• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 21st, 2016

The Descendant

Thanks, but please don't send me cash "tips." Instead, support this charity: The Fletcher Street Urban Riding Club.


"Her parents hadn’t come close to telling us what had happened. As I read her newest letter I couldn't believe what she was telling me. This kid hadn’t 'had an accident'… this kid, damn, this kid had been buckin' broken... she’d been broken…"

Based on characters and situations from "Tiny Wings" by DeadParrot222.
Image "Filly Dash" by Imalou. Both used with permission.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 313 )

This was a very good story, with a very good, albeit sad, ending. :fluttershysad:

Oh Celestia, that was both heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time...if this doesn't get a feature, I'll be shocked. That was astounding, sir. You have earned my thumb and favorite.

Good God, man... :rainbowderp:
I seriously don't even know what to say here...
I'm glad I could provide a launch point, but I can't possibly try to take any credit for this.
This story is absolutely amazing and far beyond my own vision, in all the best ways.
Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece! :heart:
(I'm definitely linking here from my story!)

...damn. I don't really know what to say other than that. It's an amazing story and... Yeah, I dunno. I'm going to go read Tiny Wings now.

egoticical >>> egotistical

Read Tiny Wings first for some context. It was awesome to see Thunder Clap fleshed out (and Firefly!).

Then dat ending... what a way to go :pinkiesick:

If there was one thing I latched onto in this story, it was Firefly. Just her little hint at backstory was interesting enough for me to wonder about her story. Maybe your other works have spoiled me on the importance of supporting characters :moustache:

That's really heartwarming. But sad. But really heartwarming. But also sad.

You have a talent for inspiring ambivalence.

I'm sorry... I really am, but the mentor can not come with the hero on their journey. It's a theme from mythology. Hope that didn't wreck the story for you.

Thanks! These things are bittersweet, just like life.

I am very glad that I was able to make something that was so emotionally involved for you!:twilightsmile:

It mean a lot to me that you enjoyed it. I look forward to watching you grow as an author!:pinkiesmile:

It means a lot to me that you liked it, Cy!:twilightsmile:

Nice catch!:twilightsmile:

I don't just drop characters into stories as decorations, and I'm glad that you noticed that here. Always good to hear from you!:pinkiesmile:

I'm glad that I was able to provide you with such a variety of emotions. The people who make us who we are can not stay in our lives forever. Grandparents die, teachers disappear into our past, mentors... fade away, and in the end we are the people they helped build. I hope I was able to show that...

Not sure I want to read this based on the description alone. Can someone tell me what this is actually about, dust jacket synopsis style, without spoiilers?

I'll have to read this later, it's four in the morning here and if I stay awake any longer I might start crying from exhaustion.

Sent ya' a note...

Whenever ya' get to it, you know I appreciate it!

Tiny Wings was so sad, but then ended so happy. :rainbowlaugh:

This was so happy, but then ended so sad. :pinkiesad2:

Excellent work, sir. You really caught the feel of DeadParrot's story, while at the same time adding your own unique flavor to the narrative.

I'm very glad that you felt that this fic paid homage to that one well!:twilightsmile:

There are some stories that are so amazing, you just don't want them to end.
Tiny Wings was one such story. And this tale helps keep it going.

When Rainbow Dash told her side of this story in Tiny Wings, it was executed flawlessly. It didn't go into a flashback or sub-story. We were meant to experience it as a moment shared by Rainbow and Scootaloo. For the purpose of Tiny Wings, Rainbow's narrative was enough.

Now, obviously this was a story that was begging to be told on its own terms. And telling it from the eyes of Thunder Clap was genius. It was a beautiful story and (coupled with Tiny Wings) shows just how far the effects of kindness can go.

The only thing I did not care for was the tragic twist at the end. It didn't seem necessary though I know what you were getting at regarding the mentor not following the student. Anyways, I'm holding onto this one. Good job.

I'm very glad that you feel that it was worthwhile making this a first-person work. Sometimes there are emotions that can only be called upon by invoking the word "I".

The death of Thunder Clap is undoubtedly the most controversial part of the story. I stand by my decision though, and I'm glad that you found the story worth the read despite it.:twilightsmile:

Once again you hit it out of the park TD, what a great story! :rainbowdetermined2:

I got here from Tiny Wings, which made me tear up in sympathy, though not on a personal level because I've never had a dream of mine torn to pieces like that.

This, though... this touched me right where it hurts the most. Because my life has been defined by fear. I know what it's like to be paralyzed - I know that feeling, that panic right before you leave the ground. I felt so close to Dash in this story that I had to turn away from the screen when Thunder Clap asked her if he could take her up. I was muttering "no no no" like a crazy person because I was just as scared as she was, and I'm not even half as strong... and of course, I don't have a Thunder Clap to save me from myself. I'm mourning because I've never had a mentor or helper like that, but hopeful at the same time because I can be that to someone else, and maybe change a life forever.

