Let’s Enjoy This Moment Like It's Our Last, Twilight!
“Come on, Twilight! Don’t be so grumpy!”
“...”
“I can clearly see you frowning from here. Smile a little!”
“Rainbow.”
“Yes?”
“Something tells me this isn’t an appropriate moment to smile.”
“There’s always a reason to smile!”
“I hate you so much right now.”
“Oh please, you know it could be worse!”
“There is literally nothing that could make this any worse!”
“Pfft, you’re just exaggerating. It’s not nearly that bad.”
“Dash, please, tell me one thing: What could possibly make this situation any worse? Just one thing.”
“Well… We could be on fire.”
“...”
“Right?”
“Yes. We could be on fire. That truly helps a lot, Rainbow.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“But it would make the situation worse!”
“Rainbow…”
“And I wasn’t even getting started! We could be covered in acid! Or in alligators! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, alligators could be eating alive us while they’re covered in acid! And on fire!”
“You’re having a grand time out of this, aren’t you?”
“WOOHOO, ACID ALLIGATORS ON FIRE!”
“Dash, we would still die!”
“Well, yes. But we’d be eaten, corroded, burnt in midair, and then meet the ground! The whole package and not just the yaddah yaddah that comes at the very end!”
“The what now?”
“A painful, horrible death; an impact so extreme it would leave our bodies mutilated well past any possible recognition, leaving only a mess of blood, broken bones, and guts behind in the middle of a huge crater and ten yards surrounding it, bringing horror and misery to our loved ones and pure, indescribable pain that will last for less than a nanosecond, yet feel like an eon to us.”
“…”
“What?”
“Okay, uh, so… completely disregarding the circumstances here, when exactly did you learn how to form sentences with more than three words, and what in the name of Celestia was that about, Rainbow?”
“Dunno. I read that on a cereal box once. Sounded kinda catchy.”
“…Catchy.”
“Yeah! ~A painfuuuuuul, hoooooorible deeeaaath~”
“DON’T REPEAT IT!”
“But why? It rolls so easy off your tongue! It’s a good song!”
“It doesn’t even rhyme! It’s the absolute opposite of a good song! It’s the absolute opposite of anything good!”
“You’re boring. I’m bored.”
“WE ARE FALLING TO OUR DEATHS! HOW IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA CAN YOU BE BORED?!”
“Who’s being the party pooper here? Why do you always party poop on so many parties?”
“I’M NOT PARTY POOPING ANYTHING HERE!”
“Technically speaking, you kind of are. It’s a nice song.”
“DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THIS SITUATION CALLS FOR SINGING?!”
“There’s always a reason to sing! That what Pinkie used to say anyway. Man, I wish Pinkie was here.”
“…”
“Like, she would have party hats! And party horns!”
“You do realize that’d mean Pinkie would die, right? Like, you’re aware of the consequences.”
“The party horns would make neat sounds!”
“…What in Equestria is wrong with you?”
“Toot!”
“I really want to punch you right now. Like, right in the muzzle.”
“Yeah, that would probably make a funny sound too! But you are not going to punch me, right?”
“No. Because I can’t reach you from here.”
“But would violence even solve anything, Twilight? We’re still falling to our deaths. Pain would only make things worse.”
“Oh, sure, now you’re being reasonable about the whole thing. Of course.”
“Yeah, the cereal box is probably right. The end result doesn’t differ.”
“Well, yes, but I would get some last satisfaction before everything ends.”
“Everything is ending?”
“We’re falling to our deaths, Dash.”
“…Wait… we’re falling?”
“THAT’S THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE CONVERSATION WE’VE BEEN HAVING FOR THE LAST TEN MINUTES NOW, RAINBOW!”
“Huh. Funny, I didn’t notice.”
“WHAT THE LUNA IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”
“Dunno. How did this whole thing happen anyway?”
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”
“Look, there’s a reason why my short-term memory is the one thing I don’t brag about.”
“THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS YOUR FAULT!”
“That would be a far more impressive sentence if my Dad hadn’t said the very same thing every other minute when I was still a foal. Your yelling is C-grade at best, Twilight.”
“ARE YOU EVEN– Hold on. You used to fall to your death over and over again with your dad as a child?”
