He was a simple sailor, sent on an expedition to explore strange new portions of the sea. Not even a week in though, disaster strikes. When a strange ooze in the water captures him he is left to die by the crew and dragged down. Now he is a monster, lost in a strange world with nothing except a thirst for vengeance.
(A League of Legends and MLP crossover)
-Log in to Fimfic.
-See Nautilus crossover
-SQUEE!
Naut is my main dude for support (Alongside Hentaicle Monster 'Koz) But I don't think he'd truly destroy the ponies like that. But that'll teach them not to get within range of the Q! I'm interested to see where you take this, as long as it isn't a Nautilus-kills-everything plotline.
Also, if he was chasing them, why wasn't he anchoring terrain?? Throw anchor to tree, get dragged to tree. Ponies can't stop that shit. Also what if he anchored a teleporting pony? Would he get pulled along?
I'm not sure if Pinkie would understand his jokes..
"Sometimes this anchor just weighs me down"
Lada deee! Laaa da dooo!
~Dash The Stampede
4186657 I had the anchor throw being more of a self defense last shot thing. He just became Nautilus so he doesn't know all the anchor tricks.
4186752
True...
He'll get there, I'm sure
I'm actually waiting for my Vel'Koz fic to pass moderation xD
~Dash The Stampede
Oh man. He's saying it darkly.
Besides that, though, this isn't too bad. Some errors here and there, and a consistency to use periods instead of commas in sentences in dialogue, I don't know why, but this could be interesting...
4187029 Well let me know when it's up
4187747
Search for Friendship is...Disintegration.
should be up now.
~Dash The Stampede
naughty nautilus
Pretty good. A few glaring errors, but an interesting concept for sure.
I'm curious to see where this goes. Naut may not be my favorite champion, but I like what you've done here. It'll be fun to see how other ponies react to what is, essentially, the Creature from the Black Lagoon. The slight expansion of his lore was nicely done, as well.
Write on,
Legion
4194046 Thank you for the kind words. Could you tell me what glaring errors there were so that I can improve?
4194181
I'll look it through once more, then PM you the corrections. Don't want to take up all the comment space, after all.
Write on,
Legion
I like where this is going.
It's good to know that Equestria's taxes are being used for only the most important causes.
As a wise man once said: "You're only a monster when you stop thinking you're one."
Moving on, you still have a few problems with commas, but not as many as last chapter. You also don't seem to have fixed the issue with quotes and "said" tags that I pointed out. Still, there's clear improvement over last chapter.
Looking forward to more.
Write on,
Legion
I'm liking this.
4202160 I tried to follow your quotes and said tag advice but I must have misunderstood.
4207688
This explains it better than I can.
Write on,
Legion
Well.
That escalated quickly.
And now we have the battle of the century: Nautilus vs Luna! This is gonna be good.
I wonder if his ult's off cooldown yet...
Write on,
Legion
Aw man Nautilus is such a bad ass champion friggin headbutted that pony.
If theres one thing I'll never get used it's the overconfident arrogant royal guards, who think they can take any opponent without being cautious of what that foe is capable of
I gonna call this chapter "Night vs Tide".
Sounds better.
Also for entire story Naut never bodyslamed someone. Even hit Luna by retracting anchor, instead of flying after it.
4258769 That is a better name.
You can't spell "juggernaut" without "Naut."
Nicely done on the fight. I love how Naut was as surprised as everyone else when he used his newest ability.
Looking forward to more.
Write on,
Legion
To tanky for you MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Why is this Nautilus so tank? Got that said to me by the enemy team
4293387 nautilus is one of the biggest tank AP users in the game
Great profile picture btw
I was hoping that Nautilus would kill the guards that attacked him,that he would go for a "If it hostile,you kill it" approach
Loving the story. Also love Nautilus. Building him with a bit of AP, somecooldown, one attack speed item, an AD item, and health and you have the ultimate Nautilus build
I just found your story, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I think that after the end of this chapter I can safely say:
'Just ahead there was a massive creature it had to be 8 feet tall'
Naut is that tiny? I thought out of the actual in lore League of Legends he was supposed to be gigantic, more like how he is shown in A New Dawn, keep in mind that in the lore it is mentioned that the League will actually shrink down and limit the magic power of champions so that they don't curbstomp everybody, like how in Rek'Sai's video she's absolutely gigantic and looks to be larger than an elephant, but in game she's around the same size as a large human, (if Rek'Sai is that large out of the League imagine fully stacked Cho'Gath, guy would end up like Godzilla size) or how people like Xereth or Azir would be able to destroy everyone with ease just with their magic ( I mean we saw Azir lift up and restore an entire massive city all on his own and Xereth is supposed to be pure magic)
After a small amount of searching I found this http://boards.na.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/gameplay-balance/bWawYfgE-champion-relative-height-and-weight the dimensions seem accurate enough even with the large amounts of guesstimates that must of gone into some champs and puts Naut at around 10 metres
But anyway its not that its extremely distracting its just that i think most people picture Naut being much taller than 8ft but if its just an artistic choice because you don't want to have to be constrained by Naut being closer in size to the Golden Oaks Library than Twilight that's fine I understand and to be honest it would be very difficult to write a story from the point of view of something that large, and still have us connect with it as a character
Look, another dead story Bob Kerman.
"WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!?!?!?"
Great. A hybrid AP Tank Nautilus.
Too fast paced and poorly written.Also nautilus ie WELL over eight feet tall.
dont know why but i imagine his voice as the 40k dawn of war dreadnoughts for some reason