There are many legends whispered among the ponies of Equestria, but none are stranger than that of the metal man that fell from the stars. Legend has it that the metal man's suit of armor still exists to this very day, slumbering the centuries away in the Canterlot Archives ...
Takes place during the season four finale.
Here's some quick background info on what you need to know, seeing as the 40K universe is huge and no one can be expected to know everything.
The Space Marine chapter involved in this story is a little known chapter known as the Celestial Lions, who are a descendant of the Imperial Fists. They were targeted for destruction by the Inquisition after defying them on an Exterminatus that was due to purge a world the Lions had fought for and saved. They fought during the Third War for Armageddon mainly, and during the fighting, they were reduced from 950+ battle brothers to just 96. Their numbers are even lower now, due to events that will be explored during this story.
Edited and Proofread by the amazing Loyalist. He's seen some heresy.
Featured on 4/26/15 and again on 7/25/15
Well the narrative's well written, that's for sure. I only question the premise and set up a bit, since there aren't many clues as to the direction of the story. I'll be honest I really only decided to investigate this story because I watched What-if-the-emporer-had-a-text-to-speech-box the other day and have been on a wh40k kick ever since. I'd recommend maybe adding a line break to the story description and giving a run-down to newcomers about what this is all about, as this is a very short intro.
This mostly just told us the Cmc are involved, and there's a space marine suit sitting in a museum. But that's it. D: You don't even have characters listed. <.<
And this might just be assumption at work, but naming the fellow in the description without much context makes this feel like it'll be a self-insert power trip fic. It's too early to say, but that's the feeling I'm getting.
Uh, well... Care to even tell what fraking chapter he is from? I mean, from the colourtion i say Ultramarine, but then it would have the omega on the shoulder. So what is he? A fake chapter? or a incorrect Ultramarine?
Then again form the picture to have, he looks more tech marine then a normal one, so he should not be wielding a power sword, and even if he was normal, the only chapter that has a marine class that uses only melee weapons in combat is the Black Templar's sword brethren.
Really man, be more consistent.
From your blog, you said thi would be a one shot.... this isn't true is it?
5877771 No, it's not, I elected to expand it into a 3-5 chapter story.
5879125 I actually don't have any idea what that is. XD
I like it, it's written pretty well, it gives you the feeling that once the CMC saw the Space Marine, they knew that it was a great thing to behold and to even get to see. I know if I were them , I'd never be able to look away from such a magnificent piece of armor or Warrior. All in all, impressive please do continue the story, I'd like to see were it leads.
5879628 Thank you for your kind words! I'll be sure to have the next chapter out as soon as its all polished up and ready.
Why is this in Star Wars group this has nothing to do with Star Wars
5879808 It's not? I don't recall putting it in the Star Wars group, and after combing through the groups its featured in, I've found that it is not in the Star Wars group.
Perhaps you're mistaken?
5879825 when I was checking my feed I somehow so Star Wars next to the story
Huh. Interesting.
All that gold and blue... Lion iconography...
Celestial Lions?
5880538 We have a winner! Give this man a medal!
Happy to see another person that knows of this glorious chapter of spehss mahreens!
Watch out for Ork Snipers! They could be anywh-*Blam*
....They aren't my favored chapter,but at least they aren't the bloody ponce-marines (Sorry,Ultramarines)...Or the Magpies.
A Celestial Lion on Equestria? You have my attention.
I'm digging this. I want to see it move past the setup and into some real action!
I have a couple nitpicks. There was one point where the word "slink" showed up enough times in rapid succession to be distracting. Also, there were several sentences that felt artificially long and harder to read due to excessive commas.
Still: So far, so good. And +1 for 3rd War for Armageddon.
That is a humble little chapter you managed to write.
The description of the armour was foreboding enough,
you managed to capture the atmosphere well.
CMC actions are not OOC at all.
However, unless you already have a great plan,
you might now be unable to decide how to proceed with this storyline.
I have witnessed it happening dozens of times,
an excellent introductional chapter,
but then... nothing following it.
5882439 Thank you for your kind words, and I do have a storyline all planned out and ready to be written. Currently in the process of writing chapter 2. Thanks for reading and I hope I don't disappoint with my vision for this story!
5882481
Those are good news.
A solid fanfiction that will not be dropped after the first chapter is always good news.
It is your story.
Who am I to judge wether or not you did as you wished to do?
So I'm assuming he's using his Sus-An Membrane to preserve his mind in an artificial coma and preserve his armor by locking the joints and powering it down? If so what is the wake up trigger? It obviously isn't life proximity, or the CMC would have woken him up. The label implies he is subservient to Celestia for some reason (*cough* heresy *cough*), so does it react to her genetic code or something? Maybe it's on a timer? Perhaps for when Luna returns as a failsafe of sorts in case Twilight fails? That would be crazy...
Also, heresy aside, why would he be subservient to her anyway rather than an equal? The Astartes of the Deathwatch aren't even subservient to the Inquisitors who command them. Those inquisitors ask nicely for their help. They only bow to their chapter master and the Emperor. Even if there is some heretical zenos teaming up going on here, an Astartes wouldn't outright serve anyone.
Regardless, I'm looking forward to more, and hopefully some glorious marine roflstomping In the future.
Edit:
Tzeentch warning is definately how he got there.
ooo la la...so far so good. great intro chapter! hooked to see where this goes next!
5876834 celestial lions, they're a chapter founded in an unspecified Founding, with the Imperial Fists their progenitor chapter.
5886287 Oh... Them.
I am still deeply shamed that they came from the same gene seed as did the Black Templars.
