• Member Since 6th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2019

CORACK


Nanolathing stories, one letter at a time.

T

Luna has detected something on the outer edge of the solar system, heading inward. Something she doesn't control, and it seems to be slowing down.

Not only my first fanfic but the first thing I've ever written, so be kind, or not, up to you :)

Feel free to point out my (many) errors, I've got a lot to learn.

Dark tag just in case, it really isn't all that dark though.

Inspired by some of my favorites sci-fi series

There may be spoilers in the comments.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 96 )

6810104

Sounds like you liked it. :twilightsmile:
If so, I'm glad you did.

I don't promise anything anytime soon, but I do have some ideas, and I had fun writing this, so it is likely I will write more in the future.

6810277 Make it as soon as possible!

Pinkie know where everyone is at all times. She is our dark lord.

I don't wanna sound like a fanboy buuut...
Animals, teleporting between cameras, standing still, trying to get to your position. I think you know what I'm talking about.

Excellent story, I need more

High Good

Unless their world or any other planets are mentioned in the comics or leaked from the show's "bible", any such names will be fan-based.
I followed Zoidburgisbestpony's use for Equus from his DisQord series. I've no idea if he did his own name for it or followed someone else. I've also seen "Equis" as the planet's name a few times.

BTW, you could call it "Bob" in your story and it'd be just as valid.:rainbowlaugh:

Intriguing. They're building a StarGate network.

"We've got another day and a half to Manehattan so let's stop with the questions, I can't answer them anyway," Swift Wing said.
"Yes Sir!" the rest of his squad replied.
Swift Wing closed his eyes. It was going to be a long trip.
"That settles it, guy's!" the corporal announced. "We're heading off an invasion of BEAMs!"
"'BEAMs'?" Swift Wing demanded, his eyes snapping open.
"Yeah. Bug-Eyed Alien Monsters."
":facehoof:" Swift Wing groaned. Yeah. Really. Long. Trip.

:trollestia:

Author's Note:
I tried to keep pony tech slightly close to examples we've seen in the show... But going purely by the show, pony tech is... weird. So I extrapolated based on some of the things that have been seen.
If you only watched the first few two episodes, you'd think it's all medieval fantasy setting with magic filing in for some more modern things.
As the series goes on, you get hints of more advanced tech.
Lights, steam trains, a hydroelectric dam, an arcade machine (which means computers), wireless headsets, even lasers. The list goes on.
So they've got Schizo Tech.

The mix of different tech levels would actually be called "Anarchanistic Tech." where nothing really fits alongside another (but "Schizo" works :rainbowlaugh:).
If you consider Arthur C. Clarke's adage: "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic," then with the magic that's already part of their world, it could argued that MLP is lightyears beyond even Star Trek or even equal-to or beyond the Ancients & Asgard from SG1. And look closer at SG1, you'll even see a little bit of MLP right there: how the societies governed by the G'uoald and Ori kept the humans at Medieval living conditions, but with FTL starships looking like pyramids and energy weapons dressed up as spears and magicians' staves. Some things could be extremely high tech beneath the surface, but are given "low-tech" facades for aesthetic reasons.

"To the Chk'rain,
"This is Celestia and Luna of Equestria.
"Received and understood your transmissions.
"Our reply: You might want to go ask the Borg what happened to them when they came to visit us. It wasn't pretty what happened to them. It won't be pretty what happens to you.
"A good number of our ponies will now have to re-roll their characters. They're not very happy about what you've done since they'll all have to start all over again at Level 1.
"We shall be merciful. We give you one hour before we toss you into our sun.
"If you wish, you can try to run. You may even use your StarGate to try to escape. It won't make any difference.
"Enjoy the time you have remaining in your lives."

Well, the overall average IQ of the Chk'rain are about to rise several points once Thrux gets tossed into the sun:trollestia:

Edit-->wow! I was close...but Celestia didn't even give them an hour:pinkiecrazy:

Celestia: "Welcome, Commodore. To Equus, the home world of the Ponies, Griffons, Dragons, Minotaurs, Changelings, and Vorlons.:trollestia:"
Commodore Uthzar: "Oh, futa:twilightoops:"

So the conquerors are about to be conquered:rainbowdetermined2:

Really good story, and a very logical conclusion. There are a few, but glaring errors in spelling and grammar--not many, but they do stand out. If I can and you don't mind, I'll PM you in a few days with suggested corrections.

