During the invasion of Canterlot, the changeling horde easily overwhelmed the Equestrian Royal Guard, and Queen Chrysalis easily defeated Celestia as well. Yet, something saved them, defeating the changeling horde and Chrysalis swiftly, and without mercy. The mane 6 saw and experienced something that day ... Something they had agreed to never speak of again. Something horrible, and yet something entirely needed. They experienced violence, bloodshed, and brutality.
They witnessed truth.
They witnessed Aatrox.
Should there be another chapter? You guys decide.
Chapters (2)
Moar CHAPTERS
more please
Horrible...
#LeagueOfLegendsAatroxBestAatroxKillingMaschine
You can't let it end like this, you just cannot!
Let the bloodlust control you, peace is the greatest lie of all.
Sometimes the only way when faced with an evil is an even greater evil? There is no evil, just bloodshed and war.
Evil is a figment of your imagination, as is good. There is just battle, and the absence of it.
You should not let your war maschines wait, or you will regret it.
AWESOME!!!
its pretty good. sounds close to the lore and i like the part she starts addressing each of the mane 6.
All my YES!!!!
MAOR MOAR SO MUCH MOAR!!!!!!!!!
MORE! WE NEED MORE! FEED ME, DAMN IT!
yes......you have a good thing going here
The changelings and all enemies of Aatrox behave simply as punching bags. The greatest villains get killed in one blow. This is not kickass awesome fighting sequence as you cannot call an execution kickass awesome fighting sequence.
You will save yourself... And yet Aatrox pops up like a Deus Ex Machina and makes the mane 6 Deus Ex Machinas that face no challenge whatsoever. Thus devolving into equal levels of a red and black Gary Stu alicorn OC.
This is not a story as you said. It being a oneshot doesn't make up for the fact that there is litteraly no excuse for Aatrox to suddenly have mind control powers.
This story is your gory fantasy running wild. Because as I said you cannot call a fight with no challenge "awesome fighting sequence" as you cannot call an execution a fight.
Lastly there is no lesson moral I can find here. I am sorry but I cannot give this story a lile or a favorite.
Please.... Make more.
5646448 I understand where you are coming from, and unfortunately its not really up to me whether or not Aatrox is as ridiculous as he is. In his League of Legends lore, he is literally worth entire armies hundreds of thousands of well equipped and trained soldiers, some even with magic at their disposal. Put simply, there is almost nothing that can truly challenge or kill Aatrox. Its just how he is. He's an unstoppable force of nature that doesn't much care for how powerful mortal beings are. In his eyes, they are all just as easily killable. As for the punching bags nature of the changelings, Aatrox has a mind disrupting aura about him that basically makes everyone cower in fear, as I tried to convey through the story.
There's not supposed to be any moral in this story really, besides the ending quote "Peace is the greatest lie of all" and even that is more of a depressing notion than anything.
I'm sorry you didn't enjoy the story, and for some people, these kinds of stories just aren't their thing. Regardless, I thank you for your feedback and considering my story interesting enough to read in the first place. I wish you all the best! :)
P.S. After browsing through your stories and reading your user page, I completely understand where you are coming from, as you're a Chrysalis fan. I would imagine seeing someone you really value and see highly killed instantly as a turn off, and again, some stories are just not for certain folks. Just remember though, its not just Chrysalis who would easily get slaughtered by Aatrox, pretty much anyone in the show, the Princesses, Discord, everyone would get blown away by him due to the fact that he's above mortals in every regard. He cannot die, whereas even alicorns like Celestia, eventually die. :T
5646510 Yes but no single character in LoL, which I have played btw including Aatrox, is invincible. And when you have the friggin goddessess that can move heaven and suns and moon at will you have to wonder how much Aatrox pales in comparison. I doubt any display of strength he does tops off moving a Celestial object regardless of his art in the sword.
And when Chrysalis has beaten such a being you have to wonder how can he top that off?
Does Aatrox truly have such an aura or even mind control or were they just conveyed for the story? See thats the problem. Theres a butt ton of stuff the mane 6 and Aatrox couldn't do and they do it. They feel like puppets to the story.
We do not know if Celestia can die but she can be defeated. Discord also seems to be Immortal and don't forget these are not mortals as I said. These are the gods of Mlp and have to be treated as such not simply decorations as you do.
Maybe I see as a turnoff her defeat but its not the main problem. I have an issue with invincible Deus Ex Machinas and stories where shit just happens for no reason other than the writer simply wanting it to happen. Things like this is the reason tropes like Draco In Leather Pants and Ron the Death Eater exist.
In my defense of the "Chrysalis" argument I also have a problem where she becomes a woobie and lots of others. I try for the most part to be objective and not let my liking of some characters affect me.
E.g. no vindicative satisfaction in stories Flim and Flam get punished, no death threats for how mean Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are e.t.c.
Thank you for having me here.
5646648 To be fair, I do understand what a lot of people say about the Princesses being able to move the sun and moon, giant celestial objects, which means they must be super powerful. However, you also have to realize for a moment LoL's characters IN GAME are balanced mechanics wise so that theyre not fuckall overpowered and toxic to the game, so thats not a good point of reference for strength honestly. Its the reason Space Marines from 40k are judged on power level by their appearance in "fluff" or lore specific stuff, rather than in game depictions, where they are balanced to make the game fun.
Simply put, Aatrox is about a million bajillion times stronger than he is when you actually play the game. Other examples of such vastly overpowered beings include Cho'Gath, who can keep eating forever, using his feast to keep growing larger. Imagine a Cho'Gath with a hundred stacks of feast? Yeah. That can happen in the lore, which is what you generally judge power levels based on.
