• Member Since 31st Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 14th, 2015

Door Matt


Who's up for a nice game of Cards? Anyone?

E

Rainbow Dash's life on Earth did not begin in a cardboard box. And her human discoverer was far from the only person in her life.


Written for the More Most Dangerous Game contest, in which it placed as a finalist! Takes place before and alongside the original My Little Dashie.

Much love to the indomitable RainbowBob for his time in proof-reading.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 16 )

Good job. Have a like and a favorite.

Not bad. The section with the meteor shower had a lot of tense changes, which kind of threw me off. The writing was solid, but I feel as though there isn't a clear point point to this story.

Regardless, it was better than I was expecting.

5621251
Sounds like you weren't expecting much then. :fluttershysad:

5621726 Nah, more the fact that the original left me with a bad taste in my mouth. This is one of the few stories of the MLD genre that doesn't outright suck.

This deserves more recognition. And if this is what it's like now, then I cannot wait for the updated version.

5661701
True that. Well, we'll see just how high up it places in the contest, eventually.

This was much better than it had any right being. I really liked how you executed the concept, especially since it had no right being so entertaining. For me, it was one of those fringe stories just off top ten. Good stuff.

5690755

Obviously, I can only really speak for myself here, but I think the fact that it was a direct prequel to MLD rather than really trying to stand on its own was a mark against it in my book

Oh for sure, I was kinda afraid at the beginning if it would even be accepted, hence my surprise at seeing it become a finalist. I definitely gave the original too much respect, for the prompt anyway.
If I'd had more time, I probably would've massively expanded the "B" segments, for chucking some more fresh ideas in.

and you do a good job approximating multiple voices (which is no easy task)

Really? I hated how similar each character sounded (excluding the little girl) when I went back through it. Maybe I was mistaken...

This is a pretty good story! Maybe "story" is the wrong word, but it's a good something. All the voices are pretty distinctive.

Check the Sarah Giggs section; it's missing paragraph breaks, and 9-11 should be 9-1-1 unless you're talking about the Twin Towers. You use underlining for emphasis in some places (which is what editors want when you submit a story to a magazine, or at least they used to), but italics in others. Couple of obscure regionalisms, too, like "different to".

It would be nice if each person was affected in some way by Dashie, whether that's a change, or bringing out some hidden part of their personality, or showing us something interesting about that person.

5712965

You use underlining for emphasis in some places (which is what editors want when you submit a story to a magazine, or at least they used to), but italics in others.

I think that's actually one of the ways I tried to distinguish the different segments, IE: the diary woman underlining an important point as that's naturally how you would do so in a diary. Trust me, I'm not amateur enough to do that in a 'pure' fic.

It would be nice if each person was affected in some way by Dashie, whether that's a change, or bringing out some hidden part of their personality, or showing us something interesting about that person.

If I hadn't rushed the whole thing for the deadline, then no doubt this would've come through a whole lot better. It's the heart and soul of the story really, but only exists as a few fractured lumps here. Still! Lessons learnt for next time, certainly.

5714053

IE: the diary woman underlining an important point as that's naturally how you would do so in a diary.

Nice! I didn't think of that.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I'm glad this is on Fimfic so I can tell you I very much liked this story and it's probably the best MLD-related thing I've ever read. :D Certainly as sequels/extensions of the original go!

5740097
Geez...you and Bad Horse saying you like this? I can't handle that!
Did you do a review? Would much like to read it if so. Nevermind, just seen your blog post. :twilightsheepish:

Cute story. You did a good job in giving all the characters unique voices. However, I find it reads more like a compilation of loosely connected vignettes, which on its own is not a bad thing, but it seems to lack some kind of central element to bind it all together. Maybe it just didn't get through for me.

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