• Member Since 5th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

TheNewYorkBrony


The name's Dash. (Previously Ronnie) And I write humanized pony stories. Welcome to my humble page.

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It's been a while since Twilight stepped foot into Canterlot High, six months in fact. And now that she's back, she's got something that will change Sunset forever.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 56 )

* transpired

Other'n that, great short.

5181621 thank you. I fixed it. :)

That was fast, wow. I'll definitely have a read this evening after work.
(Artist here who made the cover image :) Fringe on reddit pointed me here - happy to see it.

http://fav.me/d83xy6x for the full-size of the pic, if anyone's interested.

5182105 oh I forgot to put your source, im sorry. Dx

5182113 Ah, no prob. =) I really want to read this now, but docs for the doc-god at work here.

...Is it bad that I shed tears when I was reading this? :pinkiesad2:

Cute, but who's Sunlight? :rainbowhuh:

I dunno.

I want to like this. The cover art provided a pretty fantastic concept to work with. And you provided some nice followup and background for the concept.

But...

For starters, your dialogue punctuation is pretty miserable. On that note, I'd recommend grabbing an editor and giving this story a clean sweep to fix the fairly numerous grammatical errors.

The second issue is that the story felt lacking. It seemed like you were telling us more than you were showing us. And in a story like this, showing has much more impact than telling.

So while I liked where you took the concept and such, the execution wasn't quite there. There's plenty of potential, though.

5182207 its the ship name for Twilight and Sunset. Haha

Element of Trust or Integrity maybe?

so, many, d'aaaawwwwwwsssss!!!!!! :rainbowkiss::heart::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile::scootangel:

Nice, but at the end, I'd have emphasized the white star behind the pink one in he design, showing the seven stars that were already there, just that one was hard to see. But that said, nice fic, and I'm glad you took the time to put a story to the picture. Not for nothing, but I enjoy those types of stories greatly!

5182792 more like the element of Redemption

5182950 Either Redemption or Forgiveness. But yeah, definitely one of those two.

And then suddenly EQG Twilight bursts in through the doors wondering why somebody who looks exactly like her is hugging on someone who looks exactly like her rival EQG Shimmer...:moustache:

I wish this would become canon! :pinkiesad2:

5183251 Doooo iiiiit, you know you want to......

:rainbowkiss:

It kind of looks like Sunset is eating her own hand in the cover art until zoomed in. Anyways good story

5183389 Agreed, yeah. What's even funnier was when my daughter (8) was looking over my shoulder and asking me to turn various layers on/off in Inkscape just to see how it'd affect things. At one point I turned off the left arm, so it was just the cuff in front of her face - that was some serious nightmarefuel, as it looked like some horror movie face, heh.

Also, I've finally found a good opportunity to read this, and it is indeed very heartwarming. =) I like the invitation at the end, leaving it up to future work here or by the show's staff on whether or how she acts on it. I've toyed with the idea of whether Sunny should actually get an "element". In my mind it would revolve around just how much stake the Tree had/has in the whole system and how flexible its characteristics are.

Not sure if the version I'm reading now incorporates any of csquared's feedback, but I think it flows nicely and does a fair job of setting the scene - but I'm by no means well versed in writing and such. Regardless - hope you take his notes there as critique vs criticism, as it all looks like good advice. ;)

5182950
I'm not buying the mysterious new element thing. It doesn't really make any sense. I get that it's AU, but that would imply that there's always been a 7th element which is confusing. It all breaks down if you new "elements" show up arbitrarily.

The story feels a bit short and abrupt and it seems kind of weird for Celestia to be letting Twilight make determinations about when to give Sunset a letter.

5184033 well how else would have Sunset been able to fight along side them of she didnt have an element? Also Twilight is the princess of friendship. Celestia feels like this sort of thing is int Twilight's jurisdiction, not hers.

Lovely. Really captured the same feeling from the fanart, in my opinion. Thanks for writing this :pinkiehappy:

5184728
To be honest, the whole 'princess of friendship' thing strikes me as kid show BS. It feels to shallow to have much validity as well as a bit like a last minute slap on label. Especially since, unlike Cadence, Twilight doesn't appear have any special "friendship magic".