“I was always a very active pony.”
“How are you even alive?”
“Born lucky.”
“Sigh. Dash, if that were the case, I don’t think you would’ve ran head-first into me.”
“Pfft, as if headbutting your flank is dangerous.”
“It kind of is. Once you rammed into me we fell down the stairs, my shoes fell off, and your head bumped every single stair.”
“Blame pony anatomy for our giant heads.”
“And of course you just happened to push us both into a bunch of test tubes filled with an experimental teleportation potion.”
“Heh, it’s funny how these things happen!”
“…Yes. Funny. That’s the perfect word to describe it. Not ‘accidental murder’ or anything. Just ‘funny’. Your observation skills are legendary, Rainbow.”
“Speaking of which, I can’t help but notice that your wings are gone, Twi.”
“That was the result of the potion being experimental. My horn doesn’t work either.”
“I see. And, uhm, why are my wings no longer working either?”
“It was a really experimental potion.”
“Ah, okay. And, uhm, why exactly do you brew potions that teleport ponies and make horns and wings useless?”
“I can’t stress how much experimentality was in those potions.”
“But–”
“Don’t question experimental science, Rainbow!”
“Hey, I’m not doing that! I’d never do that! Another cereal box song was pretty clear about that. ~Expeeeeriments muuutilate us, buuut thaaat's fiiiiine because scieeeeence~”
“As I said earlier, part of me really wants to bring pain to your face. However, now an even bigger part really wants to bring pain to the very existence of whoever printed those texts onto cereal boxes.”
“Pretty sure it’s the factory that made those boxes, Twilight.”
“Yes. Thank you for unfolding that mystery, Dash.”
“Always welcome. ~Blooood, broken boooones, and guuuuts~”
“STOP SINGING!”
“Look, if we both know there’s nothing we can do about this situation anyway, you should at least let me enjoy my last minutes, Twilight.”
“YOUR JOY IS DIRECTLY CONVERTED INTO MY MISERY, RAINBOW!”
“And that’s what friendship was all about last time I checked! ~A huuuuge crater aaand ten yaaaards surrounding iiiit~”
“Memo to myself for the last few minutes I’m going to live on Equestria: Rainbow Dash has officially gone insane and should be avoided under any circumstances…”
“~Bringing hooooorror and miiiiisery to our looooved oooones~”
“…in the afterlife too.”
“Man, Chainsaws Crunchies are truly the best cereals that ever existed!”
“Sigh. I won’t even question that name. Just… please stop talking about them.”
“You should try them.”
“Pretty sure the situation kind of disallows it.”
“True enough, but if we had two bowls, milk, and Chainsaw Crunchies I would share it with you.”
“...”
“Because we’re friends. Remember?”
“And I think I would politely decline, Rainbow. I’m experiencing justified agony at the moment.”
“Come on! Why are you being such a chicken about a little falling to death? Have you ever cut yourself when clipping your hoof nails? That is agony.”
“Thankfully, I never needed nail clippers. I have magic.”
“Had. Now you’re just a fancy earth pony. But yeah, trust me on this: you should be glad. I don’t have a nail clipper with me anyway.”
“Yes, what a tragedy. I’m sure there is nothing I would’ve done rather in the last few minutes of my life than clipping my hoof nails and eating a bowl of Chainsaw Crunchies while falling to my death.”
“I could think of more entertaining ways to enjoy my last moments with somepony else. Talking about shared memories, for example. Remember when I headbutted your flank into experimental teleportation potions and we fell to our deaths?”
“Yes. Yes, I remember. It happened today. It’s why we’re going to die.”
“Aaah. Those were truly the best of times.”
“…”
“Well, looks like we’re almost there. Hey, if we survive, we can be room mates in the hospital!”
“Dear Princess Celestia, please make it quick and painless…”
“I’ll make sure to get you some Chainsaw Crunchies then!”
“…at least for one of us.”
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Yaaay it's back!
good story brah
Umm.. this is a good story, don't get me wrong, I genuinely really like it, but Rainbow seems TOTALLY out of character. I kept imagining pinkie instead of rainbow in her place. Maybe if you changed the dialogue a bit, you could make it pinkie falling with twilight. I still commend you, good sir, for the excellent story! 8/10 pinkies for you!
