Apple Bloom makes the wrong potion during Twilight Time and drinks it.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 5th Nov, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 30th, 2021
Servant Phoenix
Christian brony who loves writing superpowers and emotional depths.
Servant Phoenix
Joined 5th Nov, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Spoilers!
Crazy Apple Twicorn is best pony.
i.imgur.com/hLKJbkB.jpg
Definitely a good fic, but it could do without the 4th wall breaking
Could someone explain the ending please?
4192925 ...
Phoenix, party of one..? Table now open for Phoenix, party of one...
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
As for the fan-fiction itself...
Not bad overall, though I think you could have gotten a LOT more literary mileage out of this story-premise than one chapter and 1600 words.
You probably could have done one chapter per two Elements of Harmony she was mimicking, giving more literary screen-time to the humour; especially as each Element-bearer reacts to being mimicked ("I don't really sound like that, do I...?" *uncomfortable shifty eyes* "Well...")
A dramatic twist could also have been that "Harmony Bloom" winds up being able to use the Elements of Harmony by her solo-self when Discord (earnestly) tries to undo the prank-spell, and forcing the true Element-bearers and the two CMCs to comedically battle "Harmony Bloom" for control of the Elements of Harmony.
As I said, good story-premise, and not bad for the fan-fiction as is, but a lot more could have been done with this.
4193557
I can give it my best shot.
Basically, Apple Bloom is changing into each of the Mane 6 as time progresses. If she changes naturally, it shows off their better traits. If discord changes AB (let's call it RUSH CHANGE), then AB not only stays as that pony for longer, she then exhibits one of their bad traits (like fluttershy going nuts with animals running from her
). In the end, Fluttershy calls for another RUSH CHANGE, which changes AB into Twilight. This change not only would last days, but pulled from twilight's...um... more psychotic trait (a la Lesson Zero).
So does that sound about right Phoenix?
sweet mother of jesus, the entire universe is FUCKED
4193734 Ah. Thanks for the explanation. I am not a very smart man.
4195023
4193734 Correct.
4193558
I know, I know it's short. I was writing a sad-tragedy fiction when Rainbow Dash dies and Scootaloo almost commit suicide, and it made me so depressed, I just had to write something fun, so I wrote this in a few hours, squeezing in all the jokes that come into my mind at that time. Consequence: It didn't become as long as the the potential in the idea dictated.
.
Wat.
Ah, the randomness...
Lol WHY U NO WANT TO SEE Flutterbloom Fluttershy?
...I demand a sequel.
*pukes everywhere*
so awesome
What kind of ending was that? More please
.-.
Dat ending though
Twilight Bloom became permanent and...
da fuq did I just read?
Okay. That was...interesting.
*AwkwardCough*
Yea.
Yup.
Uhuh.
Totally.
....
What the fu-
"And so Twilight Bloom defeated Discord, stole his magic, ascended into the Alicorn of Pot, aka the Alicorn of Mane6, and then there was a huge party in a gazebo with a rainbow while the sun was setting, and the moon was setting also, and God handed her a million dollars. The END."
~AnimatedGamer
That made too much sense. I should stop reading ponies at three in the morning.
WHAT
4201489
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/40553515/pony/Reactions/applebloom_derelle_by_moongazeponies-d428t81.png
this is beautiful
The lulz are strong with this one.
HEY! That was my line!
Too bad, I tooks it.
You suck, Pinkie.
Ahahahaha
"Was that me?"
Yep!
100th Like!
Nice.
4204764 Jeez! That was harsh dude! If you haven't noticed this story isn't supposed to make sense! And its not their fault that they cant write as well as you want them too! It also wasn't supposed to be a well thought out story, that had a well described setting and plot and characters and storyline, so stop hating!
4205288 I considered it an actual story. By definition story is a fictional tale with a plot, meant to entertain the reader. This story is a fictional tale with a plot that entertains readers.
I got lost somewhere a few sentences after she drank the potion.
(only AB emoticon.)
4205333
Ignore that one. All Glitzy seems to do is go around and hate on stories and try to sound justified about it. Continue with the enjoying of the story, that's all a story really needs to be a story in the first place. An audience that enjoys it.
I thought it was fun and entertaining, I duno what you guys were reading.
4206987
Thank you for your critique.
I agree that the idea itself could have even become a 100k words epic adventure story. However, the reason why I wrote this story, is just to have some joy after working on my sad-tragedy fiction, therefore my goal was only to make a flashfic with just barely enough setting to tell a few jokes. It was a decision of mine, and while I accept the fact that you don't like it, I won't change my mind. (I also should add here: This is a short fanfiction, everyone knows the places where the events happen, therefore I consider describing them again a bad and boring thing for the reader. A long story is a whole different thing... )
I'm not going to spell out everything in the fiction. Discord made Scootaloo colorblind, which resulted Apple Bloom creating the wrong potion. The only thing Discord did after that is that he hurried the effect of the potion.
Why would she? According to Discord, it's just a small prank without any harm. When things become problematic, she immediately acts (two complete Pinkie Pies, Apple Bloom collapsing)
4206432 Well even if he's trolling then I like saying smart stuff like that, to defend people. It makes me feel like a superhero or something.
4206987 y'know I don't even care. Buttfaces like you aren't worth my time.
4207611 Her problem is that I took an idea that was worthy of a mid-sized fiction, and wrote a fan-flashfic out of it. I still think my decision was right, but she has the right to disagree with me.
4207900 Thank you
How can you be both Nightmare and Nyx?
4207745
There's a right to disagree, yes. But one doesn't have to sound like a pompous jackass while doing it. That's been practically an epidemic here in Fimfic. People being jerks while hiding behind "valid criticism". Pretty sure an entire group got the axe by Knighty personally for doing that, as well. Folks like that pull up this and that reason to justify themselves, but it never changes the fact they know they can choose their words to be at least neutral if they don't feel like being friendly.
I speak from experience. I'm an abrasive asshole, you see. True facts.
4207184 I had more written, but so many people complained that I deleted it. Yeah. I'm just super picky. I have been my whole life.
4207745 Sorry, but I feel the need to mention. I'm a girl. It's okay, though!
4208244 Sorry, fixed my comment.
4208248 No biggie!
P.S. I'm just going to delete my comments off of this story because they seem to be making everyone upset. I didn't mean to sound rude. I was just getting mad at them. It upsets me when people respond negatively to reviews. Sorry for everything!
4207745
meh whatevs. u do what u wanna do, I don't judge