• Member Since 7th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

Dark Avenger


"Un bon mot ne prouve rien." (Voltaire)

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It's the perfect bedtime story: the tale of a brave colt who wants to become a knight. A kingdom in peril. A loved one imprisoned. A quest to slay an evil dragon. A fight to save the world.

(Approved by Twilight's Library)

(New cover art by the fantastic Sean7700)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 32 )

I can't tell whether I like this or not.

5292059

Now that you mentioned it, me neither...

5292139
So she got, cancer? Or something? Is the dragon cancer?

5292214

Yes, or something of the kind.

Pretentious, isn't it? :ajsmug:

5292222
How do I see the spoiler?

5292226

Move your mouse over it.

5292232

I'm on an iPod :fluttercry:

5292336
Tap your finger on it.


Coughing up blood sounds like Tuberculosis to me.

5292483

Lung cancer and most cancers in the upper digestive system can cause coughing up blood.

5292222

Oh it's pretentious up the arse.

I like that.

5292504
Oh, I did not know that. Thanks!

Comment posted by Dustin Lange deleted Nov 20th, 2014

Well done. You managed to capture the feeling of a fairytale quest through the eyes of a child excellently. Which made discovering it was a metaphor... painful.
Of course, many fairytales didn't end much happier.

(goddamn it, FIMFiction spell checker. "Fairytale" is a word, but "fairytales" isn't? wtf?)

5293173

FimFic spellchecker is indeed an unpredictable beast...

Thank you for your kind words. I always wondered why the English language did not retain the original version of the phrase "...and they all lived happily ever after" (while many other languages did), i.e "... and they all lived happily until they died" (or something along those lines). Perhaps in English it has a more immediate sense of "bleakness," and I guess that could best describe what kind of feel I was going for.

I can't comment on anything anymore. I'm on internet explorer right now, god help me if this doesn't work.

I loved the story.

Ah! It worked!! Okay, okay.

Story was awesome. Metallica is awesome, even though I'm not really into the genre. I really liked the way you worked in the whole Christian anti-medicine into the story. I thought the whole analogy was at a good level of subtlety, because I felt I got most of it, but some things still left me to wonder long after I had finished reading.

I also thought the transitions between articulated and childlike narration were a little sharp sometimes, but for the most part followed a smooth pattern.

Aaaaaand inb4 this comment doesn't post (or I guess not "in" at all)

5295385

I guess this means you're in... :ajsmug:

Thank you for your kind words. The sharp changes in the style of narration were indeed a tough decision for me. Certain parts just didn't feel right without "proper" writing, even if it meant I had to sacrifice the "childlike" feel. To avoid making it too jarring, however, I tried to time these sections so that they only appear once the metaphor had already begun to unravel. In other words, the kid is "growing up" in those parts as the grim reality of the situation starts to set in for him.

Or, at least, that's my excuse... :twilightsheepish:

5295849
Yeah I could definitely tell you were aware of it, and a lot of the time those transitions were done really well, just sometimes it was rough.

You know what most people want? Stupid shit. Me, I'm smart. I want a page on TvTropes. Because, I'm clearly Superior to everyone else in every way, which means that whatever I want is instantaneously the right thing. Same thing goes with whatever I say. Don't believe me? Here's a review.

~:ajsmug:
This next part isn't really the review, I'm just having fun. You'll know when the real review starts.

...in a land far, far away, there lived a king and queen. They weren't like most other kings or queens in stories because their castle wasn't very big, and they weren't very rich. Their kingdom was nothing to brag about either. But they were happy, because they had everything they could ever need.

Aww... that's sweet.~:heart:

I was their son. The proud prince of our castle. This is my tale.

I already hate this story.:ajbemused:

Mommy would always smile. Daddy would make her smile. Seeing them smile made me and my little sister smile. We were happy every single day. Living together in our little kingdom, surrounded by ponies just as happy as we were, sharing all the love and joy life could give.

You are so lucky I have a thing against killing children.

But one day, mommy disappeared.

Ah, jamming the knife into my heart early I see. Saves me time I suppose.

This would be my challenge to earn my title as a knight: slay the dragon and rescue my mother so our kingdom could be happy again.

I can already feel this ending horribly.

I was joined by a mighty warrior at the gate. He wore bright white armor and a strange medallion around his neck. Sometimes, I would even see him put on a blue mask over his mouth. He said it protects him from evil forces.

His weapon was strange too. It wasn't like any knight's sword I've ever seen. It had a long handle with a small blade at the end. Very very sharp, as he told me. When I asked if such a weird blade could help us at all, he said it's a special one. It releases the dragon from its victims and can cut through its thick hide.

Oh, look's like I totally called it being cancer. Fuck.

"We needed magic, but... She wouldn't let us..."

You stupid bitch! Now you're dead, your children are scarred for life and I'm fucking depressed. Fuck you.


*sniffle*

Okay, so... This was sad and tragic and fuck you for making me read this. Prose was good and I particularly liked the hospital and the doctor being described through the child's eyes.

Rating: :raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair::raritydespair:/5

Fave Line:

I was joined by a mighty warrior at the gate. He wore bright white armor and a strange medallion around his neck. Sometimes, I would even see him put on a blue mask over his mouth. He said it protects him from evil forces.

Final Verdict: I am not crying, jackass!


*sniffle*

5326426

Someone should write a story about how every time one writes (or draws, composes, etc.) about something that's emotionally engaging for them, it dies within them the moment the work is finished.

I already hate this story.:ajbemused:

When I first thought of doing this story, the premise almost made me cry. But now, that line is literally the only reaction that I can imagine people having to it, i.e "this is a pretentious piece of trash trying desperately to tug at my heartstrings." It's as though any emotional attachment I had were yanked right out of my soul, and your (real) reaction almost feels awkward.

If someone were to turn that phenomenon into a good story, it would make me cry like a lil' bitch...

Anyway, thanks for the review! :raritywink:

5326482 Pretentious or not, this was well written.

I told you not to give me a Sagedy fic.

5326523

I told you not to give me a Sagedy fic.

I must confess, I totally forgot to read that part in your thread... :twilightsheepish:

This is a bit awkward...

5326770 Is 'k.:twilightsmile:




So... since it is awkward part of the evening....

You want to sex me up review one of my fics? I'm sorry it's just.... comment whore....
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/022/0/6/sheepish_fluttershy_by_flutterwry95-d4nah8q.png

Living dangerously, I see. Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/j8cG26r.png

I wrote a review of this story! It can be found here.

6216284

Thank you for the review! :twilightsmile:

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