Sorry for the rambles - it's late and I was already emotional. Tl;dr your story touched me really deeply, so thank you for that. :twilightsmile:

I am very glad that the story touched you on an emotional level. It is very difficult to live in the shadow of fear, and I understand how you must have felt.

Having both had a strong mentor and having been a mentor myself I can only assure you that the benefits are amazing, and I encourage you to consider becoming one.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!:twilightsmile:

Great story. I also got here from Tiny Wings, and it really feels like it belongs with that story. This really brings the whole point home with a mentors job. I feel the ending, while sad, showed the true depth of the character you made, with how he was ok with saving Rainbow Dash. That part got me worked up. Keep on being awesome.

I'm very glad that you felt it was a fitting companion to Tiny Wings! That it also struck such an emotional chord also is appreciated. I shall do my best to keep being awesome!:twilightsmile:

I'm very glad that you enjoyed it. Tiny Wings hit just the right note with me, and I had to get the idea out of my head and onto paper (monitor?). Thanks so much for reading and commenting!:twilightsmile:

Dat ending.... wow really came out of left field. I mean why?:rainbowhuh:

Anyways thank you for this story albeit not for the obvious reasons. A couple nights ago I had an experience similar to Dash's meetup with Thunderclap and whilst it was amazing, I feel like the effects of it all were a little one sided. However after reading this, I don't know perhaps I will be remembered by an icon of mine. So thank you for making my life that little bit happier.

I'm glad that the story has some meaning for you on such a unique level!:twilightsmile:

The ending is, of course, the most controversial aspect. Our mentors can not come on our journey with us, but only their lessons. I hope that makes sense as to why I added it, and I'm glad it didn't turn you off to the story as a whole.:twilightsheepish:


Honestly I think the ending was a little lost on me was to busy reflecting on everything else. Im feeling way to giddy to let that bring me down just yet, besides as far as deaths go, that is going out in style. Its shocking, but not sad.

Oh, good! I was worried about that.:pinkiesmile:

So I did the only reasonable thing...
haha that's like his catch phrase.

I read Tiny Wings right when it just came out, and it instantly touched me, the things Rainbow did to help Scootaloo. This did pretty much the same thing. I kind of hate how the ending was sad and all, personally I prefer light-hearted stories, not light-hearted stories that end in the main character becoming horribly mutilated/dying, but either way well written. I think the ending was there to make me cry, and hey it got close, just like Tiny Wings and My Little Dashie did.

Again I say what I told DeadParrot222, I have no doubt this will make its way onto EqD (unless it already has and I'm just being a numbskull), and please keep writing, you inspire me, hopefully I don't unintentionally plagiarize, just like Tiny Wings, I'm going to make my own original story, but by the looks of things it won't be touching at all.

Actually, just like after any good fic, I feel completely hopeless in writing my fic, because it seems no matter what I write it won't be as good as this, because this is just plain touching, my fic which I just called "totally original" is just pinkie goofing off, Lyra obsessing over humans, and Rainbow Dash dreaming about the Wonderbolts. Sorry if this is turning into a TL;DR but I kind of need to vent.

Anyway, without giving away my fic entirely, could you give any suggestions on writing? And don't just say "don't give up" or other BS, like actual advice, because my stories don't turn out too good with the readers. Is there particular elements I have to add? Should I make my fic sad on purpose because sad fics are usually the ones that get the best ratings? Should I get proofreaders? Wait *facepalm* let me rephrase that. Where can I find people willing to read my fics besides my "friends" on skype who just troll me?

Ok I'll stop annoying you now

oh, also just to not make this a complete waste of your time, I found a mistake
"A gave a long sigh and settled backwards onto the lounge chair."
I think that's supposed to be an "I"

Thank you so much for the typo catch! I fixed that right away!:twilightsmile:

I am more than happy to give you some advice!

1.) Pre-Write:
All of my stories begin as ideas on notecards. I've got a stack of them. When one moves me I jump on it and write down all of the scenes and ideas on some scrap paper. Every scene that I can see playing out in my head goes on the paper. Your job as an author will be to play "connect the dots" with these scenes, making sure they fit your narrative.

2.) Plan:
Know everything about your story before you begin to write! Know what the story is about, where it is going, and what it is going to do when it gets there. If you can't explain the story to yourself from beginning to finish then you won't be able to define it when it comes time to write it. Meet the plot points you planned, revise as you go.

3.) Character and Content vs. Length and Intent:
Set out to tell a story, don't set out to write "so many chapters". Your first job is to be a storyteller.

4.) Revise as You Write: Re-Read constantly. Read a paragraph when you finish writing it. Be sure it makes sense grammatically. If it looks wrong, it usually is. Read it aloud to yourself. If it sounds wrong, it certainly is. Re-read each chapter aloud for word... your brain trains itself to believe that what it produces is correct, but it knows to listen for what is wrong.

5.) If there are more than two commas in a sentence, whittle it down. Make more than one sentence out of it.

6.) No contractions outside of dialog unless you're using first-person narration.

7.) Break it up into paragraphs, like DP or I did with these stories. No "Wall of Text".