/10
5193475
I could find an excuse for that—like the potions having brainwashed her—but let's be honest: All of my dialogue-only fics are lacking show-ready character quality. Then again, that's kinda the point.
Freaking golden, man. Freaking golden. I might, uh, reference this in a story of mine later.
Ok. This is the first story I've by you, so I didn't know that. Thanks for the explanation!
That was amusing. And likeable. Likeable enough for a like in fact. I love it when people write random stuff
Welp, that was a hilarious story. I haven't been doing a whole lot of reading lately, but this was worth it.
Now for the obligatory highlight reel:
And of course everything to do with the cereal boxes...
I'll just stop now, since otherwise I'd quote the whole fic.
This story is dark, comedy gold!
That was pretty wonderful.
I'm sorry, but Rainbow Dash can be unsympathetic, but to this level is just mean and cruel to Twilight. Sorry. Also, they died from re entry or something because you literally cannot drop from any height you will be conscious from without having hit terminal velocity and dying in ten minutes. Sorry, just my curiosity got the better of me on how this could be happening, and I really don't like the explanation or just making stories to watch ponies die.
5193867
Sorry you didn't like it. However, I was hoping the reader would realize that this fic is neither meant to be taken seriously, nor the characters or situation displayed. It's a common theme with random-comedy (though not always a valid excuse, I know).
At least you had the courage to stay and leave a comment, and I thank you for that.
5193923 I get that, and though I still downvoted, this would be something that might intrigue me to read more of your writing as it was well written. Unfortunately, I don't read too much on this site. I think my biggest problem is the pointless pony death. At some point I believe some subjects need to be shown their proper respect, and honestly I don't even think Twilight pays it proper respect because she gets enraged instead of depressed. I'm really just saying that even a small nod to what was actually happening to them would have made me happier. Of course, I also just despise the idea of turn your brain off enjoyment, which happens a lot in random comedy too.
5193949
Dude, it's a random comedy. It's a play on the surrealism of the situation -- while facing death, both Twilight and Dash react in a way that's definitely not how any normal person/pony/whatever would react.
That's literally the joke. Having Twilight depressed here would be both jarring and against the entire point of the story. This isn't even black comedy per se, it's just playing with ridiculos temes. There's paying respect to certain themes, and then there's just not getting the story at any level.
5194021 I suppose, it just doesn't seem right to me. No real story, no real acknowledgement to what is happening, and honestly, what doesn't feel like the characters all to lead to a stupidly long fall and then death just doesn't entertain me. It was well written though, and I will give the author that.
If you like this kind of story, please check mine out called "At The Very Top".
5194728
Please don't advertise your stories. Especially not on other stories.
Okay, that was funny, and now I really want to know what happened next. Kudos to you sir
, and curse you for leaving me hanging.
I think that potion had so much experimental in it that it made Dash nuts. In addition to taking away wings and stopping horns from working that is.
5195862
This is what happens next.
"Oh god this was a fun story." Was exactly what I said to myself when I finished reading this story.
Very funny story, but one thing: Why is Dash insane?
5197465
If I had to rationally find a reason for that, the answer would probably be that she's a pegasus and doesn't connect extreme heights with danger. However, as I mentioned before, this story is not meant to be taken seriously.
SLAYEEEEEER!!!!!
At the chainsaw -
Chainsaw buffet
The secret ingredient screams
You're my main course
At the chainsaw buffet
Boiling your blood 'till it steams
Saw the party pooper part, couldn't help but thing of
Demented story, loved it.
Maybe it actually is Pinkie Pie, and the experimental potions ended up making everyone, including herself, perceive her as Rainbow Dash, which is why her wings seem to still be there but don't work.
... I have no words. It's too funny. Can't breathe. Help!
What is the password for the draft?
6446295 It's just password. Yeah, I know, very creative.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Px6bBdGun4o
This was hilarious!
I actually got the idea that Dash might be doing this purposefully in order to stop Twilight from panicking. Clearly it worked, but Dash will probably be facing some consequences for that in the afterlife.
I swear, Rainbow is more random than Pinkie these days
7616350
Seeing as how Rainbow has crashed into mountains and been fine, I doubt she's going to die because of this. Twilight, on the other hand?