphanism for masturbating meant. Which quickly turned into Twilight, and the other Element Bearers, lording over her in sexy ways while letting her eat her fill of very sweet things. She was even happier that Fluttershy and Applejack took turns with giving Cutie Mark Crusader Sleep Overs at their places. With Spike, as they put it, being a big help with keeping things somewhat sane.

All that was needed was to let the Foodacalypse pass over, then she could blame their ascension on the Tree of Harmony, and their friendship powers elevating them to deities.

Although thinking on it, she always did miss all the good apocalypses.

Epilogue Part Finito: Which Rhymes with Magneto:

It was a week later. The masses were calm, her sister gave her the huggles once more, and Celestia was facing. The most horrifying moment of her life.

“So you got your packed lunch?” Twilight asked.

“Yes.” Celestia mumbled.

“Do you have all your materials for class?”







“I think so?”

“I’ll pack extra just in case.”

“Ummm … Twilight?”


“W-w-what if the fillies and colts make fun of me?”

“Just remember you’re bigger than they are … and you can’t use magic to scare them until you get a permit allowing you to spell cast again. Me and Luna got the sun for you until then.”

“Alright, bye Twilight.”

“Bye Celestia,” Twilight waved merrily while whispering, “My poor, poor, poor Tia. You’re so doomed.”