• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

DEI Caboose


Twilight Sparkle regrets a lot of decisions. Not spending more time with her family. Wasting away in a library rather than being out making friends, among other things. But when she can she attempts to make right what she feels she has done wrong.

And an opportunity to do that has presented itself.

When her friends return from Manehatten having encountered a former enemy, Twilight sets off in search of somepony Great and Powerful, to do what she feels she should have done a long time ago.

Sometimes though, the damage done can't be repaired, mistakes aren't forgiven, and the opportunity passes by.

Takes place after Season 4.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 27 )

Very well written

This is fantastic. I loved reading the expression of bitterness... the slow process of Twilight perhaps seeing where Trixie is coming from... And ultimately... the way Twilight ignored that, trying to give friendship a try anyway, and the light of hope right at the end.

It's not in the spirit of the show... but I agree that it was quite a lot more thoughtful than if it had gone for the happy ending. The notion that Twilight doesn't get things her way for once was particularly interesting.

As well as the "where was your friendship when I needed it the most" bit. Painfully true. Twilight really does come across as a fair-weather friend-wannabe for only coming to Trixie once her life is back on track, doesn't she? Boast Busters had a lot of bad writing and its only real redeeming point was giving us Best Pony, but what really irked me the most was how Twilight watched the now homeless and destitute Trixie flee into the night, and the only thing she could say was "Maybe she'll learn her lesson someday." :facehoof::trixieshiftleft:

Good story.

5051697 I suppose I just felt that the standard ending these types of stories have have been done and they've been done well, that, and a depressingly bleak ending to me just isn't a good read, I'm more of a fan of the impossible to find middle-ground.

Thanks by the way, loved To Romance A Magician.

5051804 I'm reminded of the moral of The Return Of Harmony: "Friendship isn't easy, but it's worth fighting for." Happy endings are nice, but they're even nicer when the characters have to work for it, with lots of struggle, conflict and obstacles.

(Which is incidentally why nopony got any lucky breaks in Romance; I wanted them to earn their happy ending. Glad to hear you liked it.)

i like the moral you were going for here, but i think i might have liked it if i didn't know the comic story this is a sequel to. in that, Trixie, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy become friends fairly quickly despite all they've been through, so Trixie's reasoning here doesn't make any sense. i can definitely see there being more hesitant to be Twilight's friend, but her hostility here doesn't add up given how you've set up the story. also, Twilight's life may have been easy, but she has definitely earned what she has. and persona or no, Trixie was kind of a bitch to Applejack and Rainbow Dash when she first showed up, so that's no excuse.

this was a good story, don't get me wrong, but Trixie was off on a lot of the things she said.

5052322 Originally it tied in with the comic a lot more, I distanced it specifically because of those reasons, it just provided an ideal set up.

She was drinking though, and we haven't really seen her or Twilight interact together since Magic Duel so who knows, I just don't think Trixie would get over everything just like that, the grudge against Twilight in particular. Plus people will always try to justify themselves against others who they feel have wronged them, even if their logic is flawed.

Thanks by the way.

5052462 don't mention it. and i apologize if i came across too strong, but Twilight is and always shall be best pony to me, so i tend to take attacks against her more personally than i should

Very well done.

You don't use enough commas and you need to use italics to express thought, not apostrophes/single quotation marks. The story itself was fine, but I'm a Twixie fan, so I didn't really enjoy it, didn't capture the spirit of the characters as I see them.

‘I own her
owe. Or else things are really more complicated than expected.

strange, she not

responding to Trixies
Who wouldn't respond to plural Trixies! (Trixie's)

that Trixies comment

a princess I’m
Think we need a comma or a period after princess.

classist wine
Classist wine! Only for noble blood! None for lower classes! (classiest)

looking this side
in this

Trixie gaze lock

through her off

I though…”
thought..." or though-" if she's getting cut off. And.. that might need to be one of the other dash types, which I don't recall how to make appear on a standard keyboard. Someone with more specialized writing skills could point that out. Bleh, dash types.

bit her tough
tongue. Perhaps it was a tough tongue, though.

Trixie look

Trixies interruption

deadpanned look
If someone has 'deadpanned,' it usually refers to saying something in a flat manner. A deadpan expression, or look in this case, was probably what you wanted.

maintain the allusion!
al·lu·sion, noun
an expression designed to call something to mind without mentioning it explicitly; an indirect or passing reference.
...Had to look that one up, but I think you mean illusion. Unless she's alluding to heroic figures in general.

with you, you’ve
..Could make that comma a period. Since they're separate ideas. But it's a connected whole, so that's fuzzy.