I never know that Rogal Dorn's gene seed could yield such sad excuse for warriors.
5884372 Your pic defines this chapter. Excuse me as i cry some more because my primarch died.
5886553 yah, I've read their background, and while it seems it tries to be your usual "blood, honor, and for the emperor!" Line of awesome, it comes off more like kids trying to be like their big siblings, in at least in comparisons.
5886553 They got slaughtered by the Inquisition you know. They were set up and got half their chapter funneled into an area surrounded by gargants they were told were inactive. Hardly their fault. They came back with only 1/5th their original force and won against all that crap anyway. Their chapter survived despite the best efforts of the Inqusition. I wouldn't call them poor warriors at all.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11113/111130441/4015649-2231175720-angry.png
Oh dear...
Pure speculation here, but if even one ork made it to the planet on which equestria resides, they will be present on that planet until the sun goes dark. They're a planetary infestation, one which can be fought to keep their numbers down, but only cleansed with Exterminatus.
5880780
*Reveals self by wiping some purple paint off face, despite having a red brick wall backdrop*
Heh heh. Orkz iz da sneekiest.
Come on you know you want to, somehow, someway.
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Cain_4026.jpg
This living badass better not be working for the pretty pony princess...
Also, you need to start putting links to TSFH songs in the beginning. Helps with the mood.
5880780 *Ejects spent casing, before loading another round*
Orks aren't the only snipers to watch out for, mate.
teamfortress.com/images/posts/sniper_holdontoyourhead.jpg
RIP Equestria
Holy Sh*t, an Ork that speaks gothic.
5910290
Maybe that's Celestia's reason for bring him back?
5911607 *Lies dead, already blam'd by an "Ork Sniper".fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/226/9/d/ork_snipers_by_commissarmuskeg-d6i70wy.jpg
5911780 *spoilers*
Great chapter! Enjoyed it! Great job! Also. *Grabs out powersword and charges at the Orks* FOR THE EMPEROR!
He won't be happy when he sees that.
The Celestial Lions are awesome. They're one of the few Chapters that are both humble and genuinely care about the people they protect. A Lord Inquisitor performed exterminatus on a world they had cleansed of Chaos, though they had tried to stop it. So, the Lions sent some Brothers and their Chapter Master to Terra to challenge that action. However, they were "lost in the warp" and showed up years later deep in Ork territory, all dead in their ship and way off course. Normally you might think the Inquisition just wanted to not look bad. Except for one important detail; the Inquisitors are all just as suspicious and paranoid of each other as they are of everyone else. They each want each other to be reported and they will bring the banhammer down hard on any Inquisitor who they find evidence abused his or her authority. Coming from the mouth (and recordings) of a Chapter Master would carry extreme weight.
Lord Inquisitors may order immediate exterminatus, non "Lord" Inquisitors may request exterminatus. If a non-Lord Inquisitor (Lord is given to those with a century or so of exemplary service) requests exterminatus, the request and the proof showing it is necessary is immediately reviewed by the High Lords of Terra themselves. It requires a unanimous vote to approve an exterminatus. A Lord Inquisitor needs to defend his actions and provide proof either before or after exterminatus (as he can order one without asking for approval). However, if the Lord Inquisitor's argument and evidence is considered insufficient to prove exterminatus was necessary, he or she is summarily executed. Barring administrative mistakes, exterminatus is reserved for things so bad that the planet has become a threat to many other worlds (like totally overrun by daemons).
Considering all that, the Lord Inquisitor who blasted the planet the Celestial Lions had saved clearly wouldn't have been able to defend his actions to the High Lords. What would he say? "Oh, I blew it up just in case it might one day become tainted again."? Yeah, they'd blow his brains out and he knew it. So, when the Lions sent emissaries to tell the High Lords what happened, he had to stop them to save his skin.
Still, they wound up getting the political support of the Black Templars. Even in the grim, darkness of the forty-first millennium, good things do sometimes happen to good people. The Celestial Lions are basically what The Emperor always intended for Space Marines to be. They are compassionate, respectful, and protective of normal humans. They are reasonable. They are genuine, honorable, noble, valiant, knights in shining armor. They also make the Ultramarines look like pansies, as the Lions not only survived, but defeated events that would destroy any other chapter entirely.
Just...don't look at their lines...or anything...because they're kinda, um, like little brothers trying to be like their big brothers and a bit...yeah. Instead, focus on their accomplishments and the badassery inherent in them.
I like the way you handled this. Feel it, Celestia! Feel the reality that is Warhammer 40,000 in all its horror and epic!
5924584 Glad you're enjoying the story. Anything in particular you liked or disliked? Feedback is always helpful. :D
I love the story so far hope you can put more soon :)
Can i have a list of the chapter's colors? I wish to recognize them in game
Daaayuum.
Oh sh-
I hate these kinds of fics. This'd better not be a "space marine kills all the ponies" fic...
Ohhhhhhhhhh shit son.
Yikes! Well then goodbye Celestia, CMC, unnamed guards and every living being on Equestria. It was nice knowing you, you are going to die extremly excruating deaths at the hands of a Space Marine who is pissed off beyond the limits of mortal comprehension.
Celestia did a dumb thing.
Well, she fucked up. Also, after a mere century, a hundred square foot space would be covered by flowers, trees or not. Hell, after a mere ten years most destroyed building lots that are left alone are almost as wild as the depths of a forest, despite the lack of trees. Unless a gardener is going through there every decade, that place should be buried in leaf litter, flowers, and grass.