Since it seems you might do a sequel, here's something to keep in mind:
I saw you posted this entire story in one shot. It's okay to have your stories completed before you begin posting, but I suggest you publish a chapter one at a time every few days to give readers a chance to see the new stories unfold. There's a lot of competition from new stories and stories getting updated, so it's important to let as many readers know there's a new fic out here. Otherwise, your stuff gets buried and pretty much lost forever until someone doing a random search stumbles across it, like I did.
Also, in the sequel, be sure to post a link back to this story, as well as edit your story here with links to the new stuff coming out.

So far, it's looking good. You've got a good start to a Ponies In Space series. I'm looking forward to the continuation.

6825001

Stargate certainly came to my mind when thinking about how to do FTL. Other sources of inspiration include the jumpgate system in Freelancer and the gate travel in John Ringo's Troy Rising series and various other games and books I've read.

6826027

Thanks for the comments! I certainly won't complain if you PM me a list of errors. I've already gone back and fixed a few but a 2nd set of eyes is always better. As to your suggestion of releasing chapters over a period of a time, I like it and agree. This being my first story, I was pretty excited to get the whole thing posted and then quickly realized how fast it would fall off the new story page.

I will pretty much confirm that a sequel is planned and I will be sure to link both the sequel back to this story and throw a link to the sequel in the description of this one. It will, however, be some time before anything shows up. I've got another story that I'm currently outlining that will likely go up first, and I have yet to decide if I want to do the sequel for Into the Black in one part or two.

This story is soo underrated :derpytongue2:

You've earned a follow with this story. I don't often do that

6910873

Thanks very much, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

What happened to the crew of the ship?

Where is the sequel?!?!?!

7001537

They were taken by Luna down to Equus. There will be more info on what happens to them in the sequel.

7001584

I'm still working on another story, After the Nightmare, right now. When I'm done with that, I will likely start work on the sequel to Into the Black.

What about Tirek?:twilightoops:

7007470

Celestia didn't wait for Twilight to deal with Tirek, she went after him before he could get enough power to become a threat. He's back in Tartarus.

A grand lesson on why one does not mess with the Princesses. :rainbowlaugh:

If I might make one suggestion, there is a bit of an 'infodump' issue, particularly in Chapter 3. I'm not sure I'd call it a problem, exactly; more a matter of taste. I think the story would flow better and engage the reader a bit more if the information were provided more organically? Describing the events of the interstellar journey from the ring's perspective, or have characters referring to things in-context. It's good to have everything worked out (and it's a pretty keen space drive setup, too :pinkiehappy:), but you don't have to tell the readers everything, either. :twilightsmile:

7052642

Thanks for the comments!

I definitely don't disagree with you on the infodumps, part of it is that this is the first thing I've ever written, and part of that is this story was heavily inspired by sci-fi books I've read that are rather infodumpy (if that's a word :derpytongue2: ) so it is what I was going for.

I'm still really new at this and I need to figure out a good balance of enjoyable infodump and boring wall-of-text infodump. Hopefully I can tie it down in the sequel.

7054240 Hey, it's pretty darn good for your first story. Kudos! :twilightsmile:

Infodumping does tend to be a thing in science fiction a lot, yeah. I mean... you get all these cool ideas, they need explaining! :rainbowlaugh:

7054319

Thanks!

And yep, it does. Just gotta make sure my explanations are entertaining :pinkiehappy:

This was pretty good. Somewhat technorambly at times, which I'm forgiving for making an effort to be scientifically accurate (who measures space maneuvering in numbers of G's of acceleration? Not enough people, that's who).

More? Because I'd like to see more.

7232337

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I do really want to work on the sequel, but I'm hitting a bit of a block on how I want it to start, so right now it's on hold.

Unrelated: Nice Seraphim Chrysalis avatar, I would be a bit worried with what she would do with an ACU.

Great story. Loved it.
Now I just have to wait for the sequel.

7835225

Glad you liked it :pinkiehappy:

I'll be getting to that sequel someday :derpytongue2:

7836062 SIR THE CONNECTIONS ARE FORMING AND HOLY #### THIS IS BAD FOR ALL INVOLVED, additonaly luna and celestia are op and you need to make twi so op no one can oppose her. then LET THE BATTLE BEGIN. discord whip me up some popcorn for the fire works

...If only they could put a self-maintaining shield bubble around that ring...
"It makes no sense! Everything that goes in just bounces back out with it's bow smashed!"

(Oh, but what fun is there in making sense?> :trollestia:
(I can't believe you said that.> :facehoof:

The style of this story was gloriously similar to the classic blood-and-thunder of golden age science fiction. I will now proceed to follow you like some soulless parasite and feed upon the fruits of your labor--if that's OK with you. :flutterrage:

7938271

:twilightsmile: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Someday I will get to the sequel!