Twilight grip, it
Another possible period. Also, Twilight's grip

think your just

Move that period inside the quote (You do that a few times)

you can see

“Oh ... now!”
That line is a quote within a quote, so you might be better served with single quotes, so you can still end with regular quotation marks.

her natural high to tower
Dude... it's like.. shyeah... ya know? :duck:
(Probably her natural height)

Twilights gaze.

the worlds all sunshine’s
world's (World is) all sunshine

whisk of her drink
...I wasn't able to even find slang mentions of this phrase. Shot of her drink? Sip of her drink? Slug of her drink?

You grow a castle,
grow up in a castle, Although she did technically grow a castle, it happened after she got her title.

think your some

expert, I was
Pretty sure that's another period waiting to happen. Separated thoughts.

“I changed Trixie!
:trixieshiftleft: The logic in this entire quote seems off. But... well, maybe that's what was intended? :trixieshiftright:

because were not

Trixie ear

face, she signed
Think that's another period contender. Also, sighed.

the site of
:trixieshiftleft: Well... She's taking in the sight of the bottle... but she's also taking in the site of the bar as it appears now... Unsure if need fix. But usually you take in a sight, as in what you see, not a site as in a location.

glass, with
Another period contender.

her, while

went, the

defeated hast.

out, “I use

exhaustion, she

from, her

Also, a WHOLE LOT of commas leading into quotes that could be periods, but I'm less good about that rule, so I'll let a professional like MythrilMoth handle it.

Overall? Good story.
Things I question: Trixie's reaction at the end. Purplesmart's entirely dense and self serving logic. (Seriously? You make a statement without intent of someone hearing it? To.. make yourself feel better about a deserved failing?)

Have a thumb and a curious hovering, waiting to see what else you do.

5054556 i.ytimg.com/vi/2hlu0qd1Huc/hqdefault.jpg

I am very very lazy. I've had this story effectively done for months, I rushed the last portion of it just to get it out, simply because my ideas are backing up. I should probably look into proof-readers.

Anywho, I just felt compelled to reply, wouldn't exactly be decent of me to not acknowledge the effort and time you took. Generally find that quotes and period placements are my weakest point... also spelling :facehoof:


Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

5051644 Where did you get the icon for your avatar?

5057626 just type in mlp warhammer chaos raptor

Somehow this story is... Refreshing.

I like it. Something that I hadn't seen before. A fic that focuses on the possibility of failure.

Thank you for it.

I enjoyed the story. Even if, to me, Indifference is not appropriate to Trixie's character (on the contrary, she seems to me someone that tends to care too much). I like the concept of her not "redeeming" (as, actually, I never understood from what she should redeem herself), and of not everything going Twilight's way . I only found this Trixie a little too thoughtful and not enough prone to get herself into troubles comparedo to the character I like the most.

This story's concept is something I think Maud Pie fumbled a bit on. That no matter what, there are some people you just can't make friends with. That episode kinda copped out on that concept, forcing friendship towards the end.

I find Trixie's characterization here to be rather low key and bitter. Not that she can never be this way, just that it seems inappropriate due to the time period you place it in.

I do like this confrontation though. It's something I doubt the show runners will ever tackle, but that's why I read fanfiction. This kind of encounter was unpleasant, but it at least allowed Twilight and Trixie to get everything out in the open. And I can see why Twilight would find it irksome that she's the Princess of Friendship, yet there's one pony out there that doesn't want to be her friend.

I'd also come to Twilight's defense in that many things were handed to her, BUT, she's worked just as hard for the things she's earned. Just like Trixie has. There's common ground there and the last moments of this piece give some hope that these two will come to some understanding in the future.

A good introspective piece!

Trixie just told Twilight off in one of the greatest ways I've ever had the joy of reading.
Liked and fav'd.

I thought I commented on this...

Anyway, great story. It's... actually kinda satisfying to see Twilight get rejected like this.

Wow, I didn't expect that. A sequel would be much appreciated, though considering when this was released, that likely won't happen. :fluttershysad:

You know, when you think about it, Trixie does have a bit of a point in her argument that Twilight is a privileged pony. Like she said in the story:

“You’ve been surrounded by ponies with influence your entire life Sparkle, a rich uncle here, a Princess foal sitter there, you have no idea what it’s like to be alone”.

As much as Twilight has worked and fought for her place in the world, you've got to admit that she's had every. possible. advantage one could ask for on her way there. Born and raised in Canterlot, the capital of Equestria and most prestigious city in the country, accepted into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, beCAME said princess' personal protege, destined to be the Element of Magic; like it or not, Twilight's had the odds stacked in her favor from the very beginning.

Comment posted by Shrubb deleted Aug 16th, 2018

I liked this story. It's a bit different from what show taught us to expect. It's darker, less "lets forgive each others mistakes and become friends", but not without a glimmer of hope at the end. :)

Could I ask what comic are you referring to? Is it one of MLP official comics or a fancomic?


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