Rainbow Dash has almost always habored feelings for her lavender friend, but she also is hesitant to tell her. After finding out that Twilight is sick she makes it her goal to see her get better, and maybe even tell her the truth.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 17th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2022
nutcase4real
The rarest and mightiest possession of the human spirit can only be discovered by means of story and by no other process of thinking; to know all this and to have it as your own is to have much.
nutcase4real
Joined 17th Aug, 2013 ·
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Writing could use some work, as could the general detail in your descriptions, but it's not too bad. Will track for adorable Twidash.
Oh my gosh¡¡ You are awesome¡¡¡ I must add this to favorites :3
This was adorable, and the entire concept was well-written. I do have a few qualms with it, though.
Spelling could use some work; it's not a big deal, but it makes a difference if the reader has to mentally correct what they're reading. Misspelled words can pull someone out of their immersion.
Pacing is okay for what this is; Dash already knew that she was in love with Twilight, and all that it took was her working up to telling her. After that? Well, it's up to you, as the writer, to decide whether or not Twilight loves Raibow back.
All in all? I think this deserves a thumbs up, at least. You're good, and you're only going to get better! Keep it up!
NEW CANON: Dash has fat eyes.
You should really find a beta reader. "Appeljack?" "Poniville?" Really?
You've got a decent premise here, but your pacing is too fast at best and all over the place at worst. I highly recommend you check out the numerous pre-reader groups on the site and find people who specialize in syntax and plot structure.
Good luck in your future endeavors!
Very cute and adorable, let's see how this goes.
Very well done i liked it and it was rather fun to read.
Can almost not wait for the next chapter,
~Tobben
cute.
I have to ask though
did you mean bacon?
Cute tho a little fast phased for me. I dont know it just fealt like Dash was teleporting or something, might just be me tho.
Good chapter looking forward to the date chapter.
~Tobben
Looking good! More please (now)!
4489741 The speed makes sense to me. Twilight is totally logic based, so since she knows that they both love each other, she see's no reason to go slow, and Rainbow never goes slow.
The end of a great fic is here!
Only one issue:
To should be two
-Twilight_Scratch
4511945
Oopsies! Fixed it, thank you.
Good fic, like it.
Also check...
I think, this should be you're/you are
Dash seems super perverted.
Yep, that's about right.
I was using all my willpower not to let out a squeal (or whatever you call it) during the whole spikexsweetie belke kiss.
My cheeks hurt now.
for all intents and purposes
Sentences not starting with capital letters, use of excessive punctiation after end quotes (all punctuation involving quotes go INSIDE the quotation marks).
Other than that, not much to mention. It's alright, if a bit rushed in feel.
4643956
Intensive- adj.
of, pertaining to, or characterized by intensity.
-intensive questioning
Sorry, just felt like I had to defend myself a little bit here.
That was an amazing story. I can't believe what this fandom produces out of it's ass sometimes. :D But anyways, I think it was a little but fast, but other than that, it was great! Thanks for making this!
Foot note - Purple Dictionary Pony is best pony
5263884
Well thank you, you're too kind. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it.
I definitely did, I can't stop reading Twidash now. i mean, i've been into it for years now, but I stopped for a while...
But the story was great and I had fun reading it.
I really enjoyed this story. It felt a little fast at the beginning, but the characters' personalities somewhat fit it in the long run. Just one quick thing. The last word "lifes" should be changed to "lives." But other than that, great job!
I think I just got an overdose of cute on that fic, so have a
on me.
I really enjoyed it. The pacing was a little fast for me, but I think it works well given the circumstances of the story. Also, maybe try to put a little more depth into the dialogue exchanges. Otherwise, stellar story, hope to see more from you in the future!
"intensive purposes"
derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/16/498495/full.gif
Dammit, Spike ruining all the fun
6111726 Holy jeebus, if looks could kill, I'd be in whatever is below hell.
No obvious wingboner-and-doorway joke, minus 20% of coolness
Good one, will check others
Loved it!
I'm loving it so far and it's only the first chapter.I can't wait to read forward. and as for the authors note saying to tell you if there is any mistakes there was only a few words that had an extra letter but we still know what your trying to say
6959837
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read the story. I really hope you enjoyed it.
6968633 loved it
This is your first chapter!?!?! Well done I am loving this so far.
Loving this story I wish all fanfics were this long and good.
Loving your story I hope you make more
There was only one thing I want in this story and that's more chapters. I love it.
You keep writing the word "lifes" when it should be "lives."
Just can't bear to lose...
...best days of our lives!
Life = single life
Lives = multiple lives
Bacon
You know, the first chapter here got me thinking of contagions. Whatever's not a Unicorn has to handle things with both mouth and hooves (and possibly wings). And if somepony's sick, then who ever that handles the sick pony's things with their mouth would get sick as well. The poor Earth Pony Staff at the hospital... For a moment I thought RD would end up being sick herself the next chapter.
Anyways, this sure was a nice little fic here. Though the Sweetie x Spike seemed a little quick, but I guess some kids are a little impulsive. And Sweetie Belle was brought up by the romantic Rarity, so...
Okay, fine, sure, but dragons age differently than most other species in most forms of media. Are we saying that they don't here? Are we saying that Rarity is speciesist? Are we saying that Spike is extremely mature for his age (if he's a baby, then how can he write? How can he write? How can he speak fluently enough to be understood? How can he understand the concept of dating?)
Don't do it, Spike!
Rarity's a no-good speciesist!
9908075
I honestly didn't think people still read this story. Thanks for the read and the critique I now see just how terrible I made Rarity seem. I should've had a better explanation than that. Especially sense Twilight hatched Spike when she was just a dolly so chronologically he's maybe 2-4 years younger than her. So with that in mind, in this story, Rarity is a speciest. I am planning a rewrite if you have any suggestions/advice.
Squee! This is so cute!
you know twilight, if rainbow gets sick you two can say in bed together, every hour, of every day
6360149
spike should just move in with rarity
3 hours later...