A stallion sees so much, but no one could understand. As he meets a generous mare, he yearns for nothing more than a listening ear to speak to.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 2nd Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Apr 7th, 2017
eLLen
She's just the dirty-by-trade tomboy.
eLLen
Joined 2nd Sep, 2014 ·
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An interesting story concept. I wondered what would have happened if it continued. 6/10. (good)
I honestly thought this was a "this tea tastes like bitter almonds" thing. What with the flavor f cyanide and all, but now I see Rarity's death will be caused by Sweetie Belle's sickness. Ah well, goodbye rarity.
Damn! Didn't see that coming.
I could feel my eyes widen after reading that... Oh geeze...
5534819 Heh, ever since I read that very story in school, the knowledge of what cyanide tastes like has been burned into my brain. A cookie to you for naming this story's inspiration.
So does that mean that Rarity is going to die because of Sweetie's sickness? Or just..in general, that was just a minor detail?
Either way, this story had a very interesting concept! I guess my only complaint is I would like it expanded upon more...But, it was still quite good on it's own!
5534862 I originally intended for the sneeze to just be what Almonds refers to when he says "Bless you," but I guess that's open enough for interpretation.
In any case, I'm glad you liked it!
It's strange but I like would not mind seeing more
At first, I thought my computer hadn't loaded the cover art properly. So I refreshed. And again. And again. And it was only then that I realised that it being a blank canvas was intentional, and I couldn't help thinking how genius that was.
After reading this story, I can see why you chose to have it like that as well. But, in the end, it left me with questions. I'm guessing that was the intention here, though. And I'm not sure how I can go into it and dissect the bits and pieces. So, I'll just say that it was worth my time, and I enjoyed it.
See you next week... or will I?
... interesting concept
This story is unfinished. I can't upvote or downvote it in it's current state.
5540190 How is it unfinished? It starts and ends what it promised, that being a stallion talking to Rarity and nothing more.
5541507
It feels unfinished. It... Let me explain it with science. Story must have four components: exposition, start, culmination and release. Your story lack culmination and release. So it feels unfinished.
5542994 Those components more subjective or opinion based than anything else. If this were an unfinished story, it would've excluded the scene with Sweetie Belle, effectively ending with "Oh, she might die. I won't offer any clues as to what happens to the characters afterward." I think you might be confusing simplicity with unfinished.
In any case, you might like to know that this story is confined to what it is because it's a prequel to a story I've yet to post (or would that make it the first in a series? Eh, doesn't matter). The next story kicks off directly after this one and addresses what happens to Rarity.
5545735 Oh, so it's just first chapter! I see.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5553791 Eh, I don't go on EqDaily. Thanks though.
5565809 No, no, of course not!
The taste is coming from the milk I served it with.
5566820 Anytime!
My only question is... since he told her when and where it takes place... did he change her fate? Is his "gift" (or curse, as he puts it) the ability to see the future, or leylines reflected across the psyches of others through the timestream? Since he saw a knock coming and it never occurred, is his ability to perceive the timing of such events simply off, or when he uses this ability, does he alter leylines minutely and change the future?
Could have been interesting as a chapter fic. What if he was a pony with this ability -- a detective, perhaps -- and a wave of murders was a cover for an assassination attempt by a rogue nation against the Elements of Harmony? ...What if Sweetie Belle died instead of her?
Hm. Anyway, interesting read. "Visions of the future" plots are always fascinating because they always raise a lot of questions -- questions regarding free will, if destiny is a force of nature, whether or not we can take actions to reshape our destiny, etc. I enjoyed this little fic. It was well-written and the grammar was strong. My only slight reservation, and it is only slight, is how it feels like a precursor to a larger story. I feel like you could add onto it and make it bigger and better, and yet it would remove a lot of the mystique around it.
Either way, well done. I enjoyed it.
5575580
Funny you should say that...
I wouldn't say there's going to be a larger fic about him, but there is going to be a story about Rarity in the following week and what happens to her. (Though, I have had an idea for an unrelated fic about time travel, and this character would probably end up involved in some way.)
Glad you liked it!
5575610
Bitter Almonds: Time Detective.
A cool story I have to wonder though by telling Rarity her fate ahead of time does he alter her path in time. Or was it already set that he would come there and tell her. Who knows lol. To many questions that can't truly be answered.
I really liked the idea of this story.
Nice job
Typos
___1
"…Yeah… I guess that was I came here."
was why I
___2
but it opened before she should even push it
could (not should)
___
"I have to admit that this is a first."
Also this isn't a typo but this isn't true, there are known sooth-seers in the show; the 'predictions and prophecies' book, Princess Celestia's dream about Tirek, Pinkie’s Pinkie Sense… why didn’t Rarity mention them or take Bitter to see them?
So this is an okay story but it’s kind of lacking… If you’re writing more for this I think you should just post it as the next chapter to this, not as a sequel, because I don’t feel like this story really stands on it’s own very well.
The way I read it was the if Bitter’s actions, telling anyone about his predictions, changes or prevents them then he saved Rarity, probably on purpose (probably the whole reason for his trip there).
Of all things to listen to while reading this, Twisted Nerve was not the best choice. *Shudder*
*Plays Twilight Zone Theme*
Interesting story and premise, yet I feel like it needs more. Doesn't have much of a satisfying ending, at least not to me. I would think Rarity would at least suggest going to Twilight for help. She might be able to confirm it with a few tests, or at least see if there's a way to prove it. He would only need about three confirmed predictions to prove it.
In any case, I'm glad she didn't dismiss him outright, like someone might do in our world. Worst part is that he may really be seeing something, not just hallucinating, but he may never be able to prove it. If he's seeing alternate timelines, that would explain a few things. Of course, if that's the case, it should be easy to prove. All you'd need is at least three incidents to almost come true. Like a near miss with a death or some kind of disaster.
Or just Rarity almost dying in a week, having forgotten what he'd said until just after she was safe and sound.
Of course, then he might find a less pleasant fate: that of an oracle. Which may, in some ways, be worse for him than if nobody ever believed him.
5565809
Yay bitter almonds! *eats more*