rip in perversion, fic

we hardly knew ye, or at least would insist that was the case if asked

Land Sakes,
they had a good time~

Aplle bloom and Rumble go! Nice story though.

Wait... Are you saying you are going to cancel the fic?
I just gave all of it a read over the past few days... And I think this fic is way too underrated.

I mean... Maybe it's just that I haven't read enough clop in a while, but I swear these sex scenes...
I've never felt as invested in the thoughts and emotions of the characters, reading other sex scenes
from other fics.

I only have a few complaints, and they are mostly just nitpicks.

One: I find it awkward reading the numerous places you say feet or toes, because each time you do, I picture human
feet at the ends of their hooves, and that just makes it feel silly.

Two: I found that musical clop section to be awkward to read... It could just be me personally, but it felt like it lacked in
comparison to the usual more emotionally invested scenes in this fic.

Three:
I feel like there is a bit too much focus on the clop than the plot. Like... The majority of the words in this fic
feel like they are taken up by the sex scenes, and it makes it feel like the plot is progressing a bit too slowly.
And that actually leaves me with mixed feelings... For one, because of the slow procession of plot,
that means more time for these glorious clop scenes. But because of that, I some times fear that the
clop scenes will eventually grow boring, having so many of them. Though in contrast to that point, it also
somehow feels rewarding when some plot advancement actually does happen.

However... I can say that for me personally, none of the clop scenes have been boring so far. They all feel
unique and interesting.

So in the end, I can say that I really like this fic, and I hope you intend to see it through to the end at some point.

Edit:
Also... While not trying to sound to judgmental, I feel that any people that are giving up on your
fic because of a few missing chapters are being quite shallow. I mean... I admit I was a bit confused
and put off by that at first. But I still saw that it was worth continuing to read past that point.

Would be interesting to see those chapters at some point though, if you ever do rewrite them, since I imagine the chapters of Apple Bloom's initial period of self discovery as a colt would be fun to read.

Please get the time to put the chapters back..

6365153
Uhhhh... yes, I'm not working on completing this fic anymore. Trying to start over, on something less er... broken.

I've never felt as invested in the thoughts and emotions of the characters, reading other sex scenes

from other fics.

Thanks so much. I don't intend to stop writing, it's just this particular story. People have problems with this fic, that I can't really fix.

the numerous places you say feet or toes, because each time you do, I picture human

feet at the ends of their hooves, and that just makes it feel silly.

Ponies do have feet, and toes though. Each foot has one toe, and the heels of the hind feet are that pokey-out part on the back of pony legs. You're doing the equivalent of imagining a human foot, except there's 5 human feet, one replacing each toe. So um... get mental help, and I'll try to make it very clear that a pony's foot is most of their leg, rather than just their toe.

Two: I found that musical clop section to be awkward to read.

Did I mention that I have an awkward fetish?
But no seriously that was intended to be hilariously awkward. On the other side of things, I may not be capable of writing a pony song into a story, that isn't horribly out of place and unfitting. I just thought it would be so silly, to have foals bursting into song about doinking.

I feel like there is a bit too much focus on the clop than the plot.

So, you want me to spend more time describing their rear ends? Can do!
This story is unrepentant erotica, so that is certainly what the bulk of it's gonna be. The plot itself is kind of shaky and contrived, though does have what I thought was a hilarious ending. Mostly it's just your basic comedy of errors, and it doesn't have to be expounded on very much more.

I some times fear that the

clop scenes will eventually grow boring, having so many of them.

Yes, that is a real problem. There are only so many synonyms you can use for "insert tab A into slot B." It's been my experience that the best practice is just to not worry about if one's language is repetitive, and just let the plot naturally add uniqueness and vitality to the scene. The Sweetie Belle scene was identical to the Liza scene in terms of the physical act they performed, but the former was in the dark of the night snuck away in the clubhouse with glowflies to light their intercourse, while the latter was out behind the shed in broad daylight with Scootaloo butting in at a (deliciously) awkward moment. Not to say Liza's scene was inferior to Sweetie's, though it certainly wasn't quite at par, but that's what I use plot for when I'm writing erotica, is to let people experience the thing that they want to repeat (sex) without it being repetitive. Too many artists try to change the sex acts themselves, while having the same "your hot, bend over" plot, so I tried something different than that.