I guess there's a clash between the message the show is trying to push and the apparent reality that friendship != magic. Neither Tirek, Discord, Sombra, or Trixie needed friendship to make their magic work. My best guess is the elements of harmony require, well, harmony. Sunset is somehow providing/generating harmony or at least acting as a conduit for it in a moment when the others have become disharmonious. You don't need an element to have harmony. The bearers seem to be tied to the elements, but they can't use them if they are personally disharmonious.

So it wasn't just me when I noticed RD was being a complete jerk to AJ the entire movie. Good to know.

5182950

hmm that doesn't fell like it fits with the others .Maybe The element of Faith?

This was a great little story. I loved it! :pinkiehappy: This was a very good friendshipping fic.

Also nothing wrong with more Sunlight. It is a wonderfully fun ship with lots of possibilities to it.

5182950 I'm not sure if that would be Sunset's element, but it could be anything. I hope it isn't the element of Redemption because the element applies to a part of the bearer's personality that is usually there in some way. If she was the element of redemption that would be rather depressing. it would mean she was always trying to redeem herself and thus she would never forgive herself and this would limit her growth with the others eventually. Redemption is different from learning from one's mistakes. Maybe instead she could be the element of experience, wisdom, insight or something. Again I'm not sure.

Personally I think of Sunset as the EQG Element of magic. She just has to learn a lot from the Equestrian element of magic first. I mean there are separate elements for the EQG world. The beaers just happen to be the human versions of Twilight's friends. Sunset would make for a great EQG element of Magic I think. Especially since I highly doubt EQG Twilight could ever be the element of magic. She is way too scientific it seems from the brief shot we had of her after the credits. She would never be able to fully grasp the concept of magic as anything other than fairy tale, even if she saw it used right in front of her. We might find out differently in the third movie or if they ever do make an animated series out of EQG.

Awh!

This was lovely. Great short story. The potential for another few chapters is there.
Maybe you could? Pwease? For your readers? :)

5205515
Concur. Sequel or continuation time! :pinkiehappy:

5186032
Friendship = magic in no way means that ONLY friendship = magic. There are other things that do, but in the end friendship is the best way. Thats what. As for the "New Element" thing, I'll agree, not a big fan.
But if it was to be a thing, I do like the Integrity option put forth by 5182792

5207587
No. Just no. Friendship != magic, it might be "magical" in a qualitative sense but it is not in and of itself magic in the sense of actual power over the universe.

5186032
Interesting. Especially when you consider Sunset's cutie mark resembles the Tao symbol.

Her element is probably the element of forgiveness or something. But now that there are seven elements, what happens when equestria is attacked again and one of them is still on earth?

I would imagine she would be forgiven now. I wonder if this will be addressed in any canon episode or movie yet to come?

5221761 Yeah, they better do something like that in the show.

I wasn't sure about this story right up until Celestia's letter. When I heard Nichole Oliver's voice as I read it, I knew that you were onto something when it comes to characterisation. Well done on this!

i have a mighty need for more sunset shimmer!

The seventh star that appears here could also be the seventh star that appeared around Twilight's Cutie Mark in Magical Mystery Cure, right?

One issue I feel is wording. I can't feel Celestia saying "beat yourself up". I'm sure there's a more elegant way to put that, even for being private and casual.

Everyone must have seconds changes...No matter how evil theiy are :pinkiesad2:

OHMYGOSH! So AWESOME! *Sniffle* 'Scuse me while I go let out tears of joy!

Unghh...
My feels have been chrushed and my heart is hurting from all the feels:fluttershyouch:

Story was just so good:heart:

Her element should be the Element of Forgiveness.

Imagine at the finale of one season, we take a shot of Twilight's castle. She enters the Mirror Room and rubs the wonderful machine, hopeing to hear from Sunset. As she touches the machine, some dust rises and causes Twilight to sneeze. Right as she does, you hear Sunset going 'bless you' from the library nearby, scaring the wits out of Twily

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