5646716 But does that mean Aatrox is even for that matter capable of dwarfing them so much that they feel like ants? True lorewise he is strong but is that enough? Still doesnt answer how he mind controls how he crosses dimensions how he transforms the mane 6 into warpigs.
Lots of things happen in this story simply because you want them to. So in the end power comparison simply is irrelevant.
5646744 Well, when writing this, I was under the impression that like I said before, Aatrox is just a force of nature who appears wherever in spac and time a good battle is to be had. I suppose others might not see it that way. Also, I'll just be honest, it was supposed to be a roflstomp, as I just personally enjoy writing such stories. I understand others may not like it so much, and for that, I apoligize .
I feel we should end the discussion here, if you're fine with that :)
P.S. the mind control is tied into his lore from LoL, he can corrupt the minds of men, unleashing their inner fire, easily making them worth dozens, or even hundreds each. Sorry if that wasn't clear.
5646771 Well I have no more questions either way. I mean only one.
Did any changelings survive? If so what happened to them?
Have a follow for being a good sport.
5646792 I believe I adressed the issue of the surviving changelings when I put in the part that said they went off to seek a new queen after their synaptic connection to the hive leader (the late Chrysalis) was broken when Aatrox crushed her horn. They all retreated as a result of the connection being broken, as they sought out the closest available changeling queen to lead them, to once more serve the hive under a new leader. Perhaps I wasn't entirely clear on that. Sorry
yuck
5646958 care to elaborate on that yuck? (beyond just thinking the graphic gore was a bit too descriptive)
just a terrible story in all aspects
MORE, I NEED MORE
5647018 Oh uhm ... okay then. I'm not going to ask for details considering you hate the entire thing, down to the most minute of things. I'm sorry you didn't like it buddy, but if you hated the whole thing not much I can do to fix it to suit your fancy while remaining the same story overall. Different strokes for different folks I guess. I wish you all the best! :)
May you find a story that better represents your tastes and entertains.
so what is this crossover of?
Yuss. Aatrox is awesome. One of my favorites. Awesome job!
5647179 Crossover with League of Legends. Anyone that plays it should notice it fairly instantly just from the character's name (Aatrox is the very first champion on the champ roster page) And from the artowrk of Aatrox's sword. Plus, Aatrox is actually on free week this week, so even doubly so LoL players should recognizes this as a a crossover with League.
5647376 never play it?
5647600 Then this story probably isn't for you.
5647613 but like!
5646852 in the retreat part maybe not.
Give us more.
moremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremoremore
Good chapter. ANOTHER ONE!
...please
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyeseysyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another chapter please?
*sighs*
Well You have a fan following....so I know I am way out number...but com on, yet ANOTHER "The Changeling Horde won...oh wait no they didn't.....lost of blood :/ Yea I know not my thing
5652265 No worries mate. It just ain't some people's cup of tea and thats fine, but what I would reccommend in the future is not simply disliking a story based on its genre/niche that it occupies, and give it a fair chance. I'm not sure if it's actually possible to go into a story unbiased, but for instance, I hate the Twilight series not because of the hype hate around it, but because I tried to read it, and after about half of a book, it was plain to see that shallow writing, bad character development, and catering to the young teenage girl demographic really hurt the book badly, along with skewed and nonsensical romances and plots.
Is it my cup of tea? Not at all. Do I hate it for it? Not at all.
Its my opinion that unless a story is really truly awful, and is despised by nearly all demographics, should it have any downvotes. Of course thats not going to happen because people feel the need to express their dislike of something, but honestly, theres really no reason for it. I follow the saying of "If you don'y have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all."
Does that mean criticism isn't welcome? Of course not! But you have to lay out criticism in a well thought out, and civil manner, rather than just telling me that you don't like something because its , in your opinion, a cliche and overused plot/trope. While thats a valid argument, that doesn't really help me improve the story, and while it may help me avoid such tropes in the future, I believe that more direct criticism on the actual writing itself would help me improve.
Something like , "Your writing feels stilted, try and use more transitory words to better let the writing and sentences flow into eachother." or " It seems like your descriptions are lacking, and as such, its hard to picture the scene with reliability. Try throwing in some descriptive words into normal sentences, or even devote a sentence here or there to describing something."
I know constructive criticism isn't the easiest thing to give, and more often than not, just telling someone they're awesome or telling them they suck is much easier, and gets their opinion across easily, but it misses the point of trying to help the author improve so that they can get better and have more positive responses in the future.
Sorry if this was a wall of text, and this isn't all specifically directed at you. Anyone who reads this comment should take to heart what I'm saying. I wish you all the best man. Thanks for checking out my story, and I apologize for disappointing you.
Good story.
Can make a light side of this story.
Do you think that this story would make it onto Equestria Daily?
5708760 Nah, too graphic.
I wouldn't be averse to Tirek getting brutalized. I think I would rather enjoy it.
Great story! Aatrox needs to go on vacation to mellow out.
Nami is my favorite unfortunately I think her story would be stupid for this. Then again Nami's race I think would fit in pretty well with Equestria lore wise.
Nami: Have you ponies seen a light bulb anywhere?
Tirek: Who the f@ck is this nigga!
Aatrox: Sigh
-Aatrox impale Tirek-
Celestia: Thanks so much, I'll call next time things go to utter sh@t again.
Aatrox: Forgive me if I withhold my enthusiasm.
Luna: I know right.
Id like more but you probably wont write another.
Lovely, would you write another chapter?
This was wonderful
5808928 censors shit, but not nigga... a word that is 20 times more offensive
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6295657