(Set during the episode Pinkie Pride.)
After putting off buying Rainbow Dash a birthday present, Twilight frantically searches for the perfect gift to give her rainbow manned friend. Unbeknownst to Twilight, Rainbow has her own plans for Twilight.
Will Twilight understand the subtle hints? Of course not, it wouldn't leave much of a story huh?
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Good story but a little rush for me though
but good still
4452852 Thank's man, glad you enjoyed it. I need to work on my pacing a bit.
Good story, a bit rushed but is ok, like it.
4453383 Thank's, glad you enjoyed. I will try to fix my pacing a little more.
Thank's for the feedback.
While it was interesting to have it happen during the Pinkie Pride episode, it was a tad distracting trying to relive the episode.
4454253 You really think so? I'll keep that in mind for future stories. ^^
Thanks for the feedback.
The build up was brilliant l loved it how you fit the story so well in to the episode.
The confession and climax however felt a little rushed, i'am no one to speak of this sense i did that my self on my first fic but it's just my thoughts.
On a rating point of view i'll give you a 8/10 not perfect but very well done.
~Tobben
Antagonist means the main opponent to the protagonist.
Protagonist being another word for the main character of a story.
4454720 Thank's mate ^_^ I'll work on my pacing in future stories
4455031 OH! Thank's mate, I thought I fixed that.
4456002
Glad I could help.
Great sory overall but a few errors here and there... The ending was rushed and might I suggest that you use italics for thoughts next time? It's kind of hard for me to understand who is speaking and who isn't. But overall, I'll give it a .....(drumroll)..... 8 out of 10.
-Fluffle
4458118 I thought I used Italics. Did I not? Thanks for pointing it out mate, I'll work on it.
real good. I enjoyed it quite a bit.
4596730 Thanks! It's my first fic so it isn't that good ya know? I may go back and rewrite it eventually. I am quite proud of it regardless. ^^
Not a bad idea. I really liked the story :) my only advice, that hasn't been offered by other people, is that you try not to start and end the story with fourth-wall breaks. They can be used well in the middle, but the start is what people judge a story by and the end is what people remember the story by. If you start a story with a fourth-wall break its hard to get into the plot. Anyways, keep up the good work! 4/5 :D
Instead of Rainbow Maned Friend.
Just lettin' you know.
4833273 well..... I need to edit that....
4834155
It's been like 5 months and you still haven't edited that.
They could hardly be said to have hinted at all. There were no implications about Rainbow Dash's feelings towards, and although I suppose you might have meant hinting that Dash had something she wanted her to do, they wouldn't have had the time to make a promise to her between learning that Twilight didn't have a present and leaving for the farm.
This is almost exactly what everypony else has been telling her. She gives up the position she's held far too easily, when it was the basic motivation for this story and what drew the reader into it in the first place.
She didn't battle against and overcome her worries; they just disappeared with Spike talked. She didn't look back over her relationship with her friend and reason out that Dash would never abandon her; she instantly agreed that she wouldn't, despite spending the whole chapter worrying about it and dismissing everypony who said otherwise. She didn't resign herself to asking Dash, hoping that Dash would forgive her or have a wish big enough to make up for not giving her a present; instead, she does a 180 and is eager to ask...
and not too long later does another 180 without anything to prompt her (and after wanting to get the goof-off over with so she could directly ask Rainbow, too), and dashes away to talk to Cheese. I will give you this, though--Cheese's advise was the best there, and one that makes Twilight's acceptance look natural.
Also, why didn't she ask Cheese instead of Pinkie? They just established that Pinkie Pie isn't the lesser party planner, and she knows Dash better.
Twilight can fairly be said to be one of the only ponies not to ignore Pinkie in favor of Cheese, because she had no interaction with either of them anywhere in the story up to that point. She left partway through the Premier Party Pony song and thus had no opportunity to see the upset Pinkie, and she arrived back in town just in time for the goof-off. Twilight had never even seen Pinkie Pie get upset.
Those are the big issues I see. There are some spots with grammar errors and awkward word choices, but I'm better at looking at how events impact the story as a whole than I am at finding errors.
Good choice of episodes to base this on, one of my favorites. Also, the opart with the kiss seemed a little fast paced - which is really an understatement - and cute. I'll give it
out of 
Mostly juat spelling errors