I feel that any people that are giving up on your

fic because of a few missing chapters are being quite shallow.

Well, yes. But I don't blame them. If I was reading a story and the first part was broken and missing, why should I trust that the rest of it won't be just as messed up? Plus I'll feel betrayed that I couldn't read the important establishing scenes. I can't do much about anyone who feels betrayed in that fashion, and that's sort of why I gave up on the story.

Would be interesting to see those chapters at some point though, if you ever do rewrite them, since I imagine the chapters of Apple Bloom's initial period of self discovery as a colt would be fun to read.

They're readily available over various other publication methods. They're just not allowed on fimfiction.net, and the vast (vast) majority of my readers only come here.
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6285635
Please, the puns!

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6568959
They're not allowed. I don't want to spend another 7 hours straight trying to figure out how to rewrite chapters I already love, just to make them more original-y enough to take all the credit for them, when I could be writing another story instead.

6248739
Oh please, Scootaloo has been pregnant since chapter HOO

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6572820 Is there a place we can read the deleted chapters?

6572907

Check my user page for where else my stories can be found.

6643757
Well, this story isn't part of MLP:FiM, only derived from it.

6648777
Yes, that's right... the premise was that they had just gotten old enough to become pregnant.

6667191
It was originally a derived work, which drew material and inspiration from some other creative work. Those aren't allowed around here.

Are you going to finish the story? If we leave aside the sex scenes, it's a very good and funny story. Even if people don't like your story, "haters are going to hate" no one force people to read your story. I have curiosity to see how is going to end. Even if you don't put the rest of the story in the page, you can still put them in thor.

Also... Something I don't understand... I'm not sure if it's society or if it's Celestia that tell people that they need to reserve themselves for the stallion they marry but the main six and don't know how many more, know that Celestia is using Discord for her estrus and she is not going to marry him.

If Celestia can, why the others can't?

So. Many. Words. Dear. God. Help. Me.

So you canceled the fic? then do you have like a general premise of what would happen at the end or something thought up. Will it be continued in some way? Do I honestly have to invent inter-dimensional travel just to read the end of this (their goes my weekend). I have to say that you struck a great balance between detailed sex scenes and plot development thought it could have used more of the latter, I really wanted to see how all of this was wrapped up in the end.

6769395
I don't think Discord's activity is public knowledge. But really there's no limit to the hypocrisy one can find among the faithful.

No, I don't plan on finishing it. I want to work on Coltaloo instead, and Straight to Belle, because 99.9% of my readers are here on fimfiction, and I would rather they not have to read a story that had the second and third chapter just ripped out of it. I'm kind of jaded anyway, with the notion of elaborating on a different story and taking it in my own direction, since nobody would read it if I did.

6780717
And then she verbed his adjective noun while he adjective verbed his verb noun all over her noun!

6828759
Yes, that was what I was going after. There are consequences to being rated Y!

7087116
I could slap a quick summary of the remaining plot up, but I really think that would be more disappointing than if I just left it incomplete. I have a directory called "spoilers" on my i2p website that has a vague possible timeline on it, if you are curious. (i2p)

7092532 too bad it's not going to finish, it was after all a good story. Thanks for answer.

7092532 something to look into then possibility thanks for the response

Would you please consider finishing this wonderful story??

This story made me laugh way too loudly, but just often enough. Great character and plot development (heh heh, plot), detailed and enjoyable sex scenes throughout.

An impressive contrast between the ignorance stupidity of the adults, and the joy of young friends helping each other feel good. An engorging engrossing parable for the folly of under-educating school children about how reproduction works. Particularly in a society that involves estrus.

I hope you continue to write your story despite its age, it is very interesting. Because the task that has imposed itself on AB is huge, although only we know what happens and why.
How do you think Redheard can handle the surprises in her research?

PS: Why do we have so many writers reading something unfinished?

more please

will it continue soon?