Who's up for a nice game of Cards? Anyone?
Deep in the Whitetail Woods, an artificial set of stone doors has been re-discovered after a millennia. Eager to uncover its origins, Princess Twilight leads a group of archaeologists and reporters to the site.
Expecting nothing more than ancient relics, the party finds itself up against what the Vault truly hides.
In the dark, fear lives.
The expanded and much improved edit of the original fic submitted for the Writeoff's 'Behind Closed Doors' December prompt.
Page generated in 0.037 seconds
Total duration
845 users online
578,867 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Written in a day. Finished at 3am. Came 23rd out of 31. Yup, this is a good'un!
The expansion turned out to double the word count, so two parts it is. Also...dat cliffhanger.
Part II will drop tomorrow!
Something that can KO a princess? Ohhh not good.
5427722 Impressive build up. Thinking of the implications of the carved constellation reliefs in the pitch blackness of that Vault almost gave me shivers.
Nice start. I think I'll follow this, see where it leads.
I'm ready to get the pants scared off me! Or creeped off slowly? Either way, no pants.
Anyways, love the set-up. Looking forward for more. I'm especially glad that we get to see the tale from the perspective of OC's.
5429792
Cheers
GandalfMaiaWizardStormcrowMithrandir!5428639
thefreefinancialadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/gauri_gasp.jpg
Starstruck alert. But yeah, other chapter is coming in a few hours or so. You shouldn't be disappointed.
5429803
"Many are my names in many countries. Mithrandir among the Bronies, Tharkun among the Mandos; Olórin i was in my youth in the fandom that is forgotten, in the Facebook Incánus, in the Youtube Gandalf; to Twitter I go not."
I saw but one single error:
That was quite impressive.
5459661
Fixed. Ta.
Nice! You definitely upped the ante from the original version, and to great effect.
Sure it's stopped for now, but how long until those vault doors fail?
Yeah, I definitely didn't give this a chance in the writeoff, and I think you really improved it regardless. :) Good buildup and good atmosphere, though I was a bit shocked at Luna's behavior in the final scene.
5467246
She knows what's down there. You could even say she knows the matter is....close to home.
5468037
Ahhh.
Oh, wow, that was intense! Very nice job with the horror aspects. In surprised Breaker doesn't put up more resistance to keeping the story of the vault secret, given that he is a journalist.
5460218
Agreed, this really amps it up from the original. It's a little unfair to say that Twilight exploding caught my attention, because that was exactly due to it breaking my expectations from the original version, but (for me at least) that really reinvested me in the story for the entirely new second act.
Luna's behavior at the end has a lot of creepy implications, and I'm not sure it works to leave all of those unexplored (you'd think Celestia would have some very strong opinions on the matter, for one …), but the piece as a whole has quite definitely improved!
5534231
I merely wish this version had been the one to enter the contest. Oh well.
As a fellow poster once snarkly said, you either leave your questions unanswered like a pretentious knob, or spell everything out and treat your audience like idiots. The pattern that seems to be emerging from my past fics tells me I'm leaning on the former option. But the answer I have in my head would make for a very interesting sequel. So who knows eh?
The answer to every philosophical whatevers brought up could just as easily be answered with 'you're high as a kite, get off your pseudo-philosophical ass and get an intervention.'
First of all, this was absolutely wonderful. Fantastic writing, suspense, and description. I loved your use of OCs to tell a story based around Luna and Twilight. I loved everything about this.
But one thing is majorly... majorly bugging me.
What happened to Ink? And more importantly, what happened to his camera. He took pictures of whatever it was. In using the camera flash as a weapon, a picture was undoubtedly taken. Why is there no mention of him and why is he not receiving the same medal?
I am spook.
Okey lets see; reporters completely out of their element check, misterious previously unknown construction with ties to a dark event of the past check, imposible constelations and marks check and double checked.
Yep I can definetely feel H.P lovecraft influence in this one