I have no complaints if you wish to follow me. :derpytongue2:

I love the depiction of the alien empire. Problems with obsolete tech and poor documentation are eternal, it would seem, and you give a great impression that technology is ever marching on, even for a galactic empire. Even the desire of the local commander to have a more convenient post gives the feel that people of the future are still very much like those of modern day. Kind of reminds me of The Last Question in some of the earlier stages.

7938489

I would love to see a sequel to this. You had great scifi galaxy-building. Plus dat epilogue tease.

7944212

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. :twilightsmile:

Right now I'm working on The Right Man in the Wrong Place and it's sequel (I had to break it into 2 parts due to length and a few other reasons) when I'm done with those, Into the Black's sequel is next on my list. I have no plans to abandon it :pinkiehappy:

I haven't seen any indication of radio or even telegraphy in the show. They have electricity but not electrtonics. The only canon 'video game' we've seen we don't see the screen, only a cabinet. It could be mechanical or electro-mechanical like slot machines or early arcade games. My home town had several arcades and I remember things like that when I was a kid (which should show how old I am).

My take on the wireless headsets the goats wear is sympathetic magic. Each headset has active elements cut from a master object and enchanted so when one vibrates, they all do. They're all suspended inside the earpieces using multiple springs so they can vibrate freely. Add a sound amplifying spell such as Ghost Sound to the earpieces and a spell or something to make the 'microphone' more sensitive to vibrations and you have a workable system. It's a party line, and probably only short range, but good enough for the purpose. One of my ideas was having the master object be the tooth from as dragon, painted blue.

Lasers you can duplicate with a properly formatted light spell, the same as X rays. Creating a sensor that was basically an Alarm spell, tied to the presence or absence of the laser coloured light on the reciever surface would not be a complex job.

8085034

I haven't seen any indication of radio or even telegraphy in the show.

Telegrams are mentioned (but not shown) in a few episodes. The first example I can think of is one of Pinkie's songs

This is your singing telegram
I hope it finds you well
You're invited to a party
'Cause we think you're really swell

I can't think of any examples of a radio, I wouldn't be shocked if there was one in some episode somewhere and I just missed it.

My take on the wireless headsets the goats wear is sympathetic magic.

There are wireless headsets in a few episodes, Viva Las Pegasus and Stranger than Fan Fiction off the top of my head, in addition to the goats you mention in Putting your Hoof Down. Besides that, we've seen regular wired microphones (which oddly enough tend to look like old fashioned microphones even though the wireless ones look modern) hooked up to speakers.

That being said, at no point does the show dive into how these things work. They could be technological or they could be magical, or they could be some sort of combination of the two.

The only canon 'video game' we've seen we don't see the screen, only a cabinet. It could be mechanical or electro-mechanical like slot machines or early arcade games.

We actually do see a screen, we just can't see what's on it. There are two other arcade machines in that scene (and a claw machine) facing the camera and they both have what appears to be glass screens. Based on the design of the cabinets, I think it's unlikely they are mechanical. The simplest explanation is they are electronic, but again they could be magical, or a mix.

Lasers you can duplicate with a properly formatted light spell, the same as X rays.

Yeah, pretty much any time we see high technology in Equestria (which is become more frequent as the show goes on) it could potentially be a magical version instead of pure technology. There's no definitive way to tell (though we can occasionally make guesses, for example, there's a chainsaw in Princess Spike and it sounds like a gas powered chainsaw. If it was electric, either by way of battery or magical battery, it would sound different)

7944801

Excellent, I look forward to both sequels

This is a really good story, I very much enjoyed reading it

8130223

Glad you enjoyed it.:twilightsmile:

I will get to the sequel... eventually. :derpytongue2:


8147342

Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

8130223 He will probably sequel the story when he is done with "The Right Man in the Wrong Place..."

8147492

Could always gather a posse to poke you with sticks

8147553

Close. :twilightsmile: I'm going to finish The Right Man in the Wrong Place... and it's as of yet unnamed sequel. Once both of those are done, I'll circle back to Into the Black's sequel.

8147638

:pinkiecrazy: I feel like constant stick poking will degrade the quality of my work.

8147884 That sound kind of counter intuitive

8147884

Fine, we'll ply you with Smarties candies and Reeses peanut butter cups and doses of your drink of choice (non-alchoholic)

Or I can just read your future chapters since I am all caught up as it is

Whichever comes first

Login or register to comment