8.) Note the things that your favorite authors do and adapt them to your own writing style. It's okay to do that. Mark Twain influenced Will Rogers. Will Rogers influenced Bob Hope. Bob Hope influenced Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield influenced John Stewart.

Personal Favor: Give your story a real title. "This is My Story", instead of "This is my story". If you don't respect your work, why should anyone else. Also, in the description, give a concise or witty depiction of your central narrative. Don't go on and on about "... and this is my first story and I'd like feedback and Rarity is best pony and..." Gah!

I hope that helps! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!:twilightsmile:

574482 Yes it helps a lot, and wow I seem totally unprepared. Usually I write spontaneously, just because I like to write. It seems like there is such a huge system that goes into it, I'm not sure if I'll ever "create a stack of flashcards of scenes and arrange them until something seems good", like literally I just get an idea like "oh it would be cool if there was a big explosion and everypony had different theories as to what it was and they go on crazy adventures" and I go from there. But yes, I do meticulously re-read my stories, and I am a grammar nazi so I rarely make conventions errors like many other authors, but my stories just end up bland, because I have short, exciting scenes, but I transition them with bland blah. And literally when DeadParrot222 inspired me, I had this awesome idea to do, and now I'm 3 chapters in and I read your story, and it totally shoots me down because I remember my original goals and my story now just seems to suck, and all my inspiration faded away after the initial "this seems like a good idea" moment. To be honest, I am a fairly new author, so I have little experience when it comes to fics, so I think I should go ahead and keep writing, even if it's just for myself, and I will follow your advice religiously so I hope to get better. But yeah sorry for spamming up your comments again, maybe we should move this to private messages.

Go ahead and shoot me a PM if you need anything!:twilightsheepish:

I'm very glad that it worked for you! Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment!:twilightsmile:

That was amazing. Just amazing. There are no other words to describe it.


Its 2am so my feedback probably isnt up to par. This was... very well done. Thunderclap and Firefly are instantly original and believable, I lost myself in your prose and the momentum of the story dragged me right to the bittersweet end. This is going straight onto my recommend to friends list - and I have to cater for nonbronies. What more could you ask for to instil in your audience than that? +like +fav +watch. Cant wait to dig into the rest of your stuff

Thanks, I appreciate that! I'm glad you took the time to read and comment!:twilightsmile:

I'm very glad that it was that powerful for you! I am glad that you feel it deserves such recommendation! Thanks for reading and taking the time to let me know what it did for you!:pinkiesmile:


Grats on EQD

Damn. This, added with watching Man City win the Premier League title, just gives me so much to cry about

The only reason I didn't cry in the ending is because I've been crying since I saw the title.
You are a champion, my friend.

That was excellent. Heartwarming and sad throughout.

So I did the only reasonable thing...

I cried :fluttercry:

Well done, sir :pinkiesad2:

After reading for just a couple of minutes, I already loved the character Thunderclap. Hell, I loved him after the first paragraph.

The premise is interesting, but it's really the writing that truly makes this story. In my opinion anyway. I love the story, I love the characters, I love the writing, and after seeing how you respond to the comments, I love you (in a healthy, non-sexual way).

As a writer and a person, you are everything I set out to be. You are basically the Thunderclap to my Rainbow Dash. You know... minus the tragedy.

You have most certainly earned a fan today, good sir. Well done and I will be following you :P

I am speechless...

Amazing story...

Congratulations on hitting EQD! :scootangel:
Be prepared for the reader flood! :pinkiehappy:

Very nicely written. Sitting here, chillin and reading it, stuffs going awesome. Get to the ending and stop and be like "what? No!" Very good job.

That was briliant and wonderfull. Very well written, very well thought out.

It is also the only fic in a long while that made me genuinely sad and torn up, got me thinking about life, too. Thank you :)

Genuinely touching and very heartwarming. I can't really say anything about writing techniques as I know very little about them, but I did feel the repetition of certain phrases worked, somehow, and really did add something to the story. Every time I read about those "pinkish, reddish eyes" it just struck a chord for some reason. I don't know..

Thunder Clap was a great character. The almost fatherly love he develops for the struggling little filly throughout the fic is very touching. and so is his death; his final thoughts are a wonderful mix of heartwarming and sad, and he can indeed rest easy knowing he did a small filly a great service and returned something special to the world. I'm sure he'd be happy to know Rainbow remembered his lesson and used it to help another struggling child.

You almost succeeded in getting me teary eyed. Almost.

Beyond words

That is so helpful actually. I wrote a story once Link:, All I did was sit down without any preparation and write a chapter. First draft got published, didn't end up going so well.

This helped me allot.

With all the joke fics and meta fics that abound, this was a breath of fresh air.
I miss reading something that really tells a story, something that tugs at your heartstrings, and makes you think, and feel, and live.
This was beautiful. Thank you.

Not to discount or discredit the very depressing ending, but I'm going to have to quote/paraphrase The Princess Bride, specifically Inigo Montoya. I don't really think Thunder Clap knows what reasonable means, because he says it all the time.

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